Re: New - How do I help my child to talk about OCD?

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna, welcome!

I don't have answers but lots of empathy. I have a 15 yr old son

diagnosed with OCD at around age 11.8. He's not one to talk about

his OCD either. Pretty much all I've ever got out of him is what he

told me when he first began having behaviors back in 6th grade:

something bad will happen to him if he doesn't do the compulsions,

etc., and he also has to get a " just right " feeling.

Since then I have nagged, asked, vented here....and get the answer,

more or less, that he " already told me " (meaning above). I do think

he has some " thoughts " going thru his head, but he won't really

acknowledge it when asked.

Even though he won't talk about it, " I " can still pretty much tell

what is OCD or when he's having a " moment. " Of course I still ask at

times is OCD bothering him. Been asking that a lot recently (just

this past Saturday), seems to be building a bit these past few

weeks. I get a shrug from him. Which he knows that unless I get

a " no " or definite " yes " that those shrugs mean I consider it " OCD "

and it's something we/he'll have to work on.

So, does your daughter just seem to be dealing with thoughts, no

acting out compulsions? My son had mostly compulsions and

also avoidance.

If she's been through the Duke program, then I assume she knows about

CBT & ERP? Do you feel she benefited from the program and is using

those tools (CBT, ERP) on her own some?

I know at times I felt if I could just get into 's head and

KNOW what he is thinking, that I could understand better what he is

going through, etc. But, after someone here reminded me, it's not

necessary that I know what he is thinking, his exact thoughts, etc.,

more that I & he knows how to deal with them.

Do you think your daughter might " click " better with another

therapist than the one she has seen? Perhaps she might be willing to

seek out another therapist that she might feel more open with after a

few appts., a female one or something.

We live in NC, but I couldn't manage the time it would take to drive

to Duke and no one near treated OCD, so we've just basically managed

on our own these years. We first tried inositol (B vitamin family)

and he took that all thru middle school. He just began Celexa this

last August (beginning of 9th grade) and is now on 50mg.

I think the book is a great idea. Even if she doesn't begin to talk

about it more openly right now, she might later. had

a " touching " compulsion going on also. I had found an article about

that and read it to him and asked when reading examples if he did

that or felt that way and would get a yes or no from him. That

helped some.

Well, I'm glad you've joined the group. This group has been the best

support and is a great place for suggestions, to vent on hard days,

to ask questions.... Again, welcome!

single mom, 3 sons

, 15, with OCD, dysgraphia and HFA/Aspergers

, 15, nonidentical twin

Randall, 19

> Hi everyone, I'm new to this listing. I have a 10 year-old

daughter

> who was diagnosed last August. She has what I would call a mild

> case. Last fall,she reluctantly went through the program at Duke.

> She wouldn't reveal worries. I reported on, with her permission,

> those that she had told me or that I observed. Anyway, she seemed

> much better by December. She didn't want to go and the Dr.

suggested

> a break.

>

> She won't talk about worries at all. She tells me it ruins her day

> to talk about them. I think that she has some OCD moments - making

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna and welcome to the list. My daughter is 10 too. Have you tried

frankly bribing your girl to participate in therapy (or spend a period of

time each day talking about her obsessions)? You could offer a toy or game

or outing that you know would be particularly tempting for her. This worked

very well for my daughter. I framed it as a reward for the hard work she

was doing in going against the OCD.

It's hard to see how she could benefit too much from therapy if she would

not reveal her specific obsessions/compulsions. By doing this kids

acclimate to the anxiety it causes and with repetition the anxiety falls, in

this way the obsessions fade.

Kids sometimes don't want to talk about their obsessions (worries) due to

embarrassing content (sex, elimination, violence), or sometimes they want to

avoid this because talking about the worries triggers them, bringing on

anxiety. Kids may want to avoid therapy because talking about OCD triggers

the obsessions. Avoiding (people, places, situations, things,

conversations, activities, etc.) itself can be a compulsion aimed to reduce

anxiety. Or, she may want to deny having OCD problems simply so you don't

take her back to the worry doctor!

I think the book will be a good starting point. Just talking about the fact

that she has worries, etc. will probably be a good exposure at the

beginning, and you can build from there. Once she acclimates to this she

may feel ready to discuss her particular obsessions or compulsions, so they

can be arrayed on a hierarchy and she can boss them back one by one.

Take care,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

> Hi everyone, I'm new to this listing. I have a 10 year-old daughter

> who was diagnosed last August. She has what I would call a mild

> case. Last fall,she reluctantly went through the program at Duke.

> She wouldn't reveal worries. I reported on, with her permission,

> those that she had told me or that I observed. Anyway, she seemed

> much better by December. She didn't want to go and the Dr. suggested

> a break.

>

> She won't talk about worries at all. She tells me it ruins her day

> to talk about them. I think that she has some OCD moments - making

> decisions, blowing up yesterday because she couldn't find the last

> egg that she knew was hidden, snapping at her brother for small

> things. When I suggest that it is OCD, she immediately says: " I

> don't want to go back to the worry Dr. "

>

> Ideas? I've been reading and just ordered " Up and Down the Worry

> Hill " - maybe we can talk about the book?

>

> Donna

[Guest guest]

Hi, Donna. Ten can be a lovely age, can't it? I have a ten year old who was

diagnosed at seven and she is pretty good about her OCD and always has been.

I have another daughter with OCD and she had her onset at ten and started

treatment at eleven. She is thirteen now and finally starting to work on it all

a little. It has been an uphill battle with her. She didn't want to talk

about the OCD at all and I finally starting telling her about things that I get

stuck on or about things that I have read about other people. I wanted her to

know that all people with OCD have freaky things--she especially liked the one

about a woman who felt like she needed to have a thin layer of powdered sugar

spread evenly on her apartment floor. Knowing some of other people's quirks

has helped her to open up about her own. Hannah has repetitive sexual

thoughts and refused to talk about them. I figured it out and read her a list

of

different things that people get stuck on and made sure that I included that

one.

The doctor and I explained to Hannah " in general " about thoughts and that

the sexual thoughts were a common OCD thing (as were other OCD thoughts) so that

she would know that she wasn't abnormal. I also told Hannah that she had to

go to the doctor and I didn't care if she just sat there. Having a reward

system is a great idea and going to the doctor can be encouraged that way. I

know you can lead a horse to water...but I did insist on the doctor visits and

she has always talked to the doctor eventually. I figure that her mind is " ill "

and it is my responsibility to get her the help she needs. She never wanted

to take cough syrup either and I made her to that too. Good luck. Kelley

in NV

[Guest guest]

My son has been much more open about his OCD since he started watching

the televison show " Monk " . He really has opened up and can now start

to put a name to his anxietys. He even tells strangers about his ocd.

He may be a little too open :-) at times.

Tammy

[Guest guest]

---

My 12yo son hates Monk! He feels that its making fun of OCD. I have

given him other perspectives and the verdict is still final. Oh well!

Los Angeles

In , " tuttleharry " <tuttle@c...> wrote:

> My son has been much more open about his OCD since he started

watching

> the televison show " Monk " . He really has opened up and can now

start

> to put a name to his anxietys. He even tells strangers about his

ocd.

> He may be a little too open :-) at times.

> Tammy