Guest guest Report post Posted February 21, 2003 I sure will, we've been trying to get things figured out about heading down that. Cody is 7 & it'd be prime time for him. Hugs to you all1 K. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted February 21, 2003 I sure will, we've been trying to get things figured out about heading down that. Cody is 7 & it'd be prime time for him. Hugs to you all1 K. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 Hi , I understand being angry at God and yourself and others. It's easy to get mad, especially when we don't know how to fix the problem. It would be a lot easier if we knew what caused Autism or how to cure it. If we knew what caused it, for example we could say " oh, it was my fault, i did such and such when I was pregnant " or " well, it was in my genes, and not Gods or my fault, just nature and passed down from who knows who, through me to my child " And if we knew that shots or mercury or whatever caused it, we could be mad at or sue the doctors or whoever inflicted our children, but not knowing makes us want to blame everyone and everything, and we worry constantly about what we could have done differently. The thing is, we must stop focusing on why or what caused it, and realize that our children do have it, and try to focus all our attention on what we can do to help them and let them know that we love them and it's not their fault and we are not angry at them for having it. We need them to know that we would love them the same with or without this hardship. Like I said if we knew the cure it would also be easier, because we could focus on that and say " hey it doesn't matter what caused it, cuz I can fix it, or get help to fix it " but again since we can not at this point, we just need to be there for our children and our spouses and let them be there for us. There is a wonderful book that has helped my husband and I immensley with the same hatred and anger feelings that you have mentioned and I am sure all of us feel at one time or another. I am a christian woman, but I find that their are many things that can help us, from many various religions. You don't have to agree with everything they say or believe to take advice from them. This book is by a Jewish Rabbi, who has been through way more than most of us will ever have to face. He and his wife had a son who stopped growing at 8 months, never got any taller or bigger, but lived till he was 16. Their son had a rare rare rare combination of deseases where he had all kinds of health problems and though he never grew bigger, he aged rapidly. So that befor his death at age 16 he looked just like a 90 yr old man, only as small as a baby. There was no definition for he or his wife to explain to others their son's condition. At least we can say, " My child is Autistic " and though many people don't know what that is, they can look it up or find out, but this boy had no label and people just stared and said unkind things. For a long time The Rabbi and his wife were so angry at God, but this book tells of their struggles and how they came to realize that there are other ways of looking at things. The book it called " WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE " and is by Harold Kushner. We got it at and Noble in the self help section. It has helped us so much. I used to think I had plenty of reasons to be mad at God and life and myself, My husband has Crohn's disease and Arthritis. I have Asthma, Diabetes, Arthritis, Severe Allergies, a broken tailbone, (you name it, I've got it). And my two daughter have autism and many other sensory issues and are only 3 and 2. I aslo have another baby due in 6weeks, who I fear could also be inflicted with many problems. We've had every financial and extended family problem you can think of (and many you can't). My family disowned me when I was 19 and they stole all of my savings, that I had personally earned. I have never been covered by insurance, thankgoodness my husband and children are. But I am only 24 and my husband 25 and we feel like were 65+. Thankfully we have LOVE. We met eachother at 17 and were good friends for quite a while before we finally realized we were made for eachother and got married at age 20. We have both been through so much together, that the only way we can do it, is by loving eachother, never blaming one another, and both being very good listeners of one anothers feelings, even when we disagree. Through loving and supporting eachother and always working things out together, like who needs to do what for us to survive through all this, we have become so close, and always together try to show our girls (and soon little boy) how much we love them no matter what and don't care if they have problems. Of course we do care, and it's hard not to, but we will never let them think for one moment that we love them any less, or would love them anymore just because they have problems. And we wouldn't. They are so beautiful and have many wonderful, admirable qualities, if we just take the time to notice those instead of the tantrums, siezures, biting, not eating, hurting themselves and everything else Autistic parents must face. I hope that this can help you and maybe the book can help more. But if neither works, you may consider talking to your doctor about anti-depressents for yourself. Because I have been very suicidal at times, and sometimes can't cope and sound as happy about life as I do right now. So throughout the last 3 years I have been taking them on and off as I need. It may really really help. Plus my husband's condition causes him to need anti-depressants frequently also. So a lot of times we are both on them. But I can tell you that sometimes you need to have help for you, before you can be a good mom or wife or help any one else, including yourself. And trust me there are a lot more people on them than you think. So don't be embarrased. Again hope this helps anyone reading it. Sincerely, Esther > -- In Autism_in_Girls , > DillardRN@a... wrote: > > In a message dated 3/31/2005 8:52:31 AM Central > Standard Time, > > no_reply writes: > > My two kids both have disabilities. ???? > > > > how have you come to accept this??? i just > can't!!! and i'm not > sure i ever > > will...i never imagined my life would turn out > like this, 3 > children with > > autism...i'm not sure how i can go on > anymore...i'm so saddened > and full of > > grief...i'm angry at God and everyone!!!! and i > hate feeling this > way.... > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 Hi , I understand being angry at God and yourself and others. It's easy to get mad, especially when we don't know how to fix the problem. It would be a lot easier if we knew what caused Autism or how to cure it. If we knew what caused it, for example we could say " oh, it was my fault, i did such and such when I was pregnant " or " well, it was in my genes, and not Gods or my fault, just nature and passed down from who knows who, through me to my child " And if we knew that shots or mercury or whatever caused it, we could be mad at or sue the doctors or whoever inflicted our children, but not knowing makes us want to blame everyone and everything, and we worry constantly about what we could have done differently. The thing is, we must stop focusing on why or what caused it, and realize that our children do have it, and try to focus all our attention on what we can do to help them and let them know that we love them and it's not their fault and we are not angry at them for having it. We need them to know that we would love them the same with or without this hardship. Like I said if we knew the cure it would also be easier, because we could focus on that and say " hey it doesn't matter what caused it, cuz I can fix it, or get help to fix it " but again since we can not at this point, we just need to be there for our children and our spouses and let them be there for us. There is a wonderful book that has helped my husband and I immensley with the same hatred and anger feelings that you have mentioned and I am sure all of us feel at one time or another. I am a christian woman, but I find that their are many things that can help us, from many various religions. You don't have to agree with everything they say or believe to take advice from them. This book is by a Jewish Rabbi, who has been through way more than most of us will ever have to face. He and his wife had a son who stopped growing at 8 months, never got any taller or bigger, but lived till he was 16. Their son had a rare rare rare combination of deseases where he had all kinds of health problems and though he never grew bigger, he aged rapidly. So that befor his death at age 16 he looked just like a 90 yr old man, only as small as a baby. There was no definition for he or his wife to explain to others their son's condition. At least we can say, " My child is Autistic " and though many people don't know what that is, they can look it up or find out, but this boy had no label and people just stared and said unkind things. For a long time The Rabbi and his wife were so angry at God, but this book tells of their struggles and how they came to realize that there are other ways of looking at things. The book it called " WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE " and is by Harold Kushner. We got it at and Noble in the self help section. It has helped us so much. I used to think I had plenty of reasons to be mad at God and life and myself, My husband has Crohn's disease and Arthritis. I have Asthma, Diabetes, Arthritis, Severe Allergies, a broken tailbone, (you name it, I've got it). And my two daughter have autism and many other sensory issues and are only 3 and 2. I aslo have another baby due in 6weeks, who I fear could also be inflicted with many problems. We've had every financial and extended family problem you can think of (and many you can't). My family disowned me when I was 19 and they stole all of my savings, that I had personally earned. I have never been covered by insurance, thankgoodness my husband and children are. But I am only 24 and my husband 25 and we feel like were 65+. Thankfully we have LOVE. We met eachother at 17 and were good friends for quite a while before we finally realized we were made for eachother and got married at age 20. We have both been through so much together, that the only way we can do it, is by loving eachother, never blaming one another, and both being very good listeners of one anothers feelings, even when we disagree. Through loving and supporting eachother and always working things out together, like who needs to do what for us to survive through all this, we have become so close, and always together try to show our girls (and soon little boy) how much we love them no matter what and don't care if they have problems. Of course we do care, and it's hard not to, but we will never let them think for one moment that we love them any less, or would love them anymore just because they have problems. And we wouldn't. They are so beautiful and have many wonderful, admirable qualities, if we just take the time to notice those instead of the tantrums, siezures, biting, not eating, hurting themselves and everything else Autistic parents must face. I hope that this can help you and maybe the book can help more. But if neither works, you may consider talking to your doctor about anti-depressents for yourself. Because I have been very suicidal at times, and sometimes can't cope and sound as happy about life as I do right now. So throughout the last 3 years I have been taking them on and off as I need. It may really really help. Plus my husband's condition causes him to need anti-depressants frequently also. So a lot of times we are both on them. But I can tell you that sometimes you need to have help for you, before you can be a good mom or wife or help any one else, including yourself. And trust me there are a lot more people on them than you think. So don't be embarrased. Again hope this helps anyone reading it. Sincerely, Esther > -- In Autism_in_Girls , > DillardRN@a... wrote: > > In a message dated 3/31/2005 8:52:31 AM Central > Standard Time, > > no_reply writes: > > My two kids both have disabilities. ???? > > > > how have you come to accept this??? i just > can't!!! and i'm not > sure i ever > > will...i never imagined my life would turn out > like this, 3 > children with > > autism...i'm not sure how i can go on > anymore...i'm so saddened > and full of > > grief...i'm angry at God and everyone!!!! and i > hate feeling this > way.... > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 A book that I greatly enjoyed is by Dr. Dobson, " When God Doesn't Make Any Sense. " Another thing that helped me was prayer. I'm not talking the fluffy stuff, but getting down to the nitty gritty, " Jesus, I don't want you to be my Savior if You aren't gonna heal my daughter " sort of stuff. Yep, I said it. Thankfully, He was bigger than me and didn't leave me. Another prayer is, " Lord, reveal to me what You are trying to teach me. " I realized a lot of issues in my life were because I needed a good breaking. I was very ignorant of people with autism and people with disabilities. In fact, I'm back in school to finish my degree to work in the sped field. I NEVER would have considered such a thing 4 years ago. I still have my issues, lol, but in many ways I'm much kinder and gentler. A final thing that helps me is to see the intense gift Allie is in my life. Sometimes I have to cry because it's so hard for her to try to communicate. But I als have a daughter who loves to make me laugh and loves to draw sunshines all over the walls. While I'd like to have clean walls, I love even more that my daughter wants to fill our home with sunshine. She is our sunshine. There's a time to grieve and a time to heal, a time to cry and a time to laugh. Don't be ashamed if this is your grieving time and crying time. Let it be and be unashamed. Your time to heal and laugh will be all the more closer. Debi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 A book that I greatly enjoyed is by Dr. Dobson, " When God Doesn't Make Any Sense. " Another thing that helped me was prayer. I'm not talking the fluffy stuff, but getting down to the nitty gritty, " Jesus, I don't want you to be my Savior if You aren't gonna heal my daughter " sort of stuff. Yep, I said it. Thankfully, He was bigger than me and didn't leave me. Another prayer is, " Lord, reveal to me what You are trying to teach me. " I realized a lot of issues in my life were because I needed a good breaking. I was very ignorant of people with autism and people with disabilities. In fact, I'm back in school to finish my degree to work in the sped field. I NEVER would have considered such a thing 4 years ago. I still have my issues, lol, but in many ways I'm much kinder and gentler. A final thing that helps me is to see the intense gift Allie is in my life. Sometimes I have to cry because it's so hard for her to try to communicate. But I als have a daughter who loves to make me laugh and loves to draw sunshines all over the walls. While I'd like to have clean walls, I love even more that my daughter wants to fill our home with sunshine. She is our sunshine. There's a time to grieve and a time to heal, a time to cry and a time to laugh. Don't be ashamed if this is your grieving time and crying time. Let it be and be unashamed. Your time to heal and laugh will be all the more closer. Debi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 A book that I greatly enjoyed is by Dr. Dobson, " When God Doesn't Make Any Sense. " Another thing that helped me was prayer. I'm not talking the fluffy stuff, but getting down to the nitty gritty, " Jesus, I don't want you to be my Savior if You aren't gonna heal my daughter " sort of stuff. Yep, I said it. Thankfully, He was bigger than me and didn't leave me. Another prayer is, " Lord, reveal to me what You are trying to teach me. " I realized a lot of issues in my life were because I needed a good breaking. I was very ignorant of people with autism and people with disabilities. In fact, I'm back in school to finish my degree to work in the sped field. I NEVER would have considered such a thing 4 years ago. I still have my issues, lol, but in many ways I'm much kinder and gentler. A final thing that helps me is to see the intense gift Allie is in my life. Sometimes I have to cry because it's so hard for her to try to communicate. But I als have a daughter who loves to make me laugh and loves to draw sunshines all over the walls. While I'd like to have clean walls, I love even more that my daughter wants to fill our home with sunshine. She is our sunshine. There's a time to grieve and a time to heal, a time to cry and a time to laugh. Don't be ashamed if this is your grieving time and crying time. Let it be and be unashamed. Your time to heal and laugh will be all the more closer. Debi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 , Please email me privately if you'd like another someone to talk/cry/scream to, lean on, vent to. Been there, still get there sometimes, and would like to offer nonjudgmental support. Sincerely, Melinda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 , Please email me privately if you'd like another someone to talk/cry/scream to, lean on, vent to. Been there, still get there sometimes, and would like to offer nonjudgmental support. Sincerely, Melinda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted April 6, 2005 , Please email me privately if you'd like another someone to talk/cry/scream to, lean on, vent to. Been there, still get there sometimes, and would like to offer nonjudgmental support. Sincerely, Melinda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted August 15, 2006 , have a wonderful and safe trip. What fun. Look forward to hearing all about your adventures when you return. Mel Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites