Re: Re: When a VERY ill BP Mom DOES need our gifts

November 30, 2001

The personal care service we hired called my BP mother & it was reported

that my terminally ill BP mother abruptly said " I can't speak to you,

call me after 3 PM " Well- I know she has a therapy session at 1 PM today

so I'm sure this topic will come up!! (planned accordingly....)

Even at their possible end stages of life, BP mothers may not be able to

accept anything- we'll see. I speak to myself- detachment, detachment.

Need to always accept those things we can not change. Thanks again Kathleen-

Ellen

>>

>>To get off the list, send a blank message to

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>ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for

>non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of

>contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>>

November 30, 2001

Ellen, Try to separate yourself form your gift - if nada doesn't want it - then

that's her problem and shows HER lack of

gratitude and bad manners. It's no reflection on you! You did the right thing.

Nadas don't understand. They just want to hurt you as much as they are hurting

and we all know they hurt big time. If she throws it back, go buy yourself

something nice - you will appreciate it!

Hugs,

Ilene

November 30, 2001

Ellen, Try to separate yourself form your gift - if nada doesn't want it - then

that's her problem and shows HER lack of

gratitude and bad manners. It's no reflection on you! You did the right thing.

Nadas don't understand. They just want to hurt you as much as they are hurting

and we all know they hurt big time. If she throws it back, go buy yourself

something nice - you will appreciate it!

Hugs,

Ilene

November 30, 2001

Ilene,

Hmmmmmnnn now that's a thought! I RARELY spend any money on myself. My

children, a very few cherished friends is a different story. Never even

taken myself for a manicure. I ALWAYS feel uncomfortable when someone does

something for me. I feel incredibly indepted to that person & anxious to

reciprocate many times more. I am NOT a doormat, by any means, and I read

people exceedingly well BUT I have trouble being exceptionally kind to

myself. It's that BP mother inner voice saying " children are a sacrifice-

you're spoiled rotten & ask for too much... " I don't get why I

unconditionally love my mother so much- except she approaches me as the

vulnerable child & I want her hurt to go away- Yes, even at the end of her

life - possibly- BP mothers never change (EVEN IN THERAPY!!)

Hugs, Ellen

At 09:35 AM 11/30/01 -0600, you wrote:

>

>Ellen, Try to separate yourself form your gift - if nada doesn't want it -

then

>that's her problem and shows HER lack of

>gratitude and bad manners. It's no reflection on you! You did the right

thing.

>Nadas don't understand. They just want to hurt you as much as they are

hurting

>and we all know they hurt big time. If she throws it back, go buy yourself

>something nice - you will appreciate it!

>

>Hugs,

>Ilene

>

>To get off the list, send a blank message to

ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to

ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for

non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of

contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

November 30, 2001