Crossroads

[Guest guest]

I offer this post and specifically the question within, to the

group. Please reply in the poll that I have made. I am sincerely

interested in what you all think even though the decision is

obviously mine alone.

Thanks

Steve

June

Jump to the latest entry...

California

06 04 06

Since I returned home things have been very confusing. April and I

are trying hard to make the separation transition as wrinkle free as

possible, but of course there are always issues.

First one is trust. It seems that once a relationship is over the

issue of trust comes up. This is compounded by the media, if they

are involved in your life. April and I have had several discussions

regarding things that have been printed about us lately. Even though

you know better, sometimes you still need to ask whether something

written is true or not. After speaking with her about this a few

times I realized that she is really having a hard time with public

opinion; more so than me. Because of this I wanted to state for the

record that April and I are still friends and parents, she continues

to be supportive and is not evil like some of the trolls would have

you believe. The break up of our marriage is difficult and coming to

that decision was not easy, but it was mutual. April works very hard

to help accommodate my return to everyday life and helps beyond what

would be expected from someone with whom you are divorcing.

So, contrary to recent reports, April is not " outing " me to the

media and she is still a big part of my life. We are not hating one

another and speak almost everyday. We remain friends and parents. If

you hear something to the contrary then you are hearing wrong.

Now as for me, I have spent a week in the Anza-Borrego desert and

today I head back to my own planet. I have some big decisions to

make and I needed some time to consider them. This week will prove

to be a pivotal one I think. So I spent this time with friends whose

opinions I value and sought their counsel. This time was also for me

to reconnect with my friends that I have not seen in a year and that

turned out to be just what I needed. Sometimes you will find answers

when you are not looking for them and especially if you spend your

time with supportive people. Over the next week I will finalize some

of these things that have been up in the air and will share them

with you as they develop.

06 10 06

Week of 6/5 – 6/10

Dilemma for the fatmanwalking!

Since my return to California after completing my walk across the

country I have been faced with a lot of difficult things, not least

of which is the book deal with Harper-/Regan Media. It has

been almost a month now and we still have not been able to come to

an agreement on releasing me from my contract with them. It seems to

me that they would be aware of the time sensitive nature of this

book and, therefore, eager to help me get it placed with another

publisher. Especially since the repayment of their money is

dependant on the publication of this book. This, however does not

seem to be the case at all.

There are some folks that erroneously believe that I was made rich

by sponsors and advertisers, this notion could not be further from

the truth. In fact, in a lot of ways I am much worse off than before

I left. In fact, this journey has put me in the red, but I have a

short period of time to get my life back together and my ability to

sell the book is paramount to that recovery. Another erroneous

belief is that my family is not being taken care of, that simply is

not true. They are always the first priority for me and they are

doing fine. When I refer to me I am speaking solely about me.

This last week I spent mostly in Los Angeles preparing for some

upcoming events and doing a couple of interviews. During this next

week I will announce what those things are and I promise that they

will be interesting. It is important to me that people who were

motivated by my journey continue to see the dramatic change, both

physically and spiritually, that occurs when you rise above you own

drama. The book and the movie will really illustrate the nuts and

bolt of this journey and I believe that it will provide a much

clearer picture of what really happened over the last year. However,

the journey is not over. I still have weight to lose and things to

work out and of course I will share it all with you...again. So,

stay tuned for more information at the end of next week.

Right now I am back in San Diego hanging out with my kids and having

a great time. While I am with them I focus on our time together and

not the journal. Sorry, but when I have to choose between the two

the journal has to wait. I am taking a few minutes to write this one

while there is a Saturday morning cartoon on. TO be honest, they are

ignoring me right now! One of the greatest joys in life for me is my

children and I cherish the time that I have with them.

On another note; for those that are interested there are several

media items coming out this week about me, chief among them is a

segment on Australian 60 Minutes. I am not sure when or if the video

will be available online, but I believe that it will air on TV in

this country eventually. I will let you know when it does. Secondly,

there are articles in Backpacker and Walk magazines this month.

There are a few other things in the pipeline but now I am being more

selective because I don't want to keep doing the same interview over

and over. There are media out there that get the deeper story here

and those are the ones that I am focusing on. I will post here when

they occur. But the next big adventure will keep the adventure going

and I promise will be very helpful for people with problems like the

ones that I deal with and several others. I am very excited about

the future.

Finally, I am still maintaining a better and healthier lifestyle,

with minimal transgressions. Eating less, eating healthier and

exercise are the focus and integrating them into everyday life is

the challenge. Over the next several months I hope to make it a more

natural part of my life. I sincerely believe that any long term

change needs to be gradual, consistent and sustainable, however,

everyday life challenges makes that very difficult and that is where

the hard work is for me. So, over the next couple of months I will

try to accomplish more than I fail, and hopefully make some

progress. After consulting with Dr. Pamela Peeke I have decided that

my goal weight is around 235 lbs. and I will make that goal

eventually. But I want to make and maintain that goal instead of

bouncing around the scale for the next few years. So, to achieve

this goal I am dedicating my efforts to learning how to maintain

heath, diet and wellness the right way. I hope to learn and pass

that along to you through advise and input from some of the

professionals that I have come to trust and through the development

of my own weight maintenance strategies from this last years as well

as what will be learned next. Things are really getting interesting

now.

06 12 06

I am sitting here in a friend's office in North Hollywood trying to

decompress from the whirlwind that has been my life for the past

year or so. I say only a year because in the beginning of my walk

things were quite introspective and adventurous. It was the latter

part of the trip in which things became nuts. Now I am sitting here

assessing what has happened and constantly reminding my self that,

both, it did happen and it was in fact me that is happened to.

Things get insane if you let them, and North Hollywood is probably

not the first place to be looking for sanity, but it actually is

quite refreshing to be around friends and that is sanity wherever

you find yourself.

I spent the weekend with my kids again and I find that very

refreshing. But at the same time I find that after dropping them off

at my former home it takes a day or so for me to lose the funk of

sadness of not seeing them everyday. This is not the way that I

envisioned how things would work out for my family, but isn't that

just life? Sometimes life is just beyond your reach and the best

that you can hope for is to stay close enough to see where it goes.

Sometimes we have to accept that the best we have is a wager that we

have made the right decision. The unfortunate gamble is the lives

and happiness of four people in this case, but what else can be

done. These things happen in life and your only choice is to do the

best that you can. So I speak with the kid's everyday and I will

continue to be there for them as much as I can. I hope that my love

and dedication to them is enough in the long run.

As far as the rest of things are concerned I am at a cross roads. I

know that mentioning it here is probably not the best idea but I

have developed a strong belief of faith in thefatmanwalking

audience. So I suppose that sometimes I look for guidance from that

very group. Right now I have the liberty to look at the landscape

of my life and decide the next turn. I have several options ahead of

me and assessing which is the best is tricky. They all have pros and

cons and they all have costs. But each one has an allure that keeps

them all in the running. It would be easy to make decisions in life

if they were all a good one versus a bad one. But they seldom are,

at least without the benefit of hindsight. Rarely does a person at

a cross roads examine the options and purposely choose the bad one.

Instead they make the best decision at the time, based on the

information available and hope for the best. I, fortunately, have

the added advantage of thousands of cyber-counselors so I am going

to use it. In this situation Olympic judging rules apply. You take

the fringes, those vehemently opposed and those zealously in favor

and toss them out. Then you rate what remains, so here goes.

There are basically two paths in front of me. One is that I finish

this FMW stuff, put it behind me and go back to my life. That means

that I go back to working at a company and try to avoid the wide

swath of a rut that I formerly dug for myself. I am not trying the

swing the vote here but instead I am trying to illustrate my

feelings. I am good at what I do but I have proven to myself that I

become completely absorbed with it and forget about the living part.

I would have to work hard to avoid this and I think that I can but

those forces are strong. I can work at getting back to school or

maybe buying my own business again or simply be content to labor and

make do with what I have, finding peace of mind in the mind, not

outside of it. Certainly there are merits to this path but it is one

well traveled and the perils well known. A fancy way of saying that

it scares me a bit; there is a history there and I may be a bit too

manic when it comes to work. Not being able to balance family, life

and work is why I went on the walk in the first place. Like an

alcoholic who has to find new friends, hangouts and hobbies, I think

that I need to reinvent myself in a different way. I fear that

giving into my instinctual urge to go to what is comfortable is my

main weakness.

Which brings me to option two; embracing the FMW and move forward

with it, following it to the next level. This means taking a serious

risk heading into territories unknown. I love change but only when

it doesn't change everything. There is comfort in things being the

same and there is excitement in things changing, in the middle of

these two notions go I. Right now I have quite a few people telling

me that there is a lot of good that I could do with the FMW and that

there are a great number of people out there that would be well

served by my focusing energies on the two things paramount in my

life, obesity and depression. I know that there is no shortage of

people who love to blame everything wrong on depression and no end

of excuses for why we are obese. But I am not talking about that. I

am talking about real issues and real solutions for real people. I

have learned a lot over this last year or so and most important was

that people can make the required changes in their own lives. There

are lots of great things out there to help them but it seems that

there might be too many. In fact, there are so many that they start

to become counterproductive. It becomes so confusing that people

stop listening and become almost paralyzed with indecision about

what is good and healthy and what is bad and unhealthy. I think that

an incredible team has been assembled, quite by accident, around

this journey. Dr. Peeke, Dr. Perricone, Fleisman, Sunfare

foods, Total vitamins to name a few and there are many more. They

are all willing to help to develop realistic, sustainable life

changes in health and wellness for everyday life.

All it takes is someone to get out there and pass the word along.

Now who can we get to do that?? Someone willing to take the chance,

willing to risk the hardships and tribulation, willing to weather

the storm or haters and discontented… That is the trouble folks. Who

is willing to do that? Am I? There are great benefits to being that

person, peace of mind, satisfaction of returning good things to the

world and pride in doing something when others fear to not try. But

there is a great cost as well. What goes up must come down. What if

people don't care? What if I lose even more money? What if I get

stranded in Amsterdam?....Ok well forget about that last one. But

there are serious issues here. This is not a thing that you can

start and just decide to walk away from. There are a lot of people

that will be counting on the help and guidance offered by this

organization and that will require a long-term commitment. It is a

responsibility not to be entered into lightly.

If I choose that later then the next step is in further adventures

at the FMW. In the works is a plan to continue walking, not simply

to cover ground but instead to make people aware of the causes and

cures of these terrible things. To have a health and wellness

presentation in areas most afflicted by depression and obesity. To

bring realistic heath and fitness information to people that would

otherwise not have it. Currently, I am considering an offer to host

me in a walk in England. This would be a combination of group walks,

health fare and talks aimed at providing people with tools and

motivation to empower people to embrace their own health and

wellbeing; in short to be responsible for their own happiness.

So there I am! What should I do? Right now times are difficult and

that makes decisions even more difficult and for that matter,

critical. But I want to make the right one if I can so I pose the

question to you. What would you do?