Re: Sex

January 27, 2008

Shall I use the terms that Dr. Kinsey did in the movie " Kinsey " ? LOL

P.S. I'm not afraid to talk about sex. Yes, those sorts of things

should be discussed openly, especially if in a relationship with

someone who has AS. If I should be in a relationship with someone who

is either AS or NT, I have no hestitations of sharing my views on it

with that person at the appropriate time.

>

> I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual

> stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind

> discussing it in an academic like way.

>

> How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just

curious????? ....

>

January 27, 2008

Easy.. have an online classroom, using Facebook or something like that,

and class is in session LOL

>

> I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual

> stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind

> discussing it in an academic like way.

>

> How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just

curious????? ....

>

January 27, 2008

Newland wrote:

> I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual

> stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind

> discussing it in an academic like way.

>

> How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....

You got in first... I was wondering what mirthsome ploy to try. One

problem being peer review, where the subject gets embarrassed at the

peering.

Sex and AS? What we see here in group is I suspect not so common, as sex

is more an academic subject with many. Given the difficulty in

approaching others, especially if wanting something, with sex, forget

it, very much non verbal NT stuff. This might get overcome if the

hormones are strong enough.

I know personally that I freeze, do not know what is wanted. This has

probably become less of a problem as society has changed, moreover this

suggests the AS incidence will rise as AS are more likely to have kids

today. Allied to this is the often very poor earning potential, which

combines with strong governmental pressure not to have kids... can't

afford it, hence the well off reproduce and the mindless supported by

government. I assume much the same applies in the US.

The effect has yet to really enter the public conciousness where I

suspect the whole thing will only be noted by future historians seeing

how society was distorted, whole families dying out. I know of quite a

few families where the present generation is the last, be say 16 down to

zero in a short time.

Deeply involved with this was the introduction of effective birth

control, handed out free, but without associated counselling or checks

to see what was going on.

January 28, 2008

I do have a question....Do partners of people with AS feel disconnected when it comes to sex? I feel like sometimes he just expects that's what's gonna happen and hasn't given me any clue and to hsi thinking. I go to bed....TO GO TO SLEEP from a long work day and school till 10pm and there he is naked as a jaybird and wanting something because he did a couple of loads of laundry. I don't mean to sound resentful, but that's not makin' love, that's just having sex. I see the difference, but it's all the same to him as long as he gets some. I gues I should be happy he's willing, but OMG sometimes he's like overstimulated and that's all he wants from me no emotional stuff, just me and

that is draining on my part. Is there any approach I can take to help the situation. I mean, I literally can be ready to go to bed whenever and if he's waiting on me....that's what he wants and he's crankin' and ready to go! I'm just not that way....I need a little encouragement and stimulation to get reved up. You can say "hot dog" and he's standing at attention ready for some action. I almost think he's on overdrive with it. It that an AS trait? Or is he different than others with AS. If anyone has advice on this please help...it's been frustrating me for years. I just can't turn on and turn off that fast and it hurts his feelings, but i just can't. I feel too zapped somedays. It's almost like if we planned X time on X day I could think about it through the day and maybe look forward to it, but I get resentful sometimes with the "assumption" that it can happen whenever with no care of

my feelings just as long as he gets the "relief" he needs. I'll take advice from spouses or AS men on how to handle this. I don't like hurting his feelings, but sometimes I'm just too dang tired to do anything but snore.....Iknow it sounds like I don't care, I do, but I also want to feel wanted and feel that "lovin' feelin'" not just a "wham, bam, thank you mam"! Thanks for any advice, no matter how cruel. I feel like a failure on this part. I do try though. We've been married almost 9 years and have 2 high maintenance kids and with work and school and the choir on top of it, I'm just flat out tired someday's and that is the absolute last thing on my mind. Well, I guess I better shut up now and go to bed and see what's waiting on me Kandy

Sex

I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way.

How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

January 28, 2008

Sounds to me like your husband needs to be educated about how a woman's body works physically. There are books out there that explain the physical differences between men and women and how they respond to sex and that it has nothing to do with not wanting it. It's biology. Explained to him in a factual educational manner maybe he would hear that?

Jennie AS

Sex

I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way.

How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

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January 28, 2008

Kandy,

I really had to laugh at the "he did a couple of loads of laundry". My husband takes the trash

out, or vacumns the floor, or cleans the bathroom, and wants a reward. Or at least thinks he's deserving

of a reward. He has not considered sex a reward though. My husband is very understimulated, which I have

always attrisbuted to his AS. We've always been the opposite, I have a higher sex drive than him. He pours

himself into his work, and would work 24/7 if we didn't have kids, and that saps all his energy.

I do think, we have more sex that is merely, the physical act thereof, as there is not alot of intimacy involved.

There have been a few times over the years that we have scheduled it, or it's been more than just "doing it".

There are many things I have wondered about over the years, in reference to sex, as he was my first boyfriend and

I was his first girlfriend. Not having anything to compare my husband with, I just accepted alot, but of course now

I recognize that some situations, probably were not standard. I have gone through the change, so my drive has taken

a nosedive, so. . . . . . .sex is not really high on the list in our house.

Angie NT

Sex

I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way.

How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

January 28, 2008

Hot dog! I am laughing... instead of crying which I have done a lot,,, even while in the ACT and he didn't even notice. Again this is so familiar... Have you tried telling him what you need? that is the first step. Then, you can make alist and when the TIME comes, whisk it out and follow the correct steps. Honest to god, that is my suggestion. sorry it is so lame. AS guys ??? Janet ZEEI do have a question....Do partners of people with AS feel disconnected when it comes to sex? I feel like sometimes he just expects that's what's gonna happen and hasn't given me any clue and to hsi thinking. I go to bed....TO GO TO SLEEP from a long work day and school till 10pm and there he is naked as a jaybird and wanting something because he did a couple of loads of laundry. I don't mean to sound resentful, but that's not makin' love, that's just having sex. I see the difference, but it's all the same to him as long as he gets some. I gues I should be happy he's willing, but OMG sometimes he's like overstimulated and that's all he wants from me no emotional stuff, just me and that is draining on my part. Is there any approach I can take to help the situation. I mean, I literally can be ready to go to bed whenever and if he's waiting on me....that's what he wants and he's crankin' and ready to go! I'm just not that way....I need a little encouragement and stimulation to get reved up. You can say "hot dog" and he's standing at attention ready for some action. I almost think he's on overdrive with it. It that an AS trait? Or is he different than others with AS. If anyone has advice on this please help...it's been frustrating me for years. I just can't turn on and turn off that fast and it hurts his feelings, but i just can't. I feel too zapped somedays. It's almost like if we planned X time on X day I could think about it through the day and maybe look forward to it, but I get resentful sometimes with the "assumption" that it can happen whenever with no care of my feelings just as long as he gets the "relief" he needs. I'll take advice from spouses or AS men on how to handle this. I don't like hurting his feelings, but sometimes I'm just too dang tired to do anything but snore.....Iknow it sounds like I don't care, I do, but I also want to feel wanted and feel that "lovin' feelin'" not just a "wham, bam, thank you mam"! Thanks for any advice, no matter how cruel. I feel like a failure on this part. I do try though. We've been married almost 9 years and have 2 high maintenance kids and with work and school and the choir on top of it, I'm just flat out tired someday's and that is the absolute last thing on my mind. Well, I guess I better shut up now and go to bed and see what's waiting on me Kandy SexI don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way. How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

January 28, 2008

I bought my husband a number of books and what happened... NOTHING AT ALL. But perhaps it will help someone else. I hope. jkz weighing in. Sounds to me like your husband needs to be educated about how a woman's body works physically. There are books out there that explain the physical differences between men and women and how they respond to sex and that it has nothing to do with not wanting it. It's biology. Explained to him in a factual educational manner maybe he would hear that? Jennie AS SexI don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way. How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.8/1235 - Release Date: 1/21/2008 9:39 AM

January 28, 2008

OK me again. I am 56 , he is 64... we are still DOING IT. His sex drive has always been way less than mine. ***caution**** frank talk ahead*****I learned years ago how to please myself, thanks to reading all those books I got for him ....if you don't use it , you loose it... I used to wonder if I was doing the right thing but now I think I did. I have just learned not to depend on him for ANYTHING. I have become very confidant and competent at many things because I have to do it myself. So in a way he has done me a big favor although it has NOT been easy. What's with all the CAPITAL LETTERS? jkz rather silly tonight. Kandy, I really had to laugh at the "he did a couple of loads of laundry". My husband takes the trashout, or vacumns the floor, or cleans the bathroom, and wants a reward. Or at least thinks he's deservingof a reward. He has not considered sex a reward though. My husband is very understimulated, which I havealways attrisbuted to his AS. We've always been the opposite, I have a higher sex drive than him. He pourshimself into his work, and would work 24/7 if we didn't have kids, and that saps all his energy. I do think, we have more sex that is merely, the physical act thereof, as there is not alot of intimacy involved.There have been a few times over the years that we have scheduled it, or it's been more than just "doing it". There are many things I have wondered about over the years, in reference to sex, as he was my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend. Not having anything to compare my husband with, I just accepted alot, but of course now I recognize that some situations, probably were not standard. I have gone through the change, so my drive has takena nosedive, so. . . . . . .sex is not really high on the list in our house. Angie NT SexI don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way. How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

January 28, 2008

Janet Zimmerman wrote:

> Hot dog! I am laughing... instead of crying which I have done a lot,,,

> even while in the ACT and he didn't even notice. Again this is so

> familiar... Have you tried telling him what you need? that is the

> first step. Then, you can make alist and when the TIME comes, whisk it

> out and follow the correct steps. Honest to god, that is my

> suggestion. sorry it is so lame. AS guys ??? Janet ZEE

>

There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For

*anything* you do in life.

It astonishes me: People will perform their " due diligence " when buying

houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever!

But they *refuse* to learn about their own bodies. SEX is

fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING, no

using the " truths " learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non of a

good sexual relationship.

The suggestion above is a fair start (make a list).

But hie yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex

Manual_ AND a good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions (both!), if

available.

*Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after

reading is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the answers*.

Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education.

>

>>

>> I do have a question....Do partners of people with AS feel

>> disconnected when it comes to sex? I feel like sometimes he just

>> expects that's what's gonna happen and hasn't given me any clue and to

>> hsi thinking. I go to bed....TO GO TO SLEEP from a long work day and

>> school till 10pm and there he is naked as a jaybird and wanting

>> something because he did a couple of loads of laundry.

[ snip ]

- Bill, 75, AS; ...Yes, I... <skids to stop> Uh, no, don't ask.

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

January 28, 2008

Yes! What Bill said!!

People need to know how their body works and how their partners body works. What people don't understand they tend to fill in with what they already know... of course that won't work in much of anything... let alone sex. Statistically, most men can be ready for sex very quickly most women are not. If they assume things about the other based off their own experience..... well you can easily see where the trouble would begin.

Educate yourself, show him what you've learned, (even if you already knew it, because he might not have).

Jennie

_________________________________________

There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For *anything* you do in life.It astonishes me: People will perform their "due diligence" when buying houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever!But they *refuse* to learn about their own bodies. SEX is fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING, no using the "truths" learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non of a good sexual relationship.The suggestion above is a fair start (make a list).But hie yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex Manual_ AND a good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions (both!), if available.*Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after reading is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the answers*.Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education.- Bill, 75, AS; ...Yes, I... <skids to stop> Uh, no, don't ask.

January 28, 2008

Hello allI have finally caught up with the posts. I was a regular contributor last year, and found the discussions about sex helpful.I met my partner (he has undiagnosed AS) 15.5 yrs ago. We have been living together for 4.5 yrs. For the first six years we had lots of sex, yes some of it emotionally unconnected. Then he went on a self-development course and decided to go on a sex-fast because of the lack of emotion and because he'd been through that same lack in other relationships. Unfortunately he forgot to tell me about the fast, maybe he assumed (LOL) that it was 'obvious' that I would know. Very confusing. Since that break we have not had regular sex except sometimes on holiday. It's

getting on for 10 years now. I do feel frustrated at times, but am not going to have affairs. What I learned from the discussions last year was that, if a regular sex pattern is disrupted for an AS guy (say, because of pregnancy, illness or other abstinence) then the pattern can be hard to resume. I find this to be true.Also, Maxine Aston said at the "wives' convention" (healing of CASSANDRA) that I attended last year that 50% of males with AS prefer to masturbate regularly rather than have sexual intercourse with another human being. If sex is an area of communication, and communication is difficult generally, then why risk even more? Sadly, that seems to be the case in our household: not enough person to person sex. I have thought about counselling for sexual issues, and if I can find a counsellor who also knows about AS, that may be something we can pursue. In the meantime, it irritates me more than anything when I

go to the doctor for advice on, say, blood haemoglobin levels, and they start quizzing me about contraception as if it were top of MY list!BTW, it is great to be back; I had forgotten how much I had missed the jokes! Not much laughter out the about AS and autism...HelenaF, NS, England43 yrs

There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For *anything* you do in life.It astonishes me: People will perform their "due diligence" when buying houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever! But they *refuse* to learn about their own bodies. SEX is fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING, no using the "truths" learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non of a good sexual relationship.The suggestion above is a fair start (make a list). But hie yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex Manual_ AND a good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions (both!), if available. *Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after reading is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the answers*.Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~

I agree with Bill, read, read and read.. We can all use help in life skills. Sometimes it can even make a difference. People have been doing this for years. You don't have to have AS to benefit from knowledge in these areas. In my generation, the sex manual was Kama Sutra. Oils, lotions and positions. <wink> -or- there were books on what she or he liked in bed. Anyone remember that? OK, I am dating myself here. Good stuff. lol This is not a new idea. It has been with us for years. Sex for Dummies????? ?? Been there, done it. lol It just gives you ideas to enhance your relationship.

I was born in the 50's and my parents had records of Rusty Warren who was a entertainer who spoke out about sex in days when it was considered risky at best. She later went on to speak at colleges for young adults. Now a days the topic has shifted to include drugs, date rape and abuse. Sad but true.

Just me.

You know a dream is like a river Ever changin' as it flows And a dreamer's just a vessel That must follow where it goes Trying to learn from what's behind you And never knowing what's in store Makes each day a constant battle Just to stay between the shores.. and I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry Like a bird upon the wind These waters are my sky I'll never reach my destination If I never try So I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry ... Garth

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

January 28, 2008

, I love the things that are in the Song of Songs! Newland wrote: There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For *anything* you do in life.It astonishes me: People will perform their "due diligence" when

buying houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever! But they *refuse* to learn about their own bodies. SEX is fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING, no using the "truths" learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non of a good sexual relationship.The suggestion above is a fair start (make a list). But hie yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex Manual_ AND a good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions (both!), if available. *Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after reading is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the answers*.Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I agree with Bill, read, read and read.. We can all use help in life skills. Sometimes it

can even make a difference. People have been doing this for years. You don't have to have AS to benefit from knowledge in these areas. In my generation, the sex manual was Kama Sutra. Oils, lotions and positions. <wink> -or- there were books on what she or he liked in bed. Anyone remember that? OK, I am dating myself here. Good stuff. lol This is not a new idea. It has been with us for years. Sex for Dummies??????? Been there, done it. lol It just gives you ideas to enhance your relationship.

I was born in the 50's and my parents had records of Rusty Warren who was a entertainer who spoke out about sex in days when it was considered risky at best. She later went on to speak at colleges for young adults. Now a days the topic has shifted to include drugs, date rape and abuse. Sad but true. Just me. You know a dream is like a river Ever changin' as it flows And a dreamer's just a vessel That must follow where it goes Trying to learn from what's behind you And never knowing what's in store Makes each

day a constant battle Just to stay between the shores.. and I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry Like a bird upon the wind These waters are my sky I'll never reach my destination If I never try So I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry ... Garth

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

January 28, 2008

I am interested in hearing if any AS men found it helpful to read books about sex (not counting you Bill). My husband does not seem to understand that this info is pertains to HIM. I have just lost interest in spending my energy on educating him to make any changes. We are going to the dentist tomorrow so I am optimistic about him improving his dental hygeine because now it will cost him $$ to have his teeth cleaned, filled and most likely a series of treatments for peridontal disease. It cost him about $1000 ten years ago for the same thing. It is hard to ignore hygiene issues when you are trying to have a sexual relationship. sigh. jkz , I love the things that are in the Song of Songs! Newland <opubendbroadband> wrote: There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For *anything* you do in life.It astonishes me: People will perform their "due diligence" when buying houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever! But they *refuse* to learn about their own bodies. SEX is fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING, no using the "truths" learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non of a good sexual relationship.The suggestion above is a fair start (make a list). But hie yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex Manual_ AND a good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions (both!), if available. *Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after reading is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the answers*.Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I agree with Bill, read, read and read.. We can all use help in life skills. Sometimes it can even make a difference. People have been doing this for years. You don't have to have AS to benefit from knowledge in these areas. In my generation, the sex manual wasKama Sutra. Oils, lotions and positions. <wink> -or- there were books on what she or he liked in bed. Anyone remember that? OK, I am dating myself here. Good stuff. lol This is not a new idea. It has been with us for years. Sex for Dummies??????? Been there, done it. lol It just gives you ideas to enhance your relationship. I was born in the 50's and my parents had records of Rusty Warren who was a entertainer who spoke out about sex in days when it was considered risky at best. She later went on to speak at colleges for young adults. Now a days the topic has shifted to include drugs, date rape and abuse. Sad but true. Just me. You know a dream is like a river Ever changin' as it flows And a dreamer's just a vessel That must follow where it goes Trying to learn from what's behind you And never knowing what's in store Makes each day a constant battle Just to stay between the shores.. and I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry Like a bird upon the wind These waters are my sky I'll never reach my destination If I never try So I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry ... Garth Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

January 28, 2008

Janet, The answer is YES! When I was an undergrad at I had plenty of male friends who read the latest books on the subject. There were also "purity tests", which measured different things one had done- some were sensibible, and some were not-- like engaging in certain behavior in a moving car on a highway- but they were certainly creative. What does this have to do with AS men? I believe that a high percentage of my classmates are either AS or cousins (or think I do...), since I went to an engineering school. My favorite question? "Have you ever had a lewd thought, or thought you had?" We do have a tendency to love facts and figures. If you bring home a library copy of the Kinsey Report or today's analog of it, you will intrigue him, I think. My classmates loved to read things like that. Janet Zimmerman wrote: I am interested in hearing if any AS men found it helpful to read books about sex (not counting you Bill). My husband does not seem to understand that this info is pertains to HIM. I have just lost interest in spending my energy on educating him to make any changes. We are going to the dentist tomorrow so I am optimistic about him improving his dental hygeine because now it will cost him $$ to have his

teeth cleaned, filled and most likely a series of treatments for peridontal disease. It cost him about $1000 ten years ago for the same thing. It is hard to ignore hygiene issues when you are trying to have a sexual relationship. sigh. jkz , I love the things that are in the Song of Songs! Newland <opubendbroadband> wrote: There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For *anything* you do in life.It astonishes me: People will perform their "due diligence" when buying houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever! But they *refuse* to learn about their own bodies. SEX is fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING, no using the "truths" learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non of a good sexual relationship.The suggestion above

is a fair start (make a list). But hie yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex Manual_ AND a good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions (both!), if available. *Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after reading is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the answers*.Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I agree with Bill, read, read and read.. We can all use help in life skills. Sometimes it can even make a difference. People have been doing this for years. You don't have to have AS to benefit from knowledge in these areas. In my generation, the sex manual wasKama Sutra. Oils, lotions and

positions. <wink> -or- there were books on what she or he liked in bed. Anyone remember that? OK, I am dating myself here. Good stuff. lol This is not a new idea. It has been with us for years. Sex for Dummies??????? Been there, done it. lol It just gives you ideas to enhance your relationship. I was born in the 50's and my parents had records of Rusty Warren who was a entertainer who spoke out about sex in

days when it was considered risky at best. She later went on to speak at colleges for young adults. Now a days the topic has shifted to include drugs, date rape and abuse. Sad but true. Just me. You know a dream is like a river Ever changin' as it flows And a dreamer's just a vessel That must follow where it goes Trying to learn from what's behind you And never knowing what's in

store Makes each day a constant battle Just to stay between the shores.. and I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry Like a bird upon the wind These waters are my sky I'll never reach my destination If I never try So I will sail my vessel 'Til the river runs dry ... Garth Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with

Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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January 28, 2008

Janet Zimmerman wrote:

> I am interested in hearing if any AS men found it helpful to read books

> about sex (not counting you Bill). My husband does not seem to

> understand that this info is pertains to HIM.

>

> I have just lost interest in spending my energy on educating him to

> make any changes. We are going to the dentist tomorrow so I am

> optimistic about him improving his dental hygeine because now it will

> cost him $$ to have his teeth cleaned, filled and most likely a series

> of treatments for peridontal disease. It cost him about $1000 ten years

> ago for the same thing. It is hard to ignore hygiene issues when you

> are trying to have a sexual relationship. sigh. jkz

[ snip ]

Check with your husband's dentist _re_ amount of " gum-line caries " and

persistent periodontal problems.

Particularly if over time there's an impression of teeth slowly being

" sawed off " at the gum-line; _despite_ fanatical brushing, flossing,

etc. and regular dental care.

This is one symptom of Sjoegren's Disease, an autoimmune dysfunction

which can destroy salivary glands' ability to produce saliva.

Normal saliva has antibiotic properties which help protect teeth

against cavities, etc.

Sjoegren's saliva is greatly reduced or absent ( " dry mouth " ), hence

also has little or no antibiotic effect.

Other symptoms are persistent dry skin (often flaking, like peeling

after sunburn) and " dry " eyes (tear-less and " scratchy " ).

Sjoegren's isn't so common. But many AS have co-morbid autoimmune

conditions; one might expect some increase of Sjoegren's among us.

I have it. As a very costly consequence I've helped a few

generations of dentist's kids through college.

So check it out.

- Bill, 75, AS

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

January 29, 2008

Well it just sounded like her husband wants to have sex but is misunderstanding her sexual reactions. I don't think it would necessarily do any good to buy someone else books. But it might help in this particular case if the guy's wife said, "Honey, I WANT to have intimate relations (sex or whatever you call it in your house) with you but my body isn't made the same as yours. In this book I was reading Dr. so and so says, "xyz" about a woman's sexuality. I think this is what I am dealing with. The solution is, "xyz"." Or something along those lines. Of course if you are dealing with someone who is not interested in sex.... then obviously educating them about anyone's body isn't going to do any good as their problem is stemming from somewhere else and is about something else.

Jennie

Sex

I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way.

How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just curious????? ....

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January 29, 2008

You've got a great point, Jennie. Anne Hooper's stuff is good to

read. I highly recommend her books to anyone.

>

> Sounds to me like your husband needs to be educated about how a

woman's body works physically. There are books out there that explain

the physical differences between men and women and how they respond

to sex and that it has nothing to do with not wanting it. It's

biology. Explained to him in a factual educational manner maybe he

would hear that?

>

> Jennie AS

>

> Sex

>

> I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual

> stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind

> discussing it in an academic like way.

>

> How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just

curious????? ....

>

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

----------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

----------

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG Free Edition.

> Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.19.8/1235 - Release Date:

1/21/2008 9:39 AM

>

January 29, 2008

One with everything please That's sad how you can be in the act

and he wouldn't notice. Hmmmmm.. if I knew my woman was in the act

and she was in the mood (you kinda get the idea here), think I

wouldn't notice? Life is much, much too short.

>

> >

> > I do have a question....Do partners of people with AS feel

> > disconnected when it comes to sex? I feel like sometimes he

just

> > expects that's what's gonna happen and hasn't given me any clue

and

> > to hsi thinking. I go to bed....TO GO TO SLEEP from a long work

> > day and school till 10pm and there he is naked as a jaybird and

> > wanting something because he did a couple of loads of laundry.

I

> > don't mean to sound resentful, but that's not makin' love,

that's

> > just having sex. I see the difference, but it's all the same to

> > him as long as he gets some. I gues I should be happy he's

> > willing, but OMG sometimes he's like overstimulated and that's

all

> > he wants from me no emotional stuff, just me and that is

draining

> > on my part. Is there any approach I can take to help the

> > situation. I mean, I literally can be ready to go to bed

whenever

> > and if he's waiting on me....that's what he wants and he's

crankin'

> > and ready to go! I'm just not that way....I need a little

> > encouragement and stimulation to get reved up. You can say " hot

> > dog " and he's standing at attention ready for some action. I

> > almost think he's on overdrive with it. It that an AS trait?

Or

> > is he different than others with AS. If anyone has advice on

this

> > please help...it's been frustrating me for years. I just can't

> > turn on and turn off that fast and it hurts his feelings, but i

> > just can't. I feel too zapped somedays. It's almost like if we

> > planned X time on X day I could think about it through the day

and

> > maybe look forward to it, but I get resentful sometimes with the

> > " assumption " that it can happen whenever with no care of my

> > feelings just as long as he gets the " relief " he needs. I'll

take

> > advice from spouses or AS men on how to handle this. I don't

like

> > hurting his feelings, but sometimes I'm just too dang tired to

do

> > anything but snore.....Iknow it sounds like I don't care, I do,

but

> > I also want to feel wanted and feel that " lovin' feelin' " not

just

> > a " wham, bam, thank you mam " ! Thanks for any advice, no matter

how

> > cruel. I feel like a failure on this part. I do try though.

> > We've been married almost 9 years and have 2 high maintenance

kids

> > and with work and school and the choir on top of it, I'm just

flat

> > out tired someday's and that is the absolute last thing on my

> > mind. Well, I guess I better shut up now and go to bed and see

> > what's waiting on me Kandy

> >

> > Sex

> >

> > I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual

> > stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind

> > discussing it in an academic like way.

> >

> > How do you discuss sex in a academic way? Just

> > curious????? ....

> >

> > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

> >

>

January 29, 2008

Owner's manual? *laughing*.

>

> There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For

> *anything* you do in life.

>

> It astonishes me: People will perform their " due diligence " when

buying

> houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever!

> But they *refuse* to learn about their own bodies. SEX is

> fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING,

no

> using the " truths " learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non of

a

> good sexual relationship.

>

> The suggestion above is a fair start (make a list).

> But hie yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex

> Manual_ AND a good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions

(both!), if

> available.

> *Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after

> reading is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the

answers*.

>

> Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education.

>

> >

> >>

> >> I do have a question....Do partners of people with AS feel

> >> disconnected when it comes to sex? I feel like sometimes he

just

> >> expects that's what's gonna happen and hasn't given me any clue

and to

> >> hsi thinking. I go to bed....TO GO TO SLEEP from a long work

day and

> >> school till 10pm and there he is naked as a jaybird and wanting

> >> something because he did a couple of loads of laundry.

> [ snip ]

>

> - Bill, 75, AS; ...Yes, I... <skids to stop> Uh, no, don't ask.

>

> --

> WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

> http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

>

January 29, 2008

I have my own opinions, but I don't want this group to get out of

control and have Woodstock occur lol

>

> There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual. For

*anything* you do in life.

>

> It astonishes me: People will perform their " due diligence " when

buying houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever! But they *refuse*

to learn about their own bodies. SEX is

> fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING,

no using the " truths " learned in high-school -- is the sine-qua-non

of a good sexual relationship.

>

> The suggestion above is a fair start (make a list). But hie

yourselves off to a good bookstore and buy a good _Sex Manual_ AND a

good _Marriage Manual_. His and Hers versions (both!), if available.

*Both* partners must read both of'em. A Very Good Thing after reading

is to *ask each other* questions. And then *respect the answers*.

>

> Screwing's easy; anyone can do it. Good Sex requires an education.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> I agree with Bill, read, read and read.. We can all use help in

life skills. Sometimes it can even make a difference. People have

been doing this for years. You don't have to have AS to benefit from

knowledge in these areas. In my generation, the sex manual was Kama

Sutra. Oils, lotions and positions. <wink> -or- there were books

on what she or he liked in bed. Anyone remember that? OK, I am

dating myself here. Good stuff. lol This is not a new idea. It

has been with us for years. Sex for Dummies??????? Been there, done

it. lol It just gives you ideas to enhance your relationship.

>

> I was born in the 50's and my parents had records of Rusty Warren

who was a entertainer who spoke out about sex in days when it was

considered risky at best. She later went on to speak at colleges for

young adults. Now a days the topic has shifted to include drugs, date

rape and abuse. Sad but true.

>

> Just me.

>

> You know a dream is like a river

> Ever changin' as it flows

> And a dreamer's just a vessel

> That must follow where it goes

> Trying to learn from what's behind you

> And never knowing what's in store

> Makes each day a constant battle

> Just to stay between the shores.. and

>

> I will sail my vessel

> 'Til the river runs dry

> Like a bird upon the wind

> These waters are my sky

> I'll never reach my destination

> If I never try

> So I will sail my vessel

> 'Til the river runs dry ... Garth

>

January 29, 2008

Here's a wink to you, ...

>

> There's *absolutely* no substitute for a good Owner's Manual.

For *anything* you do in life.

>

> It astonishes me: People will perform their " due diligence " when

buying houses, cars, insurance, TVs, ...whatever! But they *refuse*

to learn about their own bodies. SEX is

> fundamental to marriage. *Learning how to do it* -- NO GUESSING, no