Leaving the Site

[Guest guest]

I know I haven't posted here in a long time...well probably since my

mom died with LBD last July 31st. I tried to read the postings

several times over the last months, but I just can't. It upsets me

to bad still and I can't. I was hoping by now I could and maybe

learn more about this disease, but I'm still trying to cope with

losing my mom and not handling it very well, so I would be no help to

anyone here I think anyway.

My dad seems to be handling this much better than me...I'm glad for

him because I worried so much. But I can't get over it and beat

myself up for things could of, should of, would of done during these

last years and instead of letting them go I keep holding onto them so

tightly I can't breathe sometimes. Guilt can eat you up, whether

your guilty or not..the blame game is torteous. Gone thur lots of

emotions and still facing them stronger than ever.

I still hate this disease and what it does to the people we love so

dearly. I worry that I may inherit it and it scares me to death, but

I can't worry about that now. It robs a person of ever piece of

dignity they have and never lets up right to the end. They don't

deserve that. Your loved ones don't and my mom didn't. Then it

leaves you feeling so helpless and then its over and your alone to

have to think about all of it. More you could have done, things you

should have thought to do, and more you could have done differently

if you just had them back for just a moment tohelp them.

As you can see I'm in a depression and can't seem to get out of

this. Guess depression and grief. I still cry all the time and miss

my mother so much. Just to hold her hand again and see her smile.

Knowing I'll never talk to her again until heaven. That just seems

unbearable.

I wanted to thank all of you who sent messages and helped me and gave

me information about the killer. Thank you for helping me and

supporting me. I'm afraid I wasn't very good at answering and

responding because I was just so overwhelmed and continue to be. But

this site was for me and will be for others invaluable. I'm sorry I

can't stay, it just hurts to bad to read all the things your going

thru still, it brings it all back and yet in a way I'm jealous

because you still have them to touch and love and take care of.

Dear friends cherish every moment of that and spend every moment you

can with them - loving them. Because once their gone, their gone for

good, forever and that's the hardest thing in life.

I hope they find something to help this disease and maybe some of

your loved ones can use it to success.

Thank you all, forgive me for not writng, I feel guilty having to

leave I just can't do it anymore.

Good luck and I will remember all of you in my prayers.