Re: Progress with Child Protection!!!

[Guest guest]

I'm glad to hear things are looking better for you. Still, it is a shame you have to face that bureacracy. They are designed to be that way, unfortunately. Hopefully it won't take another three years to get off that list altogether.

[Guest guest]

At 07:18 PM 10/14/04 -0000, Debbie wrote:

>

>Have to try and be patient a bit longer methinks!!! These people

>believe that saying sorry will prevent us from taking action - it

>won't. Once our children are off that register we WILL seek justice

>so that they think TWICE before persecuting another AS family in the

>UK.

Ugh! How can saying " I'm sorry " mean anything to most people when we're

forced to learn to say it? I mean, my understanding is that most people

learn to say that they're sorry when they're something like four years old

and hit Susie and really meant to hit Susie but they are then threatened by

an adult who is going to punish them if they don't tell Susie they're sorry.

So then ny (or whomever hit Susie) grudgingly says, " I'm sorry " even

though he doesn't mean it. Then Susie is forced to accept ny's apology.

But Susie's arm still hurts and she's just as grudging as ny because

she doesn't *want* to forgive him and let it go.

So what do the kids learn? ny learns that it's okay to do whatever he

wants so long as he's sure to say " sorry " afterwards and Susie learns that

it doesn't matter how she really feels; if someone says " sorry, " she has to

be gracious and let it go.

But it's all lies and a stupid game that children are forced into by adults

who had the same thing happen to them and learned to internalize the

" rules " about saying sorry.

You're being expected to be Susie and smile and say " oh, it's okay " even

though your arm still hurts like it's going to fall off!

And that's just not right. Stick at it and stick it to " ny " ! He never

should have hit you in the arm!

Sparrow

[Guest guest]

I love the analogy using children, it made me giggle :-) even though

it is a serious subject.

Best Regards,

and Debbie, I agree with sticking it to ny :-) Good luck with

everything.

> >

> >Have to try and be patient a bit longer methinks!!! These people

> >believe that saying sorry will prevent us from taking action - it

> >won't. Once our children are off that register we WILL seek

justice

> >so that they think TWICE before persecuting another AS family in

the

> >UK.

>

> Ugh! How can saying " I'm sorry " mean anything to most people when

we're

> forced to learn to say it? I mean, my understanding is that most

people

> learn to say that they're sorry when they're something like four

years old

> and hit Susie and really meant to hit Susie but they are then

threatened by

> an adult who is going to punish them if they don't tell Susie

they're sorry.

>

> So then ny (or whomever hit Susie) grudgingly says, " I'm sorry "

even

> though he doesn't mean it. Then Susie is forced to accept ny's

apology.

> But Susie's arm still hurts and she's just as grudging as ny

because

> she doesn't *want* to forgive him and let it go.

>

> So what do the kids learn? ny learns that it's okay to do

whatever he

> wants so long as he's sure to say " sorry " afterwards and Susie

learns that

> it doesn't matter how she really feels; if someone says " sorry, "

she has to

> be gracious and let it go.

>

> But it's all lies and a stupid game that children are forced into

by adults

> who had the same thing happen to them and learned to internalize the

> " rules " about saying sorry.

>

> You're being expected to be Susie and smile and say " oh, it's okay "

even

> though your arm still hurts like it's going to fall off!

>

> And that's just not right. Stick at it and stick it to " ny " ! He

never

> should have hit you in the arm!

>

> Sparrow

[Guest guest]

Stunning! Glad you could keep from strangling them on the spot. But by all

means; do go after them! This is totally absurd!

Inger

Debbie wrote:

> Well! My Husband and I had a meeting with senior managers from our

County on Monday. Some positive, some down right frustrating.

> These people couldn't apologise enough, they admitted that what

began as a small education seed was unfortunately allowed to grow

into a might oak. It should never have happened and our family

should never have been subjected to inappropriate treatment via the

child protection procedure.

> So of course the thing we wanted to know was " Great so when are you

taking our Sons off the at risk register " ? Grrrrrrr.

> " Sorry we can't do that, only the people who voted them on can vote

them off " .

> " Yes but you've just admitted these people we acting unjustly and in

error so can't you override their votes " ?

> " Um, uh, no actually we can't, we can only recommend that they

listen to us and act accordingly now - as we said it is wrong and we

can only apologise " .

> " So let's get this straight then, you have almost destroyed our

family, you have caused unnecessary emotional and psychological

stress to the children and to us. You have allowed us to live in

fear that our children are being taken into care, you acknowledge

that it was wrong, should never have been allowed to happen in the

first place but you can't just 'remove' their names from a register

is that right " ?

> " Um yes that's right " .

> I found it VERY hard to sit there and remain calm and polite, but

knew that if I blew now it would only cause further problems. The

people responsible for putting us through this had NEVER met my

family until the day of the Child Protection Conference when they

faced my Husband and I around a table - yet they based their

opinions on a report that was written in 2001 and was totally

incorrect anyway.

> Have to try and be patient a bit longer methinks!!! These people

believe that saying sorry will prevent us from taking action - it

won't. Once our children are off that register we WILL seek justice

so that they think TWICE before persecuting another AS family in the

UK.

[Guest guest]

At 07:18 PM 10/14/04 -0000, Debbie wrote:

>

>Have to try and be patient a bit longer methinks!!! These people

>believe that saying sorry will prevent us from taking action - it

>won't. Once our children are off that register we WILL seek justice

>so that they think TWICE before persecuting another AS family in the

>UK.

Sparrow:

> Ugh! How can saying " I'm sorry " mean anything to most people when we're

forced to learn to say it? I mean, my understanding is that most people

learn to say that they're sorry when they're something like four years old

and hit Susie and really meant to hit Susie but they are then threatened by

an adult who is going to punish them if they don't tell Susie they're sorry.

> So then ny (or whomever hit Susie) grudgingly says, " I'm sorry " even

though he doesn't mean it. Then Susie is forced to accept ny's apology.

But Susie's arm still hurts and she's just as grudging as ny because

she doesn't *want* to forgive him and let it go.

> So what do the kids learn? ny learns that it's okay to do whatever he

wants so long as he's sure to say " sorry " afterwards and Susie learns that

it doesn't matter how she really feels; if someone says " sorry, " she has to

be gracious and let it go.

> But it's all lies and a stupid game that children are forced into by

> adults

who had the same thing happen to them and learned to internalize the

" rules " about saying sorry.

> You're being expected to be Susie and smile and say " oh, it's okay " even

though your arm still hurts like it's going to fall off!

> And that's just not right. Stick at it and stick it to " ny " ! He never

should have hit you in the arm!

Wow Sparrow, I never thought about it like that before. Very true though!

I'll be saving this analysis as one of my " understanding human behavior "

gems.

Thanks!

Inger