6. Eggshells and Abbreviations: Guideline of Day

[Guest guest]

(A portion of the guidelines to the WTO groups are sent out each day because

alltogether they can be rather overwhelming. They are sent to all lists in

approximate order of what is important and are not making any comment on any

particular message on any one of the WTO groups. Please note our guidelines

have developed over the years by the group as a whole to meet situations that

come up again and again. Before you post, you must agree to try to read and

try to meet them. If you have any questions, comments, or feelings you wish

to voice about the guidelines, please write to at bear454us@...

or RandiBPD@.... Thank you!)

This list, like most Non-BP lists, uses concepts and language taken from the

book STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS by Mason, MS and Randi Kreger.

You will get the most out of this list if you have read the book. If you want

to break up with or divorce your BP, similarly you will be ahead of the game

if you read the booklet LOVE AND LOATHING: PROTECTING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND

LEGAL RIGHTS WHEN YOUR PARTNER HAS BPD.

A new 3 CD set on obtaining custody is in the works with the working title of

" A Non's Guide to Obtaining Custody. "

The footer of EVERY post explains how to obtain these books. However, this is

not a commercial list; you are NOT required to read anything.

These lists have abbreviations and its own vernacular. Words commonly used

include::

* BP: person in your life who has BPD or whom YOU THINK has BPD traits.

* BPSO: BP significant other. XBPSO=Ex BPSO (this has many variations).

* DEAR: Communication technique used to set limits and ask for things. See

www.BPDCentral.com library.

* Distortion campaign: a deliberate attempt by someone to smear your name

because they have split you as all bad. They feel justified and may tell lies

or truly believe their distortions. May or may not involve the law.

* DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual edition 4 published by the

American Psychiatric Association. Used or diagnostic and insurance purposes.

*FOG: fear, obligation and guilt, which make you susceptible to emotional

blackmail

*Hoovered: after the vacuum cleaner, to be sucked back into the relationship

for another ride on the rollercoaster.

* Intermittent reinforcement: when good outcomes happen on an unpredictable

schedule, thereby reinforcing behavior. Examples: when the BP sometimes acts

" normal, " when you sometimes don't observe limits (this is reinforcing to the

BP).

*Light Bulb Effect: the realization that you're not crazy and BPD may explain

the other person's behavior.

* Lasagna therapy: A type of therapy whereby lasagna is dumped over the head

of a BP who constantly criticizes the way one eats--so much one won't eat

with the family anymore. Salad dumping in the lap is an adjunct part of this

therapy. Currently under double-bind test trials at several prestigious

universities.

*L and L: " Love and Loathing.

* Mirroring: Not absorbing the BP's projections and reflecting them back to

the BP.

* Non-BP: Person who is affected by someone else's BPD, eg you and your

family.

*Oz: the " Twilight Zone " feeling of not knowing what is real because of the

BP's distortions.

* PAS: parental alienation syndrome: when a parent deliberately and

repeatedly makes the other parent the " bad guy " and the child believes the

accusations (such as " daddy doesn't love you. " ) A form of child abuse.

* Sponging: Absorbing the BP's projections and bad feelings. (See " mirroring " )

*SWOE: the book " Stop Walking on Eggshells. "

* Projection: When a person denies certain feelings by attributing them to

someone else.

*PUVAS and DEAR: communication techniques you can download at the

www.BPDCentral.com library. DEARis about setting personal limits and PUVAS is

about ONE of the communication techniques you can use to communicate with

BPs. Other techniques in SWOE are defusing and walking away.

*Splitting: black and white thinking practiced by both Nons and BPs.

*Trigger: not a horse, but something that takes a person back to an earlier

trauma. They respond to the current situation and also relive the past one.

For example, a BP's criticism about your clothes triggers you because your

father did the same thing.

Randi Kreger

List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

www.BPDCentral.com

Randi Kreger

List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

www.BPDCentral.com