RE: What inheritance?! LOL!

[Guest guest]

lizzyboo81 wrote:

> My nada flat out told me I am out of the will, the life insurance

> and no longer her child.

My mother can't threaten me with this because SHE HAS NO MONEY!

LITERALLY! Am I the only one in this situation?

She's living on a combination of public assistance (SSI) and some

money from us (her 3 kids). She's lived her whole life financially

dependent on others--my father, my aunt, a boyfriend, and so on.

But she's used them all up. She spent all her money and has no

income. She has no idea of how to work. She cannot provide for

herself at all. Even if she were younger it would be unlikely that

she could hold down a job (she never had one). Now, at age 71, it's

pretty much impossible. The only reason she gets a social security

benefit is because she was married to my father long enough that

she gets half of his benefit.

I've gone back and forth about whether I should provide financial

support for her or not. I always come back to the kinder solution

of helping her out financially as long as I do it within limits

and without enabling her (e.g., pay the assisted living facility

directly, never send my mother cash). I do realize that I'm not

obligated, either legally or morally, to help her financially.

But somehow I feel that it's the right thing to do as long as it

is within limits. I think of it as money that I'd would otherwise

be contributing to charity.

I realize that she will NEVER express any gratitude for this!

In her mind, she is *entitled* to it. In fact, in her mind she

is entitled to much more. I'm the mean person who won't buy her

a house! (but that's a different topic...) She has no concept

of money, partly from the BPD, I guess, and also since she has

never had to work a day in her life. She turns into a queen at

times and has been known to binge spend. My aunt actually bailed

her out of an $8000 credit card bill once.

Anyway, at the end of the day, the decision I've made is that

I will provide financial support out of kindness and compassion

for a very sick human being. I try to remember that quote about

kindness--it's what you do for someone who does not deserve it.

So, have others had to face this dilemma? Or am I the only one

with an indigent BPD parent?

Hugs,

[Guest guest]

>

> Dear Lizzyboo, It is very admirable that you still see that your

mom has a roof over her head and food to eat, medical care etc. She

is very ill. The difference between this illness and something like

parkinson's disease or cancer is that it is so annoying and can be so

destructive to family members. The fact that you have chosen to rise

above what has happened to you because of the illness is commendable.

I could never abandon my poor old mother either. It gets harder day

by day to deal with her as she is getting so much more paranoid and

unhappy in her last days (months, years?). For me, it is a moral

obligation.

Dee