Re: Subject from different e-mail

[Guest guest]

I wonder if Aspies may be less inclined to harbor hope

> if they can't see any signs that they deem would warrnat it?

Perhaps

> that is why so many are suicidal? Just a thought.

>

> I was just wondering how many of you out there have ever

experienced

> sudical thoughts or had actually planed on killing yourself. im

> curious because I was really sucidal at one point because of all of

> that I had done when the drs. were still trying out how to

> help/medicate me. i never really thought that anything changed or

> could and well, as Inger said,I was hopeless and i never would have

> thought that having AS might have been the cause. those sentences

> really got me thinking (cant do too much though, me and thinking

> dont get along too good )

>

> now that im on this subject, i figured i might as well go on to a

> problem, well, not really a problem, more like an issue maybe,but

> anyway (yes, i good at rambling, sorry) i have been wanting to tell

> my mom what i went through the first couple of years of high

school.

> this was when i was really depressed and planed to kill myself

> (thankfully, never went through it and i know i never will). i dont

> know if i should or howd shed react. i dont want to tell her cause

> im afraid of her overreacting but i also want to tell her cause im

> sick of having to hide a lot of my life from her and everything.

> see, because ive had to hide this from her, it was hard to tell her

> anything else about my life cause it usually connected to that part

> of my life. its so hard talking to her about anything just because

i

> cant be myself, since she wouldnt understand because she doesnt

know

> about that part of my life. this is something that is jsut way

> confusing me and i dont know what to do. i just wanted to know if

> anyone got any ideas? if so, id appreciate it because my friend

says

> one thing and my b/f says the opposite, both are great arguements

so

> they are not helping lol.

> anyway, sorry for rambling again. i love writing so maybe thats why

> im so good at it .

> amanda

I had a few suicidal thoughts today. What happened was, I went to

this temp agency to try to get help getting a job. Well, they said

that they could not help me because I didn't have much job experience.

And I don't have that because no one will give me a chance.

Anyways, in the car driving home I was on the verge of tears. I was

so frustrated that I just wanted to leave this world so I wouldn't

have to suffer anymore from being poor. I hated this stupid world,

where everything is stacked against people like myself-who are

extremely intelligent but lacking in social abilities. Believe me, I

am more than willing to work if only I could have a chance. I am

still pretty upset by all of this.

This is my rant. I just had to release some of this anger.

[Guest guest]

Yep. Thoughts of suicide. I wanted to die which is very different from

having a plan to kill myself. The former is wanting to escape the pain

but not knowing how. But this is probably not as correlated to my AS

dx. I have clinical depression which is very genetic in my family

(grandmother, sister, brother, cousin, niece, niece plus others all have

formal diagnoses of clinical depression and I suspect more are depressed

but undiagnosed). The AS and the depression together are what brought

me down. If I had just one or the other, I wouldn't have crashed near

so far or for so long.

and the zoo.

wrote:

> I was just wondering how many of you out there have ever experienced

> sudical thoughts or had actually planed on killing yourself. im

> curious because I was really sucidal at one point because of all of

> that I had done when the drs. were still trying out how to

> help/medicate me. i never really thought that anything changed or

> could and well, as Inger said,I was hopeless and i never would have

> thought that having AS might have been the cause.

[Guest guest]

Going through earlier posts in my inbox...

amanda:

> now that im on this subject, i figured i might as well go on to a

problem, well, not really a problem, more like an issue maybe,but

anyway (yes, i good at rambling, sorry) i have been wanting to tell

my mom what i went through the first couple of years of high school.

this was when i was really depressed and planed to kill myself

(thankfully, never went through it and i know i never will). i dont

know if i should or howd shed react. i dont want to tell her cause

im afraid of her overreacting but i also want to tell her cause im

sick of having to hide a lot of my life from her and everything.

see, because ive had to hide this from her, it was hard to tell her

anything else about my life cause it usually connected to that part

of my life. its so hard talking to her about anything just because i

cant be myself, since she wouldnt understand because she doesnt know

about that part of my life. this is something that is jsut way

confusing me and i dont know what to do. i just wanted to know if

anyone got any ideas? if so, id appreciate it because my friend says

one thing and my b/f says the opposite, both are great arguements so

they are not helping lol.

Have you decided what to do/told her yet? If not, I'll just say a few words,

anyway. Naturally it's really hard to give advice on something like this,

especially when one hasn't met your mom. Depending on the type of person she

is and the kind of relationship you have, she might:

a) feel guilt for not seeing the signs;

misinterpret your intention for telling her, and think that YOU want to

impart guilt;

c) resent you for not telling her;

d) dismiss it as not so bad, in order to protect her own feelings;

e) overly worry and become annoyingly vigilant and meddlesome from fear it

might happen again;

f) express empathy and gratitude for your trust in telling her now (= least

likely possibility if you don't already have a close relationship).

If she is likely to just overreact and needlessly worry, I think I'd keep it

to myself for the time being.

It could also be a matter of timing. Sometimes when a crisis occurs, e.g. a

serious illness, divorce or relative passing away, that can make for a good

time to share more sensitive things that one has kept to oneself, and there

is often more of a receptivity to such confidences too. At other times, I

think one just has to accept that no matter how much your parents loves you,

there are things they just don't have the molecules to understand and take

the right way. That's why we have friends instead.

Inger