Re: Mom in MA - another try

[Guest guest]

Any progress is progress. Baby steps with lots of encouragement. We've been

through the same thing. The longer they're out the harder it is to do. Any

exposure is better than none. Hang in there. Have you tried any reward system.?

Sometimes it helps sometimes not. My thoughts are with you. My 12 yr old suffers

from the same and today my 8 yr old dtr panicked and didn't go to school. I

thought oh no not her with anxiety too!! She met the social worker at school

1/2 day and it helped. Hopefully that will help seeing the sw, she does not have

ocd thank god. One kid is enough. I'm at work and my husband is at home. we

dread the mornings not knowing what will transform that day. It's been a roller

coaster but there are some improvements. Hope you're taking care of yourself

as well. It's easy to burn out. Take care,Marcy

[Guest guest]

She's made it to lunch and recess two days in a row. What if tomorrow the

plan is, she goes to school for lunch and recess, and stays for the next

class? You or her father could wait in the lot for her. If successful she

could add another hour, and so on until she's attending regularly from lunch

until the end of the day. At that point she could start aiming for one

class period before lunch, then two, etc. until she is eventually going to

school the full day.

Possibly she could carry a cell phone to call to be picked up if she got

overwhelmed, this may feel like a safety net to her. I know schools

generally don't allow students to carry phones but they may allow it during

this phase of supporting your child during this " re-entry " phase.

I'm curious what her friends know about her problem, they must know

generally about it since she's gone to lunch and recess with them. Any

among them who could function as cheerleaders and general support for her

while she's working to get back to the full day schedule?

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

> So my daughter " stopped " by her class during lunch yesterday. She

> maintained her anxiety well. I could tell she was tense, but she

> said afterward she was glad to go.

>

> Another aborted attemtp at going to school THIS morning. She got

> half dressed, and then went into her " anxiety hole " . It feels that

> way, because none of our talk seems to reach her. We are trying to

> remind her of the options she has during the anxiety (breathe...ride

> it out...re-focus... re-label, etc.). But it seems she is not able

> to get out of it... so frustrating. She deperately wants to go to

> school. Two weeks off is starting ot get REEEAAL bring. only so

> much SpongeBob SquarePants she can watch.

>

> She DID want to go by at lunch today again. I just got back to my

> desk at work and had a message from my husband that he brought her to

> school. She wanted to eat lunch with ehr friends, so he bought her a

> hot lunch. Then she insisted he go home and get her hat and gloves

> so she could play on the playground after...

>

> Is this progress, even though she couldn't get past the anx. this

> morning? Do you think it's helping that she's getting school

> in " bits " or am I just making it easy for her to stay out by only

> bringing her at lunch.

>

> Anybody have success with getting through the bad anxiety?

>

> Thanks for the wisdom everyone...

[Guest guest]

HI Kathy-

Today she was REALLY motivated to attend for an hour in the morning.

(The new jeans and shoes I bought her last night might have helped.

She called it her " first day back at school in a while " outfit).

She was anxious when we headed out the door, but our plan was to

bring " Annie Anxiety " along if she showed up.

She was good until we got to the line-up of kids to go upstairs to

class. She started with an anxiety attack. She just gets so scared

and it's so hard to reach her. But I asked her if she wanted to go

home, or keep going. She wanted to keep going. Her legs must get

real wobbly when she is in anxiety, because I had to carry her up the

stairs (I never wanted to hit a third grader so much as I did when I

heard one say " Wow! a fouth grader getting carried up the stairs! " ).

She wanted to me to go into class with her, but I told her that was

not possible, but I'd be in the library right next door. Again, I

asked her if she wanted to go home, but she said no.

She lasted about 35 minutes, and her teacher brought her into the

library --- anx. att. This was a bit of a doozie. I told her she

did so great, and we would go home, and try again tomorrow.

When we got home, she was starting to feel better and BEGGED me to

bring her back. The poor thing was so disappointed in herself

(the " perfectionist " nature of her OCD). She was literall

begging " Please just give me one more chance, I PROMISE I'll try

harder! " It broke my heart as I tried to explain that she had

already tried so hard and succeeded. We have to take small bites of

this, etc.

Finally I caught on, and asked if she was proud of what she did. She

got tears in her eyes and shook her head no. I said, well, welcome

OCD-Voice. I reminded her that the voice that says " you didn't go

all day - you wimp! " is her OCD voice. It affects her art, her

tennis, her bikeriding, etc...

I told her we will try again tomorrow, and maybe today her " work "

could be to imagine herself at school, and see what she can do

if " Annie " shows up.

I also reminded her that she ended up not listening to OCD when it

told her she couldn't pee, and not listening to OCD when it told her

she better not eat... and she didn't have to listen to OCD now when

it told her not to be proud. I made her say out loud " What I did was

friggin' hard! But I did it anyway. " (Sorry for language :-))

PHEW! So she tried this morning, plan is to do it again tomorrow. I

just can't imagine she'll ever get over this anxiety enough to have a

normal school day again!! I am grateful and proud of the progress.

But will she ever really be able to go a whole day?????

> She's made it to lunch and recess two days in a row. What if

tomorrow the

> plan is, she goes to school for lunch and recess, and stays for the

next

> class? You or her father could wait in the lot for her. If

successful she

> could add another hour, and so on until she's attending regularly

from lunch

> until the end of the day. At that point she could start aiming

for one

> class period before lunch, then two, etc. until she is eventually

going to

> school the full day.

>

> Possibly she could carry a cell phone to call to be picked up if

she got

> overwhelmed, this may feel like a safety net to her. I know schools

> generally don't allow students to carry phones but they may allow

it during

> this phase of supporting your child during this " re-entry " phase.

>

> I'm curious what her friends know about her problem, they must know

> generally about it since she's gone to lunch and recess with them.

Any

> among them who could function as cheerleaders and general support

for her

> while she's working to get back to the full day schedule?

>

> Kathy R. in Indiana

>

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: " charpie2003 " <lizcharpentier@h...>

>

>

> > So my daughter " stopped " by her class during lunch yesterday. She

> > maintained her anxiety well. I could tell she was tense, but she

> > said afterward she was glad to go.

> >

> > Another aborted attemtp at going to school THIS morning. She got

> > half dressed, and then went into her " anxiety hole " . It feels

that

> > way, because none of our talk seems to reach her. We are trying

to

> > remind her of the options she has during the anxiety

(breathe...ride

> > it out...re-focus... re-label, etc.). But it seems she is not

able

> > to get out of it... so frustrating. She deperately wants to go to

> > school. Two weeks off is starting ot get REEEAAL bring. only so

> > much SpongeBob SquarePants she can watch.

> >

> > She DID want to go by at lunch today again. I just got back to my

> > desk at work and had a message from my husband that he brought

her to

> > school. She wanted to eat lunch with ehr friends, so he bought

her a

> > hot lunch. Then she insisted he go home and get her hat and

gloves

> > so she could play on the playground after...

> >

> > Is this progress, even though she couldn't get past the anx. this

> > morning? Do you think it's helping that she's getting school

> > in " bits " or am I just making it easy for her to stay out by only

> > bringing her at lunch.

> >

> > Anybody have success with getting through the bad anxiety?

> >

> > Thanks for the wisdom everyone...

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is amazing to read about. I never thought it would be so

uplifting to read about a 4th grader getting to school ;-)

This really struck me: <<Finally I caught on, and asked if she was

proud of what she did. She got tears in her eyes and shook her head

no. I said, well, welcome OCD-Voice. I reminded her that the voice

that says " you didn't go all day - you wimp! " is her OCD voice. It

affects her art, her tennis, her bikeriding, etc... " "

My DS (age 7) has been saying how he is stupid, he can't do

anything, etc. and it never occurred to me that it might be OCD. I

thought maybe he was depressed from this exhausting OCD ride, but he

isn't like this all or most of the time....and it is *so* unlike his

usual self-confident attitude. I want to ask him about if it is OCD

but now he doesn't want to attribute anything to OCD because then he

may have to work to change it. And he doesn't want ANYTHING to

change, that is one major aspect of his OCD.

Yikes. Time to go pick him up at school. They haven't called me

yet so it can't have been TOO terrible there. Sandy