The Seaside

December 6, 2009

The Seaside

I had this week off work and with not enough time to occupy my mind PSSD strated really getting to me. I have also felt slowed down, like I am made of lead, which is a symptom of atypical depression. Saturday evening was our Lindy Hop Christmas party but I wasn't in much mood for it. I slept all Saturday afternoon and had one of those difficult dreams like Helena had written about. I felt just awful.

So I go to my girlfriend and then we pick up her parents. I have only met her parents a few times but we really hit it off straight away, I simply adore them.

At dancing I had no will, and I just felt terrible. Worst still, there was a girl there I enormously fancy who I know likes me just as much. I have met her at another dance club a few times and she seems to be really keen on me. The bands played far too fast for my style, so I didn't dance with anyone at first, except my girlfriend. Then I felt myself sinking down and I became truly suicidal. I just did not want to be there and wished I could be at home meditating, or playing my guitar, or keyboards. But there was a stark choice: sink into hell or do something. In the end I went up and danced and I took the whole chessboard up there with me, although I still felt like crap, but that is part of me, and I can't make that go away. I danced with loads of girls and I started to feel this power, but not much better, I'm afraid. But this was the most powerful ACT I had ever done, and it felt incredible.

What was really nice was that I danced with all the girls who I had stopped dancing with months ago because of my lack of confidence. They had loved dancing with me before but I just suddenly stopped dancing with them. I could see that they were upset because they blanked me out too, just looking away as they passed me by. But when I asked them again they were just so pleased to dance with me. And within an instant we had made up. I'm a nice person and I was so happy that they still liked me and had forgiven me.

I then stood at the back of the hall and looked over all the dancers and into the band which was illuminated with bright lights. All of a sudden I saw the seaside: I was on a glorious beech and the sun was beautiful and white. I then saw myself walking to Brighton train station and boarding a train. I love train stations and trains. The sun was pure and I was so happy, and I remembered how fantastic I have often felt. This gave me hope.

Anyway, I eventually came back to reality and I had to take my chessboard up onto the dance floor again and that wasn't easy. But the greatest thing was that I dance lots of times with that fabulous woman I simply adore. At the end of the evening she asked me when I was going to go back to her club and I said soon. And I knew what she meant, this is the start of something.

My mum tells me that sex is so not so important for women, and that the doctor had told my dad the same when he got MS at 25. And my girlfriend tells me that too.

So, it is not my PSSD as such that causes me so much pain, but the thought that I can't have a fulfilling relationship with someone I find really special. But there are still terrible problems as my girlfriend simply adores me, and I love her too. Perhaps Buddhism is the only way out.

Kavy

December 6, 2009

Interesting tale. What does it mean to take your whole

chessboard with you to the dance floor?

Surely you can’t play chess while you’re dancing (that brings an amusing image to mind!),

so I think it must have some British meaning I just don’t get!

By the way, sex IS very important to ‘most’

woman. It may be that women are

better able than men to enjoy the experience even if not all “factors”

are in top working condition.

Perhaps they can enjoy the emotional part immensely without focusing

exclusively on the physical part, as some men do. But please don’t buy into the idea

that “sex is not so important for women.” That’s a myth.

Helena

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of Kavy

Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009

10:19 AM

To:

ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: The

Seaside

The

Seaside

I had this week

off work and with not enough time to occupy my mind PSSD strated

really getting to me. I have also felt slowed down, like I am made of lead,

which is a symptom of atypical depression. Saturday evening was our Lindy Hop

Christmas party but I wasn't in much mood for it. I slept all Saturday

afternoon and had one of those difficult dreams like Helena had written about.

I felt just awful.

So I go to my

girlfriend and then we pick up her parents. I have only met her parents a few

times but we really hit it off straight away, I simply adore them.

At dancing I had

no will, and I just felt terrible. Worst still, there was a girl there I

enormously fancy who I know likes me just as much. I have met her at another

dance club a few times and she seems to be really keen on me. The bands played

far too fast for my style, so I didn't dance with anyone at first, except my

girlfriend. Then I felt myself sinking down and I became truly suicidal. I just

did not want to be there and wished I could be at home meditating, or playing

my guitar, or keyboards. But there was a stark choice: sink into hell or do

something. In the end I went up and danced and I took the whole chessboard up

there with me, although I still felt like crap, but that is part of me, and I

can't make that go away. I danced with loads of girls and I started to feel

this power, but not much better, I'm afraid. But this was the most powerful ACT

I had ever done, and it felt incredible.

What was

really nice was that I danced with all the girls who I had stopped dancing with

months ago because of my lack of confidence. They had loved dancing with me

before but I just suddenly stopped dancing with them. I could see that they

were upset because they blanked me out too, just looking away as they passed me

by. But when I asked them again they were just so pleased to dance with me. And

within an instant we had made up. I'm a nice person and I was so happy that

they still liked me and had forgiven me.

I then stood at

the back of the hall and looked over all the dancers and into the band which

was illuminated with bright lights. All of a sudden I saw the seaside: I was on

a glorious beech and the sun was beautiful and white. I then saw myself walking

to Brighton train station and boarding a train. I love train stations and

trains. The sun was pure and I was so happy, and I remembered how fantastic I

have often felt. This gave me hope.

Anyway, I

eventually came back to reality and I had to take my chessboard up onto the

dance floor again and that wasn't easy. But the greatest thing was that I dance

lots of times with that fabulous woman I simply adore. At the end of the

evening she asked me when I was going to go back to her club and I said soon.

And I knew what she meant, this is the start of something.

My mum tells me

that sex is so not so important for women, and that the doctor had told my

dad the same when he got MS at 25. And my girlfriend tells me that too.

So, it is not my

PSSD as such that causes me so much pain, but the thought that I can't have a

fulfilling relationship with someone I find really special. But there are still

terrible problems as my girlfriend simply adores me, and I love her too.

Perhaps Buddhism is the only way out.

Kavy

December 6, 2009

and the ACT pratitioners know what I mean by the chessboard.

Anyway, thanks for your helpful and useful information.

Kavy

>

> The Seaside

>

> I had this week off work and with not enough time to occupy my mind

> PSSD strated really getting to me. I have also felt slowed down, like I

> am made of lead, which is a symptom of atypical depression. Saturday

> evening was our Lindy Hop Christmas party but I wasn't in much mood

> for it. I slept all Saturday afternoon and had one of those difficult

> dreams like Helena had written about. I felt just awful.

>

> So I go to my girlfriend and then we pick up her parents. I have only

> met her parents a few times but we really hit it off straight away, I

> simply adore them.

>

> At dancing I had no will, and I just felt terrible. Worst still, there

> was a girl there I enormously fancy who I know likes me just as much. I

> have met her at another dance club a few times and she seems to be

> really keen on me. The bands played far too fast for my style, so I

> didn't dance with anyone at first, except my girlfriend. Then I felt

> myself sinking down and I became truly suicidal. I just did not want to

> be there and wished I could be at home meditating, or playing my guitar,

> or keyboards. But there was a stark choice: sink into hell or do

> something. In the end I went up and danced and I took the whole

> chessboard up there with me, although I still felt like crap, but that

> is part of me, and I can't make that go away. I danced with loads of

> girls and I started to feel this power, but not much better, I'm

> afraid. But this was the most powerful ACT I had ever done, and it felt

> incredible.

>

> What was really nice was that I danced with all the girls who I had

> stopped dancing with months ago because of my lack of confidence. They

> had loved dancing with me before but I just suddenly stopped dancing

> with them. I could see that they were upset because they blanked me out

> too, just looking away as they passed me by. But when I asked them again

> they were just so pleased to dance with me. And within an instant we had

> made up. I'm a nice person and I was so happy that they still liked

> me and had forgiven me.

>

> I then stood at the back of the hall and looked over all the dancers and

> into the band which was illuminated with bright lights. All of a sudden

> I saw the seaside: I was on a glorious beech and the sun was beautiful

> and white. I then saw myself walking to Brighton train station and

> boarding a train. I love train stations and trains. The sun was pure and

> I was so happy, and I remembered how fantastic I have often felt. This

> gave me hope.

>

> Anyway, I eventually came back to reality and I had to take my

> chessboard up onto the dance floor again and that wasn't easy. But

> the greatest thing was that I dance lots of times with that fabulous

> woman I simply adore. At the end of the evening she asked me when I was

> going to go back to her club and I said soon. And I knew what she meant,

> this is the start of something.

>

> My mum tells me that sex is so not so important for women, and that the

> doctor had told my dad the same when he got MS at 25. And my girlfriend

> tells me that too.

>

> So, it is not my PSSD as such that causes me so much pain, but the

> thought that I can't have a fulfilling relationship with someone I

> find really special. But there are still terrible problems as my

> girlfriend simply adores me, and I love her too. Perhaps Buddhism is the

> only way out.

>

> Kavy

>

December 6, 2009

But I don’t know what you mean. And if you don’t want to share the

definition with the readers, you probably shouldn’t mention it to the

group at large, don’t you think?

Of course, I am being silly : )

Helena

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of Kavy

Sent: Sunday, December 06, 2009

3:52 PM

To:

ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re:

The Seaside

and the ACT pratitioners know what I mean

by the chessboard. Anyway, thanks for your helpful and useful information.