Re: [Question about when one should tell a boss about chronic health

[Guest guest]

MOrning,

This is something I got a long time ago. you can problably change some things

to reflect your pain. When I was still working, I gave my supervisor, my manager

and HR a copy. both my sup and manager told me that it helped them understand me

better and ater did get this, they were alot more aware,. so, here is something

you may want to use., got this a long long time ago, but it fits well so kept

it.

A Letter to Normals from a Person With Chronic Pain

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are

invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people

do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and

of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand: These are the

things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge

me.

Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human

being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and

exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to

be

with, but I'm still me, stuck inside this body. I still worry about

school, my family, my friends, and most of the time, I'd still like to

hear you talk about yours, too.

Please understand the difference between " happy " and " healthy " . When

you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been

sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard

at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy,

it means I'm happy. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot

of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of

those things.

Please don't say, " Oh, you're sounding better! " or " But you look so

healthy! " I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look

normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't

necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour.

Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't

mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either

paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing

everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am

going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to

minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of

chronic pain.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, " sitting " , " walking " ,

" thinking " , " concentrating " , " being sociable " and so on, it applies to

everything. That's what chronic pain does to you.

Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible

(for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and

back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room.

Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, " But you did it

before! " or " Oh, come on, I know you can do this! " If you want me to do

something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a

previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take

it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very

lucky you are, to be physically able to do all of the things that you

can do.

Please understand that " getting out and doing things " does not make me

feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what

I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I

need to exercise, or do some things to " get my mind off of it " , may

frustrate me to tears, and is not correct. if I was capable of doing some

things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would? I am

working with my doctors and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another

statement that hurts is, " You just need to push yourself more, try harder " .

Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized

to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a

short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain

than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can

be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language.

Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get

depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or

years?), but it is not created by depression.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down,lie down, stay in

bed, or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it

right now , it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm

somewhere, or I'm right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not

forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I

don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get

well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've heard of

it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not

better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions, as is the

case with herbal remedies. It also includes failure, which in and of

itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured,

or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we'd know about

it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet)

between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW . It's

definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still

feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said

and discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am . It's not how I try to

be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will

try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot.

Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It

wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and

exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with

this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with

me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my

situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible,

I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you, people who are not sick. I need you to

visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you help me with

the shopping, the cooking or the cleaning. I may need you to take me to

the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the " normalcy " of

life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss

and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.

I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening.

It really does mean a lot.

Blessed Be

Deb

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