Re: Fighting OCD

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

Video night might be a good idea. Can you suggest any? We've

watched the Discovery Channel documentary on it. As Good As It Gets

is a good idea - don't think he's seen that one. Thankfully there

is alot of info out there, but sometimes that seems overwhelming too

and you don't know where to start!

One of 's compulsions is that he has to get all of his homework

(projects, papers, etc.) done when he gets them and he will stay up

until it is finished - sometimes 2 or 3 am. (Actually OCD tells him

that if he starts anything it has to be finished, which may sound

like a good thing but it's definitely not. If I tell him that he

really needs to go to bed because sleep deprivation makes things

worse. His therapist suggested that we prescribe something that

will " knock him out " on those nights so that he HAS to sleep and

deal with the consequences in the morning. Any thoughts on that?

He also avoids doing his OCD homework (which I didn't realize until

this week) because he has " so many other things that have to be done

first " - part of his responsibility OCD. Creative tips for getting

around that would be most welcome. He gets extremely agitated if I

suggest anything and I have to be very careful about talking out

loud about things that need to be done around the house because he

takes that as him needing to take care of those things IMMEDIATELY.

The OCD conference is a great idea. I had considered it when I saw

it in the Foundation information. I think I'll suggest it - I had

promised him a trip to the beach when things get better, and as

therapeutic as that sounds - this might be better for both of us.

He gets upset when he sees me reading OCD books because he doesn't

want me wasting my time and money on anything related to him - ocd

tells him he is unworthy and the lowest form of life and doesn't

deserve to be helped. He thinks he has to pay me for anything he

uses.

Thanks for listening to my rambling - I'd better get ready for work -

think I'm going to be late. I'm so glad I found this " list " and

all of you. I don't always have time to write, but just reading the

posts and knowing you're out there provides comfort beyond words. I

have supportive friends - but since I'm the only one who sees the

worst of ocd (he's pretty good at hiding most of it to the outside

world) they don't really have any concept of what we go through on a

daily basis. HUGS to you Kathy and to every one else out there.

Gwen in NY

> > Hi Sandy and All,

> >

> > Sorry for the really late response. I haven't had time to check

in

> > lately, but this sounds so much like what we're going through

that

> I

> > had to respond.

> >

> > My son (16) is also very resistant to treatment because he

thinks

> > that OCD is responsible for him overcoming some of his social

> > phobias (that OCD probably caused to begin with) and does not

dare

> > to fight back. He says everyone likes him the way he is now and

we

> > do both get alot of comments about the " change " in over

the

> > last year - BIG weight loss and going from very quiet and

withdrawn

> > to outgoing. It's been over 6 months since he was diagnosed and

I

> > just see very few changes in either his anxiety level or

behavior.

> > When I think we're starting to have a break through - the next

week

> > is awful. When we defeat one ocd another one pops up. And from

> > what I'm reading here it may be that his therapist isn't great

at

> > teaching him CBT/ERP, even though he was the one who diagnosed

OCD

> > when we thought he had an eating disorder.

> >

> > He has a great sense of humor, so thanks to some of the posts

I've

> > read I'm trying to incorporate that into my responses to him.

But

> > when his anxiety level is really high even humor doesn't break

> > through. I think part of the problem is that we've started with

> > some of the high items on the scale without even knowing it.

> >

> > Have any of you with ocd teens found it helpful for them to

> > participate in any of the on-line chats or have they found other

> > teens they could talk to? He refuses to read anything about

OCD -

> > I've bought books galore which only I and my mother (she's one

of

> > the few people who are aware of his problem) end up reading. I

> just

> > need to find some way to give him the courage to fight and keep

> > fighting.

> >

> > Thanks for listening,

> > Gwen in NY

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Gwen:

Comedies and TV shows involving OCD can be entertaining, sometimes

they take some literary/visual license with what the best treatment

might be, e.g. " Monk " , which I enjoy anyway. Some of the videos we

watched were from the OC Foundation and the Awareness Foundation for

OCD, " The Touching Tree " is a good one where a teacher helps to

identify and get treatment for a young child with OCD. Other ones we

watched were " OCD: New Help for a Troubling Disease " done by Solvay

Pharmaceuticals and Pharmacia & Upjohn, and the Hudson Valley OCD

Conference video.

The OC Foundation has produced a set of videoson OCD in kids, you

might want to check out this URL:

http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocf1150a.htm

There is usually a movie/video night at the OCF Conference where

people air their great OCD videos and these are usually very

interesting and worthwhile.

Dealing with perfectionism requires deliberate messing up. WHen it

comes to school work you might want to contact the school and let

them know that OCD is messing around with homework big time and

needs to be excused from homework for a while so he can work on OCD

at home. Recovery from OCD is more important than academic

achievement. Every second of delayed recovery is a second of pain

and distress for our kids. When they are better it is so much easier

for them to learn anyway. Does have a 504 plan? This helped

our son, STeve, and his treatment goals were to deliberately get Bs

to deal with his perfectionism.

Could not do what work he can during the school day and then

not bring home any school work? I think it best to design cognitive

and behavioral interventions to deal with the perfectionism than to

give your son medication to make him sleep. What he needs to learn

is some self-mastery and I am not sure how sleep meds fits into all

this.

The best is to work with 's therapist to develop a behavioral

intervention re: homework with the cooperation of the school. For

example you could get a note from his teacher excusing him from

homework. SInce this likely violates OCD's rules he may respond with

an anxiety spike. However anxiety does not kill us, it may feel like

it is going to, but it is tricking us.

If you feel the sleep deprivation has made much less able to

confront his symptoms, then getting him some good sleep is the first

priority. Avoiding triggering his OCD by watching how you talk

around is a normal response in families living with OCD.

Unfortunately it does not help in the long run and gives temporary

relief at best. Asking " Who is the boss, you or OCD? " might

start to give him the idea he can boss back OCD. These techniques

are well described in the March and Mulle book, " OCD in Children and

Adolescents. " OUr list docs, Dr. Tamar Chansky and Dr. Aureen Pinto

Wagner have also written excellent books on how to encourage our kids

to resist compulsions and not avoid obsessions.

I am so sorry to read about the cruel error messages and junk mail

that OCD is sending . Please tell him lots of us have kids who

faced the same problem and with some help and their own strength they

managed to boss OCD right off their land! Good luck, take care,

aloha, Kathy (h)

kathy.hi@...

> Hi Kathy,

>

> Video night might be a good idea. Can you suggest any? We've

> watched the Discovery Channel documentary on it. As Good As It

Gets

> is a good idea - don't think he's seen that one. Thankfully there

> is alot of info out there, but sometimes that seems overwhelming

too

> and you don't know where to start!

>

> One of 's compulsions is that he has to get all of his

homework

> (projects, papers, etc.) done when he gets them and he will stay up

> until it is finished - sometimes 2 or 3 am. (Actually OCD tells

him

> that if he starts anything it has to be finished, which may sound

> like a good thing but it's definitely not. If I tell him that he

> really needs to go to bed because sleep deprivation makes things

> worse. His therapist suggested that we prescribe something that

> will " knock him out " on those nights so that he HAS to sleep and

> deal with the consequences in the morning. Any thoughts on that?

>

> He also avoids doing his OCD homework (which I didn't realize until

> this week) because he has " so many other things that have to be

done

> first " - part of his responsibility OCD. Creative tips for getting

> around that would be most welcome. He gets extremely agitated if I

> suggest anything and I have to be very careful about talking out

> loud about things that need to be done around the house because he

> takes that as him needing to take care of those things IMMEDIATELY.

>

> The OCD conference is a great idea. I had considered it when I saw

> it in the Foundation information. I think I'll suggest it - I had

> promised him a trip to the beach when things get better, and as

> therapeutic as that sounds - this might be better for both of us.

> He gets upset when he sees me reading OCD books because he doesn't

> want me wasting my time and money on anything related to him - ocd

> tells him he is unworthy and the lowest form of life and doesn't

> deserve to be helped. He thinks he has to pay me for anything he

> uses.

>

> Thanks for listening to my rambling - I'd better get ready for

work -

> think I'm going to be late. I'm so glad I found this " list " and

> all of you. I don't always have time to write, but just reading the

> posts and knowing you're out there provides comfort beyond words.

I

> have supportive friends - but since I'm the only one who sees the

> worst of ocd (he's pretty good at hiding most of it to the outside

> world) they don't really have any concept of what we go through on

a

> daily basis. HUGS to you Kathy and to every one else out there.

>

> Gwen in NY

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

Thanks for the info and advice. The school is not even aware that

has OCD and since he is a model high honor student, they would

probably think I didn't have a clue what I was talking about.

is adament that no one know about OCD. I've suggested talking to

the school before, but he will not discuss it. I realize it is

probably the " perfectionist anxiety " OCD that is telling him not to

discuss it, but I don't think he wants to be labeled either. We

have a close friend whose son has ADHD and the school seemed to be

little help - always a struggle to make them stick to the IEP, etc.

I can't imagine how they'd handle OCD. We live in a small town -

he's a junior in a graduating class of about 70. Although it may

seem extreme, I think I'd take him completely out of school until he

got better before I took the other route, because you are correct -

getting a handle on OCD is WAY more important than academics. And

that would certainly cause him anxiety!! He has a friend who was

out of school for a month with a severe stomach problem (I'm not

sure exactly what) so he is well aware that that is an option!

's therapist suggests that he start by leaving off a sentence

or two from his homework and work back from there. It's not the

routine homework he has a problem with and he tries to get around

OCD by doing as much of his work in school - makes good use of study

halls and free class time. It's the bigger projects that are

assigned with a week or two to work on them that he thinks he must

complete in one night. His anxiety (demonstrated only at home) has

been at such a high level that he couldn't even think about pushing

OCD around.

I've seen some minor improvements - glimpses of my much-loved son -

in the last week with the latest dosage increase in Luvox so I'm

praying that maybe this is the breakthrough we've been working for.

I try very hard not to " enable " OCD, but his anxiety level has been

so high that even a tiny push could trigger a meltdown. But this

week he's done a little pushing on his own and hasn't had any major

meltdowns in the last week - although it makes me nervous to be

hopeful because every time I have been before the tables have

quickly turned! It's almost like I have PTSD!

Oh how I wish I'd found you and this group earlier in this process!!

Gwen in NY

> > Hi Kathy,

> >

> > Video night might be a good idea. Can you suggest any? We've

> > watched the Discovery Channel documentary on it. As Good As It

> Gets

> > is a good idea - don't think he's seen that one. Thankfully

there

> > is alot of info out there, but sometimes that seems overwhelming

> too

> > and you don't know where to start!

> >

> > One of 's compulsions is that he has to get all of his

> homework

> > (projects, papers, etc.) done when he gets them and he will stay

up

> > until it is finished - sometimes 2 or 3 am. (Actually OCD tells

> him

> > that if he starts anything it has to be finished, which may

sound

> > like a good thing but it's definitely not. If I tell him that he

> > really needs to go to bed because sleep deprivation makes things

> > worse. His therapist suggested that we prescribe something that

> > will " knock him out " on those nights so that he HAS to sleep and

> > deal with the consequences in the morning. Any thoughts on that?

> >

> > He also avoids doing his OCD homework (which I didn't realize

until

> > this week) because he has " so many other things that have to be

> done

> > first " - part of his responsibility OCD. Creative tips for

getting

> > around that would be most welcome. He gets extremely agitated

if I

> > suggest anything and I have to be very careful about talking out

> > loud about things that need to be done around the house because

he

> > takes that as him needing to take care of those things

IMMEDIATELY.

> >

> > The OCD conference is a great idea. I had considered it when I

saw

> > it in the Foundation information. I think I'll suggest it - I

had

> > promised him a trip to the beach when things get better, and as

> > therapeutic as that sounds - this might be better for both of

us.

> > He gets upset when he sees me reading OCD books because he

doesn't

> > want me wasting my time and money on anything related to him -

ocd

> > tells him he is unworthy and the lowest form of life and doesn't

> > deserve to be helped. He thinks he has to pay me for anything

he

> > uses.

> >

> > Thanks for listening to my rambling - I'd better get ready for

> work -

> > think I'm going to be late. I'm so glad I found this " list "

and

> > all of you. I don't always have time to write, but just reading

the

> > posts and knowing you're out there provides comfort beyond

words.

> I

> > have supportive friends - but since I'm the only one who sees

the

> > worst of ocd (he's pretty good at hiding most of it to the

outside

> > world) they don't really have any concept of what we go through

on

> a

> > daily basis. HUGS to you Kathy and to every one else out there.

> >

> > Gwen in NY

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hi Gwen:

Your reservations about the school are quite understandable. Keeping

OCD secret is a big burden and unfortunately might send a message

that it is something to be ashamed of. OCD is a no fault disorder

and schools will not learn how to respond to it if we do not

encourage them to do their best. Just my 2c worth :-)

We found that mental health professionals were much more helpful to

our son in dealing with his OCD than the school personnel, no matter

how well intentioned. Telling the school about OCD gives them the

opportunity not to make things worse. Turning OCD around requires

good treatment from skilled psychologists/psychiatrists/CBT

therapists.

It sounds like Luvox is helping with taking the edge off OCD for

. THe idea of messing up assignments deliberately is very good,

I hope that has fun with this program.

You are right - we are suffering from trauma during the early days of

OCD when we walk around on eggshells trying to negotiate with OCD.

ONce we understand how OCD responds to this by stealing even more

ground from us, and then we learn how to help with bossing back, we

all get our lives back and the trauma recedes. Good luck, take care,

aloha, kathy (h)

kathy.hi@...

> Hi Kathy,

>

> Thanks for the info and advice. The school is not even aware that

> has OCD and since he is a model high honor student, they

would

> probably think I didn't have a clue what I was talking about.

> is adament that no one know about OCD. I've suggested talking to

> the school before, but he will not discuss it. I realize it is

> probably the " perfectionist anxiety " OCD that is telling him not to

> discuss it, but I don't think he wants to be labeled either. We

> have a close friend whose son has ADHD and the school seemed to be

> little help - always a struggle to make them stick to the IEP,

etc.

> I can't imagine how they'd handle OCD. We live in a small town -

> he's a junior in a graduating class of about 70. Although it may

> seem extreme, I think I'd take him completely out of school until

he

> got better before I took the other route, because you are correct -

> getting a handle on OCD is WAY more important than academics. And

> that would certainly cause him anxiety!! He has a friend who was

> out of school for a month with a severe stomach problem (I'm not

> sure exactly what) so he is well aware that that is an option!

>

> 's therapist suggests that he start by leaving off a sentence

> or two from his homework and work back from there. It's not the

> routine homework he has a problem with and he tries to get around

> OCD by doing as much of his work in school - makes good use of

study

> halls and free class time. It's the bigger projects that are

> assigned with a week or two to work on them that he thinks he must

> complete in one night. His anxiety (demonstrated only at home) has

> been at such a high level that he couldn't even think about pushing

> OCD around.

>

> I've seen some minor improvements - glimpses of my much-loved son -

> in the last week with the latest dosage increase in Luvox so I'm

> praying that maybe this is the breakthrough we've been working

for.

> I try very hard not to " enable " OCD, but his anxiety level has been

> so high that even a tiny push could trigger a meltdown. But this

> week he's done a little pushing on his own and hasn't had any major

> meltdowns in the last week - although it makes me nervous to be

> hopeful because every time I have been before the tables have

> quickly turned! It's almost like I have PTSD!

>

> Oh how I wish I'd found you and this group earlier in this process!!

>

> Gwen in NY

>

>