Will I ever get my son back?

[Guest guest]

I so much identify with you. I, too, had a high-achieving son, we homeschool

him and he's a bright boy and way mature beyond his years in attitudes and

viewpoints. Suddenly, after Christmas, he became agitated and unable to do

anything with sudden onset of OCD symptoms. He has become now unable to do his

school work, I have to practically feed him and stand with him to brush his

teeth, etc. He needs constant reassurance from us and has lost his ability to

socialize and have fun. This is such a wretched disease! We are addressing his

fears in CBT but I am having so much trouble with how much to do for him and how

to deal with the time it takes him to do everything. For example, when we drive

out in the car, I have to stop everything and wait for him to put the seat belt

on him which can take up to 2-3 minutes. Short of putting it on for him, which

I won't do, I tear my hair out sometimes coaxing him and waiting for him to do

things! Please tell me what to do!

[Guest guest]

Yes, you will get your son back. When my youngest daughter was diagnosed at

seven, she was a screaming maniac who was convinced that there were poisonous

snakes in her lunch. She couldn't sleep, couldn't walk past the furnace when

it was running, couldn't make friends and couldn't go to the bathroom by

herself. She talked about " voices " (the constant thoughts one thinks when one

has

OCD) and about " Seeing Things " (our own name for the thoughts that were so

real she felt like they were right there with her.) She used to scream outside

the bathroom door while I was in there, kicking and screaming at me to come

out. At seven years old! I didn't think she would ever be tolerable, let alone

normal. I attended school with her daily because she was too afraid and

anxious to go alone. Today is ten and she happily (most mornings) gets up

and gets ready for school. She stays alone in the house while I take her sister

to school (a five minute job) and is holding her own in math. She plays with

other kids and doesn't have " Seeing Things " unless she is really stressed.

She even stayed with my mom and dad at their house over Christmas break--the

first time she has ever been able to be away from me in her life. She is happy

and plays and teases and laughs. She understands what OCD is and knows that

she is likely to have at least one kid with OCD herself and feels lucky that

she'll know what to do. takes Luvox (100 mg a day) as well as Risperdal

and Clonidine. She has taken these meds for 2 + years without side effects.

She still goes to therapy once a month. We are sometimes surprised by an

" uprising " but it never gets as bad as it was in the beginning. Hang in there.

It

really will get better. Does your son take an SSRI or just the Abilify?

Kelley in NV

[Guest guest]

, that is so tragic. I feel so fortunate that my son has made an almost

complete " recovery " (although you can never let down your guard). Is your son

on medication? We started my son on Anafranil, which helped a lot (maybe 30%

improvement) and eventually found very effective CBT (ERP) which took him back

the rest of the way. After several years in " remission " with only minor

setbacks, he is finally tapering down on his medication (had to switch to Celexa

because of side effects on Anafranil). When things become very stressful in his

life, he has to temporarily increase his medication, but I can't tell you how

much improvement is possible. Hang in there--sounds like you are doing a

wonderfully supportive job.

Judy

Re: Will I ever get my son back?

I so much identify with you. I, too, had a high-achieving son, we homeschool

him and he's a bright boy and way mature beyond his years in attitudes and

viewpoints. Suddenly, after Christmas, he became agitated and unable to do

anything with sudden onset of OCD symptoms. He has become now unable to do his

school work, I have to practically feed him and stand with him to brush his

teeth, etc. He needs constant reassurance from us and has lost his ability to

socialize and have fun. This is such a wretched disease! We are addressing his

fears in CBT but I am having so much trouble with how much to do for him and how

to deal with the time it takes him to do everything. For example, when we drive

out in the car, I have to stop everything and wait for him to put the seat belt

on him which can take up to 2-3 minutes. Short of putting it on for him, which

I won't do, I tear my hair out sometimes coaxing him and waiting for him to do

things! Please tell me what to do!

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

Thank you for your input. My son was extremely disabled at 16 from the onset

of OCD his world changed from a high energy, bright, fun loving , and very

independent to barely existing as a human( not eating, always afraid of

everything , unable to communicate, totally dependent , demanding and helpless.

He is

much better but I wonder if he will ever fully recover or be able to handle any

stress. One serious change in his attitude is that he get easily agitated and

hostile. For this reason we are encouraging him to do what ever makes him

happy. I would like to think at 21 he could live independently but I will let

him make that transition on his own schedule. I pushed real hard for perfection

the first 16years of his life and he crumbled and broke.

[Guest guest]

bmk100@... wrote: He is much better but I wonder if he will ever fully

recover or be able to handle any stress.

Let me ask this: Why should he not recover and learn to handle his O-C

tendencies? My experience is that attitude has a lot to do with recovery.

Keeping a positive outlook towards the future is more productive than dwelling

on negative experiences that make everyone feel guilty, angry, sad, etc.

Learning to control the ocd tendencies will become easier as he matures and

learns how to confront his obsessions and compulsions.

bmk100@... wrote: One serious change in his attitude is that he get easily

agitated and hostile.

When you notice the signs of increased aggitation, what actions do you each

take? Have you tried to point out the signs (do this when he is calm!) so that

when they are occuring, he will learn to control them? Some of the signs may be

raised voice, aggressive speech, clenched fists, sweating or other physiological

change, etc. If he likes to listen to music, encourage him to do this on his own

as a relaxation technique. Calmly pointing out the change in disposition and

encouraging him to leave the area may help him to regain control of himself.

bmk100@... wrote:I would like to think at 21 he could live independently but

I will let him make that transition on his own schedule.

Good for you - let him set the time line. Often kids with chronic health issues

mature later than their peers. Continue to encourage him to participate in

household chores and social interactions, when he is ready to be more

independant he will probably feel more confident.

bmk100@... wrote: I pushed real hard for perfection the first 16years of his

life and he crumbled and broke.

NO! NO! NO! OCD is a no-fault brain disorder. You did not make him into an

Obsessive-Compulsive person! More than thirty years ago researchers learned that

Freud was wrong in implying that OCD occurs in adults that had poor

relationships with their primary parent, usually their mother. This has been

totally dismissed as complete bosh! OCD can be from genetics (as in the case of

my three kids, and husband!), due to PANDA's, or a brain injury. OCD is never

from pushing too much for perfectionism! You are a great parent by being on this

list and learning what its like to parent a different child than the one you

previously knew. Take the time to learn how he's different and appreciate the

new person your son has become.

Most of all, remember to take care of yourself. , in Canada (social

work therapist with families living with anxiety disorders; parent to three

wonderful kids who live with OCD;)

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