Re: the human race - Helena

[Guest guest]

>

> What I notice is - when I put violence out there in thought, word or

deed,

> it comes straight back in some form or other because the world reflects

> exactly how I am, back to me. It can't help but do this. I'm just

glad it

> came back as a hole in my wallet, not a hole in someone else's head.

What a great story! How illustrative! This has been my experience

too - Scientist named Braden says that words are not the prayer -

feelings are the prayers that get answered.

>

>

> 8888888888888888888888888888888888888

>

> What she meant, shockingly, was that I would only be whole when I

could find

> inside me, and acknowledge, all human experience within me, and own

it as my

> own.

>

" Who would you

> be without your story? " ?

>

> " I would be all stories (without attachment to any) "

I love that you shared this - Thank you! Your energy and enthusiastic

shift in perception is contagious.

>

>

> 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

>

> Can I turn this around? Can I own this?

>

> the more I

> inquire, the more I become fascinated by this experience of being alive,

> this mirror game reality. It's amazing. Addictive. I laugh a lot

more these

> days as I intermittently notice how funny life is, how funny some of

these

> stories are that I take so deadly seriously. How upside down I have it.

>

> She said, (and I'm paraphrasing because I didn't write it down at

the time):

> you may find it (a negative quality) in yourself and your expression

of it

> might be tiny in comparison to someone's else's expression of it,

but if you

> cannot find it in yourself you will demonize the other who you see

it in. To

> see it in yourself is to humanize it, and thus to see the humanity

of the

> other, that essentially they are not " they " they are we.

>

> And We are One, as my first teacher used to say.

>

> A final thought from : There are no new thoughts.

>

Thank you for this sharing. Your way of telling this adventure is so

captivating - so graspable. Thank you.

Jan

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena,

thank you for this one, and the one before, about trying to 'own' all

the bad and vile and evil experiences you could find in yourself.

Very inspiring. I'm planning to do more of that stuff myself, your

work is a wonderful reminder of how this might be done.

Also I find your messages so beautifully written, funny and sort of

fluid at the same time, very pleasant to read.

> But I'd like to ask you all this - have you observed shifts in how

you now,

> since starting to do the Work, experience quarrels and fights with

people,

> in how you respond to being attacked, that surprised you?

>

> It would be interesting to know, to compare notes.....

Just the other day I was writing a long message to this board (that I

didn't post because I haven't finished it yet) that dealt with

exactly this, (among lots of other things).

What you're describing seems to be happening with me as well, and I

call it feeling at peace. Clearheaded, and at the same time committed

and intrigued, and peaceful.

A few experiences that made me aware of this change:

Last week the biggest newspaper in the Netherlands interviewed me. In

the past, say about a year ago or so, I would have been quite excited

and have told all my friends about it, maybe lie awake for a good

part of the night to rehearse interesting phrases etc. Now I slept

soundly and peacefully, whenever I talked to friends I only mentioned

it as an aside, if it happened to come up, which quite often it did

not.

Also, talking about newspapers, an article appeared in one of the

nationwide newspapers that was very critical of the new, alternative

school my daughter goes to. This article did have quite a charge for

me, because I felt this article might threaten the continued

existence of the school, and the school is making my daughter very

happy. I did do The Work on this (didn't finish it because apparently

other priorities came up), but I experienced this article not nearly

as threatening as I would have a year ago.

Also, for four weeks now or so, my house is lodging several guests,

and while in the past I would long to have the house to myself again,

I find it very easy to cope with right now (and my guests tell me

it's so easy to be with me).

So, although I still have ups and downs, some of them very up or very

down, on average peace seems to be with me more often, and more

profoundly. On the whole I feel relaxed and happy. I feel less

judgemental, less focused on what other people might think of me and

more focused on what is true for me in this moment NOW.

I notice more often how my experiences reverberate in my body. I

often enjoy being aware, as intensely as possible, of the music that

God plays on this beautiful instrument, my body-mind.

It seems as if The Work is working.....

Love,

Eva

[Guest guest]

I read this message and this sentence hit me in the stomach: She's

obviously just very, very, very confused.

Yack! I AM very confused right now, I need to do the work.

I hate it when people don´t take my anger seriously. I hate it when

they say I am confused. So people should take your anger seiously.

Do they? Often, but not always. Is it true they should when they

don´t? No, not at all. Can you absolutely know they don´t take it

seriously, even if you think so? No, I can´t. How do you react when

you think that someone should take your anger seriously and they

seem not to, say they laugh for instance? I get even angrier. I feel

ashamed. I feel frustrated. I feel sad. I stop being honest to that

person to avoid that kind of reaction agin. Picture yourself angry

at someone that laughs or smile and say " you are just very confused

right now " , and imagine that you can´t think that they shouldn´t act

like that. What would you do, how would you feel? Just be angry, I

guess. I wouldn´t take their reaction as personal. I wouldn´t try to

change them. I would see both our reactions as innocent. Neither of

us can help it. TA: I hate when I don´t take other peoples anger

seriously. Yes, I do. It doesn´t feel good at all. It makes me feel

like I have the upper hand, that I am somehow better than them. It

feels patronizing. And very lonely. I hate when I don´t take my own

anger seriously. Yes. Shuting down angry thoughts and feelings

hurts, it makes my stomach ache and my shoulders get tensed. That´s

what happened when I read this post. The way I noticed that it made

me angry was because of the intensive pain in my stomach. So good I

discovered what it was and could take a look at it. The pain is gone

by the way!

OK, the next one. People shouldn´t say I am confused when I am

angry. Is it true? No. Could they be right? Yes absolutely. I

believe anger is a sort of confusion. What does it mean to you when

someone says you are confused when your´re angry? That they

patronize me. Can you absolutely know that they do that? No, I

can´t. What I do know is that I am patronizing myself when I think

they do. And I become very defensiv. This is what happen when I

think this thought. Who would you be...? Maybe I would say, yes I am

confused and I am still angry. And not lay any guilt on myself. Most

people, everyone I know actually, are angry=confused sometimes. I

wouldn´t be separeted from others but see that we are sitting in the

same boat. TA: I shouldn´t say people are confused when they are

angry. Well, that doesn´t seem to be something you want to hear

right then. And what would be the point anyway? I shouldn´t say to

myself that I am confused when I am angry. No, not as long as it

hurts me. People should say I am confused when I am angry. Well they

have only spoken the truth so, in what way can that hurt me?

Confusion is a very common state to be in for the hunan race. If I

want confusion to stop on this planet, I should start with myself.

And I am. Right now.

This is another thing that made my stomach ache:

I know I would and then I'd have sent back a letter of such brutal

> counterattack I'd have destroyed her on paper.

>

This sounds like a threat to me. I really don´t like threats. People

shouldn´t threat me. Is it true? No, it has happened many times in

my life. From my parents (o boy, they know how to threat a little

girl!) to schoolmates, boyfriends, authorities and relatives. How do

you react when you think you are threatened? I get terrified. And

furious. I have developed a very well protecting defense system; I

threat back even stronger. So you are no different from Helena then?

No, I´m not! Oh, that felt so good to realize! I have distroyed one

or two myself on paper. When some people get afraid or hurt they go

into defense and they can´t help it more than I can, because our

reactons comes from the stories that runs in our heads and since we

didn´t put them there in the first place, we can´t be held

responsible for the way we react. Picture yourself being threat and

not being able to see it as a threat. Who would you be? Perfectly

calm and uninfluenced. If I believe that nothing can hurt me I

wouldn´t be afraid. TA: I shouldn´t threat others. No, I really

shouldn´t. I shouldn´t threat myself. True. The only threats that

exists are the ones I say to myself. Others should threat me. Yes,

as long as I expierence it, it is what is.

Thank you Helena for writing this. I am grateful for the opportunity

it gave me to look at myself. No aching stomach any longer...

Love

>

> >

> > What I notice is - when I put violence out there in thought,

word or

> deed,

> > it comes straight back in some form or other because the world

reflects

> > exactly how I am, back to me. It can't help but do this. I'm

just

> glad it

> > came back as a hole in my wallet, not a hole in someone else's

head.

>

> What a great story! How illustrative! This has been my

experience

> too - Scientist named Braden says that words are not the prayer -

> feelings are the prayers that get answered.

> >

> >

> > 8888888888888888888888888888888888888

>

> >

> > What she meant, shockingly, was that I would only be whole

when I

> could find

> > inside me, and acknowledge, all human experience within me,

and own

> it as my

> > own.

> >

> " Who would you

> > be without your story? " ?

> >

> > " I would be all stories (without attachment to any) "

>

> I love that you shared this - Thank you! Your energy and

enthusiastic

> shift in perception is contagious.

> >

> >

> > 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

>

> >

> > Can I turn this around? Can I own this?

> >

>

> > the more I

> > inquire, the more I become fascinated by this experience of

being alive,

> > this mirror game reality. It's amazing. Addictive. I laugh a

lot

> more these

> > days as I intermittently notice how funny life is, how funny

some of

> these

> > stories are that I take so deadly seriously. How upside down I

have it.

> >

> > She said, (and I'm paraphrasing because I didn't write it down

at

> the time):

> > you may find it (a negative quality) in yourself and your

expression

> of it

> > might be tiny in comparison to someone's else's expression of

it,

> but if you

> > cannot find it in yourself you will demonize the other who you

see

> it in. To

> > see it in yourself is to humanize it, and thus to see the

humanity

> of the

> > other, that essentially they are not " they " they are we.

> >

> > And We are One, as my first teacher used to say.

> >

> > A final thought from : There are no new thoughts.

> >

> Thank you for this sharing. Your way of telling this adventure

is so

> captivating - so graspable. Thank you.

>

> Jan

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear .

yes I would like to go deeper.

> Dear ,

>

> what came up for me:

>

> Am 20.07.2004 um 19:27 schrieb :

>

> > I read this message and this sentence hit me in the stomach:

She's

> > obviously just very, very, very confused.

> > Yack! I AM very confused right now, I need to do the work.

> >

> > I hate it when people don´t take my anger seriously. I hate it

when

> > they say I am confused.

> > So people should take your anger seiously.

> > Do they? Often, but not always.

> Do you always take *them* seriously?

No, I don´t. " What are they whining about " I sometimes think. People

probably think so sometimes about me too. It is not easy to be

compassionate all the time. If it was I guess we all would. Right

now I look forward to the next time someone doesn´t take me

seriously. It will be interesting to see how I react. I want to know

the truth about myself. I am willing to take a look at my reactions.

>

> > Is it true they should when they don´t? No, not at all. Can you

> > absolutely know they don´t take it

> > seriously, even if you think so? No, I can´t. How do you react

when

> > you think that someone should take your anger seriously and they

> > seem not to, say they laugh for instance? I get even angrier. I

feel

> > ashamed. I feel frustrated. I feel sad. I stop being honest to

that

> > person to avoid that kind of reaction agin. Picture yourself

angry

> > at someone that laughs or smile and say " you are just very

confused

> > right now " , and imagine that you can´t think that they shouldn´t

act

> > like that. What would you do, how would you feel? Just be angry,

I

> > guess.

> You were angry, is that true?

I have heard you question if it is true that I feel this or that

before. I would like to say: get in in your head that my feelings

are true! LOL Well, it is just a question... This is how I see it:

whatever I feel is true. If you don´t believe me please explain how

a feeling can be a lie? Thoughts - feelings - action. A thought

appear. I either believe it or not, either way I can´t decide which

it should be. It just happens. Then I feel something. Then I act in

some way. The only lie that might be here is the thought. So when I

am angry and someone laughs I could without my story that they

shouldn´t laugh maybe join them or I could still be angry but not

add pain from the laughing. Without my story I wouldn´t be angry at

them for laughing. I could still however be angry because the person

hit my daughter for example. But that is another story. And I would

like to concentrate on this one right now.

How does the person look like. When you

> close your eyes, can you see her laughing and saying what she

says,

> without attaching to your story? Is that person happy and having

fun?

> There she sits, having a great time as you are until you tell

yourself

> the story about how her actions have something to do with you.

That she

> should approve of you, what she isn't doing - according to *you*.

> And who would *you* be without your story?

Maybe I would start to laugh myself. I see an underlying story here:

when I am angry people shouldn´t have fun. Is it true? No, people

have fun all around the world when I am angry. They don´t care if I

am angry or not. How nice! I have not the power to stop people from

having fun! How do you react when you believe that thought? I think

that if they are having fun while I am angry it means they despice

me and that I have no right to be angry. Can you absolutely know

that they despice you? No, I can´t. Can you absolutely know you

shouldn´t be angry when you are? No. If God is everything and good

it means my anger is good too. When I don´t need it anymore it will

go away. In the meantime I can take a look at the thoughts that

causes my anger and ask myself if they are true or not. Who would

you be without the story that people shouldn´t have fun when you are

angry? Be happy for them. See that whatever they are thinking hasn´t

got anything with me to do. And I would see that whatever I am

feeling has nothing with them to do either. So instead of yelling or

have an angry voice or give them the look I maybe would investigate

my thoughts first. And I have noticed that I do that a lot more

these days.

>

> > I wouldn´t take their reaction as personal. I wouldn´t try to

> > change them. I would see both our reactions as innocent. Neither

of

> > us can help it.

> Talk for yourself and experience humility in that.

I don´t really get this. I interpret it as that you mean I can only

speak for myself. If that is the case I agree with you when it comes

to what we feel and think. But I believe that we are all innocent

and can´t be held responsible for our reactions. And when I say that

I feel a warm feeling, maybe it is called humility?

>

> > TA: I hate when I don´t take other peoples anger

> > seriously. Yes, I do. It doesn´t feel good at all. It makes me

feel

> > like I have the upper hand, that I am somehow better than them.

It

> > feels patronizing. And very lonely.

> Yes, it's separating. Instead of joining which is our nature. And

I

> know it's *my* nature because that's when I feel best. I see a

couple

> how they are in love and having fun, laughing and feel good until

I

> tell myself the story how *she* is *my* girl (woman, wife, etc.)

or

> *he* is *my* husband (boy, man, friend, etc.) or *they* are not

> supposed to have fun together, without me.

Yes, there are many myths of how you should behave in a relationship.

>

> > I hate when I don´t take my own

> > anger seriously. Yes. Shuting down angry thoughts and feelings

> > hurts, it makes my stomach ache and my shoulders get tensed.

That´s

> > what happened when I read this post. The way I noticed that it

made

> > me angry was because of the intensive pain in my stomach.

> That arose because you attached to a story instead of meeting the

anger

> with understanding… When I meet my anger with understanding and

> question one arises, it's like: Is that true? - Oh, no. It is not.

And

> then I got enough distance from the thought to question it, and I

see

> how I became loud, and " powerful " and show my muscles and my

strength.

> And when I see how it was all a reaction to the upcoming thought,

an

> understanding arises, and I become an answer to question four. And

in

> that lies enough peace to look at the turnaround - which can be

quite

> interesting.

>

> > So good I discovered what it was and could take a look at it.

The pain

> > is gone

> > by the way!

> Yes, isn't that beautiful?

>

> > OK, the next one. People shouldn´t say I am confused when I am

> > angry. Is it true? No. Could they be right? Yes absolutely. I

> > believe anger is a sort of confusion.

> When I look at my anger what I learn is, that it is a reaction to

fear

> arising, and not being investigated. Fear arises from some

thoughts,

> and without investigation turns into anger. Investigated fear

turns

> into understanding of the thought beneath.

Yes, I have noticed that too.

>

> > What does it mean to you when

> > someone says you are confused when your´re angry? That they

> > patronize me. Can you absolutely know that they do that? No, I

> > can´t. What I do know is that I am patronizing myself when I

think

> > they do. And I become very defensiv. This is what happen when I

> > think this thought.

>

> > Who would you be...? Maybe I would say, yes I am

> > confused and I am still angry.

> Ah, that sounds like pure wisdom speaking!

>

> > And not lay any guilt on myself. Most

> > people, everyone I know actually, are angry=confused sometimes. I

> > wouldn´t be separeted from others but see that we are sitting in

the

> > same boat.

> And how would you see *them* without your story?

I would see that their anger, or fear is as innocent as mine and not

personal. And may they laugh out of fear or act patronizing, they

are just as me, innocent and not personal.

>

> > TA: I shouldn´t say people are confused when they are

> > angry. Well, that doesn´t seem to be something you want to hear

> > right then. And what would be the point anyway?

> And you *know* how that feels for *you*.

Yes, I can´t know they feel the same way. They could however be just

like me, so it would be a nice thing to do from my point of view to

not telling them how confused they are.

>

> > I shouldn´t say to myself that I am confused when I am angry.

No, not

> > as long as it

> > hurts me.

>

> > People should say I am confused when I am angry. Well they

> > have only spoken the truth so, in what way can that hurt me?

> Yes, and they *do*. And they should do so *only* when they do. And

even

> if it is not the truth, you can just share your experience.

>

> > Confusion is a very common state to be in for the human race. If

I

> > want confusion to stop on this planet, I should start with

myself.

> > And I am. Right now.

> I think I can love *that*.

When you express yourself like that I become so curious of what you

are thinking! Couldn´t you please tell me?

>

> > This is another thing that made my stomach ache:

> > >I know I would and then I'd have sent back a letter of such

brutal

> > > counterattack I'd have destroyed her on paper.

> > >

> > This sounds like a threat to me. I really don´t like threats.

People

> > shouldn´t threat me. Is it true? No, it has happened many times

in

> > my life. From my parents (o boy, they know how to threat a little

> > girl!) to schoolmates, boyfriends, authorities and relatives.

> So go to that place where you have absolutely been threatened, and

> investigate if you *really* were. According to *you*. If you want

to go

> deeper.

Ok. When I was about five years old my mom locked me in a little

cupboard with no windows. I thought that she was never gonna let me

out and that I was going to die in there. Did she let you out? Yes,

after a few minutes, I think. Did you die? No, I lived it. Being

locked in wasn´t the terrible thing, my stories was what really

scared me. And reality was nicer, of course. I was afraid of being

locked in for several years. It went away when something happened to

me years later. I had a fight with my best friend and she locked me

in her room. I paniced and screamed and she immidiatly opened the

door and throughed herself around my neck and said she was so sorry.

I think we both cried. I have no fear for being locked in anymore.

Well, back to the story, I thought my life was threatened. Little

girls shouldn´t have to have expierences like that. Is that true?

No, not on planet earth. I suspect little girls have frightning

expierences every day on this planet. What can I do about it? I can

only try not to scare any children I meet. I AM very kind to

children. Most children seems to like me a lot. They seem to trust

me and want to be with me. I am very grateful for that. How does it

make you react when you think that little girls, or boys for that

matter, shouldn´t have to expierence frightning things? I believe it

has made me sensitive to children suffering. There is love in it but

also pain. Almost everytime my pupils said I had hurt them in any

way, I felt very guilty and bad. Sometimes I could just calmly

appologize but sometimes I became very defensiv. It has also led to

that I don´t read any newspapers or watch any news. And I am not

going to until I can hear of childrens suffering without expierence

pain. Who would you be without this thought? Maybe I wouldn´t feel

guilty if a child say I have hurt it but just feel compassion. Maybe

I could see my own daughter suffer without feeling agone but just

try to help her the best I can. I think I would be able to think and

act clearer without guilt and agony. TA: Children should expierence

frightning things. That is truer because many children do. I should

have expierenced frightning things as a child. Yes, that was what

happened. My thinking shouldn´t put me through frightning feelings

about something that happened 30 years ago. No, there is nothing I

can do about what happened and what I felt then. I don´t have to

relive this pain over and over again. It is long gone. And I

survived and I will never have to expierence that exact moment again.

>

> > How do

> > you react when you think you are threatened? I get terrified. And

> > furious. I have developed a very well protecting defense system;

I

> > threat back even stronger.

> And tell us how good that works. Does it make others stop

threatening

> you? Maybe they have the same defense system.

> Don't you use your weapons or I'll use mine. Don't build too many

> dangerous weapons or I will attack you/build even more/bigger ones.

> Isn't that how the world turns?

Yes, I think it works like that. Violence and war will only create

more of the same.

>

> > So you are no different from Helena then?

> > No, I´m not! Oh, that felt so good to realize! I have distroyed

one

> > or two myself on paper. When some people get afraid or hurt they

go

> > into defense and they can´t help it more than I can, because our

> > reactons comes from the stories that runs in our heads and since

we

> > didn´t put them there in the first place, we can´t be held

> > responsible for the way we react.

> That sounds very wise to me.

>

> > Picture yourself being threat and

> > not being able to see it as a threat. Who would you be? Perfectly

> > calm and uninfluenced. If I believe that nothing can hurt me I

> > wouldn´t be afraid.

> And what I hear is, that you came to see what it takes *you* to

> threaten someone. So what you can say when someone threatens you,

can

> be something like: " I don't know about you, but I react like that

when

> I think I was threatened. Do you have the impression that I am

> threatening you? "

Thanks for the advice!

>

> > TA:

> > I shouldn´t threat others. No, I really shouldn´t.

> Tell us about how you do threaten others.

I have told my daughter that she won´t have this or that if she

doesn´t do as I say. I have threatened to leave my boyfriend if he

doesn´t change. I have threatened to hit people.

>

> > I shouldn´t threat myself. True. The only threats that exists

are the

> > ones I say to myself.

> Can you find an example?

When I believe I am being threat a story of what terrible things

might happen to me runs in my head. So next time that happens it

will be exellent food for work!

>

> > Others should threat me. Yes, as long as I expierence it, it is

what

> > is.

> And they will go on as long as you need it for getting realization.

Yes, I don´t know why but I find that amuzing, it makes me smile!

>

> Love,

>

Thank you and all my love,

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

> > > Do you always take *them* seriously?

> >

> > No, I don´t.

> So work on that.

Yes, I think I am doing that in this work. I am aware of it but as

you know you can´t force yourself to feel understanding and

compassion when you don´t. But I am working on it by starting with

my own upsetness.

>

> > > You were angry, is that true?

> >

> > I have heard you question if it is true that I feel this or that

> > before. I would like to say: get in in your head that my feelings

> > are true! LOL Well, it is just a question... This is how I see

it:

> > whatever I feel is true. If you don´t believe me please explain

how

> > a feeling can be a lie?

> Yes, it's just a question! ;-) And I don't say: don't believe your

> feelings. I heard that you would be angry, if someone laughed at

you or

> smiled and said " you are just very confused right now " and did not

have

> the thought. I am asking: is it true you would be angry even

without

> the thought? Your answer may be yes, I don't know. It's not my

> experience. I can not be angry without having a thought.

>

> > Thoughts - feelings - action. A thought

> > appear. I either believe it or not, either way I can´t decide

which

> > it should be. It just happens. Then I feel something. Then I act

in

> > some way. The only lie that might be here is the thought. So

when I

> > am angry and someone laughs I could without my story that they

> > shouldn´t laugh  maybe join them or I could still be angry but

not

> > add pain from the laughing. Without my story I wouldn´t be angry

at

> > them for laughing. I could still however be angry because the

person

> > hit my daughter for example. But that is another story. And I

would

> > like to concentrate on this one right now.

> Ok, I hear that. So you are angry in the first place, and on top

of

> that more anger from the thought. Or not.

>

> And what would make you most angry?

I don´t know. Probably I would be most angry about that someone had

hit my daughter. This is pure speculations. I just know how it has

been before when someone lauhged " at me " when I was angry about

something. So I have no idea if the thought " they shouldn´t laugh "

didn´t exist if I still would be angry at what I was angry about in

the first place or if the anger would go away because they laughed.

I don´t see that it necessarely would have to do that if there is

another thought that causes my anger. If I wasn´t able to think THAT

thought I believe I wouldn´t be angry at all.

>

> > How does the person look like. When you

> > > close your eyes, can you see her laughing and saying what she

> > says,

> > > without attaching to your story? Is that person happy and

having

> > fun?

> > > There she sits, having a great time as you are until you tell

> > yourself

> > > the story about how her actions have something to do with you.

> > That she

> > > should approve of you, what she isn't doing - according to

*you*.

> > > And who would *you* be without your story?

> >

> > Maybe I would start to laugh myself.

> And how do you see *her* without your story? How does she look?

She

> sits there, laughing.

It depends on what kind of laughter I would interpret it as. Some

laughs sounds angry or afraid. However if I wasn´t able to think

that people shouldn´t laugh when I am angry I wouldn´t care what

kind of laugh it was, I guess. They could look happy to me, or

afraid or angry, but since I then would have realized it wasn´t my

business, no thought of wanting them to change would come up. I

don´t think you have to be afraid or angry ourself to see it in

another person. But you wouldn´t make it your business if you

weren´t investing something in what you see ot hear.

> > > Talk for yourself and experience humility in that.

> >

> > I don´t really get this. I interpret it as that you mean I can

only

> > speak for myself. If that is the case I agree with you when it

comes

> > to what we feel and think. But I believe that we are all innocent

> > and can´t be held responsible for our reactions. And when I say

that

> > I feel a warm feeling, maybe it is called humility?

> Ok, if it feels good to you, stay with it.

> And if you want to investigate, ask yourself what you get for

holding

> that belief?

> See how I laugh at you and say " you are confused " , and you have

the

> thought, that *I* am innocent. Is it a joining or a separation?

Does it

> make you superior, even just a little bit? And as you know, there

is no

> wrong answer.

Does it make me supirior? I wasn´t feeling superior at all or

looking down from a " higher consciousness " or anything. What you

wrote must be something you expierences. With innocent I mean that

none of us can help what we think. If I think that I can help it but

you can´t or you can help it but I can´t or we both are guilty and

should be punished with my anger or despice, I expierence stress.

And separation. The moment I realize that we are all the same, all

innocent of our thoughts, I feel conected to you. If we are not

innocent then we are guilty, right? I really want to know how you

think about this. For me innocent feels good, guilty, does not. Do

you have another expierence? I think that when I am laughing AT

someone angry instead of joining what is, I become the superior one.

Let´s say someone says to me " I am so angry at you for all the times

you didn´t call me when you say you would " and I start laughing at

that person. It wouldn´t feel good. What would have felt good would

have been to say " I am sorry for that and I understand that you feel

so. I want to be honest with you. I can´t promise that I always will

do as I say, but now that you have told me this I know how important

it is for you and I will do what I can to call when I have said I

will. Thank you for letting me know this. "

> And it doesn't even *take* a relationship, does it? When I see

others

> having fun without me, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. I

> realize that it *does* hurt, when I have the story that they

should put

> their attention on *me*.

Yes, that is my expierence to.

> Yes, for your *own* good. It is a completely egoistic action, and

that

> is the same with every action. All my actions are for *me*.

Yes, that was my point.

> > When you express yourself like that I become so curious of what

you

> > are thinking! Couldn´t you please tell me?

> I can try: I love how you see that *you* have to start with

*yourself*.

> What I love about it is, that *you* become my teacher, showing me

what

> *I* have to do, and making me look for where I don't do it yet.

> Now, if I see everyone as confused, it makes me somehow superior,

> because I " know " something, they don't. Maybe they are *not*

confused,

> and just doing what needs to be done to stop mine. The only way to

know

> that is stopping *my* confusion. It's a life's work.

Yes, I agree with you. Others confusion is none of my business. So I

don´t even have to go there. It is enough and more to work with my

own confusion. Thank you.

> > > So go to that place where you have absolutely been threatened,

and

> > > investigate if you *really* were. According to *you*. If you

want to

> > go

> > > deeper.

> > Ok. When I was about five years old my mom locked me in a little

> > cupboard with no windows. I thought that she was never gonna let

me

> > out and that I was going to die in there.

>

> > Did she let you out? Yes, after a few minutes, I think.

> > Did you die? No, I lived it. Being locked in wasn´t the terrible

> > thing, my stories was what really

> > scared me. And reality was nicer, of course. I was afraid of

being

> > locked in for several years.

> So you come to see that reality was kinder. And what had your

mother to

> do with your stories?

I realized the moment I wrote this that she hadn´t got anything to

do with it. The only thing she did was to drag me to the cupboard

and put me there for a few minutes. It could have been a very loving

thing to do if my thoughts around it would have been different. If

my thought had been that she was hiding me from a murderer I would

have seen it as a loving thing. But now I thought she was going to

kill me. Maybe she was hiding me from a dangerous person, herself.

Maybe it was better for me to sit in the cupboard while she calmed

down than to face her rage? That is one way of looking at it that

sure feels better that to think she was going to kill me. As a

mother I know you can do things that your children expierences as

very frightning and painful. When I did those things I was angry,

confused, frustrated and tired and it had nothing with my sweet

daughter to do. I guess that´s the way it was with my mom too. I

don´t believe she thought that I would feel what I did.

> …

> I'd like to stay with this one for a while and investigate it.

>

> Close your eyes. You are in the cupboard, and the door is locked.

Can

> you go there?

Anytime.

> Are you ok?

Yes, except from my thinking I am very ok.

Is your heart still beating? Are you breathing?

Yes, I am perfectly fine.

> Can you live that situation without your story? It's a *very*

scary

> one. No wonder you were afraid for several years.

Yes, I see that without my story it could have been an adventure to

be in the cupboard. My father had all kinds of exiting things in

there we weren´t allowed to touch. I even believe we had cookies

there. I could have eaten cookies and played with my father´s stuff.

That´s what I would have done if it happened to me today, I think.

> I go with this to a dream I once had, about being outside in the

dark,

> and my mother going away and not waiting for me. I tried to move

> towards the lighted house, where I thought my mother was, and the

more

> I move towards the house, the further the house moved away.

> So, reality is, that I was sleeping.

> I am alone in the dark. What is the worst thing that could happen?

> I could never get to the house. - Am I alife, do I breath? - Yes. -

So

> I never get to the house. Can I absolutely know that that is

true? -

> No. - What is the worst thing that can happen, if I never get to

the

> house again? - I am alone, and I could always stay alone. - Can I

> absolutely know that that is true? - No - Have I ever been alone? -

> Yes. - So I will always stay alone. What is the worst thing that

can

> happen? - I can fail. - Can I absolutely know that? - No. - How

can I

> fail? - I can fail life, and die. - That's what people do, no one

makes

> it.

> Go to that place, where are you, what do you see? - I am between

rocks,

> distels, it's hot.

> Have you ever been between rocks and have you ever seen distels,

and

> have you ever had hot? - Yes.

> Did you make it? - Yes.

> Now, try to die…

> Hmmmm… a peaceful and comforting feeling remains, with the blue

sky

> over me.

I get a peaceful feeling too when I read this!

>

> > It went away when something happened to me years later.

>

> > I had a fight with my best friend and she locked me

> > in her room. I paniced and screamed and she immidiatly opened the

> > door and throughed herself around my neck and said she was so

sorry.

> > I think we both cried. I have no fear for being locked in

anymore.

> > Well, back to the story, I thought my life was threatened.

> Go to that place, there in that cupboard, little girl. Your life

is

> threatened, is that really true?

Yes, mom will never let me out of here! Can you absolutely know that

is true? No, I can´t.

> How do you react, when you think that thought?

I through myself on the floor and scream in panic. I cry and think I

can´t stand this. I feel totally humiliated.

> Who would you be, little girl, in that cupboard, if you could not

think

> that thought?

I would play with something and eat cookies and wait for my mom to

open the door.

> Turn it around.

My life isn´t threatend. That is true. Maybe it will be later, but

right now in the cupboard it is not.

My thoughts threaten me. Yes, they do.

>

> > Little girls shouldn´t have to have expierences like that. Is

that

> > true?

> > No, not on planet earth.

> Turn it around, and meet reality.

Little girls should have to have frightning expierences like that.

True. I had, it is reality.

>

> > I suspect little girls have frightning expierences every day on

this

> > planet.

> And can you absolutely know it?

No, I can´t.

> put " me " in it. - is that as true?

I have frightning expierences every day. No, I haven´t. Not even in

my head. Only when I think about it, but that doesn´t happen every

day.

>

> > What can I do about it? I can only try not to scare any children

I

> > meet.

> put " me " in there.

I can only try to not scare myself. Yes, that´s even truer.

>

> > I AM very kind to children. Most children seems to like me a lot.

> I hear that, and it sounds very loving. I like you a lot, too.

Thank you! That made me very glad to hear.

>

> > They seem to trust me and want to be with me. I am very grateful

for

> > that.

> Fine.

>

> > How does it

> > make you react when you think that little girls, or boys for that

> > matter, shouldn´t have to expierence frightning things? I

believe it

> > has made me sensitive to children suffering. There is love in it

but

> > also pain. Almost everytime my pupils said I had hurt them in any

> > way, I felt very guilty and bad. Sometimes I could just calmly

> > appologize but sometimes I became very defensiv. It has also led

to

> > that I don´t read any newspapers or watch any news. And I am not

> > going to until I can hear of childrens suffering without

expierence

> > pain.

> So, how do you react when you think that little children should

not

> have to experience frightening things, and all the *world* tells

you

> how they do?

I feel a lot of pain.

How do you react in that moment, what do you think about

> others, about " them " ?

I feel so sorry for the children and I want to help them, but I

don´t know how. Not all of them at least. When I worked as a teacher

I tried to help as many children as possible. And I got very sad the

times I wasn´t able to. What do I think of those I believe has hurt

a child? If it is another child I can feel understanding for both.

And still like that other child as much as before. When it comes to

adults it is harder to feel understanding and like them. I don´t

want to do the work on that right now but another time I could do it

on " Adults shouldn´t hurt children " .

>

> > Who would you be without this thought? Maybe I wouldn´t feel

> > guilty if a child say I have hurt it but just feel compassion.

Maybe

> > I could see my own daughter suffer without feeling agone but just

> > try to help her the best I can. I think I would be able to think

and

> > act clearer without guilt and agony.

> That sounds very loving and sweet. Kind to yourself, too. And how

would

> you react without this thought, when reading the papers, or

watching

> the news?

Feel compassion I guess, for both the child and the perpetrator. And

no pain of my own.

>

> > TA: Children should expierence frightning things. That is truer

> > because many children do.

> Yes, how many more children have to experience frightening things

for

> you to realize it?

As many as it takes, I guess. I have no idea. This feels like an

accusation, but I don´t believe it was your attention.

> It's in one *best* interest, that he does not experience fright as

a

> kid. Can you *absolutely* know that, on the long run?

No, I can´t.

>

> > I should have expierenced frightning things as a child. Yes,

that was

> > what happened.

> And this is where it got you.

Yes, I am in a great place except for the times when my thinking

tells me otherwice.

>

> > My thinking shouldn´t put me through frightning feelings

> > about something that happened 30 years ago. No, there is nothing

I

> > can do about what happened and what I felt then. I don´t have to

> > relive this pain over and over again. It is long gone. And I

> > survived and I will never have to expierence that exact moment

again.

> I love how you see that it's over.

>

> And whose buisness is your fright?

Mine. But I don´t have much to say in it. Maybe God´s then. Yes, I

think so.

> And how does that feel, in the moment you threaten someone. Does

it

> feel good and comfortable? Would you do it, if you knew another

way?

No, it feels awful. Yes, I would certainly have chosen another way

if I could.

>

> > > > I shouldn´t threat myself. True. The only threats that

exists are

> > the

> > > > ones I say to myself.

> > > Can you find an example?

> > When I believe I am being threat a story of what terrible things

> > might happen to me runs in my head. So next time that happens it

> > will be exellent food for work!

> So good you are looking forward to it.

>

> > > > Others should threat me. Yes, as long as I expierence it, it

is

> > what

> > > > is.

> > > And they will go on as long as you need it for getting

realization.

> > Yes, I don´t know why but I find that amuzing, it makes me smile!

> Wonderful!

> And before it was a nightmare!

Yes, isn´t that amazing?

>

> Love you,

>

Many hugs and love,