Guest guest Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 "Often due to feeling different and/or not being accepted as one is. Many sensitive people also tend to be more inclined to believe negative things about themselves than positive, and often absorb even the slightest hint of disapproval or criticism that then gets exaggerated all out of proportion in one's mind. So, even for those few Aspies who do not get bullied and picked on, it is easly to develop a complex for life about any aspect of one's personality or looks from just a thoughtless, not ill intended, comment from someone. And not just Aspies. Homo Sapiens in general seem to be exceedingly vulnerable to the slightest hint of non-approval." The only part of this segment of the article that shows the personal aspects of the author is the mention of "disapproval or criticism that ....gets exaggerated all out of proportion in one's mind." In proportion to what? To the author's own perspective of the situation? Perhaps this author is not in the exact position of the Aspie at that moment, and the criticism or disapproval is not "out of proportion" at all--it is extremely painful for the Aspie to face at that time, with those conditions that the Aspie has to experience the situation. The same could be said of the bullying in schools, where the teacher feels that the slight "off-the-cuff" remarks by a pupil towards the Aspie is "exaggerated all out of proportion", and does nothing to stop, or even lessen, the verbal attacks that the Aspie gets from these bullies. Is this a lack of empathy on the part of the author (of this article) or the teacher (who tries to minimize the effects of everyday verbal confrontations in the school yard)? Is there any way, at all, to invite this author (or any teacher) to truly experience what the disapproval or criticism really...really feels like to the Aspie? Perhaps, after such an experience, the author or teacher will not be so willing to trivialize the painful experiences of Aspies by claiming that these experiences are blown "out of proportion"! (The same is true of physicians who try to trivialize the pain that a person feels, but cannot get the physician to experience this pain. Indeed, as some writers have querried: "What is pain?"...and have attempted to show how no pain to one is excruciating to another.) Even on email lists, what is sheer agony for one Aspie is either dismissed or trivialized by others who do not share the empathy of being able to "feel with" the Aspie having the agony. To "feel with" an Aspie does not mean to give that Aspie tons of advice on how to handle his or her agony; it is just a way of sharing the "feeling" with that person, even if no hint of a suggestion is given in the dialogue. avast! Antivirus: Outbound message clean. Virus Database (VPS): 0444-3, 29/10/2004Tested on: 30/10/2004 9:38:50 PMavast! is copyright © 2000-2003 ALWIL Software. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 I'm an overeater and I believe that all my problems and what I've been through in my life has caused all my problems. 3 1/2 years ago I weighed 125 kilos (297 pounds), now I'm 100 kilos (220). I try to control how much I eat strictly, but I can really eat as much as I want to if I don't binge eat. I still loose weight and feel better, even though most of the problems that made me overeat are still not resolved. > From communication with other Aspies, it seems that an unusually high number of Aspies have problems with food, and risk developing eating disorders. > > Unfortunately, many therapists seem to make the mistake of looking for deep emotional problems stemming from childhood, when often the reasons may be it is a lot more direct: > > 1. Receptivity. > Being extra susceptible to impressions and from media images, due to right brain dominance, hyper-receptive nervous system and tendency to be in a constant light trance that bypasses rational filters. > > 2. Taste. > Actually thinking that people look better when they are thin. I have always found a little overweight most attractive, but some really find thin most attractive and nothing can change that (Aspies are often VERY set in their tastes and opinions). > > 3. Low self-esteem. > Often due to feeling different and/or not being accepted as one is. Many sensitive people also tend to be more inclined to believe negative things about themselves than positive, and often absorb even the slightest hint of disapproval or criticism that then gets exaggerated all out of proportion in one's mind. So, even for those few Aspies who do not get bullied and picked on, it is easly to develop a complex for life about any aspect of one's personality or looks from just a thoughtless, not ill intended, comment from someone. And not just Aspies. Homo Sapiens in general seem to be exceedingly vulnerable to the slightest hint of non-approval. > > 4. Being self-absorbed. > Natural Aspie tendency which may become intensified by being excluded by others. > > 5. Lack of balanced perspective. > For many Aspies details are more important than the whole. They may thus incorrectly assume that a tiny zit or extra half kilo will render them completely repulsive to others and totally miss the fact that it is usually the combination of one's overall personality, attitude, style, looks, self-esteem and general output that determines what others think, not tiny little details that no one but oneself is likely to even notice. And if they don't like that overall package - because it is too different from their own - changing details in one's appearance is not likely to have much effect. Better then to look for other odd people who will appreciate one as one is. > > 6. Low stress-threshold. > Many Aspies have such delicate nervous systems that they xperience severe stress over what to others are just everyday things, including overwhelming sensory impressions, social confusion, time pressure, demands at school, work, from family members and peers. Perhaps compunded by being misunderstood, picked on, used or bullied, and not having a enough assertive ability to protect oneself. Some Aspies simply lose their appetite when they feel stressed, others get a tightness in the throat that makes it difficult/painful/impossible to swallow solid food. Others deal with stress by hyperfocusing on something else, e.g. on counting calories. > > 7. Depression and disease. > Depression too can reduce appetite, as can infections. This is a natural reaction of the body in order to preserve energy and should be respected, as long as it does not go on for too long. Fasting for shorter periods of time - ideally in combination with enough rest, fresh air, water and liquid nutrients - may facilitate healing. > > 8. Innate suspicion towards food. > Most Aspies seem to be born picky eaters and often have sensory problems with many foods. > > 9. Hyperfocus & perseverance. > Aspies often love making tables and diagrams, so counting calories can easily become a favorite hobby - for a very long time! > > 10. Allergies. > Anorexia/bulimia itself may possibly be an allergic reaction, just like food addiction. Sugar/processed carbohydrate addiction is probably the most common food addiction on the planet, and may be intensified by Candida Albicans (yeast overgrowth, often from antibiotics) that feeds on fast carbs like bread, sugar and milk products. Starving it out by will power can actually be a good thing - long as one eats enough protein, good fat and veggies to stay healthy. > > 11. Orthorexia. > Many Aspies develop health & food as a special interest, and as always, will go into it 200% and become experts on nourishment and/or training. This is often a good thing and should be respected by others. If one is sensitive to sugar or other additives for example, it is excellent to be as fanatical about avoiding it, as Aspies often are once they make up their mind to be. Many Aspies are also so sensitive that they can feel immediately what has a negative impact on their bodies (I don't even have to put it in my mouth for my body to tell me). > > However, sometimes things CAN go too far and develop into an OCD where the Aspie becomes deadly afraid of deviating even a fraction from the chosen diet or exercise regime, and may have trouble realising that doing so once in a while is NOT going to make him/her drop down dead, lose control forever, or gain 100 pounds overnight. > > 12. Taking things too literally. > An anorexic Aspie friend of mine - who is super-intelligent in all other areas but those that have to do with food - said that she is worried about getting fat (despite being on a very strict diet and exercising excessively every day) because they had said on the news that the Swedish people are getting fatter. She said in all earnesty that this must be true for her too, since she is a Swede... (Her amazing BF now screens the morning paper and cuts out any triggering articles before giving it to her.) > > 13. Control. > Realizing that one can control one's body may give great satisfaction to someone who would like to have control over all of one's environment but is unable to have any. Often the need for control is seen as something negative that should be worked against. But for an Aspie, it is often crucial to have some measure of control if one is to feel motivated to live at all. This need for control is rarely of the sociopathic type, where the sociopath simply gets a kick out of being able to control others, just for the fun of controlling. Rather it is a self-defence mechanism, a desperate need to protect oneself from neurological disruption, sensory harm and internal disharmony. If an Aspie hawks he remote, or wants to contol the voice volume of other family members, it is only to avoid the pain to his/her hypersensitive hearing; not to be selfish or disrespectful to others. Allowing an Aspie family member more control (veto) over other things that may be painful to him/her, may be a way to compensate enough for the calory-control to subside. > > 14. Death wish. > Many Aspies have an explicit or subconscious will do die and see no point in living. > > > To treat Aspie eating disorders, I would suggest trying: > > A. Allergy check. > It is always a good idea to check wich foods one may be sensitive too. Some sensitivities don't show on traditional allergy checks and are most easily identified by an elimination- & -reintroduction process where one pays close attention to possible reactions. > > B. Respect. > Show respect for the Aspie anorexic/orthorexic's tastes, wishes, and knowledge about food. Often the Aspie is as informed as a professional dietist, only less influenced by those vested interests that make sure to indoctrinate dietists into erroneous mainstream views that sugar " is a good source of energy " , that MSG, aspartame and other additives are " nothing to worry about " etc. If you want to re-educate the Aspie into eating a more balanced diet, the information has to be unbiased and true, or the Aspie will see through it in seconds and become suspicious & uncooperative. And rightly so! To be " cured " of anorexia/orthorexia is NOT to start eating junk food again, but to eat sensibly, only a little more - especially more essential fatty acids, which the body needs for proper brain & nerve function. > > C. Trust and validation. > Including for his/her bodily perceptions. If someone says they feel a certain way when eating a particular food, then they probably DO feel that way, even if such reactions not recorded in medical literature and may seem unreasonable. Our bodies and digestive systems seem to be so much more sensitive compared with the general population that very little may have a massive impact on how we function and feel. To dismiss someone's complaints as delusions is arrogant and uniformed. > > D. Compassion & understanding. > To recieve sincere sympathy for the daily difficulties one is experiencing, can go a long way to soothe and heal emotions. No need to go back into childhood to search for clues, unless painful memoried come up on their own accord during therapy. For the Aspie, problems are often much more directly connected with their current situation than with past events. Asking about the person's greatest fears may also help him/her become aware of these and less subconsciously ruled by them. > > E. Remove Vernicke's commands. > Being hyper-receptive, one also tends to store any openly negative comments in the Vernicke's area and later in life re-play those almost as tics whenever one does somthing less than optimal - usually without realizing that they are only recordings and not one's own thoughts. These are easy to identify since they are always recorded in " you " format (e.g. " you clumsy idiot " ). Removing such negative " Vernicke's commands " and replacing them with more positive ones, can take much time and patience. Becoming aware of them is a good start. > > F. Stress reduction. > What can be done to decrease sensory overload, stress-inducing demands and nerve-jarring interruptions when one is blissfully hyperfocusing on something, without putting unfair limitations on other family members/classmates/working associates? > > G. Negotiation. > One way may be to ask each family/group member to list the things that they deem most important to their well-being, rate each thing from 0 - 10, and then compare notes and negotiate so that as many top priority things get as accomodated as possible. In my own experience I have found that one's MOST important needs are met, that reduces stress to such a degree that one is then able to relax and become more flexible about things that are top priority to others. > > H. Loving actions. > Sometimes we forget to show how much we love and care for those who are closest to us. We take for granted that surely they must know this, but surprisingly many are not telepathic and actually need to hear it every now and then. :-) And even saying it aloud may not be enough; our actions too must reflect basic respect and compassion. If someone says they love you and the next day you find them reading your diary, critisize the way you do something, nag at you for not making friends, or interrupt you when you spend " too much " time online, that tends to send mixed messages. Even if done out of loving concern. > > I. Time & space alone. > For teems and men in general, and Aspies or other sensitive/creative people in particular, the best way to show love and respect may actually be to give them enough time and space; to let them have a " sacred place " and/or " sacred time " where they are not disturbed no matter what, and not force them to do or participate in anything that they don't want to. Leaving them in peace to persue their special interests may be the greatest gift one can give. > > J. Hope. > Make the Aspie feel needed and appreciated, and try to give them a reason to want to live. > > Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 Sorry, I used to weigh 135 kilos, that's 297 pounds. > > From communication with other Aspies, it seems that an unusually > high number of Aspies have problems with food, and risk developing > eating disorders. > > > > Unfortunately, many therapists seem to make the mistake of looking > for deep emotional problems stemming from childhood, when often the > reasons may be it is a lot more direct: > > > > 1. Receptivity. > > Being extra susceptible to impressions and from media images, due > to right brain dominance, hyper-receptive nervous system and tendency > to be in a constant light trance that bypasses rational filters. > > > > 2. Taste. > > Actually thinking that people look better when they are thin. I > have always found a little overweight most attractive, but some > really find thin most attractive and nothing can change that (Aspies > are often VERY set in their tastes and opinions). > > > > 3. Low self-esteem. > > Often due to feeling different and/or not being accepted as one is. > Many sensitive people also tend to be more inclined to believe > negative things about themselves than positive, and often absorb even > the slightest hint of disapproval or criticism that then gets > exaggerated all out of proportion in one's mind. So, even for those > few Aspies who do not get bullied and picked on, it is easly to > develop a complex for life about any aspect of one's personality or > looks from just a thoughtless, not ill intended, comment from > someone. And not just Aspies. Homo Sapiens in general seem to be > exceedingly vulnerable to the slightest hint of non-approval. > > > > 4. Being self-absorbed. > > Natural Aspie tendency which may become intensified by being > excluded by others. > > > > 5. Lack of balanced perspective. > > For many Aspies details are more important than the whole. They may > thus incorrectly assume that a tiny zit or extra half kilo will > render them completely repulsive to others and totally miss the fact > that it is usually the combination of one's overall personality, > attitude, style, looks, self-esteem and general output that > determines what others think, not tiny little details that no one but > oneself is likely to even notice. And if they don't like that overall > package - because it is too different from their own - changing > details in one's appearance is not likely to have much effect. Better > then to look for other odd people who will appreciate one as one is. > > > > 6. Low stress-threshold. > > Many Aspies have such delicate nervous systems that they xperience > severe stress over what to others are just everyday things, including > overwhelming sensory impressions, social confusion, time pressure, > demands at school, work, from family members and peers. Perhaps > compunded by being misunderstood, picked on, used or bullied, and not > having a enough assertive ability to protect oneself. Some Aspies > simply lose their appetite when they feel stressed, others get a > tightness in the throat that makes it difficult/painful/impossible to > swallow solid food. Others deal with stress by hyperfocusing on > something else, e.g. on counting calories. > > > > 7. Depression and disease. > > Depression too can reduce appetite, as can infections. This is a > natural reaction of the body in order to preserve energy and should > be respected, as long as it does not go on for too long. Fasting for > shorter periods of time - ideally in combination with enough rest, > fresh air, water and liquid nutrients - may facilitate healing. > > > > 8. Innate suspicion towards food. > > Most Aspies seem to be born picky eaters and often have sensory > problems with many foods. > > > > 9. Hyperfocus & perseverance. > > Aspies often love making tables and diagrams, so counting calories > can easily become a favorite hobby - for a very long time! > > > > 10. Allergies. > > Anorexia/bulimia itself may possibly be an allergic reaction, just > like food addiction. Sugar/processed carbohydrate addiction is > probably the most common food addiction on the planet, and may be > intensified by Candida Albicans (yeast overgrowth, often from > antibiotics) that feeds on fast carbs like bread, sugar and milk > products. Starving it out by will power can actually be a good thing - > long as one eats enough protein, good fat and veggies to stay > healthy. > > > > 11. Orthorexia. > > Many Aspies develop health & food as a special interest, and as > always, will go into it 200% and become experts on nourishment and/or > training. This is often a good thing and should be respected by > others. If one is sensitive to sugar or other additives for example, > it is excellent to be as fanatical about avoiding it, as Aspies often > are once they make up their mind to be. Many Aspies are also so > sensitive that they can feel immediately what has a negative impact > on their bodies (I don't even have to put it in my mouth for my body > to tell me). > > > > However, sometimes things CAN go too far and develop into an OCD > where the Aspie becomes deadly afraid of deviating even a fraction > from the chosen diet or exercise regime, and may have trouble > realising that doing so once in a while is NOT going to make him/her > drop down dead, lose control forever, or gain 100 pounds overnight. > > > > 12. Taking things too literally. > > An anorexic Aspie friend of mine - who is super-intelligent in all > other areas but those that have to do with food - said that she is > worried about getting fat (despite being on a very strict diet and > exercising excessively every day) because they had said on the news > that the Swedish people are getting fatter. She said in all earnesty > that this must be true for her too, since she is a Swede... (Her > amazing BF now screens the morning paper and cuts out any triggering > articles before giving it to her.) > > > > 13. Control. > > Realizing that one can control one's body may give great > satisfaction to someone who would like to have control over all of > one's environment but is unable to have any. Often the need for > control is seen as something negative that should be worked against. > But for an Aspie, it is often crucial to have some measure of control > if one is to feel motivated to live at all. This need for control is > rarely of the sociopathic type, where the sociopath simply gets a > kick out of being able to control others, just for the fun of > controlling. Rather it is a self-defence mechanism, a desperate need > to protect oneself from neurological disruption, sensory harm and > internal disharmony. If an Aspie hawks he remote, or wants to contol > the voice volume of other family members, it is only to avoid the > pain to his/her hypersensitive hearing; not to be selfish or > disrespectful to others. Allowing an Aspie family member more control > (veto) over other things that may be painful to him/her, may be a way > to compensate enough for the calory-control to subside. > > > > 14. Death wish. > > Many Aspies have an explicit or subconscious will do die and see no > point in living. > > > > > > To treat Aspie eating disorders, I would suggest trying: > > > > A. Allergy check. > > It is always a good idea to check wich foods one may be sensitive > too. Some sensitivities don't show on traditional allergy checks and > are most easily identified by an elimination- & -reintroduction process > where one pays close attention to possible reactions. > > > > B. Respect. > > Show respect for the Aspie anorexic/orthorexic's tastes, wishes, > and knowledge about food. Often the Aspie is as informed as a > professional dietist, only less influenced by those vested interests > that make sure to indoctrinate dietists into erroneous mainstream > views that sugar " is a good source of energy " , that MSG, aspartame > and other additives are " nothing to worry about " etc. If you want to > re-educate the Aspie into eating a more balanced diet, the > information has to be unbiased and true, or the Aspie will see > through it in seconds and become suspicious & uncooperative. And > rightly so! To be " cured " of anorexia/orthorexia is NOT to start > eating junk food again, but to eat sensibly, only a little more - > especially more essential fatty acids, which the body needs for > proper brain & nerve function. > > > > C. Trust and validation. > > Including for his/her bodily perceptions. If someone says they feel > a certain way when eating a particular food, then they probably DO > feel that way, even if such reactions not recorded in medical > literature and may seem unreasonable. Our bodies and digestive > systems seem to be so much more sensitive compared with the general > population that very little may have a massive impact on how we > function and feel. To dismiss someone's complaints as delusions is > arrogant and uniformed. > > > > D. Compassion & understanding. > > To recieve sincere sympathy for the daily difficulties one is > experiencing, can go a long way to soothe and heal emotions. No need > to go back into childhood to search for clues, unless painful > memoried come up on their own accord during therapy. For the Aspie, > problems are often much more directly connected with their current > situation than with past events. Asking about the person's greatest > fears may also help him/her become aware of these and less > subconsciously ruled by them. > > > > E. Remove Vernicke's commands. > > Being hyper-receptive, one also tends to store any openly negative > comments in the Vernicke's area and later in life re-play those > almost as tics whenever one does somthing less than optimal - usually > without realizing that they are only recordings and not one's own > thoughts. These are easy to identify since they are always recorded > in " you " format (e.g. " you clumsy idiot " ). Removing such > negative " Vernicke's commands " and replacing them with more positive > ones, can take much time and patience. Becoming aware of them is a > good start. > > > > F. Stress reduction. > > What can be done to decrease sensory overload, stress-inducing > demands and nerve-jarring interruptions when one is blissfully > hyperfocusing on something, without putting unfair limitations on > other family members/classmates/working associates? > > > > G. Negotiation. > > One way may be to ask each family/group member to list the things > that they deem most important to their well-being, rate each thing > from 0 - 10, and then compare notes and negotiate so that as many top > priority things get as accomodated as possible. In my own experience > I have found that one's MOST important needs are met, that reduces > stress to such a degree that one is then able to relax and become > more flexible about things that are top priority to others. > > > > H. Loving actions. > > Sometimes we forget to show how much we love and care for those who > are closest to us. We take for granted that surely they must know > this, but surprisingly many are not telepathic and actually need to > hear it every now and then. :-) And even saying it aloud may not be > enough; our actions too must reflect basic respect and compassion. If > someone says they love you and the next day you find them reading > your diary, critisize the way you do something, nag at you for not > making friends, or interrupt you when you spend " too much " time > online, that tends to send mixed messages. Even if done out of loving > concern. > > > > I. Time & space alone. > > For teems and men in general, and Aspies or other > sensitive/creative people in particular, the best way to show love > and respect may actually be to give them enough time and space; to > let them have a " sacred place " and/or " sacred time " where they are > not disturbed no matter what, and not force them to do or participate > in anything that they don't want to. Leaving them in peace to persue > their special interests may be the greatest gift one can give. > > > > J. Hope. > > Make the Aspie feel needed and appreciated, and try to give them a > reason to want to live. > > > > Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 I wrote: "Often due to feeling different and/or not being accepted as one is. Many sensitive people also tend to be more inclined to believe negative things about themselves than positive, and often absorb even the slightest hint of disapproval or criticism that then gets exaggerated all out of proportion in one's mind. So, even for those few Aspies who do not get bullied and picked on, it is easly to develop a complex for life about any aspect of one's personality or looks from just a thoughtless, not ill intended, comment from someone. And not just Aspies. Homo Sapiens in general seem to be exceedingly vulnerable to the slightest hint of non-approval." : > The only part of this segment of the article that shows the personal aspects of the author is the mention of "disapproval or criticism that ....gets exaggerated all out of proportion in one's mind." In proportion to what? To the author's own perspective of the situation? Perhaps this author is not in the exact position of the Aspie at that moment, and the criticism or disapproval is not "out of proportion" at all--it is extremely painful for the Aspie to face at that time, with those conditions that the Aspie has to experience the situation. , the "author" of the whole post was just me. I started thinking about eating disorders and wrote down what came to mind off the top of my head. My points are only suggestions, based on a combination of info from other Aspies, personal experience and inspiration. > The same could be said of the bullying in schools, where the teacher feels that the slight "off-the-cuff" remarks by a pupil towards the Aspie is "exaggerated all out of proportion", and does nothing to stop, or even lessen, the verbal attacks that the Aspie gets from these bullies. Ah, I think you may have misinterpreted my statement. I did NOT write that an Aspie's response to bullying is "out of proportion". Quite the contrary. As someone else wrote here; we are often able to take a great deal more crap than the average NT would be able to endure. When we finally DO react, we usually have VERY friggin' good reason for doing so. But this is not what I had in mind when I wrote the sentence you object to, since bullying was not mentioned until the sentence AFTER. This is what I actually wrote: "Many sensitive people also tend to be more inclined to believe negative things about themselves than positive, and often absorb even the slightest hint of disapproval or criticism that then gets exaggerated all out of proportion in one's mind." And this is what I had in mind when I wrote it: When I was younger, I was so sensitive to my parent's opinion of me that they didn't even have to say anything negative to me; I felt bad even if they just praised someone else. I remember this one time when I was only about 4 or so. We were visiting another family. In the car driving up to their house, my mom said to my dad: "Just wait till you see their kids! They are so well behaved!" To me, this meant that me and my sister were not, and that we were therefore totally hopeless and useless and hardly worthy of living. It made me feel bad for years. To me, looking back at myself now, such a reaction was truly *out of proportion* - especially since I was all but an angel when I was a kid and was loved and always well treated by my parents. I had no reason whatsoever to feel so badly about myself, but I still did. And I keep meeting the same mental self-flagellation in other Aspies that are truly wonderful human beings - if they could only see it themselves! Even in those who have never been bullied. I have a girl in my Swedish Aspie Blues forum who has been nothing but cuddled and protected all her life, has 300 university points and is a rather cute, charming and entertaining person. Yet she still thinks she is stupid, ugly, useless, a brain-damaged freak that would be better off dead. And if someone as much as hints that there is something in her behavior that she could improve on (e.g. attacking people in relationships because she has never had one herself) she then says that she feels like "a monster" for having such "evil" thoughts. I've spent nearly a year trying to explain that she is not a monster, only in deep pain, and that it is very understandable for her to feel that way (even if not acceptable to take it out on innocents who usually have enough problems themselves). I've also tried to make her see that she is an exceptionally good writer and encourage her to use that skill when choosing a profession. But she only absorbs and inflates negative feedback; anything positive said to her is like pouring water on a goose. I have several like her in that forum and I'm constantly amazed how they can hate themselves so much when they are basically nice, intelligent, original, fun, honest and not bad looking people. > Is this a lack of empathy on the part of the author (of this article) or the teacher (who tries to minimize the effects of everyday verbal confrontations in the school yard)? Is there any way, at all, to invite this author (or any teacher) to truly experience what the disapproval or criticism really...really feels like to the Aspie? Since the author is none other than me, and I'm an Aspie myself, I don't think I have any problems empathizing with Aspies. ;-) And in no way did I imply that anyone reacting to *bullying* is exaggerating. That is a separate issue altogether. It is unfortunate that I happened to mention these things in the same paragraph, thereby giving the wrong impression of what I really meant. > Perhaps, after such an experience, the author or teacher will not be so willing to trivialize the painful experiences of Aspies by claiming that these experiences are blown "out of proportion"! I'm guessing that you have had teachers saying that when you have been bullied? If so, that, in my mind, is truly criminal! To get bullied is bad enough, but to then not be taken seriously when summoning the courage to complain about it, is really adding insult to injury! I get equally upset every time I hear this. A girl with a very large bust in our Swedish forum said she used to get groped and sexually harassed by male students on a regular basis, and when she reported this to her teachers they said: "Now now, it can't be all that bad. They probably don't mean any harm, just teen boy curiosity. Try to be a good sport about it"! She is now self-medicating heavily and she too thinks she would be better off dead. Can't say I blaim her. :-( Hearing such things makes me furious! No student should have to be afraid of bullying, and since education is mandatory, it is naturally the responsibility of the school to make sure no student is bullied. ANY form of bullying or harassment, whether physical or verbal, should be illegal, and measures should be taken against bullies upon first complaint. Perhaps if people started suing schools for not protecting their children, we might see a change? One girl did that here in Sweden, when they forced HER to change school instead of her bullie. This has brought on a quite a change in attitude, even if there is still a long way to go to protect students from getting bullied. > (The same is true of physicians who try to trivialize the pain that a person feels, but cannot get the physician to experience this pain. Indeed, as some writers have querried: "What is pain?"...and have attempted to show how no pain to one is excruciating to another.) Right! I just had an Aspie girl who went to the dentist. Midway through drilling, the dentist missed her tooth and drilled her in the tounge instead. When she - rightly! - complained about this, the dentist says: "Oh, that was just a little slip, nothing to worry about" "But you drilled me in the TOUNGE! It HURTS!" "You'll be fine. Mistakes happen. It will heal in a couple of days, nothing to worry about." The girl was in pain for weeks and is now afraid to go to the dentist ever again. :-( I wonder how the dentist would like to get drilled in the tounge? (I'm usually a very peaceble person, but when I hear things like this, I sure get an urge to want to try!) > Even on email lists, what is sheer agony for one Aspie is either dismissed or trivialized by others who do not share the empathy of being able to "feel with" the Aspie having the agony. To "feel with" an Aspie does not mean to give that Aspie tons of advice on how to handle his or her agony; it is just a way of sharing the "feeling" with that person, even if no hint of a suggestion is given in the dialogue. Well, I'm usually known for being an unusually empathic Aspie, so I am not in the habit of trivializing another person's experience. I'm sorry if you interpreted my words as if I were. Inger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 Inger wrote: " I think you may have misinterpreted my statement. I did NOT write that an Aspie's response to bullying is 'out of proportion'. Quite the contrary. " I did not state, in any way, that you, Inger, the author wrote that. I was only referring to the article that I posted about the student who was suing his classmates after graduation, and in that article, he was saying that the teachers were deeming his response disproportional. As I have stated so many times on these lists, and am forced to state it again, if I did not directly refer to some- thing, then there is no inference to that, however others might believe (and even read) that the inference is there. If it is not stated, it is not meant, at all. " I'm guessing that you have had teachers saying that when you have been bullied? " I was not, again, referring to myself, in any way; I was referring to the student who was suing his classmates, in the posted article to the group. " ...I am not in the habit of trivializing another person's experience. I'm sorry if you interpreted my words as if I were. " I was not interpreting your words; I was just commenting on the one part that I referred to, and comparing that to the plight of the student who had to endure harrassment from his classmates in front of his teachers, day after day. Again, if it is not stated, explicitly, it is not implied in any way, shape or form, at all. Anyone who reads words into anything that is written is entering the words, themselves, and can only look upon themselves for coming to what- ever conclusions that this brought about. --- avast! Antivirus: Outbound message clean. Virus Database (VPS): 0444-3, 29/10/2004 Tested on: 31/10/2004 10:31:35 AM avast! is copyright © 2000-2003 ALWIL Software. http://www.avast.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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