Libby - LONG

[Guest guest]

Hi Libby,

My Jon was a little tight-lipped when I first mentioned banding, over a year ago. I knew what he was thinking (like, "she just has to eat less and exercise more"), and it made me internally upset- but at least he was keeping it to himself. I think he thought it would fade, like so many of my whims/hobbies/ phases, but I've kept an eye on things in Ozband, and Sydband, studied the op, saw lots of doctors to get quotes etc, and even have self-funded this through my own super and deductions from my pay for my private health. I've known all the way through that this was the right thing for me to do. My recent freaked-out phase has had me warn him that I'm probably going to be (more of) a nutter bitch than I normally am, because I'm anxious about it. I told him how I was having feelings of being a failure, because I can't do it normally anymore etc, and he told me that he's really happy that I'm going ahead with it...and that it was weird that we'd both had such a change around. He's even telling the kids to behave for me, as I'm stressed out.

I think the turning point was when we saw an acquaintance of ours who was banded last year, and she looks like a different person, and is brimming with health and energy- she's really reduced a lot of the meds etc she was on, and has pretty much lost most of the symptoms of her lupus. She only had good things to say, and I quizzed her deeply, with him hearing the answers.

Before all of this, I have been a serial dieter for all of our time together (coming up to 16 years). I was a big girl from when he knew me before we started going out. I remember asking him then if my weight was an issue....he said no.... but when I lost a stack the first time, I asked him again, and he shyly said "well, yes, kinda"....(needless to say it came back on with pregnancy #2 & has been building since, despite my half-assed efforts).

In the years that we have spent together, I've always respected him for at least having the diplomacy to keep quiet, although I know he'd like a slimmer me...not necessarily for vanity's sake, but just so I can be a more active mum, and join in with family things that I shy away from now - like taking the kids to the pool or seeing his family.(I mean, I really want to weigh less than him, and I know he would like it if I would feel like doing "it" more - ala Mimi and her chandeliers)

I have also been to the RPA Obesity/ metabolic clinic, gone through all of their tests, even had spinal X-Rays (showing that I have spurs on my spine, indicating osteo-arthritis - way too young). At 36, I shouldn't also have high BP, insulin resistance, depression (although that's been with me through thick and thin, literally), reflux etc etc. I think he loves me enough to see that I need to do this so that we can get on with our lives and have a long life together. Well, at least that's how I see it. I think I'm incredibly lucky to have him,

Perhaps if you put the last argument to him, it might slowly get him to see sense- not only are you considering this for you, but for both of you....all of you, including your daughter.

I hope this helps you. Also remember, offload here whenever- even if he thinks "oh, you're talking to your fat friends on the internet again are you?" like Rose said, So what.

Hugs to you- stay strong sister!!

(Ashbury)