Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 This is fabulous. I will refer to it often- thank you! At 05:45 PM 11/12/01 -0800, you wrote: > > " The Ideal Mother " > > 1. Comforts her child > 2. Apologizes for inappropriate behavior > 3. Takes care of herself > 4. Encourages independence in her children > 5. Is proud of her children's accomplishments > 6. Builds her children's self-esteem > 7. Responds to her children's changing needs > 8. Calms and comforts her children > 9. Disciplines with logical and natural consequences >10. Expects that her children will be loved by others >11. Never threatens abandonment >12. Believes in her children's basic goodness >13. Trusts her children > > > " The Borderline Mother " > > 1. Confuses her child > 2. Does not apologize or remember inappropriate behavior > 3. Expects to be taken care of > 4. Punishes or discourages independence > 5. Envies, ignores, or demeans her children's accomplishments > 6. Destroys, denigrates, or undermines self-esteem > 7. Expects children to respond to her needs > 8. Frightens and upsets her children > 9. Disciplines inconsistently or punitively >10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is > loved by someone else >11. Uses threats of abandonment (or actual abandonment) > to punish the child >12. Does not believe in her children's basic goodness >13. Does not trust her children > > > " Children of borderlines have been down the rabbit hole. They have heard >the Queen of Hearts order everyone beheaded. They have attended the mad >tea party and argued with the Duchess for the right to think their own >thoughts. They grow weary of feeling big one minute and small the next. " > (From page 30 of Ann Lawson's book, " Understanding The >Borderline Mother " ) > > >To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 This is fabulous. I will refer to it often- thank you! At 05:45 PM 11/12/01 -0800, you wrote: > > " The Ideal Mother " > > 1. Comforts her child > 2. Apologizes for inappropriate behavior > 3. Takes care of herself > 4. Encourages independence in her children > 5. Is proud of her children's accomplishments > 6. Builds her children's self-esteem > 7. Responds to her children's changing needs > 8. Calms and comforts her children > 9. Disciplines with logical and natural consequences >10. Expects that her children will be loved by others >11. Never threatens abandonment >12. Believes in her children's basic goodness >13. Trusts her children > > > " The Borderline Mother " > > 1. Confuses her child > 2. Does not apologize or remember inappropriate behavior > 3. Expects to be taken care of > 4. Punishes or discourages independence > 5. Envies, ignores, or demeans her children's accomplishments > 6. Destroys, denigrates, or undermines self-esteem > 7. Expects children to respond to her needs > 8. Frightens and upsets her children > 9. Disciplines inconsistently or punitively >10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is > loved by someone else >11. Uses threats of abandonment (or actual abandonment) > to punish the child >12. Does not believe in her children's basic goodness >13. Does not trust her children > > > " Children of borderlines have been down the rabbit hole. They have heard >the Queen of Hearts order everyone beheaded. They have attended the mad >tea party and argued with the Duchess for the right to think their own >thoughts. They grow weary of feeling big one minute and small the next. " > (From page 30 of Ann Lawson's book, " Understanding The >Borderline Mother " ) > > >To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 --- Edith wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is > loved by someone else I think this was one of the hardest things to deal with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have no relationships from my past!) without the fear that whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for it later. Some examples that come to mind are: Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER am affectionate like that with her. Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him for the gift and not her. Of course she could have come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been with her instead, I would have been in trouble for taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass like the princess I think I am. <sigh> __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 --- Edith wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is > loved by someone else I think this was one of the hardest things to deal with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have no relationships from my past!) without the fear that whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for it later. Some examples that come to mind are: Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER am affectionate like that with her. Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him for the gift and not her. Of course she could have come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been with her instead, I would have been in trouble for taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass like the princess I think I am. <sigh> __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 2001 Report Share Posted November 12, 2001 --- Edith wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is > loved by someone else I think this was one of the hardest things to deal with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have no relationships from my past!) without the fear that whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for it later. Some examples that come to mind are: Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER am affectionate like that with her. Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him for the gift and not her. Of course she could have come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been with her instead, I would have been in trouble for taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass like the princess I think I am. <sigh> __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 I found that out, you can never win the nada. Hania Re: Mothers --- Edith wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is > loved by someone else I think this was one of the hardest things to deal with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have no relationships from my past!) without the fear that whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for it later. Some examples that come to mind are: Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER am affectionate like that with her. Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him for the gift and not her. Of course she could have come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been with her instead, I would have been in trouble for taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass like the princess I think I am. <sigh> __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 I found that out, you can never win the nada. Hania Re: Mothers --- Edith wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is > loved by someone else I think this was one of the hardest things to deal with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have no relationships from my past!) without the fear that whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for it later. Some examples that come to mind are: Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER am affectionate like that with her. Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him for the gift and not her. Of course she could have come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been with her instead, I would have been in trouble for taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass like the princess I think I am. <sigh> __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 I found that out, you can never win the nada. Hania Re: Mothers --- Edith wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is > loved by someone else I think this was one of the hardest things to deal with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have no relationships from my past!) without the fear that whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for it later. Some examples that come to mind are: Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER am affectionate like that with her. Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him for the gift and not her. Of course she could have come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been with her instead, I would have been in trouble for taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass like the princess I think I am. <sigh> __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved by someone else My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship with my father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get along with her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she is, she attributes it to outside reasons, instead of considering the fact that it has to do with the kind of person she is. Her latest theory: My father didn't participate in parenting me, leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This (supposedly) gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while allowing me to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that she's accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use that word). The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our house -- but only because she was a BP control freak. I was pretty much a good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very often... that's why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her opinion, however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or say what she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant discipline (at least until I became brainwashed enough to be her little clone drone). Of course, she'll never understand this, so she continues on her merry way, accusing my father of destroying her relationship with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). She attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " of her -- this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD and got me to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so angry that she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I finally told her a few days ago that I disagree with her assesment (that my father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE you do! That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his abusive side to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet and loving side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for this. " ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS finds a way to wriggle out of things, and come up with " explanations " that can't be disproved -- even though you know they're all lies. So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to try to condense it down and give you guys a quick version soon. I'm in a bit of a spot right now and could use some good ole KO feedback. Hugs to all, Anon > Re: Mothers > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > child is > > loved by someone else > > I think this was one of the hardest things to deal > with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have > no relationships from my past!) without the fear that > whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for > it later. > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER > am affectionate like that with her. > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him > for the gift and not her. Of course she could have > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been > with her instead, I would have been in trouble for > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass > like the princess I think I am. > > <sigh> > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved by someone else My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship with my father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get along with her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she is, she attributes it to outside reasons, instead of considering the fact that it has to do with the kind of person she is. Her latest theory: My father didn't participate in parenting me, leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This (supposedly) gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while allowing me to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that she's accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use that word). The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our house -- but only because she was a BP control freak. I was pretty much a good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very often... that's why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her opinion, however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or say what she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant discipline (at least until I became brainwashed enough to be her little clone drone). Of course, she'll never understand this, so she continues on her merry way, accusing my father of destroying her relationship with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). She attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " of her -- this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD and got me to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so angry that she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I finally told her a few days ago that I disagree with her assesment (that my father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE you do! That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his abusive side to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet and loving side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for this. " ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS finds a way to wriggle out of things, and come up with " explanations " that can't be disproved -- even though you know they're all lies. So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to try to condense it down and give you guys a quick version soon. I'm in a bit of a spot right now and could use some good ole KO feedback. Hugs to all, Anon > Re: Mothers > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > child is > > loved by someone else > > I think this was one of the hardest things to deal > with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have > no relationships from my past!) without the fear that > whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for > it later. > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER > am affectionate like that with her. > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him > for the gift and not her. Of course she could have > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been > with her instead, I would have been in trouble for > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass > like the princess I think I am. > > <sigh> > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 Anon, My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder why). When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my dad would occasionally call me from work. When we would get off the phone he would say, " We never had this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me and my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that we needed to go f**k each other. She always thought we were ganging up on her, especially when he would attempt to protect me. My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. When she told me, she was of course drunk, and then she went on about how embarrassed she was and how weak she felt. I personally love this one, she said how this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I guess she was a good role model, of what not to be. Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that she also thinks that telling me these things will make her abuse of him justifiable. --- Anon Mous wrote: > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is loved > by someone else > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship > with my > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get > along with > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she > is, she > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > considering the > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she > is. Her > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > parenting me, > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > (supposedly) > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while > allowing me > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that > she's > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use > that word). > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > house -- but > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > pretty much a > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > often... that's > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > opinion, > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or > say what > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant > discipline (at > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her > little clone > drone). > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > continues on her > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > relationship > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). > She > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " > of her -- > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD > and got me > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so > angry that > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I > finally told > her a few days ago that I disagree with her > assesment (that my > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE > you do! > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his > abusive side > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet > and loving > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for > this. " > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS > finds a way to > wriggle out of things, and come up with > " explanations " that > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're > all lies. > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm > going to try to > condense it down and give you guys a quick version > soon. I'm in > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good > ole KO > feedback. > > Hugs to all, > Anon > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if > the > > > child is > > > loved by someone else > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to > deal > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an > interest > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person > better, > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while > ignoring > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for > me. > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and > not > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I > have > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear > that > > whatever my interaction was I would be in > trouble for > > it later. > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the > front door > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I > NEVER > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was > in my > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad > assembled > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight > because > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring > him > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could > have > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose > to go > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I > been > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble > for > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on > my ass > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 Anon, My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder why). When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my dad would occasionally call me from work. When we would get off the phone he would say, " We never had this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me and my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that we needed to go f**k each other. She always thought we were ganging up on her, especially when he would attempt to protect me. My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. When she told me, she was of course drunk, and then she went on about how embarrassed she was and how weak she felt. I personally love this one, she said how this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I guess she was a good role model, of what not to be. Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that she also thinks that telling me these things will make her abuse of him justifiable. --- Anon Mous wrote: > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is loved > by someone else > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship > with my > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get > along with > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she > is, she > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > considering the > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she > is. Her > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > parenting me, > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > (supposedly) > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while > allowing me > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that > she's > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use > that word). > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > house -- but > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > pretty much a > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > often... that's > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > opinion, > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or > say what > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant > discipline (at > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her > little clone > drone). > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > continues on her > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > relationship > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). > She > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " > of her -- > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD > and got me > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so > angry that > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I > finally told > her a few days ago that I disagree with her > assesment (that my > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE > you do! > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his > abusive side > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet > and loving > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for > this. " > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS > finds a way to > wriggle out of things, and come up with > " explanations " that > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're > all lies. > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm > going to try to > condense it down and give you guys a quick version > soon. I'm in > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good > ole KO > feedback. > > Hugs to all, > Anon > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if > the > > > child is > > > loved by someone else > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to > deal > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an > interest > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person > better, > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while > ignoring > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for > me. > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and > not > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I > have > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear > that > > whatever my interaction was I would be in > trouble for > > it later. > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the > front door > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I > NEVER > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was > in my > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad > assembled > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight > because > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring > him > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could > have > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose > to go > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I > been > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble > for > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on > my ass > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 Anon, My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder why). When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my dad would occasionally call me from work. When we would get off the phone he would say, " We never had this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me and my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that we needed to go f**k each other. She always thought we were ganging up on her, especially when he would attempt to protect me. My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. When she told me, she was of course drunk, and then she went on about how embarrassed she was and how weak she felt. I personally love this one, she said how this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I guess she was a good role model, of what not to be. Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that she also thinks that telling me these things will make her abuse of him justifiable. --- Anon Mous wrote: > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > child is loved > by someone else > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship > with my > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get > along with > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she > is, she > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > considering the > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she > is. Her > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > parenting me, > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > (supposedly) > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while > allowing me > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that > she's > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use > that word). > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > house -- but > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > pretty much a > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > often... that's > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > opinion, > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or > say what > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant > discipline (at > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her > little clone > drone). > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > continues on her > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > relationship > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). > She > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " > of her -- > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD > and got me > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so > angry that > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I > finally told > her a few days ago that I disagree with her > assesment (that my > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE > you do! > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his > abusive side > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet > and loving > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for > this. " > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS > finds a way to > wriggle out of things, and come up with > " explanations " that > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're > all lies. > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm > going to try to > condense it down and give you guys a quick version > soon. I'm in > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good > ole KO > feedback. > > Hugs to all, > Anon > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if > the > > > child is > > > loved by someone else > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to > deal > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an > interest > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person > better, > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while > ignoring > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for > me. > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and > not > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I > have > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear > that > > whatever my interaction was I would be in > trouble for > > it later. > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the > front door > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I > NEVER > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was > in my > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad > assembled > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight > because > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring > him > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could > have > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose > to go > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I > been > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble > for > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on > my ass > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 wrote: << When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my dad would occasionally call me from work. When we would get off the phone he would say, " We never had this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? >> BTDT. It amazes me how our dishrag dads have adapted to the abuse and think it's normal. It's one thing for US to think it's normal -- we were raised by the BP. I guess it just supports the theory that our dads were probably raised in dysfunctional families too. A healthy person would not seek out or stay in a relationship with a BP. << She always thought we were ganging up on her, especially when he would attempt to protect me. >> Same here. << My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. >> Yup, except mine said emotional/verbal abuse. << ....she said how this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. >> OH.. MY.. GOD..!!! Could we have the same mother??!! This is EXACTLY what mine said. It is SO BP -- everything is always someone else's fault. << Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same time. >> I would say that my dad has a tendency to be P/A. But how can you NOT be when you're dealing with a BP? If they refuse to listen to you and honor your wishes, then you have to use backdoor maniuplation to try to get what you want. It's also a way for him to vent his anger at her, since a BP won't allow you to be angry with them (at least mine won't). So it bottles up and builds, and then leaks out in these P/A ways. << Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that she also thinks that telling me these things will make her abuse of him justifiable. >> I think my mom says these things to justify her abuse of ME. She thinks she has found a way to blame all of her behavior on my father. Unfortunately for her, I'm not buying it! I've been here for a year, but these twin moments still amaze me! Anon --- E D wrote: > Anon, > My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my > dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder why). > When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my > dad would occasionally call me from work. When we > would get off the phone he would say, " We never had > this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be > kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking > about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? > Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me and > my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in > front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that we > needed to go f**k each other. She always thought we > were ganging up on her, especially when he would > attempt to protect me. > > My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. > When she told me, she was of course drunk, and then > she went on about how embarrassed she was and how weak > she felt. I personally love this one, she said how > this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I > guess she was a good role model, of what not to be. > Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. > I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at > the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for pity. > I think that she also thinks that telling me these > things will make her abuse of him justifiable. > > > --- Anon Mous wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > child is loved > > by someone else > > > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship > > with my > > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get > > along with > > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she > > is, she > > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > > considering the > > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she > > is. Her > > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > > parenting me, > > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > > (supposedly) > > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while > > allowing me > > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that > > she's > > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use > > that word). > > > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > > house -- but > > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > > pretty much a > > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > > often... that's > > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > > opinion, > > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or > > say what > > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant > > discipline (at > > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her > > little clone > > drone). > > > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > > continues on her > > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > > relationship > > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). > > She > > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " > > of her -- > > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD > > and got me > > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so > > angry that > > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I > > finally told > > her a few days ago that I disagree with her > > assesment (that my > > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE > > you do! > > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his > > abusive side > > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet > > and loving > > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for > > this. " > > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS > > finds a way to > > wriggle out of things, and come up with > > " explanations " that > > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're > > all lies. > > > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm > > going to try to > > condense it down and give you guys a quick version > > soon. I'm in > > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good > > ole KO > > feedback. > > > > Hugs to all, > > Anon > > > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if > > the > > > > child is > > > > loved by someone else > > > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to > > deal > > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an > > interest > > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person > > better, > > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while > > ignoring > > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for > > me. > > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and > > not > > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I > > have > > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear > > that > > > whatever my interaction was I would be in > > trouble for > > > it later. > > > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the > > front door > > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I > > NEVER > > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was > > in my > > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad > > assembled > > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight > > because > > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring > > him > > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could > > have > > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose > > to go > > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I > > been > > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble > > for > > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on > > my ass > > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 wrote: << When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my dad would occasionally call me from work. When we would get off the phone he would say, " We never had this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? >> BTDT. It amazes me how our dishrag dads have adapted to the abuse and think it's normal. It's one thing for US to think it's normal -- we were raised by the BP. I guess it just supports the theory that our dads were probably raised in dysfunctional families too. A healthy person would not seek out or stay in a relationship with a BP. << She always thought we were ganging up on her, especially when he would attempt to protect me. >> Same here. << My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. >> Yup, except mine said emotional/verbal abuse. << ....she said how this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. >> OH.. MY.. GOD..!!! Could we have the same mother??!! This is EXACTLY what mine said. It is SO BP -- everything is always someone else's fault. << Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same time. >> I would say that my dad has a tendency to be P/A. But how can you NOT be when you're dealing with a BP? If they refuse to listen to you and honor your wishes, then you have to use backdoor maniuplation to try to get what you want. It's also a way for him to vent his anger at her, since a BP won't allow you to be angry with them (at least mine won't). So it bottles up and builds, and then leaks out in these P/A ways. << Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that she also thinks that telling me these things will make her abuse of him justifiable. >> I think my mom says these things to justify her abuse of ME. She thinks she has found a way to blame all of her behavior on my father. Unfortunately for her, I'm not buying it! I've been here for a year, but these twin moments still amaze me! Anon --- E D wrote: > Anon, > My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my > dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder why). > When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my > dad would occasionally call me from work. When we > would get off the phone he would say, " We never had > this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be > kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking > about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? > Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me and > my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in > front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that we > needed to go f**k each other. She always thought we > were ganging up on her, especially when he would > attempt to protect me. > > My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. > When she told me, she was of course drunk, and then > she went on about how embarrassed she was and how weak > she felt. I personally love this one, she said how > this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I > guess she was a good role model, of what not to be. > Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. > I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at > the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for pity. > I think that she also thinks that telling me these > things will make her abuse of him justifiable. > > > --- Anon Mous wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > child is loved > > by someone else > > > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship > > with my > > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get > > along with > > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she > > is, she > > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > > considering the > > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she > > is. Her > > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > > parenting me, > > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > > (supposedly) > > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while > > allowing me > > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that > > she's > > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use > > that word). > > > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > > house -- but > > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > > pretty much a > > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > > often... that's > > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > > opinion, > > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or > > say what > > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant > > discipline (at > > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her > > little clone > > drone). > > > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > > continues on her > > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > > relationship > > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). > > She > > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " > > of her -- > > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD > > and got me > > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so > > angry that > > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I > > finally told > > her a few days ago that I disagree with her > > assesment (that my > > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE > > you do! > > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his > > abusive side > > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet > > and loving > > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for > > this. " > > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS > > finds a way to > > wriggle out of things, and come up with > > " explanations " that > > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're > > all lies. > > > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm > > going to try to > > condense it down and give you guys a quick version > > soon. I'm in > > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good > > ole KO > > feedback. > > > > Hugs to all, > > Anon > > > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if > > the > > > > child is > > > > loved by someone else > > > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to > > deal > > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an > > interest > > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person > > better, > > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while > > ignoring > > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for > > me. > > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and > > not > > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I > > have > > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear > > that > > > whatever my interaction was I would be in > > trouble for > > > it later. > > > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the > > front door > > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I > > NEVER > > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was > > in my > > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad > > assembled > > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight > > because > > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring > > him > > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could > > have > > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose > > to go > > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I > > been > > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble > > for > > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on > > my ass > > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 wrote: << When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my dad would occasionally call me from work. When we would get off the phone he would say, " We never had this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? >> BTDT. It amazes me how our dishrag dads have adapted to the abuse and think it's normal. It's one thing for US to think it's normal -- we were raised by the BP. I guess it just supports the theory that our dads were probably raised in dysfunctional families too. A healthy person would not seek out or stay in a relationship with a BP. << She always thought we were ganging up on her, especially when he would attempt to protect me. >> Same here. << My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. >> Yup, except mine said emotional/verbal abuse. << ....she said how this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. >> OH.. MY.. GOD..!!! Could we have the same mother??!! This is EXACTLY what mine said. It is SO BP -- everything is always someone else's fault. << Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same time. >> I would say that my dad has a tendency to be P/A. But how can you NOT be when you're dealing with a BP? If they refuse to listen to you and honor your wishes, then you have to use backdoor maniuplation to try to get what you want. It's also a way for him to vent his anger at her, since a BP won't allow you to be angry with them (at least mine won't). So it bottles up and builds, and then leaks out in these P/A ways. << Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that she also thinks that telling me these things will make her abuse of him justifiable. >> I think my mom says these things to justify her abuse of ME. She thinks she has found a way to blame all of her behavior on my father. Unfortunately for her, I'm not buying it! I've been here for a year, but these twin moments still amaze me! Anon --- E D wrote: > Anon, > My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my > dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder why). > When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my > dad would occasionally call me from work. When we > would get off the phone he would say, " We never had > this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be > kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking > about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? > Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me and > my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in > front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that we > needed to go f**k each other. She always thought we > were ganging up on her, especially when he would > attempt to protect me. > > My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. > When she told me, she was of course drunk, and then > she went on about how embarrassed she was and how weak > she felt. I personally love this one, she said how > this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I > guess she was a good role model, of what not to be. > Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. > I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at > the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for pity. > I think that she also thinks that telling me these > things will make her abuse of him justifiable. > > > --- Anon Mous wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > child is loved > > by someone else > > > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship > > with my > > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get > > along with > > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she > > is, she > > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > > considering the > > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she > > is. Her > > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > > parenting me, > > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > > (supposedly) > > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while > > allowing me > > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that > > she's > > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use > > that word). > > > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > > house -- but > > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > > pretty much a > > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > > often... that's > > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > > opinion, > > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or > > say what > > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant > > discipline (at > > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her > > little clone > > drone). > > > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > > continues on her > > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > > relationship > > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). > > She > > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " > > of her -- > > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD > > and got me > > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so > > angry that > > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I > > finally told > > her a few days ago that I disagree with her > > assesment (that my > > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE > > you do! > > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his > > abusive side > > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet > > and loving > > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for > > this. " > > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS > > finds a way to > > wriggle out of things, and come up with > > " explanations " that > > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're > > all lies. > > > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm > > going to try to > > condense it down and give you guys a quick version > > soon. I'm in > > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good > > ole KO > > feedback. > > > > Hugs to all, > > Anon > > > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if > > the > > > > child is > > > > loved by someone else > > > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to > > deal > > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an > > interest > > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person > > better, > > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while > > ignoring > > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for > > me. > > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and > > not > > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I > > have > > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear > > that > > > whatever my interaction was I would be in > > trouble for > > > it later. > > > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the > > front door > > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I > > NEVER > > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was > > in my > > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad > > assembled > > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight > > because > > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring > > him > > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could > > have > > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose > > to go > > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I > > been > > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble > > for > > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on > > my ass > > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 13, 2001 Report Share Posted November 13, 2001 One day my Dad was talking to me about economics (a hobby of his). Mostly he was talking and I was listening. I don't know much about economics, but I love my Dad! My Mom came downstairs and screamed at us for five minutes, ridiculing his interest and screaming that we were both good for nothing losers. We waited it out. She went upstairs and Dad continued what he had been saying before she came downstairs. Storms happen. We both love Mom and she is what she is. Cyndy --- Anon Mous wrote: > wrote: > > << > When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my dad would > occasionally call me from work. When we would get off the > phone > he would say, " We never had this conversation, if you mother > finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be > talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? > >> > > BTDT. It amazes me how our dishrag dads have adapted to the > abuse and think it's normal. It's one thing for US to think > it's normal -- we were raised by the BP. I guess it just > supports the theory that our dads were probably raised in > dysfunctional families too. A healthy person would not seek > out > or stay in a relationship with a BP. > > << > She always thought we were ganging up on her, especially when > he > would attempt to protect me. > >> > > Same here. > > << > My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. > >> > > Yup, except mine said emotional/verbal abuse. > > << > ...she said how this meant she wasn't a good role model for > me. > >> > > OH.. MY.. GOD..!!! Could we have the same mother??!! This is > EXACTLY what mine said. It is SO BP -- everything is always > someone else's fault. > > << > Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. I'm > not > sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same time. > >> > > I would say that my dad has a tendency to be P/A. But how can > you NOT be when you're dealing with a BP? If they refuse to > listen to you and honor your wishes, then you have to use > backdoor maniuplation to try to get what you want. It's also > a > way for him to vent his anger at her, since a BP won't allow > you > to be angry with them (at least mine won't). So it bottles up > and builds, and then leaks out in these P/A ways. > > << > Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that she also > thinks that telling me these things will make her abuse of him > justifiable. > >> > > I think my mom says these things to justify her abuse of ME. > She thinks she has found a way to blame all of her behavior on > my father. Unfortunately for her, I'm not buying it! > > I've been here for a year, but these twin moments still amaze > me! > > Anon > > --- E D wrote: > > Anon, > > My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my > > dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder why). > > When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my > > dad would occasionally call me from work. When we > > would get off the phone he would say, " We never had > > this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll be > > kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be talking > > about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? > > Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me and > > my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in > > front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that we > > needed to go f**k each other. She always thought we > > were ganging up on her, especially when he would > > attempt to protect me. > > > > My nada also accused my dad of physically beating her. > > When she told me, she was of course drunk, and then > > she went on about how embarrassed she was and how weak > > she felt. I personally love this one, she said how > > this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I > > guess she was a good role model, of what not to be. > > Then later, she tells me that he's passive aggressive. > > I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive at > > the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for pity. > > I think that she also thinks that telling me these > > things will make her abuse of him justifiable. > > > > > > --- Anon Mous wrote: > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > > child is loved > > > by someone else > > > > > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship > > > with my > > > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get > > > along with > > > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she > > > is, she > > > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > > > considering the > > > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she > > > is. Her > > > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > > > parenting me, > > > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > > > (supposedly) > > > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while > > > allowing me > > > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that > > > she's > > > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use > > > that word). > > > > > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > > > house -- but > > > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > > > pretty much a > > > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > > > often... that's > > > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > > > opinion, > > > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or > > > say what > > > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant > > > discipline (at > > > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her > > > little clone > > > drone). > > > > > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > > > continues on her > > > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > > > relationship > > > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). > > > She > > > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " > > > of her -- > > > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD > > > and got me > > > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so > > > angry that > > > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I > > > finally told > > > her a few days ago that I disagree with her > > > assesment (that my > > > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE > > > you do! > > > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his > > > abusive side > > > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet > > > and loving > > > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for > > > this. " > > > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS > > > finds a way to > > > wriggle out of things, and come up with > > > " explanations " that > > > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're > > > all lies. > > > > > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm > > > going to try to > > > condense it down and give you guys a quick version > > > soon. I'm in > > > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good > > > ole KO > > > feedback. > > > > > > Hugs to all, > > > Anon > > > > > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if > > > the > > > > > child is > > > > > loved by someone else > === message truncated === ===== http://www.radiantrecovery.com/ __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 BPD's want all the credit and none of the blame. Cyndy --- Anon Mous wrote: > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved > by someone else > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship with my > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get along with > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she is, she > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of considering the > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she is. Her > latest theory: My father didn't participate in parenting me, > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This (supposedly) > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while allowing > me > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that she's > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use that word). > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our house -- but > only because she was a BP control freak. I was pretty much a > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very often... > that's > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her opinion, > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or say what > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant discipline > (at > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her little clone > drone). > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she continues on > her > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her relationship > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). She > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " of her -- > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD and got > me > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so angry that > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I finally > told > her a few days ago that I disagree with her assesment (that my > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE you do! > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his abusive > side > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet and > loving > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for this. " > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS finds a way > to > wriggle out of things, and come up with " explanations " that > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're all lies. > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to try > to > condense it down and give you guys a quick version soon. I'm > in > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good ole KO > feedback. > > Hugs to all, > Anon > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > > child is > > > loved by someone else > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to deal > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear that > > whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for > > it later. > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could have > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble for > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 BPD's want all the credit and none of the blame. Cyndy --- Anon Mous wrote: > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved > by someone else > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship with my > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get along with > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she is, she > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of considering the > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she is. Her > latest theory: My father didn't participate in parenting me, > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This (supposedly) > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while allowing > me > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that she's > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use that word). > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our house -- but > only because she was a BP control freak. I was pretty much a > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very often... > that's > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her opinion, > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or say what > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant discipline > (at > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her little clone > drone). > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she continues on > her > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her relationship > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). She > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " of her -- > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD and got > me > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so angry that > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I finally > told > her a few days ago that I disagree with her assesment (that my > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE you do! > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his abusive > side > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet and > loving > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for this. " > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS finds a way > to > wriggle out of things, and come up with " explanations " that > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're all lies. > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to try > to > condense it down and give you guys a quick version soon. I'm > in > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good ole KO > feedback. > > Hugs to all, > Anon > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > > child is > > > loved by someone else > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to deal > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear that > > whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for > > it later. > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could have > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble for > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 BPD's want all the credit and none of the blame. Cyndy --- Anon Mous wrote: > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved > by someone else > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship with my > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get along with > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she is, she > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of considering the > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she is. Her > latest theory: My father didn't participate in parenting me, > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This (supposedly) > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while allowing > me > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that she's > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use that word). > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our house -- but > only because she was a BP control freak. I was pretty much a > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very often... > that's > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her opinion, > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or say what > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant discipline > (at > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her little clone > drone). > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she continues on > her > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her relationship > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). She > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " of her -- > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD and got > me > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so angry that > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I finally > told > her a few days ago that I disagree with her assesment (that my > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE you do! > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his abusive > side > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet and > loving > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for this. " > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS finds a way > to > wriggle out of things, and come up with " explanations " that > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're all lies. > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to try > to > condense it down and give you guys a quick version soon. I'm > in > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good ole KO > feedback. > > Hugs to all, > Anon > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > > child is > > > loved by someone else > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to deal > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear that > > whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for > > it later. > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could have > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble for > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 Hi Anon This whole mail is like a chapter out of my life. Nadas are not too original, are they. Take care Minja > --- Anon Mous wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved > > by someone else > > > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship with my > > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get along with > > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she is, she > > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of considering the > > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she is. Her > > latest theory: My father didn't participate in parenting me, > > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This (supposedly) > > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while allowing > > me > > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that she's > > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use that word). > > > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our house -- but > > only because she was a BP control freak. I was pretty much a > > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very often... > > that's > > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her opinion, > > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or say what > > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant discipline > > (at > > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her little clone > > drone). > > > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she continues on > > her > > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her relationship > > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). She > > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " of her -- > > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD and got > > me > > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so angry that > > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I finally > > told > > her a few days ago that I disagree with her assesment (that my > > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE you do! > > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his abusive > > side > > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet and > > loving > > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for this. " > > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS finds a way > > to > > wriggle out of things, and come up with " explanations " that > > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're all lies. > > > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to try > > to > > condense it down and give you guys a quick version soon. I'm > > in > > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good ole KO > > feedback. > > > > Hugs to all, > > Anon > > > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > > > child is > > > > loved by someone else > > > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to deal > > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest > > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, > > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring > > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. > > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not > > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have > > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear that > > > whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for > > > it later. > > > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door > > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER > > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my > > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled > > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because > > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him > > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could have > > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go > > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been > > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble for > > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass > > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 Hi Anon This whole mail is like a chapter out of my life. Nadas are not too original, are they. Take care Minja > --- Anon Mous wrote: > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is loved > > by someone else > > > > My mother is intensely jealous of my relationship with my > > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't get along with > > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that she is, she > > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of considering the > > fact that it has to do with the kind of person she is. Her > > latest theory: My father didn't participate in parenting me, > > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This (supposedly) > > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, while allowing > > me > > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic that she's > > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't use that word). > > > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our house -- but > > only because she was a BP control freak. I was pretty much a > > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very often... > > that's > > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her opinion, > > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't do or say what > > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of constant discipline > > (at > > least until I became brainwashed enough to be her little clone > > drone). > > > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she continues on > > her > > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her relationship > > with me (by " forcing " her to be the disciplinarian). She > > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal abuse " of her -- > > this was the theme that brought me to understand BPD and got > > me > > to this list just about a year ago. It makes me so angry that > > she levels this accusation -- SHE'S the abuser!! I finally > > told > > her a few days ago that I disagree with her assesment (that my > > father abuses her). She replied, " Well, of COURSE you do! > > That's part of the abuse, honey. He only shows his abusive > > side > > to ME, and he shows you and everyone else this sweet and > > loving > > side. Our family perfectly fits the profile for this. " > > ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! She is SO twisted. She ALWAYS finds a way > > to > > wriggle out of things, and come up with " explanations " that > > can't be disproved -- even though you know they're all lies. > > > > So much has happened in the last few weeks. I'm going to try > > to > > condense it down and give you guys a quick version soon. I'm > > in > > a bit of a spot right now and could use some good ole KO > > feedback. > > > > Hugs to all, > > Anon > > > > > Re: Mothers > > > > > > > > > > > > --- Edith wrote: > > > > > > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > > > child is > > > > loved by someone else > > > > > > I think this was one of the hardest things to deal > > > with, her insecurity when someone showed an interest > > > in me. Her jealousy that I liked that person better, > > > that I appreciated them and SHOWED it, while ignoring > > > all the wonderful things she supposedly did for me. > > > It was a constant feeling of being watched, and not > > > being able to interact with anyone (no wonder I have > > > no relationships from my past!) without the fear that > > > whatever my interaction was I would be in trouble for > > > it later. > > > > > > Some examples that come to mind are: > > > > > > Visiting our family and being hugged at the front door > > > by my aunt (her sister) and hearing about how I NEVER > > > am affectionate like that with her. > > > > > > Or for my 13th birthday I got a waterbed. I was in my > > > room sitting on the floor while my stepdad assembled > > > it. We ended up with a crying/screaming fight because > > > my mother interpreted this behaviour as adoring him > > > for the gift and not her. Of course she could have > > > come into the room with us, but no I was suppose to go > > > to her. And I can 100% guarantee that I had I been > > > with her instead, I would have been in trouble for > > > taking his hard work for granted while I sat on my ass > > > like the princess I think I am. > > > > > > <sigh> > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 When I told my therapist about my nada telling me that my dad physically abused her and how I knew that she was lying, my doctor said that I really don't know that for sure because I'm not there anymore. I did ask my therapist that if my nada told me that 1. my dad abuses her and 2. he's passive aggressive, is it possible to be both. The doctor did say that they sort of go against each other, so not really. I don't know if this applies to emotional/verbal abuse though. I do believe that my dad is passive aggressive. My nada regularly calls him " limp d**k " (this is exactly what a child needs to hear) because of certain problems that he has. In my opinion, this is a passive aggressive attempt at punishing her. --- Anon Mous wrote: > wrote: > > << > When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, my > dad would > occasionally call me from work. When we would get > off the phone > he would say, " We never had this conversation, if > you mother > finds out, I'll be kicked out of the house AGAIN, > and we'll be > talking about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up > call? > >> > > BTDT. It amazes me how our dishrag dads have > adapted to the > abuse and think it's normal. It's one thing for US > to think > it's normal -- we were raised by the BP. I guess it > just > supports the theory that our dads were probably > raised in > dysfunctional families too. A healthy person would > not seek out > or stay in a relationship with a BP. > > << > She always thought we were ganging up on her, > especially when he > would attempt to protect me. > >> > > Same here. > > << > My nada also accused my dad of physically beating > her. > >> > > Yup, except mine said emotional/verbal abuse. > > << > ...she said how this meant she wasn't a good role > model for me. > >> > > OH.. MY.. GOD..!!! Could we have the same > mother??!! This is > EXACTLY what mine said. It is SO BP -- everything > is always > someone else's fault. > > << > Then later, she tells me that he's passive > aggressive. I'm not > sure someone can be abusive and passive at the same > time. > >> > > I would say that my dad has a tendency to be P/A. > But how can > you NOT be when you're dealing with a BP? If they > refuse to > listen to you and honor your wishes, then you have > to use > backdoor maniuplation to try to get what you want. > It's also a > way for him to vent his anger at her, since a BP > won't allow you > to be angry with them (at least mine won't). So it > bottles up > and builds, and then leaks out in these P/A ways. > > << > Of well, she'll do anything for pity. I think that > she also > thinks that telling me these things will make her > abuse of him > justifiable. > >> > > I think my mom says these things to justify her > abuse of ME. > She thinks she has found a way to blame all of her > behavior on > my father. Unfortunately for her, I'm not buying > it! > > I've been here for a year, but these twin moments > still amaze > me! > > Anon > > --- E D wrote: > > Anon, > > My nada is also jealous of my relationship with my > > dad, even though we're not very close (I wonder > why). > > When my nada and I weren't talking to each other, > my > > dad would occasionally call me from work. When we > > would get off the phone he would say, " We never > had > > this conversation, if you mother finds out, I'll > be > > kicked out of the house AGAIN, and we'll be > talking > > about divorce AGAIN. " Is this not a wake-up call? > > Just to let you know how jealous my nada was of me > and > > my dad, onetime she yelled at us (in a hospital in > > front of doctors and nurses who did nothing) that > we > > needed to go f**k each other. She always thought > we > > were ganging up on her, especially when he would > > attempt to protect me. > > > > My nada also accused my dad of physically beating > her. > > When she told me, she was of course drunk, and > then > > she went on about how embarrassed she was and how > weak > > she felt. I personally love this one, she said > how > > this meant she wasn't a good role model for me. I > > guess she was a good role model, of what not to > be. > > Then later, she tells me that he's passive > aggressive. > > I'm not sure someone can be abusive and passive > at > > the same time. Of well, she'll do anything for > pity. > > I think that she also thinks that telling me these > > things will make her abuse of him justifiable. > > > > > > --- Anon Mous wrote: > > > 10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the > > > child is loved > > > by someone else > > > > > > My mother is intensely jealous of my > relationship > > > with my > > > father. She just can't understand WHY I don't > get > > > along with > > > her the way I do with him. Being the BP that > she > > > is, she > > > attributes it to outside reasons, instead of > > > considering the > > > fact that it has to do with the kind of person > she > > > is. Her > > > latest theory: My father didn't participate in > > > parenting me, > > > leaving her to be the sole disciplinarian. This > > > (supposedly) > > > gave me a skewed perception of her as all bad, > while > > > allowing me > > > to view my father as all good. It's so ironic > that > > > she's > > > accusing ME of splitting (although she doesn't > use > > > that word). > > > > > > The truth is, she WAS the disciplinarian in our > > > house -- but > > > only because she was a BP control freak. I was > > > pretty much a > > > good kid and didn't need to be disciplined very > > > often... that's > > > why my dad didn't do much disciplining. In her > > > opinion, > > > however, I was a " bad kid " every time I didn't > do or > > > say what > > > she wanted. Therefore, I was in need of > constant > > > discipline (at > > > least until I became brainwashed enough to be > her > > > little clone > > > drone). > > > > > > Of course, she'll never understand this, so she > > > continues on her > > > merry way, accusing my father of destroying her > > > relationship > > > with me (by " forcing " her to be the > disciplinarian). > > > She > > > attributes this to his " emotional and verbal > abuse " > === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 In a message dated 11/14/01 12:09:17 AM Central Standard Time, cmilhollan@... writes: << Storms happen. We both love Mom and she is what she is. >> I understand that completely, altho' after my dad died it has been much harder for me as he was sort of a buffer. They were married 40 years. He was very " Old South " . When I'd complain he'd say " Just let it run off you like water off a duck! " Or " You know how your mama is,don't pay no attention to her, I just turn her off like a radio " . I guess that's how they were married for so long. But even daddy would lose it occassionally and he'd up and leave. When I was a small child they separated a couple of times When I got old enough, I'd go with him. Sometimes we'd stay gone an hour or a day. Or even longer, but he always came back, and I still go back. Daddy knew that she really had some serious mental problems. Just before he died, he told me " You've got to look after your mama, because she just don't get it. " Now I go back because it's my duty. I do love her, but I don't like her and I dread every phone call, and every visit I have to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2001 Report Share Posted November 14, 2001 In a message dated 11/14/01 12:09:17 AM Central Standard Time, cmilhollan@... writes: << Storms happen. We both love Mom and she is what she is. >> I understand that completely, altho' after my dad died it has been much harder for me as he was sort of a buffer. They were married 40 years. He was very " Old South " . When I'd complain he'd say " Just let it run off you like water off a duck! " Or " You know how your mama is,don't pay no attention to her, I just turn her off like a radio " . I guess that's how they were married for so long. But even daddy would lose it occassionally and he'd up and leave. When I was a small child they separated a couple of times When I got old enough, I'd go with him. Sometimes we'd stay gone an hour or a day. Or even longer, but he always came back, and I still go back. Daddy knew that she really had some serious mental problems. Just before he died, he told me " You've got to look after your mama, because she just don't get it. " Now I go back because it's my duty. I do love her, but I don't like her and I dread every phone call, and every visit I have to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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