Humour and Children

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E{ :-}Greetings: Some old but good Humour

Why We Love Children

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

" How do you know that the cat was dead? " she asked her pupil. " Because I

pissed in its ear and it didn't move, " answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ? " the teacher exclaimed in surprise. " You know,

" explained the boy, " I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move. "

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes

later..... " Da-ad.... " " What? " " I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of

water? " " No, You had your chance. Lights out " Five minutes later:

" Da-aaaad..... " " WHAT? " " I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?? " I

told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!! " Five minutes

later...... " Daaaa-aaaad..... " " WHAT! " " When you come in to spank me, can

you bring a drink of water? "

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,

finally asked him " How do you expect to get into Heaven? " The boy

thought it over and said, " Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and

keep slamming the door until St. says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,

come in or stay out! "

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking

her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with

a tremor in his voice, " Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight? " The

mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. " I can't dear, " she said.

" I have to sleep in Daddy's room. " A long silence was broken at last by

his shaky little voice: " The big sissy. "

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's

sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl

was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor

leaned over and said, " That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter

Dress? " The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on

microphone, " Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron. "

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old

came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, " Mommy, you are getting fat! " I replied, " Yes, honey, remember

Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy. " " I know, " she replied, but

what's growing in your butt? "

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, " Two plus

five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch

is nine.... " His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, " What are

you doing? " The little boy answered, " I'm doing my math homework, Mom. "

" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? " the mother asked.

" Yes, " he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next

day, " What are you teaching my son in math? " The teacher replied, " Right

now, we are learning addition. " The mother asked, " And are you teaching

them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four? " After the

teacher stopped laughing, she answered, " What I taught them was, two

plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four. "

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little

to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little

tried to warn the farmer. She read, " ... and so Chicken Little went up

to the farmer and said, " The sky is falling, the sky is falling! " The

teacher paused then asked the class, " And what do you think that farmer

said? " One little girl raised her hand and said, " I think he said: 'Holy

Shit! A talking chicken!' " The teacher was unable to teach for the next

10 minutes.

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, " I'm Mr.

Sugarbrown's daughter. " Her mother told her this was wrong, she must

say, " I'm Jane Sugarbrown. " The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and

said, " Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter? " She replied, " I thought I

was, but mother says I'm not. "

A little girl asked her mother, " Can I go outside and play with the

boys? " Her mother replied, " No, you can't play with the boys, they're

too rough. " The little girl thought about it for a few moments and

asked, " If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him? "

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next

to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack

cake. The barber says to her, " Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your

Twinkie. " She says, " Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too. "

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

Blessings

E. Darwent

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These are my three treasures,

Compassion, Frugality, & Humility.

Being Compassionate one has Courage,

Being Frugal one has Abundance.

Being Humble one becomes the chief of all vessels.

~~Lao Tzu~~

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