Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an incentive to loving someone Re: Life events & I wish I could trust but I > > can't > > > > I could NEVER tell nada I love her... Blech! > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an incentive to loving someone Re: Life events & I wish I could trust but I > > can't > > > > I could NEVER tell nada I love her... Blech! > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an incentive to loving someone Re: Life events & I wish I could trust but I > > can't > > > > I could NEVER tell nada I love her... Blech! > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 wrote: >you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a >life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an >incentive to loving someone In my high school psych class we were taught that trust is essential to love. You can't have a love relationship with someone you don't trust. Sounds right to me. On the other hand, as my beloved sister pointed out the other day, the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward nada? _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 wrote: >you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a >life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an >incentive to loving someone In my high school psych class we were taught that trust is essential to love. You can't have a love relationship with someone you don't trust. Sounds right to me. On the other hand, as my beloved sister pointed out the other day, the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward nada? _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 wrote: >you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a >life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an >incentive to loving someone In my high school psych class we were taught that trust is essential to love. You can't have a love relationship with someone you don't trust. Sounds right to me. On the other hand, as my beloved sister pointed out the other day, the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward nada? _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Hi ! I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense means never wishing ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies well. It isn't about love " at all, not in the popular sense of the word. That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my prayers every day, I wish her happiness, health and well-being, I forgive her for all the harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the good stuff she did, even when it's difficult to remember any of it. At first I couldn't do any of it, because the anger, hatred, resentment, and bitterness was so extreme. Over time (many months), the ugly feelings slowly gave way to the positive ones. It completely transformed my life, in ways that went beyond just my relationship with mother. I give full credit to my higher power, who somehow lead me through it. I'm no religious person. I don't even go to church, and haven't since I was a kid. The situation with mother literally brought me to my knees in a very deeply private way. Best wishes, Carol wrote: > .........the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. > So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can > we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward > nada? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Hi ! I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense means never wishing ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies well. It isn't about love " at all, not in the popular sense of the word. That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my prayers every day, I wish her happiness, health and well-being, I forgive her for all the harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the good stuff she did, even when it's difficult to remember any of it. At first I couldn't do any of it, because the anger, hatred, resentment, and bitterness was so extreme. Over time (many months), the ugly feelings slowly gave way to the positive ones. It completely transformed my life, in ways that went beyond just my relationship with mother. I give full credit to my higher power, who somehow lead me through it. I'm no religious person. I don't even go to church, and haven't since I was a kid. The situation with mother literally brought me to my knees in a very deeply private way. Best wishes, Carol wrote: > .........the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. > So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can > we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward > nada? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Hi ! I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense means never wishing ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies well. It isn't about love " at all, not in the popular sense of the word. That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my prayers every day, I wish her happiness, health and well-being, I forgive her for all the harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the good stuff she did, even when it's difficult to remember any of it. At first I couldn't do any of it, because the anger, hatred, resentment, and bitterness was so extreme. Over time (many months), the ugly feelings slowly gave way to the positive ones. It completely transformed my life, in ways that went beyond just my relationship with mother. I give full credit to my higher power, who somehow lead me through it. I'm no religious person. I don't even go to church, and haven't since I was a kid. The situation with mother literally brought me to my knees in a very deeply private way. Best wishes, Carol wrote: > .........the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. > So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can > we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward > nada? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Carol, I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is my interpretation of love your enemies as well. I think its good for my own sense of peace to be able to wish her health and happiness even if it can't include the mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to take for granted. As far as the previous conversation about " they did the best they could " , I don't personally accept that. She didn't do the best she could, she did what she chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to not go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many many relationships she has destroyed. For many years I made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I am comfortable with my choices, and even though her choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope that she is comfortable with them. --- Carol M wrote: > Hi ! > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > means never wishing > ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies well. > It isn't about > love " at all, not in the popular sense of the word. > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my > prayers every day, I > wish her happiness, health and well-being, I forgive > her for all the > harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the > good stuff she did, > even when it's difficult to remember any of it. > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Carol, I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is my interpretation of love your enemies as well. I think its good for my own sense of peace to be able to wish her health and happiness even if it can't include the mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to take for granted. As far as the previous conversation about " they did the best they could " , I don't personally accept that. She didn't do the best she could, she did what she chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to not go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many many relationships she has destroyed. For many years I made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I am comfortable with my choices, and even though her choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope that she is comfortable with them. --- Carol M wrote: > Hi ! > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > means never wishing > ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies well. > It isn't about > love " at all, not in the popular sense of the word. > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my > prayers every day, I > wish her happiness, health and well-being, I forgive > her for all the > harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the > good stuff she did, > even when it's difficult to remember any of it. > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Carol, I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is my interpretation of love your enemies as well. I think its good for my own sense of peace to be able to wish her health and happiness even if it can't include the mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to take for granted. As far as the previous conversation about " they did the best they could " , I don't personally accept that. She didn't do the best she could, she did what she chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to not go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many many relationships she has destroyed. For many years I made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I am comfortable with my choices, and even though her choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope that she is comfortable with them. --- Carol M wrote: > Hi ! > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > means never wishing > ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies well. > It isn't about > love " at all, not in the popular sense of the word. > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my > prayers every day, I > wish her happiness, health and well-being, I forgive > her for all the > harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the > good stuff she did, > even when it's difficult to remember any of it. > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. thank you for that. In my family, I was a good split person. All the years I didn't speak up about my sisters's abuse, all the years I went along with the family trance, I was enabling my mother to keep up her farce. Until I split away from them and joined my sister, there was never any " credible " voice of dissent. Now there is SILENCE. Here is a funny thing. Throughout the 22 years of life here in the US...I've always had a high phone bill from calling my family. 200/month was a low number. Lots of chatting about all sorts of things. Ongoing. Unending. Calling calling calling. Now that the split has happened. NO one calls (and that is a good thing). She was so shaken by my " dissing " her and telling her what I thought, she has not called. I don't expect her too, even if she goes into the hospital. Because nadas are not normal mothers. They do not have normal hearts. I thought she was normal, somewhere under there, all these years. She almost fooled me when I let her interact with my small children (she never did well with the big kids). But she was phony under it all and she really does not care the way normal mothers do. She is happy with a nice set of photos and some new people to brag to. But she is lousy in the long haul scenario. She is too self involved to care. Here is a strange nada thing. When she was in college, she majored in sociology and piano. When she got back to the Philippines, the extent of her college education was ONE attempt at philanthropy. She told the maids to get some poor kids. She had the kids bathed, fed, and sent them home with some money. That was it. Never played Lady Bountiful again. Here is another thing. One of the big dramas that went back and forth was over my dad's quitting medical school when I was a baby. He always said that if he had another kind of wife, he would have finished. He always said my mother didn't like it when he studied. I can see now, that she pouted when she was not the center of attention. As long as he lived he pampered her, catered to her, served her. When he died that gig was over. She always said, " It is better for you to marry someone who loves you more than you love him. " Isn't that at odd thing to say? I could see that she did not appreciate my father's good qualities and certainly didn't validate him his whole life. Too self absorbed. Then, when he would flip out and go on a drunken binge or rage binge, she would go into macro pity mode and be the ultimate poor waif. When I look back on my parent's marriage, I don't see anything I want to emulate. It was a rocky mean road with two big babies who had eight babies. I always hated it when she likened my situation to hers. (because I have 6 kids). She also has told the family that my husband is a weakling and always doing what I say. Isn't that an odd thing to say about a soninlaw who graciously has offered his home to you for 10 years? And yet she likes to show off to my inlaws about travelling and appreciating music. I don't get it and am GLAD she is gone. Kathleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. thank you for that. In my family, I was a good split person. All the years I didn't speak up about my sisters's abuse, all the years I went along with the family trance, I was enabling my mother to keep up her farce. Until I split away from them and joined my sister, there was never any " credible " voice of dissent. Now there is SILENCE. Here is a funny thing. Throughout the 22 years of life here in the US...I've always had a high phone bill from calling my family. 200/month was a low number. Lots of chatting about all sorts of things. Ongoing. Unending. Calling calling calling. Now that the split has happened. NO one calls (and that is a good thing). She was so shaken by my " dissing " her and telling her what I thought, she has not called. I don't expect her too, even if she goes into the hospital. Because nadas are not normal mothers. They do not have normal hearts. I thought she was normal, somewhere under there, all these years. She almost fooled me when I let her interact with my small children (she never did well with the big kids). But she was phony under it all and she really does not care the way normal mothers do. She is happy with a nice set of photos and some new people to brag to. But she is lousy in the long haul scenario. She is too self involved to care. Here is a strange nada thing. When she was in college, she majored in sociology and piano. When she got back to the Philippines, the extent of her college education was ONE attempt at philanthropy. She told the maids to get some poor kids. She had the kids bathed, fed, and sent them home with some money. That was it. Never played Lady Bountiful again. Here is another thing. One of the big dramas that went back and forth was over my dad's quitting medical school when I was a baby. He always said that if he had another kind of wife, he would have finished. He always said my mother didn't like it when he studied. I can see now, that she pouted when she was not the center of attention. As long as he lived he pampered her, catered to her, served her. When he died that gig was over. She always said, " It is better for you to marry someone who loves you more than you love him. " Isn't that at odd thing to say? I could see that she did not appreciate my father's good qualities and certainly didn't validate him his whole life. Too self absorbed. Then, when he would flip out and go on a drunken binge or rage binge, she would go into macro pity mode and be the ultimate poor waif. When I look back on my parent's marriage, I don't see anything I want to emulate. It was a rocky mean road with two big babies who had eight babies. I always hated it when she likened my situation to hers. (because I have 6 kids). She also has told the family that my husband is a weakling and always doing what I say. Isn't that an odd thing to say about a soninlaw who graciously has offered his home to you for 10 years? And yet she likes to show off to my inlaws about travelling and appreciating music. I don't get it and am GLAD she is gone. Kathleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Thanks, ! I still tend to forget to take care of ME first, but I'm getting better at it all the time. I'm reminded of an event that takes place in every passenger jet before take off. The flight attendants go through their little " oxygen mask " routine. They instruct persons with young children to put on their own masks first, before assisting their young charges with theirs. We're of no help to anyone else if we don't take care of ourselves first. When we're happy, healthy and vital, we transfer that to others. Best wishes, Carol Cheeto Weeto wrote: > > Carol, > > I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my > prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is my > interpretation of love your enemies as well. I think > its good for my own sense of peace to be able to wish > her health and happiness even if it can't include the > mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to take > for granted. > > As far as the previous conversation about " they did > the best they could " , I don't personally accept that. > She didn't do the best she could, she did what she > chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She > chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to not > go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many many > relationships she has destroyed. For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. > Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my > life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I am > comfortable with my choices, and even though her > choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope > that she is comfortable with them. > > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > Hi ! > > > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > > means never wishing ill of anyone, and to always > > wish our enemies well. It isn't about love " at all, > > not in the popular sense of the word. > > > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my > > prayers every day, I wish her happiness, health and > > well-being, I forgive her for all the harm she's > > caused, and I give thanks for all the good stuff she > > did, even when it's difficult to remember any of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Thanks, ! I still tend to forget to take care of ME first, but I'm getting better at it all the time. I'm reminded of an event that takes place in every passenger jet before take off. The flight attendants go through their little " oxygen mask " routine. They instruct persons with young children to put on their own masks first, before assisting their young charges with theirs. We're of no help to anyone else if we don't take care of ourselves first. When we're happy, healthy and vital, we transfer that to others. Best wishes, Carol Cheeto Weeto wrote: > > Carol, > > I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my > prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is my > interpretation of love your enemies as well. I think > its good for my own sense of peace to be able to wish > her health and happiness even if it can't include the > mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to take > for granted. > > As far as the previous conversation about " they did > the best they could " , I don't personally accept that. > She didn't do the best she could, she did what she > chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She > chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to not > go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many many > relationships she has destroyed. For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. > Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my > life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I am > comfortable with my choices, and even though her > choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope > that she is comfortable with them. > > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > Hi ! > > > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > > means never wishing ill of anyone, and to always > > wish our enemies well. It isn't about love " at all, > > not in the popular sense of the word. > > > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my > > prayers every day, I wish her happiness, health and > > well-being, I forgive her for all the harm she's > > caused, and I give thanks for all the good stuff she > > did, even when it's difficult to remember any of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 Thanks, ! I still tend to forget to take care of ME first, but I'm getting better at it all the time. I'm reminded of an event that takes place in every passenger jet before take off. The flight attendants go through their little " oxygen mask " routine. They instruct persons with young children to put on their own masks first, before assisting their young charges with theirs. We're of no help to anyone else if we don't take care of ourselves first. When we're happy, healthy and vital, we transfer that to others. Best wishes, Carol Cheeto Weeto wrote: > > Carol, > > I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my > prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is my > interpretation of love your enemies as well. I think > its good for my own sense of peace to be able to wish > her health and happiness even if it can't include the > mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to take > for granted. > > As far as the previous conversation about " they did > the best they could " , I don't personally accept that. > She didn't do the best she could, she did what she > chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She > chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to not > go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many many > relationships she has destroyed. For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled her. > Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my > life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I am > comfortable with my choices, and even though her > choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope > that she is comfortable with them. > > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > Hi ! > > > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > > means never wishing ill of anyone, and to always > > wish our enemies well. It isn't about love " at all, > > not in the popular sense of the word. > > > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In my > > prayers every day, I wish her happiness, health and > > well-being, I forgive her for all the harm she's > > caused, and I give thanks for all the good stuff she > > did, even when it's difficult to remember any of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 I read in SWOE that a lot of the people with BP who do get help, get help because they see what effect their behavior has had on their children. Well, it's safe to say that my nada wasn't too concerned about that either. --- Cheeto Weeto wrote: > Carol, > > I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my > prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is > my > interpretation of love your enemies as well. I > think > its good for my own sense of peace to be able to > wish > her health and happiness even if it can't include > the > mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to > take > for granted. > > As far as the previous conversation about " they did > the best they could " , I don't personally accept > that. > She didn't do the best she could, she did what she > chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She > chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to > not > go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many > many > relationships she has destroyed. For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled > her. > Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my > life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I > am > comfortable with my choices, and even though her > choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope > that she is comfortable with them. > > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > Hi ! > > > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > > means never wishing > > ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies > well. > > It isn't about > > love " at all, not in the popular sense of the > word. > > > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In > my > > prayers every day, I > > wish her happiness, health and well-being, I > forgive > > her for all the > > harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the > > good stuff she did, > > even when it's difficult to remember any of it. > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 I read in SWOE that a lot of the people with BP who do get help, get help because they see what effect their behavior has had on their children. Well, it's safe to say that my nada wasn't too concerned about that either. --- Cheeto Weeto wrote: > Carol, > > I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my > prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is > my > interpretation of love your enemies as well. I > think > its good for my own sense of peace to be able to > wish > her health and happiness even if it can't include > the > mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to > take > for granted. > > As far as the previous conversation about " they did > the best they could " , I don't personally accept > that. > She didn't do the best she could, she did what she > chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She > chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to > not > go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many > many > relationships she has destroyed. For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled > her. > Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my > life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I > am > comfortable with my choices, and even though her > choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope > that she is comfortable with them. > > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > Hi ! > > > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > > means never wishing > > ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies > well. > > It isn't about > > love " at all, not in the popular sense of the > word. > > > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In > my > > prayers every day, I > > wish her happiness, health and well-being, I > forgive > > her for all the > > harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the > > good stuff she did, > > even when it's difficult to remember any of it. > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 I read in SWOE that a lot of the people with BP who do get help, get help because they see what effect their behavior has had on their children. Well, it's safe to say that my nada wasn't too concerned about that either. --- Cheeto Weeto wrote: > Carol, > > I feel exactly the same way! And include her in my > prayers as well, I don't wish her any ill. That is > my > interpretation of love your enemies as well. I > think > its good for my own sense of peace to be able to > wish > her health and happiness even if it can't include > the > mother/daughter relationship that so many seem to > take > for granted. > > As far as the previous conversation about " they did > the best they could " , I don't personally accept > that. > She didn't do the best she could, she did what she > chose to do. We all make choices everyday. She > chooses every single day to not go to therapy, to > not > go to rehab, and to not make amends for the many > many > relationships she has destroyed. For many years I > made choices that weren't good for me and enabled > her. > Now I wake up everyday and choose to go on with my > life, to pursue my own happiness and well being. I > am > comfortable with my choices, and even though her > choices hurt me and exclude me from her life I hope > that she is comfortable with them. > > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > Hi ! > > > > I think a " loving feeling " in the Christian sense > > means never wishing > > ill of anyone, and to always wish our enemies > well. > > It isn't about > > love " at all, not in the popular sense of the > word. > > > > That's been the lesson of my mother, anyhow. In > my > > prayers every day, I > > wish her happiness, health and well-being, I > forgive > > her for all the > > harm she's caused, and I give thanks for all the > > good stuff she did, > > even when it's difficult to remember any of it. > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 You can love someone, but hate what they do. Re: Loving Mom wrote: >you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a >life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an >incentive to loving someone In my high school psych class we were taught that trust is essential to love. You can't have a love relationship with someone you don't trust. Sounds right to me. On the other hand, as my beloved sister pointed out the other day, the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward nada? _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 You can love someone, but hate what they do. Re: Loving Mom wrote: >you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a >life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an >incentive to loving someone In my high school psych class we were taught that trust is essential to love. You can't have a love relationship with someone you don't trust. Sounds right to me. On the other hand, as my beloved sister pointed out the other day, the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward nada? _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 You can love someone, but hate what they do. Re: Loving Mom wrote: >you know, I think it's hard to feel love for someone who can pose a >life-threatening danger even if it's emotional danger...fear is not an >incentive to loving someone In my high school psych class we were taught that trust is essential to love. You can't have a love relationship with someone you don't trust. Sounds right to me. On the other hand, as my beloved sister pointed out the other day, the Bible commands us to love even our enemies. So for those of us who ascribe to Christianity, how can we rectify that with our lack of a loving feeling toward nada? _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 >>> I read in SWOE that a lot of the people with BP who do get help, get help because they see what effect their behavior has had on their children. Well, it's safe to say that my nada wasn't too concerned about that either. >>>>>> My nada was always too busy telling me that my hubby and Ineeded to see a therapist. Even when she went thru the " I'm going to kill myself " stuff and I would say go see your pastor or a therapist, she wouldn't do it. so much for that idea. she'd never admit that she needed help. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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