handling anger and some questions

September 14, 2001

Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time with this and it causes

no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of other's

anger, that they will leave me because they are angry

with me. Even though I am not like that myself. And

like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at me.

I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that is

a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over time

I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and listen

(although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I do

just leave for a while because I just can't handle

it).>>

Here we go again - I could have written this! Last night I had to talk to a

friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty upset to start with because she

already knew some of it from another friend. My dd and I had to sit down with

her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo guys. The oldest had used some

very crude language on-line with my daughter and I was furious. Maybe

disappointed too - They have been raised by Christian parents, are homeschooled

and I expected better behavior. The mom question why my dd was on line with her

girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with it!

I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset. However, when I got home all

I could think was that maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. That now she's

going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice cream and then another chocolate

peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I could handle things like this

better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear from the OK police-jerk.

Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people talking about me behind my

back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to figure out where it coming from.

Comments??

Ilene in TX

September 15, 2001

I don't know about anyone else but for me?...... I WAS being talked about behind

my back. Nada did that to me all the time with my siblings, later on with my

own friends and still later with my husband. How about you? Was that a factor

for you? wendy

handling anger and some questions

Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time with this and it causes

no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of other's

anger, that they will leave me because they are angry

with me. Even though I am not like that myself. And

like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at me.

I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that is

a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over time

I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and listen

(although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I do

just leave for a while because I just can't handle

it).>>

Here we go again - I could have written this! Last night I had to talk to a

friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty upset to start with because

she

already knew some of it from another friend. My dd and I had to sit down with

her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo guys. The oldest had used some

very crude language on-line with my daughter and I was furious. Maybe

disappointed too - They have been raised by Christian parents, are

homeschooled

and I expected better behavior. The mom question why my dd was on line with

her

girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with it!

I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset. However, when I got home

all

I could think was that maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. That now she's

going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice cream and then another

chocolate

peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I could handle things like this

better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear from the OK police-jerk.

Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people talking about me behind my

back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to figure out where it coming

from.

Comments??

Ilene in TX

To get off the list, send a blank message to

ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to

ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs

can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see

http://www.BPDCentral.com

September 15, 2001

I definitely know that my nada talked about me behind my back and even in front

of me! to her friends, my friends and even my kids. My husband she didn't dare

say anything to! Thanks for reminding me of that - I've been feeling guilty this

week - lol.

Ilene in TX

God bless America!

September 15, 2001

I definitely know that my nada talked about me behind my back and even in front

of me! to her friends, my friends and even my kids. My husband she didn't dare

say anything to! Thanks for reminding me of that - I've been feeling guilty this

week - lol.

Ilene in TX

God bless America!

September 15, 2001

I definitely know that my nada talked about me behind my back and even in front

of me! to her friends, my friends and even my kids. My husband she didn't dare

say anything to! Thanks for reminding me of that - I've been feeling guilty this

week - lol.

Ilene in TX

God bless America!

September 15, 2001

Ilene,

I know how you feel, but from my perspective it seems

like you handled it pretty well, except for the effect

of it on you. Lots of times I don't even handle those

situations well - more often with closer people versus

acquantances. It causes me no end of pain.

I have a terrible time with confrontation, precisley

because I don't want the other person to be mad at me.

Thus I tend to wait until it has built up and you

know what happens then. It becomes blown up out of

proportion, I overreact since I am so sensitive to

criticism. I hate this about myself.

Around once per month - pms - I usually get very angry

at someone - usually my bf for stupid reasons and

become irrational. Although most of the time I can

control my response and anger, about once a month I

can not. It happened again on Wed night. I got set

off because my bf was upset with me because I didn't

save him any of my dinner like I said I would.

Actually I kind of forgot to save any because I was

hungry and he was on the phone.

He was mad, told me he wouldn't do that to me, etc. I

completely blew up and couldn't understand how he

could be mad at me over this. I yelled at him for 15

minutes before I stopped. Then of course I was so

upset for yelling at him, but stubborn because I felt

so hurt. It took 2 days to make up - as usual he had

to call me, because I can't seem to call him when this

happens. I feel so ashamed, guilty and am so scared

to call and hear anything bad. I start to over react

and the thoughts just snow ball in my head - until I

am expecting him to break up with me over this.

He hasn't, but I am still scared he will. I spoke to

my best friend about this and she said that about 80%

of the time I am a nice, warm person. About 20% of

the time I get controlling, bitchy, stingy and

withdrawn. I have talked to my doctor about this and

she has told me that I have so much pent up anger from

all the bad things my mother did, and my xbph. I am

on antidepressants for this as well as depression and

it seems to help a lot except for that pms day once a

month. I even know when it is happening and can't

seem to stop myself.

I am so scared to give sometimes for fear that I will

still be hurt and then I won't have anything left to

give to me. This sounds really strange and doesn't

make sense to me at all. Plus I am so used to giving

and not receiving anything back, now I have a hard

time giving to the people that do deserve sometimes,

like my children, bf and best friend.

Does anybody have any ideas????? I really need help

with this.

--- ilene@... wrote:

>

> Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time with

> this and it causes

> no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of

> other's

> anger, that they will leave me because they are

> angry

> with me. Even though I am not like that myself.

> And

> like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

> twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at

> me.

> I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

> stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that

> is

> a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

> co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over

> time

> I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and

> listen

> (although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I do

> just leave for a while because I just can't handle

> it).>>

>

> Here we go again - I could have written this! Last

> night I had to talk to a

> friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty

> upset to start with because she

> already knew some of it from another friend. My dd

> and I had to sit down with

> her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo guys.

> The oldest had used some

> very crude language on-line with my daughter and I

> was furious. Maybe

> disappointed too - They have been raised by

> Christian parents, are homeschooled

> and I expected better behavior. The mom question

> why my dd was on line with her

> girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with

> it!

> I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset.

> However, when I got home all

> I could think was that maybe I should have kept my

> mouth shut. That now she's

> going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice cream

> and then another chocolate

> peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I could

> handle things like this

> better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear from

> the OK police-jerk.

> Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

> I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people

> talking about me behind my

> back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to

> figure out where it coming from.

>

> Comments??

>

> Ilene in TX

>

__________________________________________________

Terrorist Attacks on U.S. - How can you help?

Donate cash, emergency relief information

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/fc/US/Emergency_Information/

September 15, 2001

Ilene,

I know how you feel, but from my perspective it seems

like you handled it pretty well, except for the effect

of it on you. Lots of times I don't even handle those

situations well - more often with closer people versus

acquantances. It causes me no end of pain.

I have a terrible time with confrontation, precisley

because I don't want the other person to be mad at me.

Thus I tend to wait until it has built up and you

know what happens then. It becomes blown up out of

proportion, I overreact since I am so sensitive to

criticism. I hate this about myself.

Around once per month - pms - I usually get very angry

at someone - usually my bf for stupid reasons and

become irrational. Although most of the time I can

control my response and anger, about once a month I

can not. It happened again on Wed night. I got set

off because my bf was upset with me because I didn't

save him any of my dinner like I said I would.

Actually I kind of forgot to save any because I was

hungry and he was on the phone.

He was mad, told me he wouldn't do that to me, etc. I

completely blew up and couldn't understand how he

could be mad at me over this. I yelled at him for 15

minutes before I stopped. Then of course I was so

upset for yelling at him, but stubborn because I felt

so hurt. It took 2 days to make up - as usual he had

to call me, because I can't seem to call him when this

happens. I feel so ashamed, guilty and am so scared

to call and hear anything bad. I start to over react

and the thoughts just snow ball in my head - until I

am expecting him to break up with me over this.

He hasn't, but I am still scared he will. I spoke to

my best friend about this and she said that about 80%

of the time I am a nice, warm person. About 20% of

the time I get controlling, bitchy, stingy and

withdrawn. I have talked to my doctor about this and

she has told me that I have so much pent up anger from

all the bad things my mother did, and my xbph. I am

on antidepressants for this as well as depression and

it seems to help a lot except for that pms day once a

month. I even know when it is happening and can't

seem to stop myself.

I am so scared to give sometimes for fear that I will

still be hurt and then I won't have anything left to

give to me. This sounds really strange and doesn't

make sense to me at all. Plus I am so used to giving

and not receiving anything back, now I have a hard

time giving to the people that do deserve sometimes,

like my children, bf and best friend.

Does anybody have any ideas????? I really need help

with this.

--- ilene@... wrote:

>

> Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time with

> this and it causes

> no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of

> other's

> anger, that they will leave me because they are

> angry

> with me. Even though I am not like that myself.

> And

> like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

> twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at

> me.

> I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

> stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that

> is

> a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

> co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over

> time

> I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and

> listen

> (although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I do

> just leave for a while because I just can't handle

> it).>>

>

> Here we go again - I could have written this! Last

> night I had to talk to a

> friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty

> upset to start with because she

> already knew some of it from another friend. My dd

> and I had to sit down with

> her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo guys.

> The oldest had used some

> very crude language on-line with my daughter and I

> was furious. Maybe

> disappointed too - They have been raised by

> Christian parents, are homeschooled

> and I expected better behavior. The mom question

> why my dd was on line with her

> girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with

> it!

> I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset.

> However, when I got home all

> I could think was that maybe I should have kept my

> mouth shut. That now she's

> going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice cream

> and then another chocolate

> peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I could

> handle things like this

> better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear from

> the OK police-jerk.

> Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

> I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people

> talking about me behind my

> back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to

> figure out where it coming from.

>

> Comments??

>

> Ilene in TX

>

__________________________________________________

Terrorist Attacks on U.S. - How can you help?

Donate cash, emergency relief information

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/fc/US/Emergency_Information/

September 15, 2001

Ilene,

I know how you feel, but from my perspective it seems

like you handled it pretty well, except for the effect

of it on you. Lots of times I don't even handle those

situations well - more often with closer people versus

acquantances. It causes me no end of pain.

I have a terrible time with confrontation, precisley

because I don't want the other person to be mad at me.

Thus I tend to wait until it has built up and you

know what happens then. It becomes blown up out of

proportion, I overreact since I am so sensitive to

criticism. I hate this about myself.

Around once per month - pms - I usually get very angry

at someone - usually my bf for stupid reasons and

become irrational. Although most of the time I can

control my response and anger, about once a month I

can not. It happened again on Wed night. I got set

off because my bf was upset with me because I didn't

save him any of my dinner like I said I would.

Actually I kind of forgot to save any because I was

hungry and he was on the phone.

He was mad, told me he wouldn't do that to me, etc. I

completely blew up and couldn't understand how he

could be mad at me over this. I yelled at him for 15

minutes before I stopped. Then of course I was so

upset for yelling at him, but stubborn because I felt

so hurt. It took 2 days to make up - as usual he had

to call me, because I can't seem to call him when this

happens. I feel so ashamed, guilty and am so scared

to call and hear anything bad. I start to over react

and the thoughts just snow ball in my head - until I

am expecting him to break up with me over this.

He hasn't, but I am still scared he will. I spoke to

my best friend about this and she said that about 80%

of the time I am a nice, warm person. About 20% of

the time I get controlling, bitchy, stingy and

withdrawn. I have talked to my doctor about this and

she has told me that I have so much pent up anger from

all the bad things my mother did, and my xbph. I am

on antidepressants for this as well as depression and

it seems to help a lot except for that pms day once a

month. I even know when it is happening and can't

seem to stop myself.

I am so scared to give sometimes for fear that I will

still be hurt and then I won't have anything left to

give to me. This sounds really strange and doesn't

make sense to me at all. Plus I am so used to giving

and not receiving anything back, now I have a hard

time giving to the people that do deserve sometimes,

like my children, bf and best friend.

Does anybody have any ideas????? I really need help

with this.

--- ilene@... wrote:

>

> Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time with

> this and it causes

> no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of

> other's

> anger, that they will leave me because they are

> angry

> with me. Even though I am not like that myself.

> And

> like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

> twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at

> me.

> I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

> stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that

> is

> a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

> co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over

> time

> I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and

> listen

> (although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I do

> just leave for a while because I just can't handle

> it).>>

>

> Here we go again - I could have written this! Last

> night I had to talk to a

> friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty

> upset to start with because she

> already knew some of it from another friend. My dd

> and I had to sit down with

> her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo guys.

> The oldest had used some

> very crude language on-line with my daughter and I

> was furious. Maybe

> disappointed too - They have been raised by

> Christian parents, are homeschooled

> and I expected better behavior. The mom question

> why my dd was on line with her

> girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with

> it!

> I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset.

> However, when I got home all

> I could think was that maybe I should have kept my

> mouth shut. That now she's

> going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice cream

> and then another chocolate

> peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I could

> handle things like this

> better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear from

> the OK police-jerk.

> Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

> I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people

> talking about me behind my

> back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to

> figure out where it coming from.

>

> Comments??

>

> Ilene in TX

>

__________________________________________________

Terrorist Attacks on U.S. - How can you help?

Donate cash, emergency relief information

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/fc/US/Emergency_Information/

September 15, 2001

,

My nada did this to me almost every day in our lives

with me and my two sisters. She would tell one of us

something bad about the other, then tell the other

something bad about that one. She switched between us

who was " bad " and who was " good " depending on what we

did - I think depending on her mood and who she needed

to control.

To this day I have little relations with my sisters

and we don't trust each other. My nada has

successfully isolated me from my whole family by lies

told about me behind my back. She alternates between

the other two - sometimes she is close to one and then

she will shun that one and be close to the other. I

am completely shunned because I dared to rock the boat

and ask questions and make statements that were true.

Nada hates me with a passion, because with me, the

ruse is up and I have nothing to do with her anymore,

by my choice. That is how I was excommunicated from

my family.

My sisters don't believe that their mother has bpd.

They are both still in denial. One sister has a lot

of symptoms, and nada was the meanest to her on a

regular basis.

We are all close to our father though, and he has

helped us enormously after he healed. He also knows

that nada had bpd, his validation was so important.

He answered so many of my questions about my childhood

for me when I finally asked. It helped so much to

know that my memories were not only accurate but it

was worse than I remembered. He gave me alot of

background that nada hid from everyone. He was so

scared of her that for the first 15 years after he

left, he withdrew a lot from his daughters. He has

learned to reach out to us and be a strong father now.

I appreciate it so much.

I wish I were closer to my sisters, but it seems an

overwhelming task at the moment. Maybe someday.

--- wjseetch wrote:

> I don't know about anyone else but for me?...... I

> WAS being talked about behind my back. Nada did

> that to me all the time with my siblings, later on

> with my own friends and still later with my husband.

> How about you? Was that a factor for you? wendy

> handling anger and some

> questions

>

> Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time

> with this and it causes

> no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of

> other's

> anger, that they will leave me because they are

> angry

> with me. Even though I am not like that myself.

> And

> like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

> twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at

> me.

> I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

> stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that

> is

> a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

> co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over

> time

> I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and

> listen

> (although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I

> do

> just leave for a while because I just can't handle

> it).>>

>

> Here we go again - I could have written this!

> Last night I had to talk to a

> friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty

> upset to start with because she

> already knew some of it from another friend. My

> dd and I had to sit down with

> her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo

> guys. The oldest had used some

> very crude language on-line with my daughter and I

> was furious. Maybe

> disappointed too - They have been raised by

> Christian parents, are homeschooled

> and I expected better behavior. The mom question

> why my dd was on line with her

> girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with

> it!

> I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset.

> However, when I got home all

> I could think was that maybe I should have kept my

> mouth shut. That now she's

> going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice

> cream and then another chocolate

> peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I

> could handle things like this

> better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear

> from the OK police-jerk.

> Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

> I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people

> talking about me behind my

> back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to

> figure out where it coming from.

>

> Comments??

>

> Ilene in TX

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

> ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions

> & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop

> Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be

> ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

> table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

September 15, 2001

,

My nada did this to me almost every day in our lives

with me and my two sisters. She would tell one of us

something bad about the other, then tell the other

something bad about that one. She switched between us

who was " bad " and who was " good " depending on what we

did - I think depending on her mood and who she needed

to control.

To this day I have little relations with my sisters

and we don't trust each other. My nada has

successfully isolated me from my whole family by lies

told about me behind my back. She alternates between

the other two - sometimes she is close to one and then

she will shun that one and be close to the other. I

am completely shunned because I dared to rock the boat

and ask questions and make statements that were true.

Nada hates me with a passion, because with me, the

ruse is up and I have nothing to do with her anymore,

by my choice. That is how I was excommunicated from

my family.

My sisters don't believe that their mother has bpd.

They are both still in denial. One sister has a lot

of symptoms, and nada was the meanest to her on a

regular basis.

We are all close to our father though, and he has

helped us enormously after he healed. He also knows

that nada had bpd, his validation was so important.

He answered so many of my questions about my childhood

for me when I finally asked. It helped so much to

know that my memories were not only accurate but it

was worse than I remembered. He gave me alot of

background that nada hid from everyone. He was so

scared of her that for the first 15 years after he

left, he withdrew a lot from his daughters. He has

learned to reach out to us and be a strong father now.

I appreciate it so much.

I wish I were closer to my sisters, but it seems an

overwhelming task at the moment. Maybe someday.

--- wjseetch wrote:

> I don't know about anyone else but for me?...... I

> WAS being talked about behind my back. Nada did

> that to me all the time with my siblings, later on

> with my own friends and still later with my husband.

> How about you? Was that a factor for you? wendy

> handling anger and some

> questions

>

> Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time

> with this and it causes

> no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of

> other's

> anger, that they will leave me because they are

> angry

> with me. Even though I am not like that myself.

> And

> like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

> twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at

> me.

> I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

> stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that

> is

> a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

> co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over

> time

> I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and

> listen

> (although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I

> do

> just leave for a while because I just can't handle

> it).>>

>

> Here we go again - I could have written this!

> Last night I had to talk to a

> friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty

> upset to start with because she

> already knew some of it from another friend. My

> dd and I had to sit down with

> her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo

> guys. The oldest had used some

> very crude language on-line with my daughter and I

> was furious. Maybe

> disappointed too - They have been raised by

> Christian parents, are homeschooled

> and I expected better behavior. The mom question

> why my dd was on line with her

> girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with

> it!

> I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset.

> However, when I got home all

> I could think was that maybe I should have kept my

> mouth shut. That now she's

> going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice

> cream and then another chocolate

> peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I

> could handle things like this

> better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear

> from the OK police-jerk.

> Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

> I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people

> talking about me behind my

> back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to

> figure out where it coming from.

>

> Comments??

>

> Ilene in TX

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

> ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions

> & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop

> Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be

> ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

> table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

September 15, 2001

,

My nada did this to me almost every day in our lives

with me and my two sisters. She would tell one of us

something bad about the other, then tell the other

something bad about that one. She switched between us

who was " bad " and who was " good " depending on what we

did - I think depending on her mood and who she needed

to control.

To this day I have little relations with my sisters

and we don't trust each other. My nada has

successfully isolated me from my whole family by lies

told about me behind my back. She alternates between

the other two - sometimes she is close to one and then

she will shun that one and be close to the other. I

am completely shunned because I dared to rock the boat

and ask questions and make statements that were true.

Nada hates me with a passion, because with me, the

ruse is up and I have nothing to do with her anymore,

by my choice. That is how I was excommunicated from

my family.

My sisters don't believe that their mother has bpd.

They are both still in denial. One sister has a lot

of symptoms, and nada was the meanest to her on a

regular basis.

We are all close to our father though, and he has

helped us enormously after he healed. He also knows

that nada had bpd, his validation was so important.

He answered so many of my questions about my childhood

for me when I finally asked. It helped so much to

know that my memories were not only accurate but it

was worse than I remembered. He gave me alot of

background that nada hid from everyone. He was so

scared of her that for the first 15 years after he

left, he withdrew a lot from his daughters. He has

learned to reach out to us and be a strong father now.

I appreciate it so much.

I wish I were closer to my sisters, but it seems an

overwhelming task at the moment. Maybe someday.

--- wjseetch wrote:

> I don't know about anyone else but for me?...... I

> WAS being talked about behind my back. Nada did

> that to me all the time with my siblings, later on

> with my own friends and still later with my husband.

> How about you? Was that a factor for you? wendy

> handling anger and some

> questions

>

> Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time

> with this and it causes

> no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of

> other's

> anger, that they will leave me because they are

> angry

> with me. Even though I am not like that myself.

> And

> like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

> twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at

> me.

> I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

> stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that

> is

> a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

> co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over

> time

> I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and

> listen

> (although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I

> do

> just leave for a while because I just can't handle

> it).>>

>

> Here we go again - I could have written this!

> Last night I had to talk to a

> friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty

> upset to start with because she

> already knew some of it from another friend. My

> dd and I had to sit down with

> her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo

> guys. The oldest had used some

> very crude language on-line with my daughter and I

> was furious. Maybe

> disappointed too - They have been raised by

> Christian parents, are homeschooled

> and I expected better behavior. The mom question

> why my dd was on line with her

> girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with

> it!

> I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset.

> However, when I got home all

> I could think was that maybe I should have kept my

> mouth shut. That now she's

> going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice

> cream and then another chocolate

> peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I

> could handle things like this

> better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear

> from the OK police-jerk.

> Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

> I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people

> talking about me behind my

> back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to

> figure out where it coming from.

>

> Comments??

>

> Ilene in TX

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

> ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions

> & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop

> Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be

> ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

> table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

September 15, 2001

Hi ,

Like you, I too had to live with people who listened to nada. I was always held

up as too different from the family. As we kids grew older the situation became

worse. Nada didn't have to put the thought there anymore, (although she still

did) they came up with their own ways of making me feel bad. My sis would go

out of her way to get me in trouble and nada was more than happy to punish me.

I've just recently (June) began to talk to my sister after two years of silence.

What a mistake. With all the stuff I'm dealing with my daughter, my sister has

told her lies about me that defy imagination!! It's too funny. My daughter

knows that these tales of hers are not true, but at the same time this is going

on, my sis is telling me that she loves me and would do nothing to ruin our

being able to talk to each other. Excuse me but I've got to put my boots on...

it's getting deep!

My bro's would also find ways to " get at me " . One bro likes the way I,

financially, plan out my month and asked me to set up his office. Seven months

later he wants the keys to his office back because " you like to plan out the

whole month " Never mind that I now have him debt free and he has money in the

bank for his business. Yesterday I asked to borrow the compressor from my

youngest bro. Every fall I like to clean the furnace before lighting up. He told

me no, because he had cut the hose. I found out that he had lied. Now these

people are in their late thirties!! It's sad. I see denial everywhere with

these people. And the back stabbing goes on.

My dad was great, most of the time. He was supportive, loving and we knew when

he hugged us he meant it. But he was usually a weekend dad, jobs being what they

were, and only saw what she would let him see. When things did come to his

attention, he would try to fix things. Which, I've come to see, was really his

way of defusing things not really fixing them. But, he did try. My dads death

was really hard on me, he was the only one in my family who I KNEW really loved

me. Yet the life style of my family goes on. I removed myself from them by way

of being the way they used to tell me was a curse....I was too different from

them. I like knowing the truth and pointing it out to them when they would

start the lying. I rock their safe little world. If they don't talk to me, so

what! Come to think of it, they never ever really have. :0)

handling anger and some

> questions

>

> Steph wrote::<<<other. I have a terrible time

> with this and it causes

> no end to misundertanding me. I am scared of

> other's

> anger, that they will leave me because they are

> angry

> with me. Even though I am not like that myself.

> And

> like you said, it is a bit irrational. I used to

> twist myself up into knots over someone's anger at

> me.

> I would give in, agree with anything to get it to

> stop. Thank goodness I don't do that because that

> is

> a step to being emotionally blackmailed and

> co-dependent. It was so hard to deal with. Over

> time

> I have learned to just calm down, be quiet and

> listen

> (although eventually if the anger doesn't stop, I

> do

> just leave for a while because I just can't handle

> it).>>

>

> Here we go again - I could have written this!

> Last night I had to talk to a

> friend about her 2 boys behavior. She was pretty

> upset to start with because she

> already knew some of it from another friend. My

> dd and I had to sit down with

> her and her boys. We're talking 15 and 16 yo

> guys. The oldest had used some

> very crude language on-line with my daughter and I

> was furious. Maybe

> disappointed too - They have been raised by

> Christian parents, are homeschooled

> and I expected better behavior. The mom question

> why my dd was on line with her

> girlfriend at 2am - what did that have to do with

> it!

> I tried to excuse that as just mom that was upset.

> However, when I got home all

> I could think was that maybe I should have kept my

> mouth shut. That now she's

> going to hate us all. I ate a big bowl of ice

> cream and then another chocolate

> peanut butter bar - boy was I upset. I wish I

> could handle things like this

> better. I'm still trying to deal with my fear

> from the OK police-jerk.

> Everytime I see a police car now , I almost panic.

> I'm also having trouble with paranoia - are people

> talking about me behind my

> back>>>>????? Irrational, but I can't seem to

> figure out where it coming from.

>

> Comments??

>

> Ilene in TX

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

> ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions

> & concerns to ModOasis-owner . " Stop

> Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be

> ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

> table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

September 15, 2001