Guest guest Posted July 31, 2004 Report Share Posted July 31, 2004 Hi Corinna, truly anything can become an obsession and there seems little doubt that your son is obsessed with being cool and avoiding weird. I think the most singular obsession I have ever heard of was a constant worry about pants being too tight. How would you like to be asked for reassurance on *that* issue repeatedly throughout each day?! In any case, whether a common one that appears on lists in OCD books, or an unusual one such as your son's, all obsessions are bottom line, irrational and impairing, and the best mom on the planet can't really understand. Frequently, the OCDer doesn't " understand " either, at least can't explain, the persistent thoughts and the anxiety they bring are just there. At best, there is a tiny bit of a legitimate concern somewhere in there, blown completely out of all proportion and reason. No kid wants to spend all day, every day thinking constantly about being weird, being cool, his pants, germs, death or any of the rest of it. Fortunately it's not necessary for an obsession or compulsion to be understood in order to work to diminish it. ERP for this obsession would be gradual exposure to the idea that maybe indeed he is being weird or uncool, and if so, so what. He would gradually become accustomed to some doubt on this issue and not feel so intensely that he must in all instances determine what the cool thing to do is. Specific things you could challenge him to do would be to wear the nerdy beach shoes or carry the book, if only for a minute or so to begin with. A lot of this would need to be " on the spot " since it seems this particular obsession pops up frequently and unexpectedly for him in many settings. Another idea is to use parts of his old, uncool wardrobe for exposure purposes. He could wear the weird clothes perhaps around the house to begin with and once that does not prompt high anxiety, maybe during a quick trip to the grocery or etc. Anything he is avoiding due to this obsession (weird or uncool people, places, activities, etc. etc.) could be used to gradually acclimate himself to the reality that even if he is occasionally not cool or is even weird, no bad thing will happen. You may also want to consider some paradoxical humor when he asks for reassurance about his behavior being weird or not. You could answer, " Well, no weirder than usual " or some other humorous remark. Trying to lighten up these deathly serious bids for reassurance can help him see more clearly how controlling and silly this obsession is. It also demonstrates to him that you do not see this issue as warranting your time and attention, certainly not repeatedly each day. I hope something here helps. Take care, Kathy R. in Indiana ----- Original Message ----- > These obsessions can be so maddening at times! Garrett's new > obsession of being " cool " and not " weird " is totally baffeling to > me. Most of his other past obsessions (germs, death, disease, harm, > scrupilosity, etc...) , I've been able to read about in books. That > has helped me to keep things in perspective and have > compassion/empathy. I haven't found anything even remotely similar > to his new obsession. > > We just finished taking a vacation in Branson on the Table Rock > Lake. Garrett spent the week finishing up his training to become a > certified open water scuba diver. He had to take a written test on > Friday in order to pass. In order to pass the test, he had to study > alot. While he was studying, he would ask me over and over > again, " Am I acting weird? " As the week went on, and Garrett was > required to study more, he seemed more and more anxious. He became > very irritable and disrespectful again. He quit playing with his > brother and wanted more and more alone time again. I asked him why > he was irritable and he said studying was making him weird. One day > he needed to take his book with him. He asked me to carry the book. > I told him my hands were full and asked him why couldn't carry the > book. He replied, " Because I can't be seen with a book. I'll look > weird. " > > Also, I've posted about his intense concern in buying new " cooler " > clothes. I have taken him shopping and he chose " Nike " and " Reebok " > type shirts and sport shorts too. No problem. He looked very nice. > You have to understand that this is my child that never, never cared > what he wore. Don't get me wrong, he always looked nice, but he was > very simple to please. A few days after the shopping spree, I > noticed his shorts seemed exceptionally long. That's when he showed > me he had pulled the elastic below his waste, under his rear. His > shirt was hanging down low enough, you couldn't see his boxers, but I > was still stunned. Again, he said I have to wear them this way. > This is cool. (I have never seen anyone remotely close to his age > wearing their shorts down this low around here) > > Also, he didn't want to wear his sandals around the lake. It was the > only thing that made since when he was leaving the boat, walking up > the dock, to go to the marina to dress for diving. It didn't make > sense to wear socks and shoes. He said the sandals were " weird. " I > don't understand, because that is what everyone (including young > preteen and teens) around the lake. > > At this point, the doctor hasn't really given me any tips on how to > handle all of this behavior. He has been on two rounds of > antibiodics (PANDAS) because the blood work showed elevated strep > titers again. After the medication, his OCD seems better, but by far > manageable. The doctor seemed to think it was more about anxiety for > middle school, but then why all the " am I acting weird " questions. > > I'm sorry this is so long. I'm just confused and frustrated about my > part in all of this. I'm not sure how to help. > > Corinna, TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2004 Report Share Posted August 1, 2004 > > > These obsessions can be so maddening at times! Garrett's new > > obsession of being " cool " and not " weird " is totally baffeling to > > me. Most of his other past obsessions (germs, death, disease, harm, > > scrupilosity, etc...) , I've been able to read about in books. That > > has helped me to keep things in perspective and have > > compassion/empathy. I haven't found anything even remotely similar > > to his new obsession. > > > I know what you mean about not having typical obsessions. For a pretty long period of time, my son's main obsession was that people might think he was a girl. It wasn't like I wanted him running around in pink Barbie sneakers or anything <grin>. It was very strange. He wouldn't go near any of the " girls' " departments in stores. He refused to hand out Christmas presents because he might accidentally touch one of his sister's presents and, " if anyone saw me holding a girl's present, they might think I was a girl. " (Nevermind that we were alone in our house on Christmas morning). It caused problems at school too, because he would refuse to read stories with female characters in them. We did just like Kathy reccommended. (I still recall vividly our mad dashes through the girl's clothing department. I'm sure everyone wondered what on earth we were doing as we would stand safely in the boy's department and I would cheer him on until he would finally run through the girls part into the toy aisle. Talk about people thinking your child is " weird " and " uncool " ) Anyway, he's been fine about it for quite a while. In fact sometimes I think we went too far. The other day he borrowed a belt from his sister and insisted on wearing it all day. He says that it is a " pirate belt " made from " pieces of eight, " but if you ask me it is obviously a girls' belt. (It's gold coins strung together) Jeanne jwestpha@... NBCT - Exceptional Needs (2000) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2004 Report Share Posted August 1, 2004 Yes Kathy. This helps alot. Thanks. I knew I needed to somehow use ERP, but I wasn't sure how. Garrett just began seeing a new psychologist. His old doctor didn't introduce us to ERP. Thanks so much for the ideas. I'll try working them into practice. You are always so helpful. Corinna, TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2004 Report Share Posted August 1, 2004 Thanks Jeanne! Your son's obsession was somewhat similar to Garrett's. It helps me to know that. I guess at times, I question whether it's OCD or not. Silly of me, huh? It's all so confusing at times. Not to be insensitive, but I couldn't help but laugh out loud about your story of running through the girls department and cheering. I'm sure at the time it wasn't funny at all. Stressful infact. Thanks. Corinna,TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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