Re: mothers beating children

September 29, 2001

Hi Aimee,

Yes, I can relate. I too always knew that the physical

abuse was wrong. It was tangible - evident. It's the

covert abuse that's always been hard to differentiate.

Verbal abuse has differentials - emotional - mental -

and many different ways to do it in them. It's

countering, discounting, spin-doctoring, crazy-making,

gaslighting, etc. It leaves you way off balance and

questioning your own reality and perceptions. It is

definetly more insidious than the more overt physical

abuse and overt way of verbally battering, such as

name calling.

I remember every physical assualt on me and my

brothers. It was all the other stuff that I had a hard

time figuring out. The psychological stuff. The first

book I'd read was by - The Verbally

Abusive Relationship. That book saved my life by

validating my experience. I finally had explanations

for why I felt so crazy and mixed up inside. We get a

lot of mixed messages from our abusers.

Cyndie

--- aim71098@... wrote:

> Hi all,

>

> I have an interesting reaction to reading about

> people having a hard(er) time

> coming to terms with/admitting/remembering/feeling

> embarrassed about the

> physical abuse. For me, that was the easier part to

> handle. The ourbursts

> and rages with physical abuse (often with a brush

> too, among other things)

> were somehow easier for me to take because it felt

> more concrete and I was

> much more sure that it wasn't normal and was wrong

> (although it remained a

> big secret from anyone outside the family). The

> verbal and emotional abuse

> felt more subtle, insidious, and less concrete in

> that it " didn't leave a

> mark " (albiet much more regular), so I always felt

> myself doubting,

> questioning if it was really wrong, assuming it was

> all my fault, taking it

> all in that I was really just an awful person, etc.

> Can anyone relate to

> that angle?

>

> Aimee

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

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September 29, 2001