Re: Welcome New Members and New Diagnoses!!! (long)

[Guest guest]

Sally,

It soundsl like your son has really gone through some major growth as

well!!! To have a child go through such a hard experince, work

through it, and then desire to " try " it again is so amazing to me,

especially when the child has unique difficutlties. I am so glad that

you are now in touch with his needs and can effectively advocate for

him!!!

Congratulations girl!!!

~hugs~

Rabecca

> Rabecca,

> I'm sure that your letter touched a lot of people and if we all

keep telling of our experiences then we can learn from each other.

> I just put my son back in PS school after schooling at home for

11/2 yrs. In first grade the teacher was a perfectionists and of

course he wasn't writing and doing well on tests and she kept saying

that he had to try harder. At the time we had no idea that he was

Autistic. To make a long story short, he has come along way since

then, I put him in Taekwondo also and it sure has helped his motor

skills and confidence and with the one on one teaching I found out

that he just learns differently than other children.He is the one

that wanted to go back to school and I finally gave in because he was

so sad. He wanted to be back with the other children, which was a

blessing to me because, he hardly even talked to anyone else in first

grade.

> I'm staying on top of the situation now that I know what he needs.

> Alot of people don't realize that they need sensory input to help

them concentrate.

>

> Thanks again,

> Sally

[Guest guest]

Sally,

It soundsl like your son has really gone through some major growth as

well!!! To have a child go through such a hard experince, work

through it, and then desire to " try " it again is so amazing to me,

especially when the child has unique difficutlties. I am so glad that

you are now in touch with his needs and can effectively advocate for

him!!!

Congratulations girl!!!

~hugs~

Rabecca

> Rabecca,

> I'm sure that your letter touched a lot of people and if we all

keep telling of our experiences then we can learn from each other.

> I just put my son back in PS school after schooling at home for

11/2 yrs. In first grade the teacher was a perfectionists and of

course he wasn't writing and doing well on tests and she kept saying

that he had to try harder. At the time we had no idea that he was

Autistic. To make a long story short, he has come along way since

then, I put him in Taekwondo also and it sure has helped his motor

skills and confidence and with the one on one teaching I found out

that he just learns differently than other children.He is the one

that wanted to go back to school and I finally gave in because he was

so sad. He wanted to be back with the other children, which was a

blessing to me because, he hardly even talked to anyone else in first

grade.

> I'm staying on top of the situation now that I know what he needs.

> Alot of people don't realize that they need sensory input to help

them concentrate.

>

> Thanks again,

> Sally

[Guest guest]

Sherry,

Thanks for the wonderfully flattering compliments! Though someone

some day might write a book about him, I don't feel like I am a good

enough writer to really express what I would want to say... Here, I

just speak from the heart. I don't edit my posts or gloss over

things... They just are the way they are, and it probably wouldn't

sell... ~winks~ Anyway, I think there are probably a whole lot of

little things that we notice or experience that no one has really

related back to a particular cause such as autism. Perhaps some

professionals should monitor the boards and keep track of all the

things that we say, " Wow, your son/daughter too??? " It might give

them both a leg up on early diagnostics as well as treatment

options!!!

~hugs~

Rabecca

> > ,

> >

> >

> >

> > How about if I start even further back??? ~winks~ When I was

three

> months

> > pregnant, I began having bleeding and cramping. The doctors

covered

> by my

> > insurance at that time were sure that the baby wasn't placed high

> enough in

> > the uterus and that I would loose him. They recommended a DNC. I

> had lost a

> > child less than a year prior to SIDS and was emotionally and

> mentally dead

> > set against loosing another. The cramping and bleeding went on

for

> another 2

> > ½ months, with me being rushed into the ER almost weekly. By the

> end of this

> > time, my mom convinced me to go to a doctor outside our insurance

> plan for a

> > second opinion. (My husband had shared with her that he had seen

my

> chart

> > and they had the word " SIDS " in bold red letters across the top

of

> the top

> > page, so the doctors who saw me discounted my emotions/thoughts

and

> sent me

> > on my way) For a second opinion, I went to a public health

clinic.

> Upon a

> > visual exam (something the doctors under the covered plan refused

> to do,

> > saying they might contaminate the area) the doctor remarked that

I

> had a

> > very severe vaginal infection. They began running tests. I tested

> positive

> > for vaginal strep. Because I had had the infection for so long,

it

> had

> > spread into the uterus and there was another infection within the

> amniotic

> > fluid. They told me that I had two options… The first was to

abort

> the

> > pregnancy (late term abortion). My other option was to take

> medication that

> > would clear the infections, but that could have serious side

> effects. They

> > said that there was a good chance that Tyler would be born deaf

and

> blind…

> > We chose life and to cancel the health insurance policy that

> required us to

> > go back to the doctors who put him at risk!!!

> >

> >

> >

> > When Tyler was born, he didn't open his eyes. Though the doctors

> could get

> > the pupils to respond to light, he refused to open them of his

own

> accord

> > for three weeks. Then it was squinting(even in darkened rooms)

and

> his eyes

> > didn't track together or seem to focus… We knew he could hear

well.

> He was

> > so sensitive hearing wise that any miniscule sound was painful to

> him. A

> > normal volume on the radio or TV, another child talking or

> laughing, our

> > bumping into something or setting something down too hard on the

> table… Yet

> > we were ecstatic… HE COULD HEAR!!! When one of his eyes started

to

> focus and

> > partially track, we celebrated for over a week… HE COULD SEE!!!

> Every little

> > thing became monumental. Tyler had a heart monitor because every

> time he

> > fell asleep, he slowed or stopped breathing and didn't restart

> without

> > intervention (very scary for parents who had one already die of

> SIDS)He had

> > stopped breathing 18 times in his first 24 hours of life…

> Thankfully, he

> > grew out of this as well…

> >

> >

> >

> > When Tyler was an infant, we noticed him missing milestones. The

> doctors

> > explained this away, saying that many kids hooked to a machine 24

> hours a

> > day were delayed, but that they caught up later on. We noticed

that

> he would

> > focus on one thing for extended periods of time. The doctors

> explained this

> > away too… When he skipped markers, the doctors said that if they

> weren't met

> > by the time he was five, then it would be time to worry, that we

> were being

> > overly paranoid… At one year, Tyler was not talking. He could not

> crawl or

> > go from laying to sitting up. He couldn't let go of something and

> remain

> > standing in one spot. Yet, when he learned to roll over at 8 ½

> months, he

> > concentrated on trying from back to front one direction… Then

when

> he was on

> > his front, he very methodically tried to roll the same direction

to

> his

> > back… He learned how to continue rolling to the right and could

> roll all the

> > way across the floor in one direction. Within another day, he

> learned how

> > kicking his feet could change his body position so that he could

go

> around

> > obstacles while rolling around the house… He didn't learn how to

> roll the

> > other direction until 11 months old, but could get anywhere he

> wanted to get

> > in the house. The doctors said that he wasn't probably going to

be a

> > crawler, that he had learned a different mode of transportation

> instead.

> >

> >

> >

> > At 13 months, if we set Tyler in front of a couch on one side of

a

> small

> > room, he could very carefully turn around and lean forward. Then

he

> would

> > literally run across the room until he grabbed onto the other

couch

> on the

> > other side. If there was more than 7 feet between the two, he

would

> end up

> > landing on his face, as he was as yet unable to catch himself

with

> his

> > hands/arms or able to stand up without falling or moving forward

by

> > stepping. This was the way he took his first steps.

> >

> >

> >

> > Tyler didn't start trying to talk much until he was 2-2 ½. Then,

> when he

> > said something, it was all ran together, but was in complete

> sentences

> > instead of individual words. He skipped the word stage and went

on

> to

> > sentences. Much of what he said was a repetition of songs and

books

> that we

> > had read to him. He could recite whole Doctor Sues books, songs

> that I sang

> > to him, rhymes that we had done, finger plays without any

motions,

> etc. If

> > he heard it, it seemed he could recite it, but still didn't do

much

> with

> > individual words. By 3, he became obsessed with things. He began

> asking

> > questions, telling us about his observations, play acting in his

> own little

> > world. He also would play along side others, but it seemed he

> always led the

> > group in activities, his activities… Others his age at that time

> naturally

> > followed along, because he seemed to know so much and have so

many

> ideas of

> > what to try. He was our little absent minded scientist… At 3 ½

> Tyler picked

> > up a magazine at the checkout counter of the grocery store. He

> turned it

> > upside down and began reading the headlines aloud. It was our

first

> clue

> > that he could read. Numbers and amounts also fascinated Tyler at

> that time.

> > He could play for hours with a couple containers and different

> material to

> > put in them, seeing how much they weighed, how much fit in which

> etc. At

> > four, he learned how to do an awkward crawl and could run, but

> still couldn'

> > t catch himself when he fell. His doctors were all thrilled with

his

> > progress, saying that they had been right all along, that he had

> more than

> > caught up with the kids his own age. After all, look at how smart

> he was!

> >

> >

> >

> > Prior to Kindergarten, our school had a day that the kids came in

> to meet

> > the teacher and allow the teacher to determine if they were ready

> to start

> > or if they should hold off another year. Tyler was very excited

> because he

> > viewed school as a place of learning, and that was still his

> obsession. He

> > had been setting his own alarm for over six months and doing

> a " school

> > morning routine " to prepare for the day he would start. Before we

> left the

> > house, we warned him that part of the time we would be talking to

> his

> > teacher and that he would have to be patient. To occupy himself,

he

> brought

> > along a new Goosebumps book that he was reading. His teacher

tried

> really

> > hard. I have to give her that… but it didn't go real well as far

as

> Tyler

> > was concerned. She looked down upon him, as if she knew more, and

> that

> > really got him going. She told him that he would learn his

letters.

> He

> > showed her how he could read his book. She told him that he could

> learn the

> > difference of " to, two, and too " and he recited them to her and

> told her how

> > he liked to read the dictionary. She told him that he would learn

> his

> > numbers, and he told her that he could multiply and divide. She

> told him

> > that he needed to concentrate on adding and subtracting and he

> asked her why

> > he should if he already knew how to do that. Later that month,

she

> finally

> > got him… She could show him how to write and how to cut… Well,

she

> tried…

> > sort of… She put the paper in front of him several times that

year,

> but she

> > didn't do anything to help him with his grip or to support his

> learning how

> > to make shapes (we didn't know he had spatial issues at that time

> or that

> > his eyes couldn't track in one direction). He still couldn't

color

> something

> > in, write any letter without picking up his pencil 15-30 times

and

> trying to

> > create it like a photograph of something. Lines didn't make sense

> to him. He

> > didn't see the continuity of them. He could recognize whole

shapes

> like

> > letters but didn't seem to be able to create them. Most of the

time

> in

> > kindergarten, the teacher was so frustrated with him that she

> either had him

> > trying to lay down his head and sleep so that he wasn't

correcting

> her or

> > the other kids or she was frustrated that he couldn't do

something

> as simple

> > as writing. She finally gave up, saying that he just wouldn't be

> able to do

> > that yet, that it would kick in in its own good time.

> >

> >

> >

> > His 1-2 grade teacher thought he was the heaven and the earth and

> that his

> > shortcomings didn't matter at all. She figured that eventually,

> everyone

> > would write on computers anyway, so why stress over him not being

> able to

> > get his thoughts or answers on paper. She let him spend much of

his

> day in

> > the library, where the librarian taught him the Dewy Decimal

System

> and how

> > to find subjects he was interested in. Thus began his obsession

with

> > libraries and research. Through his experiments he caused several

> power

> > surges in our neighborhood, one minor outage, and one blown

> transformer that

> > they had to replace. We felt quite lucky that he didn't burn down

> the house.

> > It took us a while to explain the idea of safety and that not all

> > experiments are safe. He hadn't thought of the potential negative

> > consequences, just that he might be successful in getting certain

> > experiments to work. I honestly don't know where he got the idea

> that he

> > could weld with a battery in a light socket and a couple strands

of

> metal

> > that I still don't know where he found… It was one of his

successful

> > attempts, but boy it made me mad, as the flying sparks created

burn

> holes in

> > the rug and shorted out our power… AGAIN!!!

> >

> >

> >

> > His 3rd grade year is when it all hit the fan. His teacher was a

> > perfectionist. If something wasn't written clearly or " right " it

> had to be

> > redone. No matter how many times I went to her, she insisted on

> keeping him

> > in every recess to recopy his work, which was never good enough

the

> second

> > time around either. He missed the breaks and had absolutely no

> social

> > interaction. The other kids noticed him being singled out and

began

> to

> > really bully him severely. The teacher didn't help by stopping

her

> oral

> > quizzes and staring at him until he was finished writing the

> answer. Since

> > the other kids were faster, they would look up, see where she was

> looking,

> > and then they would look at him too. He would end up with the

> entire class

> > looking at him after every question, making the pressure worse,

> especially

> > since she would count words wrong that he spelled right just

> because his

> > writing wasn't neat enough. We began experiencing major emotional

> > difficulties with him. His shortcomings became magnified. He felt

> like such

> > a failure, an outsider, someone would just couldn't succeed.

> Anxiety and

> > depression set it and he began crying at school, screaming at

> people, and

> > fell further and further behind in school. His physical skills

> seemed to

> > deteriorate with the stress. Since his concentration was off, he

> was unable

> > to keep up the compensations he had figured out. He just couldn't

> think fast

> > enough to react. Yet, he wanted so badly to be normal. He took

off

> trying to

> > ride a bike without training wheels. He got less than three

houses

> before he

> > fell and required both sub-dermal and surface stitches on his

face

> because

> > he still couldn't balance for long or catch himself when he fell.

> We began

> > noticing that he really did act younger than the other kids his

> age. He

> > still pretended he was an animal often, made weird noises, played

> beside

> > others instead of with them, and had many lacking skills… It was

at

> this

> > time that we asked for a letter from the teacher stating the

> behaviors and

> > skill deficits she saw and were finally able to get a doctor to

> give us a

> > referral for diagnostics.

> >

> >

> >

> > We had never heard of Asperger's Syndrome. The name alone was

> enough to send

> > me into a panic… What was wrong with our son? It sounded so

> serious, so

> > official and yet so gross (the doctor pronounced it " Ass

Burgers " )

> We were

> > devastated at first… How could our little boy who overcame so

much

> have a

> > syndrome? He was so good at so many things… What did we do

wrong???

> Anyway,

> > that was when my research started, and it hasn't ever stopped… I

> thank the

> > Lord for my son. He has taught me so much about life, about

myself,

> and

> > about perseverance! I am a better person because of who he is,

and

> I let him

> > know that often (which has really helped the self esteem over the

> years!!!)

> >

> >

> >

> > Anyway, I think this is what you were kind of looking for…

> >

> >

> > ~hugs~

> > Rabecca

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Rabecca-

> > This is a great post. I am wondering if you could share a little

> > about your son's early years. Did he have any motor or language

> > delays or oddities in speech as a toddler/preschooler that were

> > addressed with therapy, or did you only begin therapy after he was

> > dx'd? Did he/does he have problem solving, abstract thinking,

and/or

> > incorporating multiple perspective issues? Was there an early dx

> > that was incorrect or were the issues not noticed until later?

Just

> > curious. This is a great post for all struggling with the

challenges

> > of a child with Aspergers.

> >

[Guest guest]

Sherry,

Thanks for the wonderfully flattering compliments! Though someone

some day might write a book about him, I don't feel like I am a good

enough writer to really express what I would want to say... Here, I

just speak from the heart. I don't edit my posts or gloss over

things... They just are the way they are, and it probably wouldn't

sell... ~winks~ Anyway, I think there are probably a whole lot of

little things that we notice or experience that no one has really

related back to a particular cause such as autism. Perhaps some

professionals should monitor the boards and keep track of all the

things that we say, " Wow, your son/daughter too??? " It might give

them both a leg up on early diagnostics as well as treatment

options!!!

~hugs~

Rabecca

> > ,

> >

> >

> >

> > How about if I start even further back??? ~winks~ When I was

three

> months

> > pregnant, I began having bleeding and cramping. The doctors

covered

> by my

> > insurance at that time were sure that the baby wasn't placed high

> enough in

> > the uterus and that I would loose him. They recommended a DNC. I

> had lost a

> > child less than a year prior to SIDS and was emotionally and

> mentally dead

> > set against loosing another. The cramping and bleeding went on

for

> another 2

> > ½ months, with me being rushed into the ER almost weekly. By the

> end of this

> > time, my mom convinced me to go to a doctor outside our insurance

> plan for a

> > second opinion. (My husband had shared with her that he had seen

my

> chart

> > and they had the word " SIDS " in bold red letters across the top

of

> the top

> > page, so the doctors who saw me discounted my emotions/thoughts

and

> sent me

> > on my way) For a second opinion, I went to a public health

clinic.

> Upon a

> > visual exam (something the doctors under the covered plan refused

> to do,

> > saying they might contaminate the area) the doctor remarked that

I

> had a

> > very severe vaginal infection. They began running tests. I tested

> positive

> > for vaginal strep. Because I had had the infection for so long,

it

> had

> > spread into the uterus and there was another infection within the

> amniotic

> > fluid. They told me that I had two options… The first was to

abort

> the

> > pregnancy (late term abortion). My other option was to take

> medication that

> > would clear the infections, but that could have serious side

> effects. They

> > said that there was a good chance that Tyler would be born deaf

and

> blind…

> > We chose life and to cancel the health insurance policy that

> required us to

> > go back to the doctors who put him at risk!!!

> >

> >

> >

> > When Tyler was born, he didn't open his eyes. Though the doctors

> could get

> > the pupils to respond to light, he refused to open them of his

own

> accord

> > for three weeks. Then it was squinting(even in darkened rooms)

and

> his eyes

> > didn't track together or seem to focus… We knew he could hear

well.

> He was

> > so sensitive hearing wise that any miniscule sound was painful to

> him. A

> > normal volume on the radio or TV, another child talking or

> laughing, our

> > bumping into something or setting something down too hard on the

> table… Yet

> > we were ecstatic… HE COULD HEAR!!! When one of his eyes started

to

> focus and

> > partially track, we celebrated for over a week… HE COULD SEE!!!

> Every little

> > thing became monumental. Tyler had a heart monitor because every

> time he

> > fell asleep, he slowed or stopped breathing and didn't restart

> without

> > intervention (very scary for parents who had one already die of

> SIDS)He had

> > stopped breathing 18 times in his first 24 hours of life…

> Thankfully, he

> > grew out of this as well…

> >

> >

> >

> > When Tyler was an infant, we noticed him missing milestones. The

> doctors

> > explained this away, saying that many kids hooked to a machine 24

> hours a

> > day were delayed, but that they caught up later on. We noticed

that

> he would

> > focus on one thing for extended periods of time. The doctors

> explained this

> > away too… When he skipped markers, the doctors said that if they

> weren't met

> > by the time he was five, then it would be time to worry, that we

> were being

> > overly paranoid… At one year, Tyler was not talking. He could not

> crawl or

> > go from laying to sitting up. He couldn't let go of something and

> remain

> > standing in one spot. Yet, when he learned to roll over at 8 ½

> months, he

> > concentrated on trying from back to front one direction… Then

when

> he was on

> > his front, he very methodically tried to roll the same direction

to

> his

> > back… He learned how to continue rolling to the right and could

> roll all the

> > way across the floor in one direction. Within another day, he

> learned how

> > kicking his feet could change his body position so that he could

go

> around

> > obstacles while rolling around the house… He didn't learn how to

> roll the

> > other direction until 11 months old, but could get anywhere he

> wanted to get

> > in the house. The doctors said that he wasn't probably going to

be a

> > crawler, that he had learned a different mode of transportation

> instead.

> >

> >

> >

> > At 13 months, if we set Tyler in front of a couch on one side of

a

> small

> > room, he could very carefully turn around and lean forward. Then

he

> would

> > literally run across the room until he grabbed onto the other

couch

> on the

> > other side. If there was more than 7 feet between the two, he

would

> end up

> > landing on his face, as he was as yet unable to catch himself

with

> his

> > hands/arms or able to stand up without falling or moving forward

by

> > stepping. This was the way he took his first steps.

> >

> >

> >

> > Tyler didn't start trying to talk much until he was 2-2 ½. Then,

> when he

> > said something, it was all ran together, but was in complete

> sentences

> > instead of individual words. He skipped the word stage and went

on

> to

> > sentences. Much of what he said was a repetition of songs and

books

> that we

> > had read to him. He could recite whole Doctor Sues books, songs

> that I sang

> > to him, rhymes that we had done, finger plays without any

motions,

> etc. If

> > he heard it, it seemed he could recite it, but still didn't do

much

> with

> > individual words. By 3, he became obsessed with things. He began

> asking

> > questions, telling us about his observations, play acting in his

> own little

> > world. He also would play along side others, but it seemed he

> always led the

> > group in activities, his activities… Others his age at that time

> naturally

> > followed along, because he seemed to know so much and have so

many

> ideas of

> > what to try. He was our little absent minded scientist… At 3 ½

> Tyler picked

> > up a magazine at the checkout counter of the grocery store. He

> turned it

> > upside down and began reading the headlines aloud. It was our

first

> clue

> > that he could read. Numbers and amounts also fascinated Tyler at

> that time.

> > He could play for hours with a couple containers and different

> material to

> > put in them, seeing how much they weighed, how much fit in which

> etc. At

> > four, he learned how to do an awkward crawl and could run, but

> still couldn'

> > t catch himself when he fell. His doctors were all thrilled with

his

> > progress, saying that they had been right all along, that he had

> more than

> > caught up with the kids his own age. After all, look at how smart

> he was!

> >

> >

> >

> > Prior to Kindergarten, our school had a day that the kids came in

> to meet

> > the teacher and allow the teacher to determine if they were ready

> to start

> > or if they should hold off another year. Tyler was very excited

> because he

> > viewed school as a place of learning, and that was still his

> obsession. He

> > had been setting his own alarm for over six months and doing

> a " school

> > morning routine " to prepare for the day he would start. Before we

> left the

> > house, we warned him that part of the time we would be talking to

> his

> > teacher and that he would have to be patient. To occupy himself,

he

> brought

> > along a new Goosebumps book that he was reading. His teacher

tried

> really

> > hard. I have to give her that… but it didn't go real well as far

as

> Tyler

> > was concerned. She looked down upon him, as if she knew more, and

> that

> > really got him going. She told him that he would learn his

letters.

> He

> > showed her how he could read his book. She told him that he could

> learn the

> > difference of " to, two, and too " and he recited them to her and

> told her how

> > he liked to read the dictionary. She told him that he would learn

> his

> > numbers, and he told her that he could multiply and divide. She

> told him

> > that he needed to concentrate on adding and subtracting and he

> asked her why

> > he should if he already knew how to do that. Later that month,

she

> finally

> > got him… She could show him how to write and how to cut… Well,

she

> tried…

> > sort of… She put the paper in front of him several times that

year,

> but she

> > didn't do anything to help him with his grip or to support his

> learning how

> > to make shapes (we didn't know he had spatial issues at that time

> or that

> > his eyes couldn't track in one direction). He still couldn't

color

> something

> > in, write any letter without picking up his pencil 15-30 times

and

> trying to

> > create it like a photograph of something. Lines didn't make sense

> to him. He

> > didn't see the continuity of them. He could recognize whole

shapes

> like

> > letters but didn't seem to be able to create them. Most of the

time

> in

> > kindergarten, the teacher was so frustrated with him that she

> either had him

> > trying to lay down his head and sleep so that he wasn't

correcting

> her or

> > the other kids or she was frustrated that he couldn't do

something

> as simple

> > as writing. She finally gave up, saying that he just wouldn't be

> able to do

> > that yet, that it would kick in in its own good time.

> >

> >

> >

> > His 1-2 grade teacher thought he was the heaven and the earth and

> that his

> > shortcomings didn't matter at all. She figured that eventually,

> everyone

> > would write on computers anyway, so why stress over him not being

> able to

> > get his thoughts or answers on paper. She let him spend much of

his

> day in

> > the library, where the librarian taught him the Dewy Decimal

System

> and how

> > to find subjects he was interested in. Thus began his obsession

with

> > libraries and research. Through his experiments he caused several

> power

> > surges in our neighborhood, one minor outage, and one blown

> transformer that

> > they had to replace. We felt quite lucky that he didn't burn down

> the house.

> > It took us a while to explain the idea of safety and that not all

> > experiments are safe. He hadn't thought of the potential negative

> > consequences, just that he might be successful in getting certain

> > experiments to work. I honestly don't know where he got the idea

> that he

> > could weld with a battery in a light socket and a couple strands

of

> metal

> > that I still don't know where he found… It was one of his

successful

> > attempts, but boy it made me mad, as the flying sparks created

burn

> holes in

> > the rug and shorted out our power… AGAIN!!!

> >

> >

> >

> > His 3rd grade year is when it all hit the fan. His teacher was a

> > perfectionist. If something wasn't written clearly or " right " it

> had to be

> > redone. No matter how many times I went to her, she insisted on

> keeping him

> > in every recess to recopy his work, which was never good enough

the

> second

> > time around either. He missed the breaks and had absolutely no

> social

> > interaction. The other kids noticed him being singled out and

began

> to

> > really bully him severely. The teacher didn't help by stopping

her

> oral

> > quizzes and staring at him until he was finished writing the

> answer. Since

> > the other kids were faster, they would look up, see where she was

> looking,

> > and then they would look at him too. He would end up with the

> entire class

> > looking at him after every question, making the pressure worse,

> especially

> > since she would count words wrong that he spelled right just

> because his

> > writing wasn't neat enough. We began experiencing major emotional

> > difficulties with him. His shortcomings became magnified. He felt

> like such

> > a failure, an outsider, someone would just couldn't succeed.

> Anxiety and

> > depression set it and he began crying at school, screaming at

> people, and

> > fell further and further behind in school. His physical skills

> seemed to

> > deteriorate with the stress. Since his concentration was off, he

> was unable

> > to keep up the compensations he had figured out. He just couldn't

> think fast

> > enough to react. Yet, he wanted so badly to be normal. He took

off

> trying to

> > ride a bike without training wheels. He got less than three

houses

> before he

> > fell and required both sub-dermal and surface stitches on his

face

> because

> > he still couldn't balance for long or catch himself when he fell.

> We began

> > noticing that he really did act younger than the other kids his

> age. He

> > still pretended he was an animal often, made weird noises, played

> beside

> > others instead of with them, and had many lacking skills… It was

at

> this

> > time that we asked for a letter from the teacher stating the

> behaviors and

> > skill deficits she saw and were finally able to get a doctor to

> give us a

> > referral for diagnostics.

> >

> >

> >

> > We had never heard of Asperger's Syndrome. The name alone was

> enough to send

> > me into a panic… What was wrong with our son? It sounded so

> serious, so

> > official and yet so gross (the doctor pronounced it " Ass

Burgers " )

> We were

> > devastated at first… How could our little boy who overcame so

much

> have a

> > syndrome? He was so good at so many things… What did we do

wrong???

> Anyway,

> > that was when my research started, and it hasn't ever stopped… I

> thank the

> > Lord for my son. He has taught me so much about life, about

myself,

> and

> > about perseverance! I am a better person because of who he is,

and

> I let him

> > know that often (which has really helped the self esteem over the

> years!!!)

> >

> >

> >

> > Anyway, I think this is what you were kind of looking for…

> >

> >

> > ~hugs~

> > Rabecca

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi Rabecca-

> > This is a great post. I am wondering if you could share a little

> > about your son's early years. Did he have any motor or language

> > delays or oddities in speech as a toddler/preschooler that were

> > addressed with therapy, or did you only begin therapy after he was

> > dx'd? Did he/does he have problem solving, abstract thinking,

and/or

> > incorporating multiple perspective issues? Was there an early dx

> > that was incorrect or were the issues not noticed until later?

Just

> > curious. This is a great post for all struggling with the

challenges

> > of a child with Aspergers.

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Rabecca-

You have such a wonderful positive outlook, and that was another

great story. Your post reminded me that we too had a bad teacher in

a daycare/preschool type situation which eventually led us to getting

an evaluation. So, indeed, you have reminded me that to look at the

positive side of these things!

B

-- In autism-aspergers , " rabecca_whalen "

<rabeccawhalen@v...> wrote:

>

> ,

>

> That experience was one of the worst things I have ever gone

through,

> and that is saying something! Yet, as odd as it may seem, I am

> sometimes almost grateful for that teacher (not that I would ever

> want my son to have her or anyone like her again!!!) After all, if

it

> weren't for her extreme behavior, would we have ever taken the

steps

> we took to get him diagnosed? Would he still be struggling with so

> many issues? How would he be doing now in Junior High if he didn't

> get the help? I can't even imagine what life would have been like

for

> him... and I don't want to!!! In a way, her awful behavior led to a

> positive outcome... My son has grown so much since then… for

example…

>

> I am a home childcare provider. 7 years ago, I took on a little boy

> who was almost two years old. He was bright, funny and very

> attentive. He seemed to have many of the skills Tyler was

struggling

> with, yet they shared many similarities as well. This little guy

put

> 110% into everything he did. He was social and eager to please the

> adults around him… Yet, as hard as he tried, he was still having

some

> developmental difficulties. He was here when Tyler went through his

> 3rd grade year. Being such an emotionally in-tune kid, he comforted

> Tyler, giving him his undying loyalty and unconditional acceptance,

> which meant a LOT to Tyler. Well, this little boy is in 3rd grade

> this year, and wouldn't you know it, but he got a teacher just like

> Tyler had. It has been the worst experience of his life! He went

from

> such a positive little tike to one that screamed out in his sleep

> about school, had long bouts of depression and anxiety, couldn't

> perform normal school functions and they were spiraling down with

his

> self esteem… He even self inflicting pain and injury to himself

> during class in order to " control " the emotions and focus… It has

> been a long haul, one that led right up to the superintendent of

the

> district. It cost over $3000 in testing that the school wouldn't

> provide and wasn't covered under insurance…

>

> But there is good news here… Tyler remembered what it was like to

go

> through that. Once he found out, he wanted to reestablish contact

> with the kid in order to be a support person. Tyler wanted to share

> with him coping mechanisms, and strategies on how to get through

> until things could be changed. He also gave him support when we all

> decided to pull him out until the district could come up with a

> better environment for him. He reminded his friend what all he went

> through, told him about what " testing " would be like, and told him

> how wonderful it was to know what was going on so that everyone

> could " get off your back " . He also told him about the various

groups

> he " got to join " and the neat stuff he got to do in OT. This really

> boosted the 3rd graders spirits back up and he told his mom, " If

> Tyler can do it, so can I! " Well, the diagnostics came in

yesterday,

> on the day he was finally able to start at a different grade school

> with a supportive staff (I can vouch for this school… and he will

do

> AWESOME!!!)

>

> It turned out that this little guy is dyslexic, dispraxic,

> inattentive ADHD, has sensory issues, has spacial issues, has

> tracking issues with his eyes, and has dismorphia. Even with all

> this, he had been able to overcome enough to learn how to read

enough

> to enjoy it… He just couldn't create the letters and numbers. He is

> incredibly smart, but couldn't get it down on paper. He talks in

> complex thoughts, but his schoolwork didn't show his abilities… The

> other school was talking about holding him back next year due to

his

> writing skills and small motor skill awkwardness… Can you believe

> that??? How devastating is it to a kid to try his best and to be

> continually beaten down for it. It was so bad that he wasn't

allowed

> to do the assignments that the other class was doing because

he " had

> late work " or " messy work that needed to be rewritten " . His mother

> wasn't allowed to have him type any assignments or to write for him

> as he dictated. When they corrected papers in class, he was sent to

> sit in the hallway " so he wouldn't cheat " . He wasn't allowed

recesses

> since mid-September due to not having his work done… AND HE WAS

DOING

> 3 HOURS OF HOMEWORK A NIGHT PLUS WORKING ALL WEEKEND ON IT WITHOUT

> TAKING MANY BREAKS!!! I am just so glad he is now going to get the

> help he needs…

>

> His new school is already working out well. In two days, they have

> had him choose new goals of what he wants to accomplish this year

and

> what difficulties he wants to work on. They praised his choices

> instead of putting them down or discounting them. They accommodated

> his speed without making issue of it and they gave him an

appropriate

> amount of work (because they were given a heads up on his

> difficulties before he ever enrolled). The teacher gives lots of

> feedback and connects well with him. His spirits are already

rising,

> even though he is scared to death that he will mess up and be sent

> back to " the other place… " No matter how much reassurance he is

> given, he is scared to death that he won't be good enough, but

Tyler

> is coming in handy with that too. He remembers that feeling and is

> able to talk with him about it. He is learning it is normal to feel

> the way he does right now, and that having different strengths and

> weaknesses is okay… even if they have a name. After all, " Tyler

says

> so! "

>

> Anyway, if Tyler hadn't gone through what he had or gotten

diagnosed,

> he couldn't help out our little friend. The 3rd grader wouldn't

have

> remembered Tyler overcoming anything and would have felt isolated

> and " different " the way Tyler did. I know this is long, but I guess

> my point is… Sometimes the experiences are more about what you do

> after they occur than what was done to you. Tyler could have chosen

> to continue being a victim, but he much prefers the new role (new

to

> him!) of being a mentor!!!

>

> ~hugs~

> Rabecca

>

>

>

>

> > That is an incredible story! Thank you so much for sharing. I

am

> > just in awe. I want to bop that 3rd grade teacher!