manipulative mother

[Guest guest]

Hi All!

I made the mistake of mentioning to my nada a few weeks ago that I

would be in my home town in mid April to see friends that were flying

back for a visit. I knew she was in the process of scheduling hip

surgery but it never occored to me she would schedule it for when I

was there. Her relentless manipulations to get me to see her are

infurating. She knows I will be in town because I told her and of

course I feel guilty and feel like I have to go see her at the

hospital. But I don't want to. I want to see my friends that I only

see once a year when they fly back. People that actually like me for

me, unlike the nada. So now that I am getting more and more mad at

her for trying to manipulate a visit I am feeling more and more

guilty because why can't I just go see her for an hour after she

comes out of surgery. I am mad at myself that I even told her I

would be in town, I know how she is. I am trying to figure out where

guilt and responsibility collide. Surgery is a major event and I

feel a responsibility to be there at least a little but that she

would schedule it for when she did is obviously to guilt me into

being there. Of course she would say she didn't schedule it to try

to get me to come see her but I never believe a word out of her mouth

so who cares what she says. Only what I feel really matters. And

that is the problem, I can't figure out the difference when it

concearns her what is guilt and what is basic responsibility. But I

guess I have no real responsibility to her, she spoiled that when she

treated me so irresponsibly and abusively as a child. So I come back

to guilt and how strong I can be to stand up to her. I don't feel

very strong today but that could change in the next few weeks. I will

probably wait until I go to decide if I will see her or not, I will

see how I feel that day. At least I have my husband to go with me,

that always makes it easier to deal with her. And on the bright

side, she will be all drugged from surgery, this could be more fun

than I thought. Her defences will be down, I could probably get a few

good verbal jabs in before she can respond and then leave. That

could be lots of fun. Thanks for listening.

Tree