Re: Selling my parents home

February 13, 2007

Dear Dena,

I can understand all that you're going through--and your hesitation to do so.

Your writing explained it so vividly and your feelings came through so clearly.

Though my Mom doesn't have a house to sell that she lived in all her life or

that my Dad built, I can feel your sadness. I'm sure it would never be an easy

thing to do. My Mom is living at home in her small apartment with 24-hour care.

This weekend I went through one of her closets and filled two bags full of her

clothes (beautiful wool skirts and cotton dresses that she used to wear to work

15-20 years ago) that she hadn't worn in years. And I know she would be OK with

it, but it was still depressing to have to do.

Please be careful with your back. I did the same thing about six months ago in

lifting my Mom, and Iwent to a chiropractor for the first time in my life. He

told me it was my hip. It tooks months, but it did go away.

This is a very difficult time for you, but I'm glad you have your husband

helping you and that you're able to see your Mom often. That's the most

important thing.

Wishing you well, Norma

February 13, 2007

Dena,

I think that many of us know that you are talking about this from an emotional

side. My mother was caregiver with full power of attorney for my Great Aunt,

and mom hung onto the house for 14 years after my aunt couldn't live there any

longer. My Aunt wasn't competant, but didn't want it sold. Mom didn't.

Finally mom had to sell it because all the money was about gone, and the

nursing home charges kept coming.

From the economic side, I have been a Real Estate broker for 17 years. I've

sold quite a number of homes for " golden oldies " as the owners made the

transition to the nursing home. Sometimes a bit of minor updates will add many

thousands of dollars to the value. Fresh paint, professional carpet cleaning,

etc. Trimming the trees, and clearing out the over grown arba-vita hedges

around the house. Anything to spiff it up.

The typical buyer gets a windfall of home equity for realtively few dollars

spent on updates. I've seen buyers pick these up, spiff them up, and put them

back on the market for double the price.

Typically these " golden oldy " homes suffer what we called " Deferred

Maintence " . However much the home has been loved, it gets a bit seedy, because

the the aging- home owner can't physically take care of it, and usually any

changes done to the home are emotionally upsetting to them.

I got my first taste of that with my grandmother. Even painting the wall, or

replacing the carpet put her into a terrible state of worry, so after a few

attempts, we gave up. The emotional part is that grandma's home also sat heated

and empty for 2 or so years while my grandmother stayed with my parents, and

then another 2 or so years while she was in a nursing home.

My Aunt that inherited that home, also sold it " as is/ as was " , I think

because she couldn't bare to change anything that her mom had done.

In my opinion, most " golden oldy " homes seem to loose market value while they

stand empty.

All of this is pretty hard. Proof of the pudding is that the two cases that I

know of in my family. My family didn't do the selling until it was forced on

them.

Dann

Dena LEAVITT wrote:

Hello All

Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching decision.

It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I had

cared for her in my home for 10 months and then could

no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving up " .

I later realized that I was not giving up, but just

changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see her

daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

there. Now, I have had to place her home up for sale.

My father built this house. He was and electrical

contractor and did most of the work himself with the

help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956. Ironic,

that this is the very month that we have moved

everything out and place it up for sale. My heart is

broken with grief. This is my only childhood home. I

feel like I am losing my father and mother all over

again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

after all just a house and I will always have all the

memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils down

to money. My mother does have other money in other

places, but we will lose a larger portion if we take

it out before her death. My husband and I do not want

to live there, neither do my children, so the most

sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I have

kept her in a private room which is a little more, but

not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

head and not my heart, but it is difficult. Cleaning

it all out was not really hard because I did not do

it. My poor husband spent days and days over there as

I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with us (I

hope temporally) since she broke her hip in December.

I also have injured my back helping her stand up. She

has really back arthritis and cannot bend her knees

very well. Believe me, this time of my life has been

rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am hanging

in there. I know many of you have had to sell homes.

Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because she is

still living and I feel like I am taking her home out

of under her? I just do not know why I am so emotional

and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have to

do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent and

being here to listen to me.

Dena In So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

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February 13, 2007

Dear Norma

Thank you for your understanding words.

I have been babying my back and trying to lift her up

a different way. It is weird because I took care of my

mom for months and never did I hurt my back. I think

it is because my Aunt has her walker in the way and I

have to strain around it all the time. Anyway, I am

trying a new way and feel better today.

I did all of my Mom's clothes a few weekends ago. I

cried though the whole thing, but it got done. I kept

one box of sentimental clothing and one box that she

could still use now at the NH. Tomorrow the Veterans

are picking up all the clothing. I had previous done

all of her shoes. Lots of brand new Reebok's.

It's just a hard thing to do and there is probably no

easy way to do. My garage is loaded with the contents

of her home now. We can't hardly walk in there, but I

plan to do a little every day. What kills me is to see

the For Sale sign up. Now that is really hard.

Norma, thanks for listening and caring.

Dena in So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- Norma Loeb/CORPHQ/NYTIMES

wrote:

> Dear Dena,

>

> I can understand all that you're going through--and

> your hesitation to do so. Your writing explained it

> so vividly and your feelings came through so

> clearly. Though my Mom doesn't have a house to sell

> that she lived in all her life or that my Dad built,

> I can feel your sadness. I'm sure it would never be

> an easy thing to do. My Mom is living at home in

> her small apartment with 24-hour care. This weekend

> I went through one of her closets and filled two

> bags full of her clothes (beautiful wool skirts and

> cotton dresses that she used to wear to work 15-20

> years ago) that she hadn't worn in years. And I

> know she would be OK with it, but it was still

> depressing to have to do.

>

> Please be careful with your back. I did the same

> thing about six months ago in lifting my Mom, and

> Iwent to a chiropractor for the first time in my

> life. He told me it was my hip. It tooks months,

> but it did go away.

>

> This is a very difficult time for you, but I'm glad

> you have your husband helping you and that you're

> able to see your Mom often. That's the most

> important thing.

>

> Wishing you well, Norma

>

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February 13, 2007

Hi Dann

I am fortunate that in the Fall of 2005 we replaced

all the windows (18) and doors and painted the

exterior and interior completely. The carpet is so so,

but the blinds and drapes are in excellent condition.

We spent close to 25,000 fixing it all up. I know the

market is a little slow right now, but living in So

Cal does have it's advantages at times. Many people

were already asking about it and the sign only went up

on Sunday. Even the mail man was inquiring.

I just wish I could have found another way, but it

was not to be.

Thank you Dann for the info

Dena in So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- Dann wrote:

> Dena,

>

> I think that many of us know that you are talking

> about this from an emotional side. My mother was

> caregiver with full power of attorney for my Great

> Aunt, and mom hung onto the house for 14 years

> after my aunt couldn't live there any longer. My

> Aunt wasn't competant, but didn't want it sold. Mom

> didn't.

>

> Finally mom had to sell it because all the money

> was about gone, and the nursing home charges kept

> coming.

>

> From the economic side, I have been a Real Estate

> broker for 17 years. I've sold quite a number of

> homes for " golden oldies " as the owners made the

> transition to the nursing home. Sometimes a bit of

> minor updates will add many thousands of dollars to

> the value. Fresh paint, professional carpet

> cleaning, etc. Trimming the trees, and clearing out

> the over grown arba-vita hedges around the house.

> Anything to spiff it up.

>

> The typical buyer gets a windfall of home equity

> for realtively few dollars spent on updates. I've

> seen buyers pick these up, spiff them up, and put

> them back on the market for double the price.

>

> Typically these " golden oldy " homes suffer what

> we called " Deferred Maintence " . However much the

> home has been loved, it gets a bit seedy, because

> the the aging- home owner can't physically take

> care of it, and usually any changes done to the home

> are emotionally upsetting to them.

>

> I got my first taste of that with my grandmother.

> Even painting the wall, or replacing the carpet put

> her into a terrible state of worry, so after a few

> attempts, we gave up. The emotional part is that

> grandma's home also sat heated and empty for 2 or so

> years while my grandmother stayed with my parents,

> and then another 2 or so years while she was in a

> nursing home.

>

> My Aunt that inherited that home, also sold it " as

> is/ as was " , I think because she couldn't bare to

> change anything that her mom had done.

>

> In my opinion, most " golden oldy " homes seem to

> loose market value while they stand empty.

>

> All of this is pretty hard. Proof of the pudding

> is that the two cases that I know of in my family.

> My family didn't do the selling until it was forced

> on them.

>

> Dann

>

> Dena LEAVITT wrote:

> Hello All

>

> Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching

> decision.

> It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I had

> cared for her in my home for 10 months and then

> could

> no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving

> up " .

> I later realized that I was not giving up, but just

> changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see

> her

> daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

> there. Now, I have had to place her home up for

> sale.

> My father built this house. He was and electrical

> contractor and did most of the work himself with the

> help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956. Ironic,

> that this is the very month that we have moved

> everything out and place it up for sale. My heart is

> broken with grief. This is my only childhood home. I

> feel like I am losing my father and mother all over

> again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

> after all just a house and I will always have all

> the

> memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils

> down

> to money. My mother does have other money in other

> places, but we will lose a larger portion if we take

> it out before her death. My husband and I do not

> want

> to live there, neither do my children, so the most

> sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

> Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I

> have

> kept her in a private room which is a little more,

> but

> not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

> head and not my heart, but it is difficult. Cleaning

> it all out was not really hard because I did not do

> it. My poor husband spent days and days over there

> as

> I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with us

> (I

> hope temporally) since she broke her hip in

> December.

> I also have injured my back helping her stand up.

> She

> has really back arthritis and cannot bend her knees

> very well. Believe me, this time of my life has been

> rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am

> hanging

> in there. I know many of you have had to sell homes.

> Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because she

> is

> still living and I feel like I am taking her home

> out

> of under her? I just do not know why I am so

> emotional

> and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have

> to

> do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent and

> being here to listen to me.

>

> Dena In So Cal

> Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

>

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> Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from Yahoo!

> Answers users.

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>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

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February 13, 2007

I'm sorry Dena -- that is difficult. My mom had only lived in her condo

for about 5 years (and only lived there by herself and/or with the

dog.) So I personally had no ties with the condo -- and in reality, I

never did like it... Too cold...

But for me was her stuff. Just the other day I brought my mom's glasses

to the eye doctor to leave as a donation - b/c they had a basket out

for them - I hesitated. I can't get rid of these?! But what am I going

to do w/ her prescription glasses?! So after calling my sister, I

was able to do it... Same with lots of her stuff -- especially the real

sentimental stuff like pictures. And I was just handing them off to

siblings - it's difficult to separate a collection that has been

together for over 70 years... Anyway -- I don't have any advice -- just

letting you know that you're not alone in your sentiments. You're in my

thoughts Dena! Take care!

February 13, 2007

Hi

This is definitely the time in my life that I wish I

had a sister or brother. I am an only child. I do have

two half sisters, but my mom is not their mom. One

lives in Las Vegas and the other closer, but I do not

even know her address. My husband has been great. He

has done most of the packing. Now I just have to sort

through it all one box at a time. My garage overwhelms

me too. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Dena in So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- wrote:

> I'm sorry Dena -- that is difficult. My mom had only

> lived in her condo

> for about 5 years (and only lived there by herself

> and/or with the

> dog.) So I personally had no ties with the condo --

> and in reality, I

> never did like it... Too cold...

>

> But for me was her stuff. Just the other day I

> brought my mom's glasses

> to the eye doctor to leave as a donation - b/c they

> had a basket out

> for them - I hesitated. I can't get rid of these?!

> But what am I going

> to do w/ her prescription glasses?! So after

> calling my sister, I

> was able to do it... Same with lots of her stuff --

> especially the real

> sentimental stuff like pictures. And I was just

> handing them off to

> siblings - it's difficult to separate a collection

> that has been

> together for over 70 years... Anyway -- I don't have

> any advice -- just

> letting you know that you're not alone in your

> sentiments. You're in my

> thoughts Dena! Take care!

>

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February 13, 2007

Dena,

I am so sorry you have to go through selling the house. Its so emotional making

changes after so many years. I think it might not be as hard for people who

have moved around a lot over the years but I am sure its a terrible things to

have to sell a life long family home. Maybe if you think of it as passing it

along to another family to grow and enjoy it will help. I think it might be

nice if the house could go to a nice young family where it would be filled with

children growing up, I think your mother would probably like that. Change is

so hard. I wish you the best and pray that the sale will go smoothly.

Hugs

Vallerie

February 13, 2007

Hi Dena,

I know this is a time you have been agonizing over. It is part of the journey.

It would have

evolved now, or later, but is never easy. We dealt with clearing out my

husband's

childhood home last summer, after the death of his father in the spring, moving

his

mother closer to us, and while my mother spent 6 weeks dying. I cannot imagine

the

impact on him, just know what he shared and what I observed. I know what it all

did to

me. I am still recovering!

We emptied the garage of my mother's boxes, into the basement, after 5 years .

I had just

reached a time when I could deal with them, started going through and deaing

with the

items, when the next crisis evolved and more " stuff " arrived. It all takes time

and energy

to deal with.

I am sorry for what you are going through. It is a major life adjustment.

, Oakville Ont.

Mother, age 92, died Aug. 12/06 after 13 year decline from PDD

>

> Hello All

>

> Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching decision.

> It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I had

> cared for her in my home for 10 months and then could

> no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving up " .

> I later realized that I was not giving up, but just

> changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see her

> daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

> there. Now, I have had to place her home up for sale.

> My father built this house. He was and electrical

> contractor and did most of the work himself with the

> help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956. Ironic,

> that this is the very month that we have moved

> everything out and place it up for sale. My heart is

> broken with grief. This is my only childhood home. I

> feel like I am losing my father and mother all over

> again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

> after all just a house and I will always have all the

> memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils down

> to money. My mother does have other money in other

> places, but we will lose a larger portion if we take

> it out before her death. My husband and I do not want

> to live there, neither do my children, so the most

> sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

> Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I have

> kept her in a private room which is a little more, but

> not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

> head and not my heart, but it is difficult. Cleaning

> it all out was not really hard because I did not do

> it. My poor husband spent days and days over there as

> I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with us (I

> hope temporally) since she broke her hip in December.

> I also have injured my back helping her stand up. She

> has really back arthritis and cannot bend her knees

> very well. Believe me, this time of my life has been

> rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am hanging

> in there. I know many of you have had to sell homes.

> Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because she is

> still living and I feel like I am taking her home out

> of under her? I just do not know why I am so emotional

> and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have to

> do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent and

> being here to listen to me.

>

> Dena In So Cal

> Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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>

February 13, 2007

Dena: Of course, it is hard to lose the home you grew

up in. It is full of memories. It is good that your

husband is able to do the packing, as that would

probably elicit lots more memories as well.

I didn't ever think much about the family home, as we

had lived in two houses before I left home, but my

kids grew up in a house in a small town near here.

They were gone before we moved to Topeka and had a

different house. One of the girls told me once that

coming to this house was not like coming home, as it

had never been her home. I had never thought of it

that way. I think she sees it more of a home now,

though, since we (I) have lived here nearly 23 years.

I hope the sale goes well. It's not as good a market

right now, but with spring coming, and the area you

are in, it probably won't take long.

June

--- Dena LEAVITT wrote:

> Hello All

>

> Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching

> decision.

> It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I had

> cared for her in my home for 10 months and then

> could

> no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving

> up " .

> I later realized that I was not giving up, but just

> changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see

> her

> daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

> there. Now, I have had to place her home up for

> sale.

> My father built this house. He was and electrical

> contractor and did most of the work himself with the

> help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956. Ironic,

> that this is the very month that we have moved

> everything out and place it up for sale. My heart is

> broken with grief. This is my only childhood home. I

> feel like I am losing my father and mother all over

> again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

> after all just a house and I will always have all

> the

> memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils

> down

> to money. My mother does have other money in other

> places, but we will lose a larger portion if we take

> it out before her death. My husband and I do not

> want

> to live there, neither do my children, so the most

> sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

> Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I

> have

> kept her in a private room which is a little more,

> but

> not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

> head and not my heart, but it is difficult. Cleaning

> it all out was not really hard because I did not do

> it. My poor husband spent days and days over there

> as

> I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with us

> (I

> hope temporally) since she broke her hip in

> December.

> I also have injured my back helping her stand up.

> She

> has really back arthritis and cannot bend her knees

> very well. Believe me, this time of my life has been

> rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am

> hanging

> in there. I know many of you have had to sell homes.

> Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because she

> is

> still living and I feel like I am taking her home

> out

> of under her? I just do not know why I am so

> emotional

> and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have

> to

> do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent and

> being here to listen to me.

>

> Dena In So Cal

> Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Need Mail bonding?

> Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from Yahoo!

> Answers users.

>

http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396546091

>

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February 14, 2007

Hi Dena,

When we cleaned out, fixed up and sold mom and dad's house I didn't so much feel

guilty about it as I did sad that all this had to happen at all. But it was

happening, no matter how much I didn't want it to be so and it would happen

eventually even if my parents lived long lives in splendid health. Sending you

a big hug and much strength.

Courage

February 14, 2007

Dear Dena,

Please consider me a sister-friend.

x, Norma

February 14, 2007

Dear Courage

Thank you!! Every little thought helps me put in all

together in my head. It just a day I thought would

never come, or I just never thought it would come in

my lifetime I guess.

Dena In So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- gaat17 wrote:

> Hi Dena,

>

> When we cleaned out, fixed up and sold mom and dad's

> house I didn't so much feel guilty about it as I did

> sad that all this had to happen at all. But it was

> happening, no matter how much I didn't want it to be

> so and it would happen eventually even if my parents

> lived long lives in splendid health. Sending you a

> big hug and much strength.

> Courage

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

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February 14, 2007

Hi June

Thank you for your caring words. I know deep down that

I just have to suck it up, so to speak and deal with

it all. The house is totally cleaned out now and most

of it is in boxes in our garage, so I can " deal with

it " as slow or fast as I need too. I too hope it goes

fast, but to the right family. It is very close to

schools, but on a busy street corner lot. It is in

God's hands, so we will see. Thank you again

Dena in So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- June Christensen

wrote:

> Dena: Of course, it is hard to lose the home you

> grew

> up in. It is full of memories. It is good that

> your

> husband is able to do the packing, as that would

> probably elicit lots more memories as well.

>

> I didn't ever think much about the family home, as

> we

> had lived in two houses before I left home, but my

> kids grew up in a house in a small town near here.

> They were gone before we moved to Topeka and had a

> different house. One of the girls told me once that

> coming to this house was not like coming home, as it

> had never been her home. I had never thought of it

> that way. I think she sees it more of a home now,

> though, since we (I) have lived here nearly 23

> years.

>

> I hope the sale goes well. It's not as good a market

> right now, but with spring coming, and the area you

> are in, it probably won't take long.

>

> June

> --- Dena LEAVITT wrote:

>

> > Hello All

> >

> > Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching

> > decision.

> > It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I

> had

> > cared for her in my home for 10 months and then

> > could

> > no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving

> > up " .

> > I later realized that I was not giving up, but

> just

> > changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see

> > her

> > daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

> > there. Now, I have had to place her home up for

> > sale.

> > My father built this house. He was and electrical

> > contractor and did most of the work himself with

> the

> > help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956.

> Ironic,

> > that this is the very month that we have moved

> > everything out and place it up for sale. My heart

> is

> > broken with grief. This is my only childhood home.

> I

> > feel like I am losing my father and mother all

> over

> > again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

> > after all just a house and I will always have all

> > the

> > memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils

> > down

> > to money. My mother does have other money in other

> > places, but we will lose a larger portion if we

> take

> > it out before her death. My husband and I do not

> > want

> > to live there, neither do my children, so the most

> > sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

> > Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I

> > have

> > kept her in a private room which is a little more,

> > but

> > not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

> > head and not my heart, but it is difficult.

> Cleaning

> > it all out was not really hard because I did not

> do

> > it. My poor husband spent days and days over there

> > as

> > I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with

> us

> > (I

> > hope temporally) since she broke her hip in

> > December.

> > I also have injured my back helping her stand up.

> > She

> > has really back arthritis and cannot bend her

> knees

> > very well. Believe me, this time of my life has

> been

> > rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am

> > hanging

> > in there. I know many of you have had to sell

> homes.

> > Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because

> she

> > is

> > still living and I feel like I am taking her home

> > out

> > of under her? I just do not know why I am so

> > emotional

> > and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have

> > to

> > do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent

> and

> > being here to listen to me.

> >

> > Dena In So Cal

> > Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> > Need Mail bonding?

> > Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from

> Yahoo!

> > Answers users.

> >

>

http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396546091

> >

>

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February 14, 2007

Dena,

i know how difficult it is to go through a parents belongings, we lived with

dad since 2003 but we had alot of our furnitute and personal belongins in the

florida room and had alot left even after ivan destroyed the florida room where

all of our stuff was stored. i slowly weeded out some of dads stuff, like in

his closet he had more sizes than any woman i have ever known. and then i

inherited a houseful of furnintue from tenn in 2005 and i had a pod for 3

months, so i have 3 households furniture, very very overwhelming, just took

time, if you have the room to store it, that is great. after daddy died i

still had alot of his stuff around, so i took one box, or one drawer a month to

sort and disperse. i am still going thru stuff, now i am going thru dad's

militray stuff. some i will give to family members, some i will donate to teh

Naval Aviation Museum here in pensacola, and some of his stuff i sold, and some

i donated. the donations i figure will go to someone who really needs it, and

the stuff i sold were to people who really wanted it. but i kept a few special

things, slowly the house is looking less like a storage or garage but it will

still take time, good luck and take your time, hugs, sharon m

---- June Christensen wrote:

Dena: Of course, it is hard to lose the home you grew

up in. It is full of memories. It is good that your

husband is able to do the packing, as that would

probably elicit lots more memories as well.

I didn't ever think much about the family home, as we

had lived in two houses before I left home, but my

kids grew up in a house in a small town near here.

They were gone before we moved to Topeka and had a

different house. One of the girls told me once that

coming to this house was not like coming home, as it

had never been her home. I had never thought of it

that way. I think she sees it more of a home now,

though, since we (I) have lived here nearly 23 years.

I hope the sale goes well. It's not as good a market

right now, but with spring coming, and the area you

are in, it probably won't take long.

June

--- Dena LEAVITT wrote:

> Hello All

>

> Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching

> decision.

> It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I had

> cared for her in my home for 10 months and then

> could

> no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving

> up " .

> I later realized that I was not giving up, but just

> changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see

> her

> daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

> there. Now, I have had to place her home up for

> sale.

> My father built this house. He was and electrical

> contractor and did most of the work himself with the

> help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956. Ironic,

> that this is the very month that we have moved

> everything out and place it up for sale. My heart is

> broken with grief. This is my only childhood home. I

> feel like I am losing my father and mother all over

> again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

> after all just a house and I will always have all

> the

> memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils

> down

> to money. My mother does have other money in other

> places, but we will lose a larger portion if we take

> it out before her death. My husband and I do not

> want

> to live there, neither do my children, so the most

> sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

> Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I

> have

> kept her in a private room which is a little more,

> but

> not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

> head and not my heart, but it is difficult. Cleaning

> it all out was not really hard because I did not do

> it. My poor husband spent days and days over there

> as

> I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with us

> (I

> hope temporally) since she broke her hip in

> December.

> I also have injured my back helping her stand up.

> She

> has really back arthritis and cannot bend her knees

> very well. Believe me, this time of my life has been

> rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am

> hanging

> in there. I know many of you have had to sell homes.

> Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because she

> is

> still living and I feel like I am taking her home

> out

> of under her? I just do not know why I am so

> emotional

> and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have

> to

> do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent and

> being here to listen to me.

>

> Dena In So Cal

> Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Need Mail bonding?

> Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from Yahoo!

> Answers users.

>

http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396546091

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

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--

I am daugher of Leonard, diagnosed May 2004, probably had lbd since 1993,.Dad

had a serious fall in 7/05 causing him to hav hip surgery .After that he

developed aspiration pneumonia 7/05 with pulmonary embolyis, which he almost

died from. He had a 2nd bout of aspiration pneumonia and uti 8/05. He died when

his blood pressure fluctuations started dropping without coming back up on

9/25/05,

may he rest in peace with his mom and dad,

a smile a day keeps the meanies away

February 15, 2007

dena,

i can so relate, i too am an only child and if it wasnt for donnie i would have

gone completely off the deep end. i had my aunt, my dads sister, who was always

interveing adn trying to manipulate dad or me. being an only child is so hard

when you have to cg for your parent/s. my parents divorcced in 1988, they loved

each other but couldnt live together, a typical love hate relationship, neither

ever remarried. i dread teh time my mom leaves the world, as she lives in

tucson, az, but she has my cousin peter as her executor and medical power of

atty, so we will see how all of this goes. anyway take a few deep breaths adn

just pace yourself at a comfortable not overwhelming pace, hugs, sharon m

---- Dena LEAVITT wrote:

Hi

This is definitely the time in my life that I wish I

had a sister or brother. I am an only child. I do have

two half sisters, but my mom is not their mom. One

lives in Las Vegas and the other closer, but I do not

even know her address. My husband has been great. He

has done most of the packing. Now I just have to sort

through it all one box at a time. My garage overwhelms

me too. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Dena in So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- wrote:

> I'm sorry Dena -- that is difficult. My mom had only

> lived in her condo

> for about 5 years (and only lived there by herself

> and/or with the

> dog.) So I personally had no ties with the condo --

> and in reality, I

> never did like it... Too cold...

>

> But for me was her stuff. Just the other day I

> brought my mom's glasses

> to the eye doctor to leave as a donation - b/c they

> had a basket out

> for them - I hesitated. I can't get rid of these?!

> But what am I going

> to do w/ her prescription glasses?! So after

> calling my sister, I

> was able to do it... Same with lots of her stuff --

> especially the real

> sentimental stuff like pictures. And I was just

> handing them off to

> siblings - it's difficult to separate a collection

> that has been

> together for over 70 years... Anyway -- I don't have

> any advice -- just

> letting you know that you're not alone in your

> sentiments. You're in my

> thoughts Dena! Take care!

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels

in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit.

http://farechase.yahoo.com/promo-generic-14795097

--

I am daugher of Leonard, diagnosed May 2004, probably had lbd since 1993,.Dad

had a serious fall in 7/05 causing him to hav hip surgery .After that he

developed aspiration pneumonia 7/05 with pulmonary embolyis, which he almost

died from. He had a 2nd bout of aspiration pneumonia and uti 8/05. He died when

his blood pressure fluctuations started dropping without coming back up on

9/25/05,

may he rest in peace with his mom and dad,

a smile a day keeps the meanies away

February 15, 2007

Hi Sharon

Thanks for the advise. You guys are all so great here.

It truly helps to just air out problems. I would hate

to do all this without you.

Dena

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- LadySmilingAtU2@... wrote:

> dena,

> i can so relate, i too am an only child and if it

> wasnt for donnie i would have gone completely off

> the deep end. i had my aunt, my dads sister, who

> was always interveing adn trying to manipulate dad

> or me. being an only child is so hard when you have

> to cg for your parent/s. my parents divorcced in

> 1988, they loved each other but couldnt live

> together, a typical love hate relationship, neither

> ever remarried. i dread teh time my mom leaves the

> world, as she lives in tucson, az, but she has my

> cousin peter as her executor and medical power of

> atty, so we will see how all of this goes. anyway

> take a few deep breaths adn just pace yourself at a

> comfortable not overwhelming pace, hugs, sharon m

> ---- Dena LEAVITT wrote:

> Hi

>

> This is definitely the time in my life that I wish I

> had a sister or brother. I am an only child. I do

> have

> two half sisters, but my mom is not their mom. One

> lives in Las Vegas and the other closer, but I do

> not

> even know her address. My husband has been great. He

> has done most of the packing. Now I just have to

> sort

> through it all one box at a time. My garage

> overwhelms

> me too. Anyway, thanks for listening.

>

> Dena in So Cal

>

> Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

>

> --- wrote:

>

> > I'm sorry Dena -- that is difficult. My mom had

> only

> > lived in her condo

> > for about 5 years (and only lived there by herself

> > and/or with the

> > dog.) So I personally had no ties with the condo

> --

> > and in reality, I

> > never did like it... Too cold...

> >

> > But for me was her stuff. Just the other day I

> > brought my mom's glasses

> > to the eye doctor to leave as a donation - b/c

> they

> > had a basket out

> > for them - I hesitated. I can't get rid of these?!

> > But what am I going

> > to do w/ her prescription glasses?! So after

> > calling my sister, I

> > was able to do it... Same with lots of her stuff

> --

> > especially the real

> > sentimental stuff like pictures. And I was just

> > handing them off to

> > siblings - it's difficult to separate a collection

> > that has been

> > together for over 70 years... Anyway -- I don't

> have

> > any advice -- just

> > letting you know that you're not alone in your

> > sentiments. You're in my

> > thoughts Dena! Take care!

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000

> hotels

> in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your

> fit.

> http://farechase.yahoo.com/promo-generic-14795097

>

> --

> I am daugher of Leonard, diagnosed May 2004,

> probably had lbd since 1993,.Dad had a serious fall

> in 7/05 causing him to hav hip surgery .After that

> he developed aspiration pneumonia 7/05 with

> pulmonary embolyis, which he almost died from. He

> had a 2nd bout of aspiration pneumonia and uti

> 8/05. He died when his blood pressure fluctuations

> started dropping without coming back up on 9/25/05,

> may he rest in peace with his mom and dad,

> a smile a day keeps the meanies away

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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February 15, 2007

As someone who DOES have siblings -- trust me it is not always a

good thing. Of the 5 of us, my older sister and I have been the

caregivers,financial aides, drivers etc for both my parents (dad

with LBD, mom with osteo) My older brother has visited my dad once

in the last few years (couldn't deal with the angry stage dad went

thru) My 2 younger siblings (one is in another state with 4 small

children-- never visited dad; calls once in a while to check on mom)

and another sister who is totally pyschotic and only serves to upset

my parents... So my sister and I LUCKILY have each other and are on

the same pager HOWEVER, the 3 others just add to our stress... So as

lonely as being the only one is-- you have no one throwing road

blocks or going on with their lives uninterrupted in your mix. So I

guess its true that " its always greener on the other side " Its tuff

no matter what and use whatever support group you have -- friends,

us, etc... Vent, laff, cry -- keep yourself as close to sane as you

can

>

> > I'm sorry Dena -- that is difficult. My mom had only

> > lived in her condo

> > for about 5 years (and only lived there by herself

> > and/or with the

> > dog.) So I personally had no ties with the condo --

> > and in reality, I

> > never did like it... Too cold...

> >

> > But for me was her stuff. Just the other day I

> > brought my mom's glasses

> > to the eye doctor to leave as a donation - b/c they

> > had a basket out

> > for them - I hesitated. I can't get rid of these?!

> > But what am I going

> > to do w/ her prescription glasses?! So after

> > calling my sister, I

> > was able to do it... Same with lots of her stuff --

> > especially the real

> > sentimental stuff like pictures. And I was just

> > handing them off to

> > siblings - it's difficult to separate a collection

> > that has been

> > together for over 70 years... Anyway -- I don't have

> > any advice -- just

> > letting you know that you're not alone in your

> > sentiments. You're in my

> > thoughts Dena! Take care!

> >

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels

> in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit.

> http://farechase.yahoo.com/promo-generic-14795097

>

> --

> I am daugher of Leonard, diagnosed May 2004, probably had lbd

since 1993,.Dad had a serious fall in 7/05 causing him to hav hip

surgery .After that he developed aspiration pneumonia 7/05 with

pulmonary embolyis, which he almost died from. He had a 2nd bout of

aspiration pneumonia and uti 8/05. He died when his blood pressure

fluctuations started dropping without coming back up on 9/25/05,

> may he rest in peace with his mom and dad,

> a smile a day keeps the meanies away

>

February 16, 2007

Hi Donna

I have heard many horror stories about siblings. It is

very sad to say the least. Even as I care for my Aunt

I have several cousins who were involved at the Rehab

and when she came here I haven't seen them again. But

she is close to going home now and we will see what

happens from here. I have honestly never minded not

having a sibling. You don't miss what you don't have.

But just lately with all this with my mom I have

wanted a closer sounding board I guess you would call

it. I am lucky, as I do have many friends and family.

You just wanted to make sure what you are doing is

right. Selling a home is a big decision. Once it's

gone you can't change your mind. Anyway, I am loving

forward today and not back. That is my new motto.

Dena in So Cal

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- donna wrote:

>

> As someone who DOES have siblings -- trust me it is

> not always a

> good thing. Of the 5 of us, my older sister and I

> have been the

> caregivers,financial aides, drivers etc for both my

> parents (dad

> with LBD, mom with osteo) My older brother has

> visited my dad once

> in the last few years (couldn't deal with the angry

> stage dad went

> thru) My 2 younger siblings (one is in another state

> with 4 small

> children-- never visited dad; calls once in a while

> to check on mom)

> and another sister who is totally pyschotic and only

> serves to upset

> my parents... So my sister and I LUCKILY have each

> other and are on

> the same pager HOWEVER, the 3 others just add to our

> stress... So as

> lonely as being the only one is-- you have no one

> throwing road

> blocks or going on with their lives uninterrupted in

> your mix. So I

> guess its true that " its always greener on the other

> side " Its tuff

> no matter what and use whatever support group you

> have -- friends,

> us, etc... Vent, laff, cry -- keep yourself as close

> to sane as you

> can

>

> >

> > > I'm sorry Dena -- that is difficult. My mom had

> only

> > > lived in her condo

> > > for about 5 years (and only lived there by

> herself

> > > and/or with the

> > > dog.) So I personally had no ties with the condo

> --

> > > and in reality, I

> > > never did like it... Too cold...

> > >

> > > But for me was her stuff. Just the other day I

> > > brought my mom's glasses

> > > to the eye doctor to leave as a donation - b/c

> they

> > > had a basket out

> > > for them - I hesitated. I can't get rid of

> these?!

> > > But what am I going

> > > to do w/ her prescription glasses?! So after

> > > calling my sister, I

> > > was able to do it... Same with lots of her stuff

> --

> > > especially the real

> > > sentimental stuff like pictures. And I was just

> > > handing them off to

> > > siblings - it's difficult to separate a

> collection

> > > that has been

> > > together for over 70 years... Anyway -- I don't

> have

> > > any advice -- just

> > > letting you know that you're not alone in your

> > > sentiments. You're in my

> > > thoughts Dena! Take care!

> > >

> >

>

_____________________________________________________________________

> _______________

> > Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000

> hotels

> > in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find

> your fit.

> > http://farechase.yahoo.com/promo-generic-14795097

> >

> > --

> > I am daugher of Leonard, diagnosed May 2004,

> probably had lbd

> since 1993,.Dad had a serious fall in 7/05 causing

> him to hav hip

> surgery .After that he developed aspiration

> pneumonia 7/05 with

> pulmonary embolyis, which he almost died from. He

> had a 2nd bout of

> aspiration pneumonia and uti 8/05. He died when his

> blood pressure

> fluctuations started dropping without coming back up

> on 9/25/05,

> > may he rest in peace with his mom and dad,

> > a smile a day keeps the meanies away

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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February 16, 2007

Hi Vallerie

I am hoping for the same thing. Thank you for your

concern.

Dena

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- Vallerie Edmonds wrote:

> Dena,

> I am so sorry you have to go through selling the

> house. Its so emotional making changes after so

> many years. I think it might not be as hard for

> people who have moved around a lot over the years

> but I am sure its a terrible things to have to sell

> a life long family home. Maybe if you think of it

> as passing it along to another family to grow and

> enjoy it will help. I think it might be nice if the

> house could go to a nice young family where it would

> be filled with children growing up, I think your

> mother would probably like that. Change is so hard.

> I wish you the best and pray that the sale will go

> smoothly.

> Hugs

> Vallerie

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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February 16, 2007

Hi

I am so sorry that it was taken me days to get make to

these emails. As a caregiver in my home again it just

seems that the day is gone before I know it.

I never really thought that I would be selling my

parents home. My daughter and her boyfriend were going

to buy the house. They had planned to get marry soon,

but have now broken up. I had all the windows and

doors replace and it all painted interior and exterior

in anticipation to their move it. So I feel a little

blind sighted about the selling. I am getting use to

it know and have a better out look. Just a side note,

their break up was for the best.

Thanks for your understanding

Dena

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- stimtimminss wrote:

> Hi Dena,

> I know this is a time you have been agonizing over.

> It is part of the journey. It would have

> evolved now, or later, but is never easy. We dealt

> with clearing out my husband's

> childhood home last summer, after the death of his

> father in the spring, moving his

> mother closer to us, and while my mother spent 6

> weeks dying. I cannot imagine the

> impact on him, just know what he shared and what I

> observed. I know what it all did to

> me. I am still recovering!

> We emptied the garage of my mother's boxes, into the

> basement, after 5 years . I had just

> reached a time when I could deal with them, started

> going through and deaing with the

> items, when the next crisis evolved and more " stuff "

> arrived. It all takes time and energy

> to deal with.

> I am sorry for what you are going through. It is a

> major life adjustment.

>

> , Oakville Ont.

>

> Mother, age 92, died Aug. 12/06 after 13 year

> decline from PDD

>

> >

> > Hello All

> >

> > Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching

> decision.

> > It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I

> had

> > cared for her in my home for 10 months and then

> could

> > no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving

> up " .

> > I later realized that I was not giving up, but

> just

> > changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see

> her

> > daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

> > there. Now, I have had to place her home up for

> sale.

> > My father built this house. He was and electrical

> > contractor and did most of the work himself with

> the

> > help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956.

> Ironic,

> > that this is the very month that we have moved

> > everything out and place it up for sale. My heart

> is

> > broken with grief. This is my only childhood home.

> I

> > feel like I am losing my father and mother all

> over

> > again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

> > after all just a house and I will always have all

> the

> > memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils

> down

> > to money. My mother does have other money in other

> > places, but we will lose a larger portion if we

> take

> > it out before her death. My husband and I do not

> want

> > to live there, neither do my children, so the most

> > sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

> > Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I

> have

> > kept her in a private room which is a little more,

> but

> > not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

> > head and not my heart, but it is difficult.

> Cleaning

> > it all out was not really hard because I did not

> do

> > it. My poor husband spent days and days over there

> as

> > I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with

> us (I

> > hope temporally) since she broke her hip in

> December.

> > I also have injured my back helping her stand up.

> She

> > has really back arthritis and cannot bend her

> knees

> > very well. Believe me, this time of my life has

> been

> > rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am

> hanging

> > in there. I know many of you have had to sell

> homes.

> > Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because

> she is

> > still living and I feel like I am taking her home

> out

> > of under her? I just do not know why I am so

> emotional

> > and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have

> to

> > do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent

> and

> > being here to listen to me.

> >

> > Dena In So Cal

> > Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> > Need Mail bonding?

> > Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from

> Yahoo! Answers users.

> >

>

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> >

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February 16, 2007

Good to hear back from you Dena. How is your aunt recovering? I had hoped that

by now

she might be able to return home. Do you think that is a possible reality? You

had

enough to deal with before her accident! I assume you continue to work, and to

be there

as you can for your mother. Waaay too much! I understand why your husband had

to

simply pack up everything and deliver to your garage. Another huge job to

undertake, but

do it in whatever time frame you need. A difficult task. I am so sorry you are

having to let

the house go. I guess your mom is still doing " too well " to qualify for

hospice?

> > >

> > > Hello All

> > >

> > > Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching

> > decision.

> > > It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH. I

> > had

> > > cared for her in my home for 10 months and then

> > could

> > > no longer do it and felt such guilt about " giving

> > up " .

> > > I later realized that I was not giving up, but

> > just

> > > changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I see

> > her

> > > daily or every other day. I do what I can for her

> > > there. Now, I have had to place her home up for

> > sale.

> > > My father built this house. He was and electrical

> > > contractor and did most of the work himself with

> > the

> > > help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956.

> > Ironic,

> > > that this is the very month that we have moved

> > > everything out and place it up for sale. My heart

> > is

> > > broken with grief. This is my only childhood home.

> > I

> > > feel like I am losing my father and mother all

> > over

> > > again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It is

> > > after all just a house and I will always have all

> > the

> > > memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all boils

> > down

> > > to money. My mother does have other money in other

> > > places, but we will lose a larger portion if we

> > take

> > > it out before her death. My husband and I do not

> > want

> > > to live there, neither do my children, so the most

> > > sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not on

> > > Medical and is a private pay person in her NH. I

> > have

> > > kept her in a private room which is a little more,

> > but

> > > not all that much. I am so trying to think with my

> > > head and not my heart, but it is difficult.

> > Cleaning

> > > it all out was not really hard because I did not

> > do

> > > it. My poor husband spent days and days over there

> > as

> > > I was home caring for my Aunt who is living with

> > us (I

> > > hope temporally) since she broke her hip in

> > December.

> > > I also have injured my back helping her stand up.

> > She

> > > has really back arthritis and cannot bend her

> > knees

> > > very well. Believe me, this time of my life has

> > been

> > > rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am

> > hanging

> > > in there. I know many of you have had to sell

> > homes.

> > > Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it because

> > she is

> > > still living and I feel like I am taking her home

> > out

> > > of under her? I just do not know why I am so

> > emotional

> > > and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I have

> > to

> > > do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me vent

> > and

> > > being here to listen to me.

> > >

> > > Dena In So Cal

> > > Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

> > >

> >

>

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February 16, 2007

Hi

My Aunt will be in her own home I hope in a couple

more weeks, She has recovery fairly well. It has been

an experience to say the least.

My mom continues to eat well. That is basically what

keeps her alive. She does not have any swallowing

issues at this point and eats a mechanical soft diet.

She has her eyes open some days, but others they stay

shut. She very rarely makes any sense when she talks.

She tries though. I can't believe that she has been in

the NH for almost a year now. She was on Hospice for

10 months or so and they dropped her in October. No

reason to start back up that I can see.

Thanks for asking

Dena

Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

--- stimtimminss wrote:

> Good to hear back from you Dena. How is your aunt

> recovering? I had hoped that by now

> she might be able to return home. Do you think that

> is a possible reality? You had

> enough to deal with before her accident! I assume

> you continue to work, and to be there

> as you can for your mother. Waaay too much! I

> understand why your husband had to

> simply pack up everything and deliver to your

> garage. Another huge job to undertake, but

> do it in whatever time frame you need. A difficult

> task. I am so sorry you are having to let

> the house go. I guess your mom is still doing " too

> well " to qualify for hospice?

>

> > > >

> > > > Hello All

> > > >

> > > > Again I am faced with a very heart wrenching

> > > decision.

> > > > It was so difficult to place my mom in the NH.

> I

> > > had

> > > > cared for her in my home for 10 months and

> then

> > > could

> > > > no longer do it and felt such guilt about

> " giving

> > > up " .

> > > > I later realized that I was not giving up, but

> > > just

> > > > changing my role. I am still her caregiver. I

> see

> > > her

> > > > daily or every other day. I do what I can for

> her

> > > > there. Now, I have had to place her home up

> for

> > > sale.

> > > > My father built this house. He was and

> electrical

> > > > contractor and did most of the work himself

> with

> > > the

> > > > help of friends. They moved in in Feb 1956.

> > > Ironic,

> > > > that this is the very month that we have moved

> > > > everything out and place it up for sale. My

> heart

> > > is

> > > > broken with grief. This is my only childhood

> home.

> > > I

> > > > feel like I am losing my father and mother all

> > > over

> > > > again. I know in my head that this is dumb. It

> is

> > > > after all just a house and I will always have

> all

> > > the

> > > > memories. But, wow is this hard too. It all

> boils

> > > down

> > > > to money. My mother does have other money in

> other

> > > > places, but we will lose a larger portion if

> we

> > > take

> > > > it out before her death. My husband and I do

> not

> > > want

> > > > to live there, neither do my children, so the

> most

> > > > sensible option is to sell it. My mom is not

> on

> > > > Medical and is a private pay person in her NH.

> I

> > > have

> > > > kept her in a private room which is a little

> more,

> > > but

> > > > not all that much. I am so trying to think

> with my

> > > > head and not my heart, but it is difficult.

> > > Cleaning

> > > > it all out was not really hard because I did

> not

> > > do

> > > > it. My poor husband spent days and days over

> there

> > > as

> > > > I was home caring for my Aunt who is living

> with

> > > us (I

> > > > hope temporally) since she broke her hip in

> > > December.

> > > > I also have injured my back helping her stand

> up.

> > > She

> > > > has really back arthritis and cannot bend her

> > > knees

> > > > very well. Believe me, this time of my life

> has

> > > been

> > > > rough. But I know that God has a plan and I am

> > > hanging

> > > > in there. I know many of you have had to sell

> > > homes.

> > > > Did you feel guilty like I am? Or is it

> because

> > > she is

> > > > still living and I feel like I am taking her

> home

> > > out

> > > > of under her? I just do not know why I am so

> > > emotional

> > > > and why I feel so much guilt for doing what I

> have

> > > to

> > > > do. Anyway, as usual, thanks for letting me

> vent

> > > and

> > > > being here to listen to me.

> > > >

> > > > Dena In So Cal

> > > > Mother (84) Living with LBD in NH

> > > >

>

=== message truncated ===

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February 17, 2007

Laure, I love the way you made it fun to work. I know your pain of giving up

old family things.

But, life has to move on.

Love a bunch,

Imogene

In a message dated 2/17/2007 9:32:59 PM Central Standard Time,

ljb19@... writes:

Hello Dena,

I too am in the process of cleaning out the family house and putting it

up for sale. I feel like I am giving away a part of who my parents

were. Mom died in 2005(cancer) and dad has been in a NH the last 6

months. I feel terrible about selling the house from under dad. He

typically doesn't know where he is or what decade he's in and only

rarely asks about the house, so we haven't told him. We didn't see any

benefit. But still, it's hard giving away their lifetime of accumulated

things.

I'm glad to hear your husband is helping out. I was luck to have a

brother to help out. We made boxing up a family activity. The little

ones thought it was really cool to get to empty out all the kitchen

cabinets. It helped having company going through things. How could I

not laugh when my brother pulls out a serving tray with a big picture of

a fish on it. They must have gotten it in the the 60's. Boy is it ugly

:-) When you tackle your garage, invite a few friends over, make some

smoothies and look for the humor of memories in those boxes. That's

what helped me. Best wishes.

(Father 78-living in NH in IL)

February 17, 2007