Legal Papers

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

It is my sincere hope that there are legal minds on these lists

that can understand this document I have drawn up,concerning

a certain invasion of my property in the past, and may even

occure, again, this year.!

Legal Claus :

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did

occure at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter

" the House " ) a general lack of stiring by all creatures therein,

including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stockings, socks ect., had been

affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope

and/or belief that St.Nick a/ka/ St Nicolas a/k/a Santa Claus,

( hereinafter " Claus " ) would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents i.e. the children, of the aforementioned

House were located in their individual beds and were engaged

in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of sweet

confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts,

and/or sugar-plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in

said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part ( sometimes hereinafter

referred to as " I " ), being joint-owner in fee simple of the House

with the parts of the second part ( hereinafter " Mamma " ), and

said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep, ( At

such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear,

e.g. kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without pior notice or warning, there did occure

upon the unimproved real property adjacent & appurtent to said

House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause

and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately

rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such

disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some

degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniture sleigh and

( hereinafter " the vehical " ) being pulled and/or drawn very

rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) raindeer.

The driver of said vehical appeared to be and in fact was, the

previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and

guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer, and specifically

indentified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer,

Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen ( hereinafter

" the Deer " ). and upon information and belief, it is further asserted

an additional co-conspirator named " Rudolph " may have been

involved.

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehical and the Deer

intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences

located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the

Vehical was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of an

unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or owners

permission, either expressed or implied, the Vehical arrived at the said

House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with

residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a

portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in a very

blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the

minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other

small gifts. ( said items did not, however constitute " gifts " to said minor

pursant to the applical provisions of the U.S.Tax Code.)

Upon completion of said task, Claus touched the side of his nose in an

unseemly manner and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the

House to the roof where the Vehical and Deer waited and/or served as

" lookouts. " Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to departure of the Vehical, Deer, and Claus from said

House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:

" Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! " Or words to that effect.

So what do you think? do I have an airtight case?

Merry Christmas and a Happy Milennium to All

the Fire makers and to All who dance with Shadows

Regards

S.C.