Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 I'm not sure how I feel about that. The most prevalent thoughts or feelings I've had about this issue is that I don't love nada either. But I'm not convinced that I won't mourn her death and find that there was love there afterall. There will be something to grieve, whether it's love, sadness or empathy that I'll be experiencing - or even my own pain - I don't know. I only know that I've experienced loss and the feelings that came up were quite different from living and loving in everyday life... But I do know that I've heard this statement countless times... " You will be sorry if you don't try and have a relationship with your mother. One day she'll be gone and you will be sorry... " That statement I've heard from nada herself as well as others... To me it's turned out to be just another psuedo cliche, however one that kept me comin back for more abuse. Cyndie ps... Santa Claus came early and delivered a new monitor. Now I need sunglasses to view this screen! --- E D wrote: > Me either. I was too scared of my nada to really > love > her. I agree with Ilene that I needed her and > depended on her, not for emotional support but > financial. Other than that, she was just someone I > had to put up with. In all honesty, I didn't care > if > she loved me or not. As my therapist said, I > emotionally divorced my parents years ago in order > to > survive. > > > > --- Cheeto Weeto wrote: > > ((((((Ilene)))))) > > > > I feel exactly the same way. I don't love my > mother > > either. I never felt like I did. The only thing > I > > really remember about growing up with her was > hating > > her and wishing I was anywhere else. I guess now > I > > almost feel lucky that I wasn't loving her and > > wishing > > she loved me back. That sounds so painful to me. > > > > > > > > --- ilene@... wrote: > > > > > > > > > I've got to be really honest - I'm not sure I > ever > > > " loved " my nada. That was > > > one of the things that caused me such guilt over > > the > > > years - I couldn't stand > > > her. I depended on her and needed her, but > didn't > > > love her. How can you love > > > someone , who didn't love you? I tried the " I > > love > > > you, don't like you " but to > > > me it was a very dishonest statement - it made > me > > > feel like a fraud with God. > > > Tears are bubbling up here, so... > > > > > > Ilene > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Cyndie, you said: <<But I do know that I've heard this statement countless times... " You will be sorry if you don't try and have a relationship with your mother. One day she'll be gone and you will be sorry... " That statement I've heard from nada herself as well as others... To me it's turned out to be just another psuedo cliche, however one that kept me comin back for more abuse.>>> I used to hear this, but I don't any more - people actually think I did the right thing. I think the statement could apply to those that have a falling out with their mother - but in our case it's much more than a squabble!! We know that and I'm pretty sure the nadas know that somewhere in their warped psyche. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Cyndie, you said: <<But I do know that I've heard this statement countless times... " You will be sorry if you don't try and have a relationship with your mother. One day she'll be gone and you will be sorry... " That statement I've heard from nada herself as well as others... To me it's turned out to be just another psuedo cliche, however one that kept me comin back for more abuse.>>> I used to hear this, but I don't any more - people actually think I did the right thing. I think the statement could apply to those that have a falling out with their mother - but in our case it's much more than a squabble!! We know that and I'm pretty sure the nadas know that somewhere in their warped psyche. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Ilene, You're lucky to have understanding supportive people in your life. I've got this list and my resolve. I agree with you - this is not about a spat or a disagreement - but the people in my life still don't understand. People in general do not understand this. This is not a natural thing to do. It is usually presumed that it is the adult child who is at *fault.* Society has empathy for an abused child. But when that abused child grows into an adult - and the adult child cuts off ties from their parent/s - they are cast into judgements by that same society. --- ilene@... wrote: > > > Cyndie, you said: > <<But I do know that I've heard this statement > countless > times... " You will be sorry if you don't try and have > a > relationship with your mother. One day she'll be > gone > and you will be sorry... " That statement I've heard > from nada herself as well as others... To me it's > turned out to be just another psuedo cliche, however > one that kept me comin back for more abuse.>>> > > I used to hear this, but I don't any more - people > actually think I did the > right thing. I think the statement could apply to > those that have a falling out > with their mother - but in our case it's much more > than a squabble!! We know > that and I'm pretty sure the nadas know that > somewhere in their warped psyche. > > Ilene > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Most people, like the cousin I just talked with, can handle some abuse okay, because it wasn't chronic in their life. They are strong enough emotionally to take an occasional criticism. We, on the other hand, have lived with constant unrelenting verbal (for some of you physical abuse) and we can't take any more. We have to leave the battle field or die. It's that simple. If people don't support my decision then I don't consider them friends and I stick with people who are supportive! I'm sorry you haven't found those kind of people yet. I'm sure you will eventually as you heal and trust more. Hugs from your cyber friend in TX Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Cyndie McCoy wrote: > .......... I've heard this statement countless > times... " You will be sorry if you don't try and have a > relationship with your mother. One day she'll be gone > and you will be sorry... " That statement I've heard > from nada herself as well as others... To me it's > turned out to be just another psuedo cliche, however > one that kept me comin back for more abuse. Yes! That statement has been part of my consciousness f-o-r-e-v-e-r! It probably was one of the main driving forces that kept me trying, trying, trying to maintain and foster a positive relationship with mother under circumstances that were not only impossible, but unhealthy and insane. It remains to be seen how I react when mother dies, which at the age of 79, probably won't be that far off. I'm at peace as I write this, but I wonder sometimes if it's because there's still hope. Hope that she'll reach out to me before she draws her last breath. Once she's gone, all hope will be lost. And it scares me sometimes. But, after all that I've been through, I trust in the " higher power " that I will surmount that obstacle too. And hopefully, it won't be an obstacle at all, but merely a crossing of the still waters. The maternal " divorce " happened, and I don't ever want to go through the h*ll that followed for nearly two years afterwards. Interestingly, when I was struggling so desperately to make sense out of chaos, everyone advised me to find some way to make peace with mother because I'd live to regret it after she was gone. Even a therapist encouraged " attachment " by suggesting that I write to her, instead of talking. Guilt! Guilt! Guilt! Tons of it! Looking back, why was all the advice so " off track " ? Why is it we're encouraged to stick with " sh*t " , when it's so unhealthy to do so? Actually, I think it was my own projections that caused it, and here's why. When I was seeking advice, I was hanging on to mother for dear life. I wasn't willing to " let go " . I couldn't believe things had come to this, so there just had to be a way to fix things so everything would be right again, like it had been during my early adult years, when we had a great friendship that I'll never ever forget. Anyhow, I was projecting a need to stay attached, and that's the direction the advice came from. [i didn't know about BPD then, or this maillist.] After I " detached " and " let go " , my perspective changed, big time....... not suddenly, of course. I stopped seeking advice, and I no longer found myself crying on every shoulder in sight. Instead, when the subject gets brought up now, I quickly say that I've done everything humanly possible to help mother, that she put herself in the position she's in, that no one can fix her problems, that I still loved her dearly, but it's all up to her now, that I'll be there if and when she reaches out to me with a changed heart. And you know what? Absolutely no one challenges me. It's unbelievable. I'm coming from a position of strength now, not neediness. And what a difference it has made. Thanks for listening. Sometimes it helps to put this stuff into words. Best wishes, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Ilene, I certainly relate to your comment " we have to leave the battle field or die " . That is how I am feeling right now...I still believe that it is my responsibility to treat everyone, including my mother-in-law with respect. That, to me, is just how I want to live my life...in the meantime, I am still feeling very vulnerable so I put call display on our house phone as my own little boundary....gosh, darn it, I've missed three phone calls already...last night I took the phone off the hook after the first call...and I also thought of another excellent book on self esteem... " Feeling Good - the new mood therapy " by Burns...this is good for fighting some of the distortions the mind can play after years of negative feedback (ok abuse)...happy reading, I hope you'll share your impressions of any good books that you find...annnnnd a BIIIIG hug from your cyberpal in Canada Re: love nada?? > > > Most people, like the cousin I just talked with, can handle some abuse okay, > because it wasn't chronic in their life. > They are strong enough emotionally to take an occasional criticism. We, on the > other hand, have lived with constant unrelenting verbal (for some of you > physical abuse) and we can't take any more. We have to leave the battle field > or die. > It's that simple. If people don't support my decision then I don't consider > them friends and I stick with people who are supportive! I'm sorry you haven't > found those kind of people yet. I'm sure you will eventually as you heal and > trust more. > > Hugs from your cyber friend in TX > Ilene > > > > To get off the list, send a blank message to ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 --- Carol M wrote: > I couldn't believe things had come to this, so > there just had to be a way to fix things so > everything would be right again, like it had been > during my early adult years, when we had a great > friendship that I'll never ever forget. Hi Carol - You had a relationship with your nada? I'm beginning to believe that my MIL has BP, or some traits there-of. Her and my SIL were (I'm divorced but they're still my family...) like one person at one point. Much too close to be healthy. MIL moved in w/SIL and her family about 5 years ago. (SIL couldn't live w/o Mommy. Mommy did a lot of damage to SIL but SIL never saw what was happening to her. It's complicated, cuz they DID have a loving relationship - albeit unhealthy.) Anyway - Biggest mistake any of them ever made was MIL moving in. My SILs marriage is about to fall apart. There is resentment flying all around that house on all sides. My MIL split my SIL black about 3 years ago and things ain't been the same since. SILs had some very rude awakenings over the last few years which she's had a hard time sorting out. She can't understand how her mother went from this doting, clingingly obsessive loving mother to one who is completely opposite. That's because my SIL had to make a choice between her hubby and mommy and she chose her hubby. I've given my SIL some of my books to read. Wonder what she'll think of them... In any case, didn't mean to ramble - just wanted to thank you for sharing that cuz it sort of validates my suspicions about MIL. BP nadas can come in all sorts of disguises. Cyndie Anyhow, I > was projecting a need to stay attached, and that's > the direction the advice came from. [i didn't know > about BPD then, or this maillist.] After I > " detached " and " let go " , my perspective changed, big > time....... not suddenly, of course. I stopped > seeking advice, and I no longer found myself crying > on every shoulder in sight. Instead, when the > subject gets brought up now, I quickly say that I've > done everything humanly possible to help mother, > that she put herself in the position she's in, that > no > one can fix her problems, that I still loved her > dearly, but it's all up to her now, that I'll be > there if and when she reaches out to me with a > changed heart. And you know what? Absolutely no > one challenges me. It's unbelievable. I'm coming > from a position of strength now, not neediness. And > what > a difference it has made. > > Thanks for listening. Sometimes it helps to put > this stuff into words. > > Best wishes, > Carol > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 :0) --- ilene@... wrote: > > > Most people, like the cousin I just talked with, can > handle some abuse okay, > because it wasn't chronic in their life. > They are strong enough emotionally to take an > occasional criticism. We, on the > other hand, have lived with constant unrelenting > verbal (for some of you > physical abuse) and we can't take any more. We have > to leave the battle field > or die. > It's that simple. If people don't support my > decision then I don't consider > them friends and I stick with people who are > supportive! I'm sorry you haven't > found those kind of people yet. I'm sure you will > eventually as you heal and > trust more. > > Hugs from your cyber friend in TX > Ilene > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 :0) --- ilene@... wrote: > > > Most people, like the cousin I just talked with, can > handle some abuse okay, > because it wasn't chronic in their life. > They are strong enough emotionally to take an > occasional criticism. We, on the > other hand, have lived with constant unrelenting > verbal (for some of you > physical abuse) and we can't take any more. We have > to leave the battle field > or die. > It's that simple. If people don't support my > decision then I don't consider > them friends and I stick with people who are > supportive! I'm sorry you haven't > found those kind of people yet. I'm sure you will > eventually as you heal and > trust more. > > Hugs from your cyber friend in TX > Ilene > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 :0) --- ilene@... wrote: > > > Most people, like the cousin I just talked with, can > handle some abuse okay, > because it wasn't chronic in their life. > They are strong enough emotionally to take an > occasional criticism. We, on the > other hand, have lived with constant unrelenting > verbal (for some of you > physical abuse) and we can't take any more. We have > to leave the battle field > or die. > It's that simple. If people don't support my > decision then I don't consider > them friends and I stick with people who are > supportive! I'm sorry you haven't > found those kind of people yet. I'm sure you will > eventually as you heal and > trust more. > > Hugs from your cyber friend in TX > Ilene > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Cyndie McCoy wrote: > --- Carol M wrote: > > I couldn't believe things had come to this, so > > there just had to be a way to fix things so > > everything would be right again, like it had been > > during my early adult years, when we had a great > > friendship that I'll never ever forget. > > Hi Carol - You had a relationship with your nada? > - just wanted to thank you for > sharing that cuz it sort of validates my suspicions > about MIL. BP nadas can come in all sorts of > disguises. Yes! BP relationships come in all colors, shapes and sizes. Here's my story in a nutshell.......... I grew up as the favored child who could do no wrong, while my younger brother by 3 years could do no right. When I was 8, mother clandestinely left dad while he was at work. I was told about the plan beforehand and sworn to secrecy. Mother, her mother (my grandmother), mother's uncle, my brother and I drove 3000 miles across the country to settle in Calif. Grandmother raised us while mother worked. Eventually, brother began to get into serious trouble, so at the age of 13 (I was 16), she shipped him back to dad, with whom he's lived til this day. Brother has never married, has no children, is an alcoholic, and I suspect is a BP too. After brother left, mother soon turned on me, and things were very stormy until I left to get married against her wishes at the age of 20. Once married, she completely accepted my husband. She and I became close friends, like sisters practically, and it lasted for 16 years, although we never lived near her, because my husband was a military man. Then we retired from the military and settled in a place 400 miles from mother, which was when the first cracks began to appear on the surface, although I didn't realize it then. The next 9 years witnessed my gradual withdrawal from mother emotionally because she had started to interfere with my life in ways that had become increasingly frustrating, and which I attributed it to her worsening alcoholism. The last 10 years were a complete descent into h*ll, the likes of which I never dreamed possible. Best wishes, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Cyndie McCoy wrote: > --- Carol M wrote: > > I couldn't believe things had come to this, so > > there just had to be a way to fix things so > > everything would be right again, like it had been > > during my early adult years, when we had a great > > friendship that I'll never ever forget. > > Hi Carol - You had a relationship with your nada? > - just wanted to thank you for > sharing that cuz it sort of validates my suspicions > about MIL. BP nadas can come in all sorts of > disguises. Yes! BP relationships come in all colors, shapes and sizes. Here's my story in a nutshell.......... I grew up as the favored child who could do no wrong, while my younger brother by 3 years could do no right. When I was 8, mother clandestinely left dad while he was at work. I was told about the plan beforehand and sworn to secrecy. Mother, her mother (my grandmother), mother's uncle, my brother and I drove 3000 miles across the country to settle in Calif. Grandmother raised us while mother worked. Eventually, brother began to get into serious trouble, so at the age of 13 (I was 16), she shipped him back to dad, with whom he's lived til this day. Brother has never married, has no children, is an alcoholic, and I suspect is a BP too. After brother left, mother soon turned on me, and things were very stormy until I left to get married against her wishes at the age of 20. Once married, she completely accepted my husband. She and I became close friends, like sisters practically, and it lasted for 16 years, although we never lived near her, because my husband was a military man. Then we retired from the military and settled in a place 400 miles from mother, which was when the first cracks began to appear on the surface, although I didn't realize it then. The next 9 years witnessed my gradual withdrawal from mother emotionally because she had started to interfere with my life in ways that had become increasingly frustrating, and which I attributed it to her worsening alcoholism. The last 10 years were a complete descent into h*ll, the likes of which I never dreamed possible. Best wishes, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2001 Report Share Posted November 10, 2001 Cyndie McCoy wrote: > --- Carol M wrote: > > I couldn't believe things had come to this, so > > there just had to be a way to fix things so > > everything would be right again, like it had been > > during my early adult years, when we had a great > > friendship that I'll never ever forget. > > Hi Carol - You had a relationship with your nada? > - just wanted to thank you for > sharing that cuz it sort of validates my suspicions > about MIL. BP nadas can come in all sorts of > disguises. Yes! BP relationships come in all colors, shapes and sizes. Here's my story in a nutshell.......... I grew up as the favored child who could do no wrong, while my younger brother by 3 years could do no right. When I was 8, mother clandestinely left dad while he was at work. I was told about the plan beforehand and sworn to secrecy. Mother, her mother (my grandmother), mother's uncle, my brother and I drove 3000 miles across the country to settle in Calif. Grandmother raised us while mother worked. Eventually, brother began to get into serious trouble, so at the age of 13 (I was 16), she shipped him back to dad, with whom he's lived til this day. Brother has never married, has no children, is an alcoholic, and I suspect is a BP too. After brother left, mother soon turned on me, and things were very stormy until I left to get married against her wishes at the age of 20. Once married, she completely accepted my husband. She and I became close friends, like sisters practically, and it lasted for 16 years, although we never lived near her, because my husband was a military man. Then we retired from the military and settled in a place 400 miles from mother, which was when the first cracks began to appear on the surface, although I didn't realize it then. The next 9 years witnessed my gradual withdrawal from mother emotionally because she had started to interfere with my life in ways that had become increasingly frustrating, and which I attributed it to her worsening alcoholism. The last 10 years were a complete descent into h*ll, the likes of which I never dreamed possible. Best wishes, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 Hi Carol, Thanks for sharing. My MIL married an alcoholic prescription drug addicted man. She, herself, came from a home with a *cold* mother and an alcoholic father. MILs MIL was a definite BP Witch-Queen. She buried all four of her children before she died. She died alone, ugly and bitter. MILs hubby was a violent abusive alcoholic. My ex hubby suffered most of the abuse. His sister absconded without abuse at the age of 6 when BP FIL committed suicide. My ex hubby was cast to black by my MIL. While she tried to *protect* her son from abuse and received many blows in his place, she never saw the damage that her husband did to her son. She never got help for him or tried to work with him. She turned her back on him and never looked back - giving all of her love and attention instead to her daughter. He soon became like his father... MIL couldn't stand him. Throughout our marriage all I ever heard was " He's just like his father... " My SIL was put on this pedastal. My MIL lived through my SIL. They were like ONE person. It was sickening. They one-upped me and my exh constantly. They did MUCH to diminish my already beaten self-esteem. They did MUCH to validate that my ex was just this bad ole boy and paint him in a bad light in my eyes. They also made me mad enough to want to stick it out with him and give him all the love that his mother obviously wasn't giving him. Yet, on the other hand my MIL could be the most loving person in the world - WHEN she decided to turn the *good* light on you. In the end, her true colors are shining through as she has managed to sever bonds between her and her beloved clone of a daughter. I hope my SIL listens to what she reads in the books I've given her. She's in such conflict with herself and she has been since the day I've known her. But yes, it does appear there are different levels of BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to spot. But once you know about it - it's obvious. Cyndie --- Carol M wrote: > Cyndie McCoy wrote: > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > > I couldn't believe things had come to this, so > > > there just had to be a way to fix things so > > > everything would be right again, like it had > been > > > during my early adult years, when we had a great > > > friendship that I'll never ever forget. > > > > Hi Carol - You had a relationship with your nada? > > > - just wanted to thank you for > > sharing that cuz it sort of validates my > suspicions > > about MIL. BP nadas can come in all sorts of > > disguises. > > Yes! BP relationships come in all colors, shapes > and sizes. > > Here's my story in a nutshell.......... > > I grew up as the favored child who could do no > wrong, while my younger brother by 3 years could do > no right. When I was 8, mother clandestinely left > dad while he was at work. I was told about the plan > beforehand and sworn to secrecy. Mother, her mother > (my grandmother), mother's uncle, my brother > and I drove 3000 miles across the country to settle > in Calif. Grandmother raised us while mother > worked. Eventually, brother began to get into > serious trouble, so at the age of 13 (I was 16), she > shipped him back to dad, with whom he's lived til > this day. Brother has never married, has no > children, > is an alcoholic, and I suspect is a BP too. After > brother left, mother soon turned on me, and things > were very stormy until I left to get married against > her wishes at the age of 20. Once married, she > completely accepted my husband. She and I became > close friends, like sisters practically, and it > lasted for 16 years, although we never lived near > her, because my husband was a military man. Then we > retired from the military and settled in a place 400 > miles from mother, which was when the first cracks > began to appear on the surface, although I didn't > realize it then. The next 9 years witnessed > my gradual withdrawal from mother emotionally > because she had started to interfere with my life in > ways that had become increasingly frustrating, and > which I attributed it to her worsening alcoholism. > The last 10 years were a complete descent into h*ll, > the likes of which I never dreamed possible. > > Best wishes, > Carol > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 Hi Carol, Thanks for sharing. My MIL married an alcoholic prescription drug addicted man. She, herself, came from a home with a *cold* mother and an alcoholic father. MILs MIL was a definite BP Witch-Queen. She buried all four of her children before she died. She died alone, ugly and bitter. MILs hubby was a violent abusive alcoholic. My ex hubby suffered most of the abuse. His sister absconded without abuse at the age of 6 when BP FIL committed suicide. My ex hubby was cast to black by my MIL. While she tried to *protect* her son from abuse and received many blows in his place, she never saw the damage that her husband did to her son. She never got help for him or tried to work with him. She turned her back on him and never looked back - giving all of her love and attention instead to her daughter. He soon became like his father... MIL couldn't stand him. Throughout our marriage all I ever heard was " He's just like his father... " My SIL was put on this pedastal. My MIL lived through my SIL. They were like ONE person. It was sickening. They one-upped me and my exh constantly. They did MUCH to diminish my already beaten self-esteem. They did MUCH to validate that my ex was just this bad ole boy and paint him in a bad light in my eyes. They also made me mad enough to want to stick it out with him and give him all the love that his mother obviously wasn't giving him. Yet, on the other hand my MIL could be the most loving person in the world - WHEN she decided to turn the *good* light on you. In the end, her true colors are shining through as she has managed to sever bonds between her and her beloved clone of a daughter. I hope my SIL listens to what she reads in the books I've given her. She's in such conflict with herself and she has been since the day I've known her. But yes, it does appear there are different levels of BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to spot. But once you know about it - it's obvious. Cyndie --- Carol M wrote: > Cyndie McCoy wrote: > > > --- Carol M wrote: > > > I couldn't believe things had come to this, so > > > there just had to be a way to fix things so > > > everything would be right again, like it had > been > > > during my early adult years, when we had a great > > > friendship that I'll never ever forget. > > > > Hi Carol - You had a relationship with your nada? > > > - just wanted to thank you for > > sharing that cuz it sort of validates my > suspicions > > about MIL. BP nadas can come in all sorts of > > disguises. > > Yes! BP relationships come in all colors, shapes > and sizes. > > Here's my story in a nutshell.......... > > I grew up as the favored child who could do no > wrong, while my younger brother by 3 years could do > no right. When I was 8, mother clandestinely left > dad while he was at work. I was told about the plan > beforehand and sworn to secrecy. Mother, her mother > (my grandmother), mother's uncle, my brother > and I drove 3000 miles across the country to settle > in Calif. Grandmother raised us while mother > worked. Eventually, brother began to get into > serious trouble, so at the age of 13 (I was 16), she > shipped him back to dad, with whom he's lived til > this day. Brother has never married, has no > children, > is an alcoholic, and I suspect is a BP too. After > brother left, mother soon turned on me, and things > were very stormy until I left to get married against > her wishes at the age of 20. Once married, she > completely accepted my husband. She and I became > close friends, like sisters practically, and it > lasted for 16 years, although we never lived near > her, because my husband was a military man. Then we > retired from the military and settled in a place 400 > miles from mother, which was when the first cracks > began to appear on the surface, although I didn't > realize it then. The next 9 years witnessed > my gradual withdrawal from mother emotionally > because she had started to interfere with my life in > ways that had become increasingly frustrating, and > which I attributed it to her worsening alcoholism. > The last 10 years were a complete descent into h*ll, > the likes of which I never dreamed possible. > > Best wishes, > Carol > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 >>>>But yes, it does appear there are different levels of BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to spot. But once you know about it - it's obvious.>>>>> Yep, this explains why no one saw it in my nada and I just thought she acted " wierd " at times. NOW tho, her true colors are showing vividly in her letters. Without those letters, I'm not sure I could ever have explained it even to my therapist. Maybe, too, with her advancing age (83) she's unable to hide it as well. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 >>>>But yes, it does appear there are different levels of BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to spot. But once you know about it - it's obvious.>>>>> Yep, this explains why no one saw it in my nada and I just thought she acted " wierd " at times. NOW tho, her true colors are showing vividly in her letters. Without those letters, I'm not sure I could ever have explained it even to my therapist. Maybe, too, with her advancing age (83) she's unable to hide it as well. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 >>>>But yes, it does appear there are different levels of BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to spot. But once you know about it - it's obvious.>>>>> Yep, this explains why no one saw it in my nada and I just thought she acted " wierd " at times. NOW tho, her true colors are showing vividly in her letters. Without those letters, I'm not sure I could ever have explained it even to my therapist. Maybe, too, with her advancing age (83) she's unable to hide it as well. Ilene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 Ilene - I'm interested to read the nada letter. Will you be posting it? My nada doesn't send letters - she sends bible passages... last year she sent a Psalm that left me shaking so badly. It took me days to get over it. She knew exactly where to cut right through me. Recently my ex took the kids to see her. She had charms for all of us. They were all religious charms. I don't like getting religious things from her because her version of God conflicts with mine. I dislike when she uses God to get to me. Hers is a vengeful, spiteful, hateful one - mine is Love and truth. My nada spouts Gods truth with spittle - Mine speaks gently of truth... It's taken me some time to realize she was manipulating my beliefs. She was my mother!!! But I have. I think it would be interesting to read your nadas letter if you can do it. BTW, I'm interested to read the Prodigal Son post. What is the link for WTO Christian??? --- ilene@... wrote: > > > >>>>But yes, it does appear there are different > levels of > BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to > spot. But once you know about it - it's > obvious.>>>>> > > Yep, this explains why no one saw it in my nada and > I just thought she acted > " wierd " at times. NOW tho, her true colors are > showing vividly in her letters. > Without those letters, I'm not sure I could ever > have explained it even to my > therapist. Maybe, too, with her advancing age (83) > she's unable to hide it as > well. > > Ilene > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 Ilene - I'm interested to read the nada letter. Will you be posting it? My nada doesn't send letters - she sends bible passages... last year she sent a Psalm that left me shaking so badly. It took me days to get over it. She knew exactly where to cut right through me. Recently my ex took the kids to see her. She had charms for all of us. They were all religious charms. I don't like getting religious things from her because her version of God conflicts with mine. I dislike when she uses God to get to me. Hers is a vengeful, spiteful, hateful one - mine is Love and truth. My nada spouts Gods truth with spittle - Mine speaks gently of truth... It's taken me some time to realize she was manipulating my beliefs. She was my mother!!! But I have. I think it would be interesting to read your nadas letter if you can do it. BTW, I'm interested to read the Prodigal Son post. What is the link for WTO Christian??? --- ilene@... wrote: > > > >>>>But yes, it does appear there are different > levels of > BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to > spot. But once you know about it - it's > obvious.>>>>> > > Yep, this explains why no one saw it in my nada and > I just thought she acted > " wierd " at times. NOW tho, her true colors are > showing vividly in her letters. > Without those letters, I'm not sure I could ever > have explained it even to my > therapist. Maybe, too, with her advancing age (83) > she's unable to hide it as > well. > > Ilene > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 Ilene - I'm interested to read the nada letter. Will you be posting it? My nada doesn't send letters - she sends bible passages... last year she sent a Psalm that left me shaking so badly. It took me days to get over it. She knew exactly where to cut right through me. Recently my ex took the kids to see her. She had charms for all of us. They were all religious charms. I don't like getting religious things from her because her version of God conflicts with mine. I dislike when she uses God to get to me. Hers is a vengeful, spiteful, hateful one - mine is Love and truth. My nada spouts Gods truth with spittle - Mine speaks gently of truth... It's taken me some time to realize she was manipulating my beliefs. She was my mother!!! But I have. I think it would be interesting to read your nadas letter if you can do it. BTW, I'm interested to read the Prodigal Son post. What is the link for WTO Christian??? --- ilene@... wrote: > > > >>>>But yes, it does appear there are different > levels of > BP. Those high functioning ones are really hard to > spot. But once you know about it - it's > obvious.>>>>> > > Yep, this explains why no one saw it in my nada and > I just thought she acted > " wierd " at times. NOW tho, her true colors are > showing vividly in her letters. > Without those letters, I'm not sure I could ever > have explained it even to my > therapist. Maybe, too, with her advancing age (83) > she's unable to hide it as > well. > > Ilene > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 > I've got to be really honest - I'm not sure I ever " loved " my nada. I don't think I really loved my nada either. In fact, I don't think there was any love in my house, ever. There was a lot of strife, raging, queen mother nada. I never saw " real " love until I was an adult. Hania Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 > I've got to be really honest - I'm not sure I ever " loved " my nada. I don't think I really loved my nada either. In fact, I don't think there was any love in my house, ever. There was a lot of strife, raging, queen mother nada. I never saw " real " love until I was an adult. Hania Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2001 Report Share Posted November 11, 2001 I got loved as a child -- not by my nada but by our animals. Until I was 18 yo, we lived on an acre of land in the middle of nowhere in Michigan. When I was beaten by my nada our dogs would lick the snot from my nose and the tears from my eyes. They loved me unconditionally. I have a tender place in my heart for animals. Edith - & Garfield (my 14#, 1.5 yo cat). --- soaringeagle@... wrote: > > > I've got to be really honest - I'm not sure I ever > " loved " my > nada. > > > I don't think I really loved my nada either. In > fact, I don't think > there was any love in my house, ever. There was a > lot of strife, > raging, queen mother nada. > > I never saw " real " love until I was an adult. > Hania >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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