Re: I get scared sometimes...

[Guest guest]

Ilah, I am going through the exact same thing, right now! I try to cope by

looking at strengths and finding something else to occupy my mind. But late at

night, when the house is quiet and I am watching the ceiling and listening to my

husband snore ... my mind returns to this line of thinking. I cannot escape it.

What will happen when people see the real me? What really is the " real " me?

I've been what my mother wanted since I was very young, now I pretend to be what

my employer wants so that I can get what I need to get by. It is very tiring

and I get a bit angery because I can't be myself but I desparately want to be

myself - to be comfortable in my own skin.

You are not alone. I wonder if anyone has any ideas on how to get past this.

e

I get scared sometimes...

I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about who

I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life hiding

and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning about

my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I worry

what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well above

an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I was

in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It would

have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my hands

could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

verbal information very well at all.

I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I feel

my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic if

she did not pressure me so much?

In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way my

mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress skirt

together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself that

it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the feeling

would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

something minor, I'm not just a little different from most people, I

am very, very different.

At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually fairly

strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less severe

symptoms or are they just better at coping?

I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about why

the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have dug

up some very unpleasant thoughts.

Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

work through it?

Ilah

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the folder

marked " Other FAM Sites. "

________________________________

[Guest guest]

Sorry, I posted a blank response by mistake.

Like you, I've spent a lot of time worrying about why I'm different

and why I don't fit in. I don't know if your troubling characteristics

are more severe than mine or not, so I can't speak to your status.

I know I've contemplated this identity question for many years, and

I've come to conclusion that the real me is not my body, not my mind,

not this, not that. Who I am is the silent witness to all this, the

one who exists between thoughts, between breaths.

There are lots of things I could worry about, and I do worry

sometimes, but when I meditate and in my better moments, I remember

who I really am. This is not to say that we should deny our identity

or our Aspie status or anything else. It's more like be in the world,

but not of it. Be like the lotus, with its roots in the mud, and its

flower uplifted.

Ken

>

> I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about who

> I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life hiding

> and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning about

> my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I worry

> what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well above

> an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I was

> in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It would

> have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my hands

> could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> verbal information very well at all.

>

> I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I feel

> my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic if

> she did not pressure me so much?

>

> In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way my

> mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress skirt

> together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself that

> it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the feeling

> would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> something minor, I'm not just a little different from most people, I

> am very, very different.

>

> At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually fairly

> strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less severe

> symptoms or are they just better at coping?

>

> I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about why

> the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have dug

> up some very unpleasant thoughts.

>

> Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> work through it?

>

> Ilah

[Guest guest]

Ilah,

My feeling is that you are constantly evaluating yourself which is

nornmally good,but might be unhealthy in your case.

First you were comparing yourself to NTs to figure out how abnormal

you were, and now you are comparing yourself to other AS people tosee

how normal or abnormal you are.

If you were to go through all the posts in all the FAM forums from

beginning to end, you would see that just about ALL of us have

mentioned weird traits and quirks.

I can tell you anything you want to know about the 37 species of

wildcat, but I don't know beans about breeds of cats. I'm a savant

when it comes to reciting things about Doctor Who but could care less

about Stargate, or Battlestar Galactica, or many of the other Sci-Fi

shows they have on TV.

I have routines in the morning and routines at night and I go through

these rituals to make myself feel comfortable. In the first case

it's to face the day. In the second it's to relax myself before

sleep.

I stim by bouncing my right leg.

Sometimes when nervous I may absently repeat a phrase aloud that I

picked up somewhere and if I'm not careful I may do that in public,

in which case people might think I am talking to myself.

Am I normal or abnormal? That depends on how you define the word

normal. If normal means neurotypical, then no, I am not normal. If

normal means Aspie, it means yes, I am normal.

How normal?

Who knows and who cares?

The way I see it, the only one you have to live with 24 hours a day 7

days a week is yourself. Why go through life pretending to be someone

you are not? And why go through life second guessing behaviors and

activities that come naturally to you?

Certainly we have to make some concessions forother people and for

the world in general, but in private we shouldn't have to persist

with making those concessions.

I have " worked through " these issues by just accepting who I am.

For me, that's all there is to it.

Tom

>

Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

work through it?

Ilah

[Guest guest]

Ilah,

My feeling is that you are constantly evaluating yourself which is

nornmally good,but might be unhealthy in your case.

First you were comparing yourself to NTs to figure out how abnormal

you were, and now you are comparing yourself to other AS people tosee

how normal or abnormal you are.

If you were to go through all the posts in all the FAM forums from

beginning to end, you would see that just about ALL of us have

mentioned weird traits and quirks.

I can tell you anything you want to know about the 37 species of

wildcat, but I don't know beans about breeds of cats. I'm a savant

when it comes to reciting things about Doctor Who but could care less

about Stargate, or Battlestar Galactica, or many of the other Sci-Fi

shows they have on TV.

I have routines in the morning and routines at night and I go through

these rituals to make myself feel comfortable. In the first case

it's to face the day. In the second it's to relax myself before

sleep.

I stim by bouncing my right leg.

Sometimes when nervous I may absently repeat a phrase aloud that I

picked up somewhere and if I'm not careful I may do that in public,

in which case people might think I am talking to myself.

Am I normal or abnormal? That depends on how you define the word

normal. If normal means neurotypical, then no, I am not normal. If

normal means Aspie, it means yes, I am normal.

How normal?

Who knows and who cares?

The way I see it, the only one you have to live with 24 hours a day 7

days a week is yourself. Why go through life pretending to be someone

you are not? And why go through life second guessing behaviors and

activities that come naturally to you?

Certainly we have to make some concessions forother people and for

the world in general, but in private we shouldn't have to persist

with making those concessions.

I have " worked through " these issues by just accepting who I am.

For me, that's all there is to it.

Tom

>

Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

work through it?

Ilah

[Guest guest]

Have some thoughts about this also....the AS concept is new, for most of my

life I was just " weird " .

It feels a little strange to try and revisit, re-define....

Its great to find a description that appears to fit, an explanation, a

community even, but scary to be looking at a label....

I'm actually feeling more self accepting around " being weird " these days,

don't think its going to change much, and there hasn't been alot of

humiliation around it in recent years.

The more I try not to be weird, the worse I come across, but now that I

don't care so much... for the most part it has become easier.

Yeah, when I get home, its great to be alone, and not worry about doing

something goofy, like half-verbalizing my thoughts while pondering and

writing an email....

I get scared sometimes...

>

>

> I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about who

> I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life hiding

> and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning about

> my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I worry

> what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well above

> an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I was

> in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It would

> have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my hands

> could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> verbal information very well at all.

>

> I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I feel

> my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic if

> she did not pressure me so much?

>

> In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way my

> mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress skirt

> together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself that

> it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the feeling

> would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> something minor, I'm not just a little different from most people, I

> am very, very different.

>

> At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually fairly

> strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less severe

> symptoms or are they just better at coping?

>

> I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about why

> the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have dug

> up some very unpleasant thoughts.

>

> Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> work through it?

>

> Ilah

>

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support

> and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the

> folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have some thoughts about this also....the AS concept is new, for most of my

life I was just " weird " .

It feels a little strange to try and revisit, re-define....

Its great to find a description that appears to fit, an explanation, a

community even, but scary to be looking at a label....

I'm actually feeling more self accepting around " being weird " these days,

don't think its going to change much, and there hasn't been alot of

humiliation around it in recent years.

The more I try not to be weird, the worse I come across, but now that I

don't care so much... for the most part it has become easier.

Yeah, when I get home, its great to be alone, and not worry about doing

something goofy, like half-verbalizing my thoughts while pondering and

writing an email....

I get scared sometimes...

>

>

> I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about who

> I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life hiding

> and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning about

> my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I worry

> what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well above

> an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I was

> in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It would

> have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my hands

> could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> verbal information very well at all.

>

> I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I feel

> my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic if

> she did not pressure me so much?

>

> In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way my

> mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress skirt

> together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself that

> it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the feeling

> would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> something minor, I'm not just a little different from most people, I

> am very, very different.

>

> At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually fairly

> strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less severe

> symptoms or are they just better at coping?

>

> I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about why

> the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have dug

> up some very unpleasant thoughts.

>

> Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> work through it?

>

> Ilah

>

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support

> and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the

> folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tom,

Ah, another right leg stimmer in the world. I used to get wacked around the head for the under the table right leg stimming when I was a kid (and later0.environmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote:

Ilah,My feeling is that you are constantly evaluating yourself which is nornmally good,but might be unhealthy in your case.First you were comparing yourself to NTs to figure out how abnormal you were, and now you are comparing yourself to other AS people tosee how normal or abnormal you are.If you were to go through all the posts in all the FAM forums from beginning to end, you would see that just about ALL of us have mentioned weird traits and quirks. I can tell you anything you want to know about the 37 species of wildcat, but I don't know beans about breeds of cats. I'm a savant when it comes to reciting things about Doctor Who but could care less about Stargate, or Battlestar Galactica, or many of the other Sci-Fi shows they have on TV.I have routines in the morning and routines at night and I go

through these rituals to make myself feel comfortable. In the first case it's to face the day. In the second it's to relax myself before sleep. I stim by bouncing my right leg.Sometimes when nervous I may absently repeat a phrase aloud that I picked up somewhere and if I'm not careful I may do that in public, in which case people might think I am talking to myself.Am I normal or abnormal? That depends on how you define the word normal. If normal means neurotypical, then no, I am not normal. If normal means Aspie, it means yes, I am normal. How normal? Who knows and who cares?The way I see it, the only one you have to live with 24 hours a day 7 days a week is yourself. Why go through life pretending to be someone you are not? And why go through life second guessing behaviors and activities that come naturally to you?Certainly we have to make some concessions

forother people and for the world in general, but in private we shouldn't have to persist with making those concessions. I have "worked through" these issues by just accepting who I am.For me, that's all there is to it.Tom > Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did youwork through it?IlahFAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the folder marked "Other FAM Sites." __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tom,

Ah, another right leg stimmer in the world. I used to get wacked around the head for the under the table right leg stimming when I was a kid (and later0.environmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote:

Ilah,My feeling is that you are constantly evaluating yourself which is nornmally good,but might be unhealthy in your case.First you were comparing yourself to NTs to figure out how abnormal you were, and now you are comparing yourself to other AS people tosee how normal or abnormal you are.If you were to go through all the posts in all the FAM forums from beginning to end, you would see that just about ALL of us have mentioned weird traits and quirks. I can tell you anything you want to know about the 37 species of wildcat, but I don't know beans about breeds of cats. I'm a savant when it comes to reciting things about Doctor Who but could care less about Stargate, or Battlestar Galactica, or many of the other Sci-Fi shows they have on TV.I have routines in the morning and routines at night and I go

through these rituals to make myself feel comfortable. In the first case it's to face the day. In the second it's to relax myself before sleep. I stim by bouncing my right leg.Sometimes when nervous I may absently repeat a phrase aloud that I picked up somewhere and if I'm not careful I may do that in public, in which case people might think I am talking to myself.Am I normal or abnormal? That depends on how you define the word normal. If normal means neurotypical, then no, I am not normal. If normal means Aspie, it means yes, I am normal. How normal? Who knows and who cares?The way I see it, the only one you have to live with 24 hours a day 7 days a week is yourself. Why go through life pretending to be someone you are not? And why go through life second guessing behaviors and activities that come naturally to you?Certainly we have to make some concessions

forother people and for the world in general, but in private we shouldn't have to persist with making those concessions. I have "worked through" these issues by just accepting who I am.For me, that's all there is to it.Tom > Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did youwork through it?IlahFAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the folder marked "Other FAM Sites." __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Yes I find it difficult and my mum has said to me previously 'why

can't you just be normal' and other such things. My mum was very

critical of me as a child - I wasn't a very girly girl and I think

that this dissapointed her. She would dress me up in pretty dresses

and I would come back filthy from climbing trees - I got sick of

hearing 'girls don't do that' to most things that I did - and I could

never understand why 'girls don't do that' because in my way of

thinking I did it and I was a girl - so yes this girl does!

I am in the process of trying to find out if I have AS or not - and

even this is scary - it will involve going somewhere I have not been

before and seeing someone I have not seen before - there are a lot of

uncertainties and I do not know what to expect - that scares me.

Also - I have had difficulties all my life and now there may be

explanations - but what good will that do? Will it just confirm that

there are some things that I just cannot do - cannot grasp? So even

with the knowledge of AS - even if I am diagnosed am I still doomed

to make the same mistakes I always have? - am I doomed to be

misinterpretted? I do not think the stress of life will magically

disapear with a dx - but I am hoping that someone out there will be

able to show me a way to deal with it that will be workable/do-able -

as for meltdowns - am I doomed to experience these for the rest of my

life when under stress?

Rambled on enough now :-)

>

> I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about

who

> I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life hiding

> and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning about

> my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I worry

> what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well above

> an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I

was

> in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It

would

> have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my hands

> could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> verbal information very well at all.

>

> I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I feel

> my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic

if

> she did not pressure me so much?

>

> In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way my

> mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress skirt

> together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself

that

> it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the feeling

> would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> something minor, I'm not just a little different from most people,

I

> am very, very different.

>

> At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually fairly

> strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less

severe

> symptoms or are they just better at coping?

>

> I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about why

> the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have dug

> up some very unpleasant thoughts.

>

> Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> work through it?

>

> Ilah

[Guest guest]

Yes I find it difficult and my mum has said to me previously 'why

can't you just be normal' and other such things. My mum was very

critical of me as a child - I wasn't a very girly girl and I think

that this dissapointed her. She would dress me up in pretty dresses

and I would come back filthy from climbing trees - I got sick of

hearing 'girls don't do that' to most things that I did - and I could

never understand why 'girls don't do that' because in my way of

thinking I did it and I was a girl - so yes this girl does!

I am in the process of trying to find out if I have AS or not - and

even this is scary - it will involve going somewhere I have not been

before and seeing someone I have not seen before - there are a lot of

uncertainties and I do not know what to expect - that scares me.

Also - I have had difficulties all my life and now there may be

explanations - but what good will that do? Will it just confirm that

there are some things that I just cannot do - cannot grasp? So even

with the knowledge of AS - even if I am diagnosed am I still doomed

to make the same mistakes I always have? - am I doomed to be

misinterpretted? I do not think the stress of life will magically

disapear with a dx - but I am hoping that someone out there will be

able to show me a way to deal with it that will be workable/do-able -

as for meltdowns - am I doomed to experience these for the rest of my

life when under stress?

Rambled on enough now :-)

>

> I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about

who

> I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life hiding

> and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning about

> my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I worry

> what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well above

> an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I

was

> in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It

would

> have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my hands

> could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> verbal information very well at all.

>

> I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I feel

> my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic

if

> she did not pressure me so much?

>

> In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way my

> mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress skirt

> together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself

that

> it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the feeling

> would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> something minor, I'm not just a little different from most people,

I

> am very, very different.

>

> At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually fairly

> strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less

severe

> symptoms or are they just better at coping?

>

> I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about why

> the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have dug

> up some very unpleasant thoughts.

>

> Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> work through it?

>

> Ilah

[Guest guest]

This was very nice - I got a lovely mental image of the lotus :-)

pinky and white. I cannot at the moment recall the symbology of the

lotus - but I am aware that there is meant to be some connected to

it - do you know of it?

> >

> > I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about

who

> > I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> > incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life

hiding

> > and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning

about

> > my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I

worry

> > what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> > continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> > the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> > wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> > coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well

above

> > an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> > aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> > functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> > not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I

was

> > in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It

would

> > have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my

hands

> > could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> > answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> > verbal information very well at all.

> >

> > I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I

feel

> > my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> > normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> > and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic

if

> > she did not pressure me so much?

> >

> > In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> > went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> > cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> > serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way

my

> > mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> > music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress

skirt

> > together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> > was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself

that

> > it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the

feeling

> > would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> > something minor, I'm not just a little different from most

people, I

> > am very, very different.

> >

> > At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> > lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually

fairly

> > strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> > coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less

severe

> > symptoms or are they just better at coping?

> >

> > I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about

why

> > the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have

dug

> > up some very unpleasant thoughts.

> >

> > Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> > work through it?

> >

> > Ilah

[Guest guest]

This was very nice - I got a lovely mental image of the lotus :-)

pinky and white. I cannot at the moment recall the symbology of the

lotus - but I am aware that there is meant to be some connected to

it - do you know of it?

> >

> > I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about

who

> > I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> > incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life

hiding

> > and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning

about

> > my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I

worry

> > what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> > continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> > the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> > wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> > coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well

above

> > an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> > aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> > functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> > not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I

was

> > in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It

would

> > have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my

hands

> > could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> > answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> > verbal information very well at all.

> >

> > I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I

feel

> > my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> > normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> > and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic

if

> > she did not pressure me so much?

> >

> > In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> > went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> > cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> > serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way

my

> > mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> > music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress

skirt

> > together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> > was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself

that

> > it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the

feeling

> > would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> > something minor, I'm not just a little different from most

people, I

> > am very, very different.

> >

> > At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> > lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually

fairly

> > strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> > coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less

severe

> > symptoms or are they just better at coping?

> >

> > I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about

why

> > the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have

dug

> > up some very unpleasant thoughts.

> >

> > Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> > work through it?

> >

> > Ilah

[Guest guest]

I know exactly how you feel, AS at least gave me a reason to why I'm broken as a functioning person in the world around me.

Even now as I write my work is suffering and I stare failure in the face like it was pre-ordained for me. I can't work for other people because Im definately not a team player or follow sports like a mindless zombie so don't socialise in the conventional sense. Working for myself I don't understand the people working for me and they certainly don't understand me.

Years ago I used to wish I was like everybody else but now I don't and when people try to get close I'll launch into a dialogue that grosses people out to send others running in order to regain my personal space. I have just built a water bottling robot which the largest manufacturer of similar equipment in the US wants the design for. Every invention I design and build I shelve because Ive done it and now I want to do something new. My response is I'm bored with that and thats that. therefore I'll never be succesful in the conventional sense. Also when there is something that I know absolutely needs attending to, I'll freeze up and pursue something else.

I see no difference between so called low functioning autistics and myself because truth be known I am so disfunctional people see me as a succesful person business wise but yet I live in my factory in the back of a landcruiser. But for fate I probably would be living in government housing on a pension. My only advantage is I see the world in crystal clear clarity and can hyperfocus on a task untill its done. YET while hyperfocussing I neglect EVERYTHING around me and things fall apart around my ears. When people see how focussed I get they get tempted and steal or advantage themselves at my expense. I dont take advantage of others yet it constantly happens to me.

The way I work through these issues is by daydreaming and also by the knowledge that it isnt really my condition but the difference with me and NT's. That because they are in the majority they set the rules for themselves and anyone different can just go and get stuffed. Also the knowledge that in many ways they are actually inferior to us just as they see autistics as inferior to themselves. If aspies were in the majority ironically I dont think we would be talking about this because it would be the 'done thing' and society would be built around the way we are.

Cheer up, because this new awareness will bring very tangible results in the future. Projects such like the one e is undertaking, will crate a different set of conditions in the long run

Evan

Ilah wrote:

I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about who I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life hiding and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning about my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I worry what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well above an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low functioning autistics may

actually be extremely intelligent, just not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I was in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It would have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my hands could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process verbal information very well at all.I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I feel my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic if she did not pressure me so much?In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding

some very serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way my mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress skirt together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself that it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the feeling would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just something minor, I'm not just a little different from most people, I am very, very different.At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually fairly strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less severe symptoms or are they just better at coping?I am sorry to ramble on

like this. I have been thinking about why the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have dug up some very unpleasant thoughts.Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you work through it?IlahFAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the folder marked "Other FAM Sites." __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

The lotus is symbolic of liberated human beings. They are figuratively

rooted in the mud of this world, but their spirits live in higher

realms, just like the flower.

Ken

> > >

> > > I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about

> who

> > > I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> > > incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life

> hiding

> > > and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning

> about

> > > my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I

> worry

> > > what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> > > continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> > > the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> > > wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> > > coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well

> above

> > > an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> > > aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> > > functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> > > not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I

> was

> > > in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It

> would

> > > have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my

> hands

> > > could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> > > answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> > > verbal information very well at all.

> > >

> > > I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I

> feel

> > > my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> > > normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> > > and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic

> if

> > > she did not pressure me so much?

> > >

> > > In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> > > went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> > > cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> > > serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way

> my

> > > mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> > > music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress

> skirt

> > > together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> > > was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself

> that

> > > it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the

> feeling

> > > would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> > > something minor, I'm not just a little different from most

> people, I

> > > am very, very different.

> > >

> > > At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> > > lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually

> fairly

> > > strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> > > coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less

> severe

> > > symptoms or are they just better at coping?

> > >

> > > I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about

> why

> > > the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have

> dug

> > > up some very unpleasant thoughts.

> > >

> > > Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> > > work through it?

> > >

> > > Ilah

[Guest guest]

The lotus is symbolic of liberated human beings. They are figuratively

rooted in the mud of this world, but their spirits live in higher

realms, just like the flower.

Ken

> > >

> > > I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about

> who

> > > I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> > > incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life

> hiding

> > > and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning

> about

> > > my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I

> worry

> > > what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> > > continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> > > the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> > > wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> > > coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well

> above

> > > an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> > > aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> > > functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> > > not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I

> was

> > > in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It

> would

> > > have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my

> hands

> > > could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> > > answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> > > verbal information very well at all.

> > >

> > > I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I

> feel

> > > my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> > > normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> > > and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic

> if

> > > she did not pressure me so much?

> > >

> > > In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> > > went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> > > cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> > > serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way

> my

> > > mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> > > music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress

> skirt

> > > together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> > > was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself

> that

> > > it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the

> feeling

> > > would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> > > something minor, I'm not just a little different from most

> people, I

> > > am very, very different.

> > >

> > > At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> > > lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually

> fairly

> > > strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> > > coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less

> severe

> > > symptoms or are they just better at coping?

> > >

> > > I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about

> why

> > > the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have

> dug

> > > up some very unpleasant thoughts.

> > >

> > > Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> > > work through it?

> > >

> > > Ilah

[Guest guest]

The lotus is symbolic of liberated human beings. They are figuratively

rooted in the mud of this world, but their spirits live in higher

realms, just like the flower.

Ken

> > >

> > > I get scared sometimes when I think about AS, when I think about

> who

> > > I really am (not the person I pretend to be or the person people

> > > incorrectly assume me to be). I have spent most of my life

> hiding

> > > and pretending, now that I am in the slow process of learning

> about

> > > my real self and starting to gradually let that person show I

> worry

> > > what I am becoming. Intellectually I grasp the idea of the AS

> > > continuum, but emotionally it scares me. I look at the people on

> > > the far end of the scale (the low functioning autistics) and I

> > > wonder how different I really am from them. How close I am to

> > > coming to that level? I try to tell myself that I have well

> above

> > > an average IQ and that would definately put myself in the HFA or

> > > aspie category. But then I also think of the theory that low

> > > functioning autistics may actually be extremely intelligent, just

> > > not able to demonstrate it in ways others can recognize. When I

> was

> > > in the lower grades everyone thought I was a slow learner. It

> would

> > > have been more accurate to say I knew all the answers but my

> hands

> > > could not manipulate the pencils and crayons to write the correct

> > > answers. And then there is the problem that I just don't process

> > > verbal information very well at all.

> > >

> > > I rant a little occasionally about the psychological damage I

> feel

> > > my mom did by criticising everything I did and forcing me to play

> > > normal. But then I think what if she didn't? Would I be happier

> > > and well adjusted or would I have been a low functioning autistic

> if

> > > she did not pressure me so much?

> > >

> > > In high school I started to feel that if people knew what really

> > > went on inside my head, if they really knew my secrets they would

> > > cart me off to a mental home. I felt that I was hiding some very

> > > serious mental problems. Maybe this was my reaction to the way

> my

> > > mother freaked out over things like me swaying back and forth to

> > > music or my thinking it was okay to wear a t-shirt and dress

> skirt

> > > together. Maybe I was growing aware of just how very different I

> > > was from everyone else. Since then I have tried to tell myself

> that

> > > it really is only minor quirks and eccentricties. But the

> feeling

> > > would keep coming back. And now I realize that it isn't just

> > > something minor, I'm not just a little different from most

> people, I

> > > am very, very different.

> > >

> > > At first I thought that my symptoms were really very minor, but

> > > lately I have been coming to believe that they are actually

> fairly

> > > strong, but I am just very good at hiding them and coming up with

> > > coping strategies. Do the more able people with AS have less

> severe

> > > symptoms or are they just better at coping?

> > >

> > > I am sorry to ramble on like this. I have been thinking about

> why

> > > the whole continuum thing does not sit well with me and I have

> dug

> > > up some very unpleasant thoughts.

> > >

> > > Have any of you struggled with these issues before? How did you

> > > work through it?

> > >

> > > Ilah

[Guest guest]

Ken,

That has often been my problem with creative works as well. I'll get really hot on one story for a while and then another one kind of invades my mind and eventually shuts out the orginial. I am in the process of writing another one now. The delay here is that I have decided the make some changes in the characters after all, but I'll explain that later. I should have the last character revision done tonight and I can get started writing tomorrow.

There hasn't been all that much time for it though since I have been busy with projects down here and other distractions. The first of those is that my allergies are terrible. The pollen is atrocious here and this house is rather musty. Fortunately I bought an Ionic Breeze machine for the room I am usually in. The full size machine probably would have done a better job, but it does take the edge off of it.

The other distractions have been social things that I have to do to see and be seen by the locals. There was the church dinner last night which wasn't bad: it was a free meal and kept me from having to cook. Today's distraction was a bit more annoying. Instead of going right to Buena Vista and doing some work, we went to this place where these people are demonstrating these off road vehicles they are marketing to the military and rich civilians. I say rich because the things run at about $40,000 and up. Well, those people were not the kind I would choose to associate with at all. Anyway, they tried to get me to ride on one of those things and I refused. My motion sickness is bad enough most times but with the allergies acting up it is viscious. I couldn't have gone a minute on that rough terrain without becoming desperately ill.

Well, a little more time at BV tomorrow detailing plans and I should have the rest of the day to myself and most of the day Saturday. Sunday is the family reunion which will take up most of the morning and into the afternoon.

[Guest guest]

I know I have a subconscious mind and I think everyone does. Even though it seems that all of one's thoughts are out in the open, I can garauntee they really aren't. There is a lot of background processing that goes on even while we are have concious thoughts. We have all probably had an epiphany, where things just clicked and made sense all of a sudden. While we may have been actively thinking about that subject, the epiphany comes from the subconscious which connected all of the dots while our conscious mind was slogging through the muck.

The very nature of the subconsious is to be invisible. You aren't supposed to be aware of its workings, or at least notice them only rarely. One reason it might seen otherwise to us is that most Aspies actually enjoy thinking while many NTs don't. So we are more used to how our minds work which might make it seem that we are aware of all of its workings, but we only really see the tip of the iceberg.

As for the nonsense that we only use 10% of our brains, well that is just garbage. The brain consumes 20% of the energy used by our bodies. That is a lot of resources. You can bet that it 90% wasn't being used it would be gone to conserve resources. We use 100% alright, just that most of what goes on we aren't aware of. Probably a better way of looking at it to say that we are aware of only 10% of what our brain is doing and the rest is invisible to us.

[Guest guest]

,

Same here. My dreams are usually very real. The only thing they usually lack is the sense of small and taste. That could well be because my sense of smell and taste aren't that strong, so it makes sense that that would translate to my dreams.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the info' I am sure I have heard it referred to as

something else though - but cannot seem to recall it - something to

do with it's many petals?

> >

> > This was very nice - I got a lovely mental image of the lotus :-)

> > pinky and white. I cannot at the moment recall the symbology of

the

> > lotus - but I am aware that there is meant to be some connected

to

> > it - do you know of it?

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the info' I am sure I have heard it referred to as

something else though - but cannot seem to recall it - something to

do with it's many petals?

> >

> > This was very nice - I got a lovely mental image of the lotus :-)

> > pinky and white. I cannot at the moment recall the symbology of

the

> > lotus - but I am aware that there is meant to be some connected

to

> > it - do you know of it?

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ken,

I have read that too. However, I have been using Ionic Breezes for years and I think that they really do work. The ones I have at home, you can really tell when they are off because you will notice the dust and pollen and also some other odors that the machine had been cleaning up. It can put out an ozone smell, but as long as it is not in a sealed room, it fade pretty quickly. Really the only time you even notice the smell is if you put your face very close to the front of the machine. Even here I can feel the difference in ari quality. As soon as I leave the room the machine is in, I nose starts to itch and run.

The HEPA machines do work, to a point. The problem I have had with them those is that they are loud and the filters are expensive. It also wasn't uncommon to have big dust stains up the walls and on the furniture around the HEPA machines.

It did surprise me that consumer reports rated it so poorly. The collection blades usually need cleaning at least every other week. It is true that you still have to clean house, but that was also true with the HEPA machines. I have seen my Ionic Breeze draw dust from the room into it the back and it not come out the front. My last HEPA machine would frequently draw dust in toward the intake vents only to have it skirt up to the top and get blown back into the room.

[Guest guest]

Ken,

I have read that too. However, I have been using Ionic Breezes for years and I think that they really do work. The ones I have at home, you can really tell when they are off because you will notice the dust and pollen and also some other odors that the machine had been cleaning up. It can put out an ozone smell, but as long as it is not in a sealed room, it fade pretty quickly. Really the only time you even notice the smell is if you put your face very close to the front of the machine. Even here I can feel the difference in ari quality. As soon as I leave the room the machine is in, I nose starts to itch and run.

The HEPA machines do work, to a point. The problem I have had with them those is that they are loud and the filters are expensive. It also wasn't uncommon to have big dust stains up the walls and on the furniture around the HEPA machines.

It did surprise me that consumer reports rated it so poorly. The collection blades usually need cleaning at least every other week. It is true that you still have to clean house, but that was also true with the HEPA machines. I have seen my Ionic Breeze draw dust from the room into it the back and it not come out the front. My last HEPA machine would frequently draw dust in toward the intake vents only to have it skirt up to the top and get blown back into the room.

[Guest guest]

Ken,

I have read that too. However, I have been using Ionic Breezes for years and I think that they really do work. The ones I have at home, you can really tell when they are off because you will notice the dust and pollen and also some other odors that the machine had been cleaning up. It can put out an ozone smell, but as long as it is not in a sealed room, it fade pretty quickly. Really the only time you even notice the smell is if you put your face very close to the front of the machine. Even here I can feel the difference in ari quality. As soon as I leave the room the machine is in, I nose starts to itch and run.

The HEPA machines do work, to a point. The problem I have had with them those is that they are loud and the filters are expensive. It also wasn't uncommon to have big dust stains up the walls and on the furniture around the HEPA machines.

It did surprise me that consumer reports rated it so poorly. The collection blades usually need cleaning at least every other week. It is true that you still have to clean house, but that was also true with the HEPA machines. I have seen my Ionic Breeze draw dust from the room into it the back and it not come out the front. My last HEPA machine would frequently draw dust in toward the intake vents only to have it skirt up to the top and get blown back into the room.

[Guest guest]

I really do believe that people on the spectrum have access to mental

content not readily accessible to others, and that this is because of

the way we are wired.

Ken

> >

> >

> > Ilah,

> >

> > One other thought I had on this is that Temple Grandin, the autie

> > professor who designs humane cattle handling equipment, claims

> that

> > she has no subconscious mind. All her thoughts, simple or weird,

> are

> > right out there for her to examine. I've noticed tendencies toward

> > this in myself. NTs are better are hiding the weird stuff away

> and not

> > having to see it. Having weird thoughts can make you feel like

> you're

> > crazy, but these are just thoughts that everyone has and NTs can

> push

> > them down into the subconscious.

> >

> > Ken