Anger Management Article

[Guest guest]

This link to an article on anger management for the AS was on another list I

read, thought it might be interesting for folks here too:

http://www.autism-help.org/adults-aspergers-anger.htm

>

> Subject: Detaching from AS partner

> To: aspires-relationships

> Date: Monday, April 28, 2008, 1:07 PM

> Hello everybody.

> I rediscovered ASPIRES after a year of being away from the

> list. It's good to be in contact again.

> I am a senior (in years) member, married for 12 years to my

> second husband who is undiagnosed AS. Thanks to this list

> and lots of reading I learned a good deal about AS. It

> cleared up a lot of confusion about why my marriage was so

> difficult. When I finally got up the nerve to tell my

> husband about AS he listened but was unresponsive and not

> interested. I expected this reaction: he comes from an Asian

> culture where any deviation from " Normal " is

> considered taboo. I figured that, as the NT partner,

> equipped with a good understanding of AS, I could be

> accomodating and understanding, and live with it. 

> For quite awhile this seemed to work fairly well. I also

> went back to art school and started painting. My husband is

> still working full time as an engineer. But in the past few

> months the relationship for me has deteriorated almost to

> the point of being unbearable. There's no conflict,

> just withdrawal. His life centers around his computer, TV

> and his job. His hours of waking and sleeping have always

> varied enormously so we agreed that sleeping in separate

> rooms was a good idea. He also agrees that I need to be out

> in the world with other people more than he does, and should

> do what I like. Things that I could tolerate before, like

> constant self-referral in conversations, his

> mind-blindedness, monologues delivered at the dinner

> table on areas of special interest to him now have become

> like a Chinese water torture..

> My reaction has been to emotionally detach. I no longer

> want to talk to him about the relationship: talking about

> it never worked very well anyway. I just want to get

> through it without causing either of us too much pain. I

> know he cares about me, wants me to be happy, and I feel

> sorry that he is more isolated than ever. Though whether or

> not this bothers him, I can't tell. Friends say to me,

> you have to take care of yourself and be happy, which is

> true. But still I have a sense of abandonning my husband

> who is becoming more and more reclusive but says I am

> his best friend.

> I'm sorry Bill W. --who is the same age as my

> husband--left the list. Comments from AS men were always

> helpful in the past. So Ron, Greg, can any of you out there

> gives me some pointers on how to prevent these tectonic

> plates from widening beyond hope?

> B.

>

>

>

>

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