What if Aunt Ida has an Oozie?

[Guest guest]

I'm so glad someone mentioned Aunt Ida! I am reading this chapter too this

week.

I know this is cognative fusion (more like cognative CONfusion) but what if it's

not that Aunt Ida smells or says mean things but we believe Aunt Ida is going to

kill us!

It's those irrational reptillian fears (e.g. heart skipping) that seem

counterintuitive to willingness. (This must be when I remind myself that my

'mind' doesn't have to get this ... and that willing doesn't mean wanting.)

In the absence of Aunt Ida's car pulling up to the house, I am totally on board

with the IDEA of Aunt Ida at the party. I imagine myself opening the door and

inviting her in. But lo and behold when that door bell rings and that shot of

adrenane startles you, the THOUGHT that Aunt Ida is carrying an oozie has me

holding the door trying to keep her out. (While convinced I should be calling

911 for help!)

The 'facts' are of course irrelevant ... Aunt Ida hasn't killed me in all these

years, and no one else at the party thinks Aunt Ida is going to snuff me out.

In the example, it's OK to be willing to be in the mall for 10 minutes instead

of 20 ... can I allow Aunt Ida in the party for only 10 minutes? That almost

seems like I am stepping off (only if it gets THIS bad) and then not actually

jumping at all.

Reading on! Just thinking aloud.

EM

[Guest guest]

If she really has an "Oozie" then fer $%%^ & sake -- stop threatening and fire the damn thing!

Hmmm. I'm waiting ....

Hmmmm.

It appears as tho we aren't dealing with real gun after all.

We are dealing with thoughts.

Thoughts of dying and real harm are just Aunt Ida's best friend Uncle Poop.

Nothing wrong with finding

out the facts first and sometimes pschoeducation solves problems that

are based on misinformation (e.g., panic = heart attack). But for those of

us down in the trenches of anxiety / depression / trauma / substance abuse etc etc

that is almost always not enough. Not nearly enough. So after you've found out the

facts and it is still a struggle it is time to let go of fact-based judgments as a solution ...

but your mind is a judgment organ. So don't expect it to get it.

As far as 10 versus 20 mintues. Sure! I have a client once who 100% agreed to be

willling (and was) for seconds -- that was all she was willing to do for her first leap.

Years later she is doing great. Who cares if your practice leaping from a sheet of paper?

You are practicing leaping.

The mind will of course categorize and judge small willingness leaps ("that is not enough.

You are failing at this" etc etc) or worse, turn them into steps, not leaps ("well, I'll

try it ... as long as it doesn't get too bad")

All of that is just more Aunt Idas and Uncle Poops. Thank you mind for it all.

Poor mind. It's a one trick pony. Its doing all it knows to do.

Thankfully, you know by experience and not just by verbal judgment.

And you can choose to welcome (not LIKE and not WANT but WELCOME)

Aunt Ida and Uncle Poop and a whole raft of their friends if they

want to have a serious mind party. As you leap -- even from

a sheet of paper -- you will be able to detect the difference between

judgments and predictions of harm, and experiences of harm.

That is why a small leap works fine -- you get to see if

really inviting them in harms you.

Be careful though. Small steps that are tentative are not leaps at all

and you will probably not learn mcuh important from them (except that they

are just more of the same).

- S

C.

Foundation Professor

Department of Psychology /298

University of Nevada

Reno, NV 89557-0062

Office: x2005 (don’t leave messages there … I mostly work from home,

esp. now that I have a new baby. Email me instead.)

Email: hayes@...

Relevant websites:

www.contextualpsychology.org (this is the website for ACBS -- the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science. It subsumes the old ACT and RFT websites. if you want my vita, or publications from me, or PowerPoint slides, etc etc please carefully check out this site first. Go to my blog and to the publications list etc. Given the flow of emails, I need all the help I can get. Thanks in advance.)

www.contextpress.com

www.unr.edu/psych then click on faculty pages

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of earthmtherSent: Saturday, March 18, 2006 6:56 AMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: What if Aunt Ida has an Oozie?

I'm so glad someone mentioned Aunt Ida! I am reading this chapter too this week.I know this is cognative fusion (more like cognative CONfusion) but what if it's not that Aunt Ida smells or says mean things but we believe Aunt Ida is going to kill us!It's those irrational reptillian fears (e.g. heart skipping) that seem counterintuitive to willingness. (This must be when I remind myself that my 'mind' doesn't have to get this ... and that willing doesn't mean wanting.)In the absence of Aunt Ida's car pulling up to the house, I am totally on board with the IDEA of Aunt Ida at the party. I imagine myself opening the door and inviting her in. But lo and behold when that door bell rings and that shot of adrenane startles you, the THOUGHT that Aunt Ida is carrying an oozie has me holding the door trying to keep her out. (While convinced I should be calling 911 for help!)The 'facts' are of course irrelevant ... Aunt Ida hasn't killed me in all these years, and no one else at the party thinks Aunt Ida is going to snuff me out. In the example, it's OK to be willing to be in the mall for 10 minutes instead of 20 ... can I allow Aunt Ida in the party for only 10 minutes? That almost seems like I am stepping off (only if it gets THIS bad) and then not actually jumping at all. Reading on! Just thinking aloud.EM