Re: June /Darrell

[Guest guest]

Dear June-

Our most heartfelt condolences are with you right

now. We have thought about you so much recently,

as if we knew something was happening.

I was 39 years old when I had to make the same

decision you did. My dad had been in and out of

hospitals, in and out of adult psychiatric units and

there came a time when all of that just had to end.

A meeting was called and thankfully I called my brother

and he made it to this meeting. My dad had appeared

to have already made the decision to stop eating...

turned away with clenched jaws and flailing arms.

When asked, the decision fell on me since I was

Power of Attorney...I answered with " no " ...no life

supporting medical intervention.

Sometimes in caregiving the best possible way to

care for and love is to allow someone their peace.

This is my belief. I discussed with the doctors that

I didn't know what we would gain except another

hour or day of hell with this disease. It would be

more selfish to keep my dad on earth than to let

him have his last choice in life...peace. My brother

backed me and so did the doctors. So, I am with

you in what you said. This was the hardest decision

I had to make, even over placing my dad in a NH,

to allow my dad to leave this earth. Yet I also knew

it was the right decision.

You have allowed your dear husband peace. You

have given him the greatest gift you could give

and did so unselfishly.

You will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

May you find peace in the upcoming days and strength

from above.

Hugs and more hugs-

Sandie and

dad, Merle, passed from LBD 9-20-02, age 65

Mum, Jo, lives in New Zealand with LBD, age 77

-- Darrell

Someone said that the hardest thing they had to do was

to put their LO in a nursing home. No, the hardest

thing you have to do is make a decision to sign a DNR

and allow your LO to die.

Darrell died last night just before 10 o'clock after

four days of food and water restriction. About

halfway through, I thought that I had made the wrong

decision, as I didn't think it would take so long and

be so hard to watch. The next morning, our minister

came in, and I told him that. He said " No, you

didn't. " We had two hospital stays in the month of

October, both times 5-6 hours in the ER being poked,

probed, IV'd with antibiotices, rehydrated, x-rayed,

CT scanned, and finally returned to the NH. The last

time the doctor said he couldn't do anything more to

help him. There was little more than a week between

the two times before he had to return. I could not

put him through it again, and if it would have made

him well, I would have done it in a heartbeat. So, I

will always have to wonder if I did the right thing,

but I know he is out of that miserable existence of

dementia. When he took his last breaths, it was quick

and appeared to be painless. He had been treated with

Tylenol suppositories and morphine for fever and pain;

they kept his mouth moistened as much as possible.

Our last daughter came at 3:30 yesterday, and I truly

think he was waiting on her. All the children,

grandchildren, and great granchildren that were close

enough came at least once.

I did authorize the autopsy to include the body as

well as the brain tissue that is being sent to the

Univ. of Indiana. I just had to know what was wrong

with him physically or if it was just part of the

disease. We should be able to get preliminary results

soon, but the toxicology report will take over a week.

Of course, the brain tissue research will be several

months.

I hope none of you have to make this decision. I

fought it right to the end. His funeral will be

Wednesday, and our daughter is making a computerized

picture presentation with thoughts from the

kids/grandkids/great grandkids included. Please keep

us in your thoughts and prayers.

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