RE: Coping

April 4, 2006

This whole entry is wonderful. And very well written.

When I found out that my friend/loved one, oh I'll just call him '' was

sicker than we both imagined (yet is it really known, this condition is tricky

in a way, or maybe it's his and my denial.)

Well, anyway, when I realized that we may not have as much time together as

I have thought I wrote a list of simple little things that I wanted us to do

together; play cards, read a book together, go bowling, slow dance, make a

list of his favorite songs with an explanation and I'd burn them on a CD, and

take MORE pictures.

I would sent him " care packages " , jokes, small treats, CD's of music that

brought him to my mind, articles, when he lived farther, he has since moved

closer so I take him things or send them home with him.

But this past month I have felt a sense of pulling away from both of us and

get weepy when I think about him, I'm not sure what's going on. (Oh hell, sure

I do...)

Tracey

In a message dated 4/4/2006 12:39:26 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

no_reply writes:

There are things that you can do to help your loved ones through

these trouble times. I've listed some of them before and others

have added to it. Keep their days happy and exciting by doing

little things like lighting a candle on the table when you eat.

Take walks and notice the creation. Give them a back massage

with lotion after a warm bath. Talk to them about old memories

and the good times of life together. Let them know how you

feel inside, the goods and bads about the illness and that

you plan to always be there for them. Focus on what is

special and important to them and put your wants and needs as

secondary all the time. Taking care and time for yourself is

one of them. If you become worn out, than your partner who

needs you will know and respond to it. The positive outlook

is that we are here today, living and breathing and being

with one another...the negative is that we will be alone

without them. Enjoy one day at a time.

April 4, 2006

That was a beautiful essay.

Do you know if anyone in this group has primary liver cancer from the

cirrhosis, I am afraid my Grandfather now has that, he has had a

" lesion " in his liver since last summer (that I know of), it was 1cm and

had not grown as of Nov., he was again in the hospital twice in the last

two months, from hepatic encephalopathy. The last time when we got to

the ER they did an ultrasound on his liver right away and didn't say

much, then the next day they did an MRI, I asked my Grandmom if they

thought he had liver cancer and she said it was " a possibility, " so the

next day they sent him home, I asked her what the results of the MRI

were, and she said " oh, they never even mentioned it, " now I know they

don't give you an MRI and then " not mention " the results, so I am

assuming he has liver cancer. He seems to be getting sicker quickly, I

just wanted to know if anyone can tell me what happens next.

Coping

Caregiving of someone with cirrhosis is a difficult job. Some may

think it is easy...then they never had to go through this.

Watching someone who is ill, especially someone very close to you,

is difficult. Caregivers feel like they need to do more to help...

they may spend hours researching material on the disease to see

if there is any remedy or care they should give that they are

not giving now... At times they feel totally helpless even if they

are doing the most they can do. It is draining emotionally,

physically, and mentally. Emotionally cause they are scared of

loosing someone so dear to them and feeling like they become

responsible for it if they don't try hard enough. Physically,

cause things that were once handled by two people is now handled

by one and not everything may be understood how to handle it.

Mentally cause they want so much to find a miracle cure to

prevent the ineviable. They also become so stressed at the fact

they may fail in taking proper care and left some stone unturned

that will come from out of no where later on when it is too late.

The one who is cared for feels like a burden to those around who

are helping them. They may feel jealous of them since they are

able to do the things they are no longer able to do and have

health and something to look forward to. The disease engulfs

their whole world and they feel like they are walking through

an never ending nightmare and that things may only get worse,

and may get worse faster than expected. It is like living on

the end of life and death is one step away. The only way they

survive is if they avoid that last step at least for a little

while.

Depression is common place for both of the people above.

Still now, when I look at my loved one, even after the transplant...

I wonder how much longer we will have together. With all the

complications and now taking drugs that have side effects that

must be taken to live...we found out that they can cause things

that really will only give us a short times period again to be

together unless our bodies are strong enough to fight it all off.

The feeling of loneliness is there, the feeling of losing control

over life situations is there, the fear of being alone,

many things can make a person depressed beyond compare.

This is why I state to live one day at a time. Forget the pass

except the fond memories and don't look directly at the future

....look toward the future with hopes in your heart. Live for

today, Live for those who love, give your mind to the important

things in life like having those loved ones around you.

With the time you have left together...think of building fond

memories the best you can, things that will last the rest of

your life and into the future. What can you do today to make

this come about?

There was a list made up of things to do to help others without

them knowing. Like parking farther away from the store and

walking so someone else can have the front spaces. Another one

is putting a coin in the meter for someone whose time is running

out to park. Taking shopping carts clear back to the store and

a few others with it to save someone else the trouble.