Wonderland-KISHOREDA

[Guest guest]

MY WIFE SINCE LAST 1 HOUR,AFTER READING YOUR MAIL, BEEN SAYING THE SAME

SENTENCE OVER AND OVER AGAIN, " DEKHO MAINE KAHATA,APNA

DESH, AB SADLY APNA NAHI RAHA "

ACTUALLY,AFTER I WROTE ON THIS SITE,I WENT BACK AND TOLD SEEMA,I MANAGED TO

CONVINCE OUR GROUP ABOUT MY REASONS TO RETURN BACK

AND SO LETS BEGIN PACKING.

I COULD SENSE THE DISAPPOINTMENT ON HER FACE,AS SHE NEVER HAD SAME DESIRE TO

RETURN AS I DID,BUT NOW THAT UR MAIL HAS ARRIVED AND

GIVEN A UNANIMOUS " NO " ,SHE FEELS HER DECISION TO CONTINUE HAS BEEN JUSTIFIED.

INFACT,YES DR.VARSHA HAS BEEN CORRECT TO POINT THAT MY LAST REASON TO GO WAS TO

BE WITH MY MOTHER.

MANY A TIMES,WHEN I WOULD GO TO MY BOSS,TO TELL HIM I AM QUITTING,HE WOULD SAY

IN AMITABH DEEWAR STYLE, " TUMHARE PASS KIS BAAT KI

KAMI HAIN,DR.KAMATH,DHAN,DAULAT,NAAM,IZZAT,AUR TO AUR,AB 24HRS DSL INTERNET

CONNECTION. SAB KUCH TO HAIN. "

AND THEN I HAD THOUGHT,I WOULD SAY,A BIT LIKE SHASHI KAPOOR, " SIR MERE PASS YAHAN

MERI MAA NAHI HAIN.

WELL,I MAY TO CHANGE MY PLANS AND NOW TRY AND TELL GOOD STORIES TO MY MUM BACK

HOME SO THAT SHE HAS A CHANGE OF MIND AND

COMES DOWN TO STAY WITH US,PERHAPS.

THANX KISHOREDA,FOR TAKING ME TO WONDERLAND AND BACK.

BUT I WAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE AND SEEN ALL THAT, FOR 28LONG YRS

TILL I MOVED IN HERE,SO I THOUGHT,I COULD FIT IN STILL,BUT UR MAIL MADE ME

FEEL,PERHAPS,I AM OVERESTIMATING MY CAPACITY,TO MAKE GOOD

IN THAT JUNGLE.MAYBE,I WILL WAIT,TILL IT BECOMES A DREAMLAND,SOMEDAY.

BYE.

SHYAM(84)

Shyam in Wonderland

(Okay VK! In response to your invitation here I am

welcoming Shyam to the land of his dreams.)

SHYAM IN WONDERLAND

Welcome, Shyam, to this wonderful land called India. But step carefully from

the plane. Sometimes the steps are not aligned properly and you can get a

nasty jolt. What did you say? You thought that India had progressed? Of

course it has. Previously you used to get a jolt when you stepped down from

the bullock cart, now it happens off the plane.

Ah! I can see that you are breathing deeply of your native land's air, but

my advice would be to wait a bit longer. The corner toilet is broken down

and the peculiar tang that you can smell is that of Ammonia.

You came to India because you worship God? Good! Now you are going to meet

people who believe more strongly than you. These are the Airport officials.

They are worshippers of the Goddess Laxmi and I hope you won't mind a small

donation. After all it is for Laxmi.

No Shyam, drop that. I can understand your love for the soil of your native

country. However, the soil that you are holding is 'night' soil. It is more

plentiful than the regular variety, especially around Government buildings.

Maybe, it symbolizes what the people think of our country's Government.

Come, Shyam, I shall take you to Pune where you want to settle down. Please

note that I did not say settle down for 'good', because good is one thing

that even God cannot guarantee here.

Did you notice the huge tracts of dug up roads and diversions on the way?

Well those are the symbols of India's progress and prosperity. You must be

wondering how India can prosper with dug up roads. It's fairly simple.

Digging up to lay electric cables keeps hundreds employed. Then tarring up

keeps another hundreds on the job. We like to pass the credit for keeping

India's standard up. So we give a chance to the water works department to

dig up the same stretch next. Just when you think what will happen to the

unemployed workers after the tarring up, you will see the sewerage

department getting the bright idea of replacing old pipes under the same

stretch. By the time this finishes, the electric department is raring to do

its bit to decrease the unemployment level of India again. So you see,

Shyam, no one remains unemployed for long. Besides, these bumps provide a

side business for shock absorber mechanics, Orthopaedics and sometimes even

undertakers. So you see, everyone benefits. These smooth stretches of roads

that you see in between are the speed breakers or bumps.

At last we arrive at the land of your dreams, Pune. Those boards are all

proclaiming that Pune is the IT capital of India. Why do they need those

boards? Well, it is because the Government departments here still have not

come to know about this revolution. So all the records are still hand

written and take at least 15 visits to complete. The worship of Goddess

Laxmi is also there, because we are very religious. The boards are meant so

that people will believe that Pune is IT connected even after visiting these

offices.

The larger boards that you see in the foreground are even more important.

They wish the local strongman a happy birthday. His small photo is followed

by all those large photos of his well wishers, i.e. all those who wish that

he would fall in a well, so that they can assume his money, power and, if

possible, his wife. Please pay close attention to all these important

boards. When you want to get anything done in Pune, you will have to pay a

visit to him. Did you notice that I used the word 'PAY' a visit?

Those fat men that you see around all corners are the local police. They

catch criminals. Don't be puzzled by how such pot-bellied guys can catch

criminals. I had not completed my sentence. The full sentence is 'They catch

criminals' feet'. You see they are also worshippers of Laxmi. No! You cannot

complain to their bosses, because the bosses are all in jail for corruption

charges.

Lets shop for your new hospital. I don't think that you should shop for a

Frost-free refrigerator. You see, Pune is so advanced that this service is

free to its citizens. We have 3 hours of load shedding i.e. no electricity

for six days a week. That effectively makes all refrigerators Frost-free for

FREE. You should not ask me why six days and not seven days a week. The

seventh day is meant for a whole day power cut for maintenance of

electricity cables. Remember the dug up roads of a few paragraphs before?

Did I hear you say that Load shedding was a load of sh.. ?

Now for the licences for your new hospital. Lets see, you will need a no

objection from the building department, followed by the water dept, not to

forget the fire brigade. There is naturally the pollution control

registration and the sonography registration. The pollution dept is spread

over two offices, which are 7 kms. apart. Oh yes, I forgot to mention the

family planning department and the drainage department.

You see, all these trips to the departments are just what you wanted. You

said that you wanted to visit the religious places, which are not there in

Saudi, and these are all temples of Laxmi. It is a Teerath yatra of sorts.

Wait a minute, Shyam, the offices are this way not that. What did you say?

You are going to book the next flight back to Riyadh? Well, hope you come

back soon. Goodbye Shyam.

Kishore Shah 1974

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