Hi and some questions

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm new to the list. I've been " lurking " for a short time and have

found many helpful ideas and thoughtful responses here. Thank you.

My ds (15 yo) has been working w/a social worker for 2 yrs.w/little

progress. We've never had an official diagnosis of OCD, although

that's what the SW was addressing with " tools " such as relaxation

techniques, etc. After getting feedback from the generous folks on

the ocdandhomeschooling list, we're in the process of trying to find

a therapist who does CBT/ERP with teens. It's challenging - we live

in rural northeast PA near the NY border and are looking as far as 2-

3 hours away, from Rochester NY to town, PA. If anyone knows of

any good therapists in that area- in particular, near Binghamton, NY

or Scranton, PA, I'd love to hear about them.

The most challenging thing is my son's attitude toward OCD itself.

He refuses to even consider the possibility that this is OCD. He has

always had obsessive tendencies (occasional rituals, some hoarding,

etc) that, until about 2 1/2 years ago didn't seem to interfere

w/his life to any great degree. He was generally a relaxed and happy

kid. But after a sinus infection just before he turned 13, he's

really struggled with a variety of things - obsessive thoughts,

depression and anxiety that have come to dominate his (and our

family's) life.

Right now, he says that the *idea* that he has OCD is the problem -

not OCD itself. We initially sought out therapy because of the

depression and anxiety which, at that time, were focused on specific

time issues - fear of growing up too fast, vacations or trips being

over too soon, time going by too fast in general, etc. At that time,

he'd look at the clock almost constantly all day and grow more

anxious as the day went by. Based on things I read, it seemed like

these " stuck thoughts " and fears were at the root of his

depression/anxiety and that OCD was the cause. I was relieved to

think we'd found what was causing his distress so that we could

address it. However, my son feels that thinking he has OCD and

having others (me, the SW, his dad) think that, has ruined his self-

esteem. He has a lot of social anxiety and is extremely concerned

about " being different " or having anyone think anything is " wrong "

with him. So several months ago he decided that he does not have OCD

and never did. He's very angry with me and loses it if I say

anything that even reminds him of OCD (such as " getting stuck "

or " unhelpful thoughts " etc.) He says that feeling depressed is OK

since everyone (meaning other teenagers) feels depressed at times.

But anxiety and OCD are " weird " and refuses to even consider them.

Since deciding that, his depression and anxiety have definitely

worsened and things around here have been very hard- we have lots of

explosions, little school work gets done, he has many defiant

behaviors, and does a lot of blaming me and everyone/everything else

for whatever isn't right in his life. He has a hard time focusing

on much at all -even his hobbies and things he likes to do. He and I

used to have a very close relationship and now it feels like there's

nothing I can say or do that doesn't set him off. That's probably

the hardest part for me to bear.

He is really struggling and is very unhappy. He says he's willing to

see another therapist (he's admitted that the SW isn't helping him

at all.) I just wonder if any therapy, even with a CBT specialist,

can be effective with this denial of OCD. It's sort of strange -

he's so miserable and says he wants help, yet I have a hunch he'd

run in the other direction from a therapist who he thought would

think he had OCD. I really don't know what to do.

Thanks for any thoughts or insights. And thanks for being here on

this board - it already feels like a blessing.

Jo

[Guest guest]

Hi Jo!

I have a 15 yr old son dealing with OCD too. Well, okay, not exactly

dealing with it in the way that " I " would like him to - fight, fight,

fight - but " living " with it is maybe a better word for him right now.

His OCD really hit him way back at the beginning of 6th grade (he's

in 9th now). I never have known if he might have been sick or

anything before it seemingly hit overnight. But suddenly there was

OCD, living with him & us 24/7!

Hopefully when you find an experienced therapist for OCD, they will

be able to eventually get your son past the " denial " . It may be that

they have to work on depression first depending on how much that is

affecting him also. I think it's just really great that he is so

willing to see a therapist, that is the most important step!! I'm

sure the therapist, once having the background, will know how to

handle the situation so he won't run the other way!

You wrote: Since deciding that, his depression and anxiety have

definitely worsened and things around here have been very hard- we

have lots of explosions, little school work gets done, he has many

defiant behaviors, and does a lot of blaming me and

everyone/everything else for whatever isn't right in his life. He has

a hard time focusing on much at all -even his hobbies and things he

likes to do. He and I used to have a very close relationship and now

it feels like there's nothing I can say or do that doesn't set him

off. That's probably the hardest part for me to bear.

SIGH! I'm sure any OCD/depression/anxiety makes the situation worse

regarding his moods, reactions, etc. But teenagers can get really

moody too, hormones, puberty.... The above reminded me of my oldest

son (typical tho I think some ADHD perhaps). Everything I did or did

NOT do, set him off. School was fine tho he didn't try his best.

Anyway, interests can change during these years also and might be

picked back up later. Oh, the blaming everyone else....yeah, that

hits home here also. I will say he has been MUCH better since around

age 18 (he's now 19). I have noticed with , my OCDer, that

growth spurts and fevers worsen his OCD.

Well, I'm not any help with answers but welcome to the group!!! I've

been a member since not long after OCD entered our lives and this

group has been the BEST support and place to find info, ask

questions, find lots of empathy/sympathy, and really vent on bad

days.

single mom, 3 sons

, 15, with OCD, dysgraphia and HFA/Aspergers

, 15, nonidentical twin

Randall, 19

> Hi,

>

> I'm new to the list. I've been " lurking " for a short time and have

> found many helpful ideas and thoughtful responses here. Thank you.

>

> My ds (15 yo) has been working w/a social worker for 2

yrs.w/little

> progress. We've never had an official diagnosis of OCD, although

> that's what the SW was addressing with " tools " such as relaxation

> techniques, etc. After getting feedback from the generous folks on

> the ocdandhomeschooling list, we're in the process of trying to

find

> a therapist who does CBT/ERP with teens. It's challenging - we

live

[Guest guest]

Hi, Jo, it's tough to get those teenagers to do anything! I think that

it is very hard for anyone to accept the fact that they have a mental

disorder. My oldest daughter hid her symptoms from me for a year before

admitting

that she has OCD. Her younger sister was already being treated for it and I

think that Hannah did not want to suddenly be like . It was a bitter pill

to

swallow when I found out that both of my kids have it. Hannah, who is

thirteen, takes her medication willingly, but has been resistent to the therapy.

I

have been having her read certain sections of books I have as her " homework. "

The sections I selected at first were sections about symptoms and the things

we tell ourselves to " justify " the symptoms and also sections on denial. She

was willing to read them when I made them part of the daily routine and made

it clear that there would be no television until said reading was done! Hannah

is afraid to face the OCD and we are taking baby steps toward that. I feel

like it is working and she will occasionally admit to me that she sees herself

in the readings. She is also applying some of what she reads to her daily life

and has actually stopped doing some of the compulsions. Yah! I don't know

if you can get your son to do any reading but maybe a reward for doing so

would encourage him. I think it's great that he is willing to see another

therapist. I hope that you can find someone experienced with OCD and ERP

therapy.

The therapist should be able to help him face the OCD. Good luck--I wish I had

some names for you! Kelley in NV