RE: Further thoughts......

[Guest guest]

, I know this is all very confusing and the old CBT

programming fights this concept like crazy. However look at it this

way. Your mind throws up the thought " I'm Inferior " you don't like

this thought. Who would? So you think that is a bad thought, I don't

like that thought, It's not true, I will argue with my mind that it

is wrong and tell it " I'm not inferior and here is why, blah, blah

blah " . What have you just done? Haven't you fused with the thought?

Haven't you bought the thought? Haven't you just told your mind that

in some way you believe the thought is true?

Let's say you were walking down the road and you saw a yellow jeep.

Suddenly your mind flashes and says that jeep is blue. You know that

is not true. You might think that was a weird thought and go about

your business. Why would you take the time to argue with that

thought.

Your not inferior, so why is this thought worth any more effort then

the thought about the Jeep?

Don't you think that by trying to dispute this thought that the mind

might say something like this " I just through up this thought, I do

this all day long, but now is paying attention to this

particular thought so there must be something to this thought. This

must be an important thought. Wow now is taking extra time

and effort to argue with me about this thought. This thought must be

a really important thought. I better remember this thought if it is

this important, so the next time something similar happens I can

remind how important this thought is. "

The mind doesn't care if is a good thought, or bad thought. I doesn't

care is the thought scares you or makes you feel good. I just know

that now this thought is important.

Just a thought.

Greg

>

> Thank you so much to everyone for responding so quickly. I do

agree

> that I am getting way to caught up in all of this but this is where

> the cognitive therapy side of me comes out. One of my problems is

a

> feeling of inferiority and people knowing I am inferior (because of

> course, everyone thinks I am perfect ha ha). So when I make a

> mistake and especially when others see my mistake I go off the

chart

> on self loathing. By just allowing or accepting the feelings of

self

> loathing doesn't seem to be dealing with my problem of

inferiority.

>

> It seems like I am accepting the thought that " I am

inferior " .....if

> that makes any sense. Let me say it this way...I can understand

that

> I need to except that I will feel some anxiety when I make a

mistake

> but accepting/allowing degrading thoughts of myself seems like it

> does nothing to change it for the next time I make a mistake. I

will

> still have strong feeling of inadequacy and more thoughts of self

> loathing. I know there are more appropriate responses to

situations

> like this (like realizing everyone makes mistakes......as one

person

> said...I'm human). Isn't there a way to integrate better thoughts

to

> help me grow into a better person?

>

> It's funny I can understand how acceptance of irrational thoughts

and

> feelings concerning anxiety can be very useful but in a situation

> like this it seems more like I am in denial!

>

> I hope I am explaining what I truly mean. I really want to

> understand the ACT concepts and apply them.

>

> Any thoughts?

>

>

[Guest guest]

The different thoughts and feelings will come naturally

(or not) but in either case you will be living powerfully and

vitally.

Accepting negative thoughts does not mean tolerating them

or (especially) agreeing with them. It means seeing them

without defense as ongoing processes -- that is without fusion.

If you confidently embrace the process of thinking "I'm inferior"

you are DOING the process of not buying into, believing, or

being inferior. You are liberating yourself from inferiority.

[by "confidently" I mean "with faith" or "with self-fidelity"

-- I do not mean "with the right feeling of confidence"

(that will come naturally or not at all ... but first

let's get the ACTION of confidence happening).]

Conversely, it you fight the thought "I'm inferior"

and try to change it in order to be OK,

try to hide it from yourself or others, then

you are buying the idea that you have something wrong

with you and something unacceptable about you.

In other words, you are manifesting "I'm inferior"

with your feet in the name of not having "I'm inferior"

as a thought. Your word machine will notice the inconsistency

and "I'm inferior" will occur even more, will be even more central,

will alter behavior even more etc

It is a paradox ... but that seems to be the way it works.

Whne you get toward the end of the book it will get into

processes of pattern changing. If you were not buying into

the thought "I'm inferior" what would you be doing?

OK, see if you can defuse from and accept the thought ...

and do that. Do it not as a means of fighting. Do it because it is

there to be done.

- S

C.

Foundation Professor

Department of Psychology /298

University of Nevada

Reno, NV 89557-0062

Office: x2005 (don’t leave messages there … I mostly work from home,

esp. now that I have a new baby. Email me instead.)

Email: hayes@...

Relevant websites:

www.contextualpsychology.org (this is the website for ACBS -- the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science. It subsumes the old ACT and RFT websites. if you want my vita, or publications from me, or PowerPoint slides, etc etc please carefully check out this site first. Go to my blog and to the publications list etc. Given the flow of emails, I need all the help I can get. Thanks in advance.)

www.contextpress.com

www.unr.edu/psych then click on faculty pages

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of shelleyrae2uSent: Tuesday, March 07, 2006 9:13 PMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Further thoughts......

Thank you so much to everyone for responding so quickly. I do agree that I am getting way to caught up in all of this but this is where the cognitive therapy side of me comes out. One of my problems is a feeling of inferiority and people knowing I am inferior (because of course, everyone thinks I am perfect ha ha). So when I make a mistake and especially when others see my mistake I go off the chart on self loathing. By just allowing or accepting the feelings of self loathing doesn't seem to be dealing with my problem of inferiority. It seems like I am accepting the thought that "I am inferior".....if that makes any sense. Let me say it this way...I can understand that I need to except that I will feel some anxiety when I make a mistake but accepting/allowing degrading thoughts of myself seems like it does nothing to change it for the next time I make a mistake. I will still have strong feeling of inadequacy and more thoughts of self loathing. I know there are more appropriate responses to situations like this (like realizing everyone makes mistakes......as one person said...I'm human). Isn't there a way to integrate better thoughts to help me grow into a better person?It's funny I can understand how acceptance of irrational thoughts and feelings concerning anxiety can be very useful but in a situation like this it seems more like I am in denial! I hope I am explaining what I truly mean. I really want to understand the ACT concepts and apply them. Any thoughts?

[Guest guest]

> I hope I am explaining what I truly mean. I really want to

> understand the ACT concepts and apply them.

I feel the same way, but I'm telling myself to be patient -

understanding and applying ACT concepts seems to take a good deal of

practice. I'm entering my fifth month of working with ACT (both with

books and with a therapist), and only now are some of the exercises

starting to make sense at a gut level.

An example: this morning I was struggling with feelings of

self-loathing that seemed extra tough, even tougher than usual. For

whatever reason, I remembered the ACT exercise of pretending to carry

your difficult thoughts around with you as you go about your business,

the same way you carry your car keys or any other object.

Months ago I'd tried this same exercise in a very literal way -

writing down difficult thoughts on 3x5 cards and carrying them around

with me - but it hadn't done anything that I could tell. This time,

though, the metaphor made perfect sense: immediately I felt free,

imagining I could carry these thoughts around with me wherever I went.

There is no permanent freedom here - tomorrow's pain will be

tomorrow's pain - but I am pursuing a larger reward of greater choice.

I agree with the other posters who've said that values are very

important in deciding what to do after an incident like the one you

describe. My main point here is that you don't have to understand

everything about ACT immediately - give yourself time to do the

exercises and develop new skills, at which point the concepts will

begin to make sense too.