Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Hi Kaylene: Yes, I mean move out as in divorce, or at least separation. My husband has definite emotional problems and his therapist wants to test him for several disorders but my husband will not take the tests. I think he is afraid of what the tests will show. For the last decade, his emotional state has gotten worse, but he has been having lots of other health problems as well. To complicate things, of course, I also became sick with hypopituitarism and fibromyalgia and even folks with great emotional health probably find it difficult to deal with the pain, fatigue and other symptoms that these ilnesses bring. So a spouse with few emotional resources to draw from is not going to be able to cope very well with a sick wife. I've often read the posts of people in this forum and others that I belong to who have spouses who are understanding, helpful, and supportive and I have to admit, I ask myself what I must be doing wrong that I can't have that kind of support? My husband's descriptions of me are really pretty awful and while I try to tell myself that he is having emotional difficulties, I still get very upset. Thank goodness I have a good therapist and also a very supportive daughter to help me through things. My husband does not want me to visit my daughter and her family at all because I think he doesn't want me to be close to her emotionally. So I don't get to see her very often and I sure miss her, especially this past Christmastime. Thanks so much for your wonderful support, Kaylene. Friends like you are wonderful to have and I feel blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Hi Marge: I do have SS disability since 2002 but it isn't really very much and it would be a terrible struggle. I've been down that road before, though, as I was married before to a physically abusive spouse and had to get out with the clothes on my back basically. However, that was when I was much younger and in very good health and had a good job. I would have to live with my daughter and her family most likely which would no doubt be a strain on them as they have 3 little children under the age of 5, but my daughter has repeatedly asked me to come to live with her so I do have that one option at least. Being disabled, I'm also on Medicare which is a salvation because my husband has said he would make sure I got nothing if I left and that includes health insurance through his policy. I don't need either of the cars as my neurologist has told me not to drive if at all possible and I can't pay a car payment anyway. I wish all decisions were as easy as that last one. One thing I'll never let go of are my dog and my two cats who are like my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 , I am certain from reading many of your posts and responses to others that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you that you are not getting support from your spouse. The problem seems to be squarely on his end and from here it sure looks like he does not deserve all that you have given to him. I'm not certain what the laws are in your state, but it might not be just that easy for him to cut you off with nothing. Perhaps you should seek some qualified legal advise before things get out of hand. If for nothing else just to see what your options are. Good luck, Jeff S. -NY/PA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2004 Report Share Posted January 3, 2004 Kathy, may I ask what state you are from? I am in NY, and my husband and I are both on ssd and I get medicare and we are elgible for medicaid and food stamps. I was married to a physically and emotionally abusive husband and it ain't worth it. Don't listen to what he says you can and can't have, there are legal aid societies that will give free legal advice and tell you your rights. My heart hurts for you because I can remember the fear and terror I had while living with him. I also had kids from my first marriage to another abuser that were 11,10 and 4years. But, God is good, I have been married to a wonderful man for the last almost 21 years and am content. Hugs, Marge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2004 Report Share Posted January 4, 2004 Hi Marge: I'm from Roanoke, VA which is in the southwestern part of the state. My therapist is helping me get a good lawyer because she knows which one would be the most helpful to me. I also had an abusive first husband - he was and still is an alcoholic. When he wasn't drinking, he wasn't so violent, but the drinking really made him lose control and he drank every night after work. I just have some sort of strange knack for picking spouses who act one way prior to getting married and then become someone else afterwards. My therapist says it is a legacy that comes from having been abused as a child and I only recently started to see how this happens. It was scary to get a divorce from my first husband but back then I was in great health and was much younger with so many possibilities and options. Now I'm older with some very serious medical problems and without the right health insurance my meds alone would put me in the poor house. Makes it so much tougher to decide how to proceed. Take care! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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