Re: What is is what I want -

[Guest guest]

Dear :

I am not Mona; however, I am going to toss in my 2 cents worth of

opinion here on your questions.

You said: " What if I am kidnapped and tied up and I think " I want to

be home with my family " . With this theory all I have to do is to want

it bad enough and I will get it. But no matter how much I try I

can´t get out of there. Does this also mean I believe a lie? I can

see that I have no choice and that I would be happier if I could

accept that I can´t have what I want, but that doesn´t necessarily

mean that I don´t want it. Or let´s say I have lost an arm. I

think " I want my arm back " .

For me, the probem here is confusion about what it is that you would

really need or want. This appears to be based upon an assumption

that in order to " be happy " you would need to " be home with your

family " or " you need your arm back " .

Actually, as says, " All we ever want is to be happy! " . So for

me, what Mona wrote says that if I get clear about what it is that I

truly want/need then I will discover that I had it all the time but

could not recognize it because of the projection of my confused

thinking that I want/need what is to be different in order to have

what I think I want.

Some things that this brings to my mind are 's gentle reminder

that we can not push ourselves beyond our present understanding. I

once heard her give an example of being in a room with other people

and a man enters the room with a bomb and throws it at the people.

She says that one " spiritually evolved individual would " run like

hell " and another may just sit there and file their nails and think

how lovely the bomb looks passing through the air and think " he

thinks he wants to kill someone. " The point I believe she is making

is that both reactions are equally spiritually evolved.

Last week I posted in #24536 a quote from the book " Losing The Moon "

in which says: " But to get the baby back (i.e. the baby that

the Nazi tossed in the fire) is to give you less.

It is to give you a Band-Aid and it serves nothing. It perpetuates.

No true healing has occurred, only a higher density of fear. How do

I know that this would give you less? What is, is the highest order.

So, from that I understand that as long as I believe that I need

to " be home with my family " or that I " need my lost arm back " in

order to be happy, then if I miraculously got " my arm back " it would

only serve to sink me deeper into the illusion of " body

identification " and if I were miraculously " returned home to my

family by the kidnappers " , it would only serve to reinforce the false

belief that that is the only way I can be happy.

At a deeper level, these seeming miracles would only serve to

reinforce the false belief that God (What Is) is wrong and I (my

thinking) am right and that my thinking is really in control here.

I do not know if that helps you in any way. It was all written for

me so I could understand.

Love, Steve D.

> > Here's an article I wrote last month for my newsletter that

> > addresses " wanting what is " ...

> >

> > My next issue will be sent out August 2nd, so if you're not set

to

> > receive it, and would like to, you're welcome to subscribe for

> free

> > here: http://www.letsdothework.com/45961.html

> >

> > Be sure to subscribe by Sunday, August 1st, so you get on the

> > mailing list in time!

> >

> > Love,

> > Mona

> > http://www.letsdothework.com

> > ===============================================

> >

> > " Wanting What Is "

> > by Mona Grayson

> >

> > When you heard about Byron 's book Loving What Is, did you

> > think that learning to " love what is " sounded difficult? Good in

> > theory, but really hard to achieve?

> >

> > When I first flipped through 's book about 2 years ago, I

> > certainly wasn't convinced that it was going to help me love

> > anything! In fact, I didn't even like the book the first time I

> > picked it up!

> >

> > What I've come to discover, though, after reading Loving What Is

> > several times and putting The Work into practice in my life is

> that

> > inquiring into my painful beliefs with The Work does help me love

> > what is - something I definitely struggled with before I started

> > doing The Work.

> >

> > Can you remember the last time you thought: I love this!? Maybe

it

> > was when you opened the fridge and there was a can of soda there

> > waiting for you. Maybe it was when you caught a few green lights

> in

> > a row on the way to work. We love it when things go our way,

right?

> >

> > With The Work, we have an opportunity to love what is even when

> > things don't go the way we think we wanted them to, because we

can

> > inquire into the thoughts and see what's really true.

> >

> > On the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet, the second section of the

> > sheet is where you can write your judgments about wanting

> something.

> >

> > For example:

> >

> > I want to watch ESPN.

> > I want my partner to stop smoking.

> > I want my kids to wash my car.

> > I want more money.

> > Let's take a look at where that first thought might be

experienced:

> >

> > You walk into the living room and your family is watching Wheel

of

> > Fortune. You think: " I want to watch ESPN " and you tell them that

> > you do. They look at you like you're from another planet and go

> back

> > to watching Wheel of Fortune while calling out letters. They're

> > having a great time! And you're standing there getting mad that

> they

> > won't let you watch ESPN.

> >

> > So here's where the inquiry comes in: Is it true that you want to

> > watch ESPN?

> >

> > So far, you haven't asked your family to change the channel and

> you

> > haven't taken the remote from your child's hand and changed the

> > channel yourself. You also haven't pushed the channel button

> > manually on the TV or gone to a sports bar to watch it. And all

> the

> > while, you're blaming them for not letting you watch ESPN!

> >

> > So can you absolutely know it's true that you want to watch ESPN?

> >

> > Right now, it doesn't seem like you do because you're still

> standing

> > there feeling outraged -- and you can still hear the wheel

> spinning.

> >

> > Here's what it can look like if you really want to watch ESPN and

> > your family is still watching Wheel of Fortune:

> >

> > · You can go knock on your neighbors' door and ask them

if

> > you can watch ESPN on their TV. If they say no, there are plenty

> of

> > other houses in the neighborhood!

> >

> > · You can go stand in an electronics store and put one of

> > the TVs on ESPN – or how about buying another TV, or even a TiVo?

> >

> > · You can change the channel even though your family is

> > watching something else. (Do you want to watch ESPN badly enough

> > that you're willing to risk your family getting upset?)

> >

> > · You can look up the movie times, give your partner some

> > money to take the kids out and try to bribe them away from the TV

> so

> > that you can watch ESPN.

> >

> > Do you see where I'm going with this?

> >

> > If you really want something, you can have it. When you think you

> > want something other than what's in front of you, the mind will

> > start telling you that it's someone else's fault that you can't

> have

> > what you want and now your happiness depends on them changing.

> This

> > is painful.

> >

> > Are you ready to test your " wanting what is " radar?

> >

> > As you read the following three examples, get as close to the

> > scenario as you can by relating it to something you've

> experienced.

> > See if you can recognize how the original thought is a lie.

> >

> > Scenario A: While you're in the kitchen making dinner, your

> partner

> > lights up a cigarette as she's reading a book in the living room.

> > You stand there watching her and think: " I want my partner to

stop

> > smoking! "

> >

> > Is this true thought true?

> >

> > Not really. If the thought: " I want my partner to stop smoking "

> were

> > really true for you in that moment, you get her to stop. You

might

> > go take it out of her mouth. You might throw a glass of water at

> her

> > face. You might yell at her until she stops. (Notice how wanting

> > someone to do something other than what they're doing can feel

> > violent inside of you.)

> >

> > If those options don't sound like something you want to do, just

> > notice that you maybe you don't really want her to stop smoking.

> At

> > that moment, maybe what you really want is not to have an

argument

> > with her. Maybe what you really want is to finish making dinner

> > because you're hungry. Great peace can come from realizing that

> you

> > want to be doing what you're doing.

> >

> > Scenario B: Your car is dirty and your kids haven't washed it

> even

> > though you've asked them many times. You think the thought: " But,

> I

> > want my kids to wash my car! "

> >

> > Is this thought true?

> >

> > Nope. If the thought: " I want my kids to wash my car " was really

> > true for you in that moment, when your kids tell you that they'll

> > wash your car if you pay them each $100, you'd give them the

> money.

> > When they say they'll do it if they can have a beer, you'd give

> them

> > a beer.

> >

> > If those situations don't sound appealing to you, just notice

that

> > you're not willing to go that far to get them to wash your car.

At

> > that moment, maybe what you really want is to keep your money and

> > not give beer to minors. See if you can pinpoint exactly what it

> is

> > you really want, and then notice if you're giving it to yourself.

> >

> > Scenario 3: After work you come home and balance your checkbook

> > where you discover that you don't have enough money to pay your

> > rent. You throw yourself on the couch and start worrying with the

> > thought: " I want more money. "

> >

> > Is this thought true?

> >

> > Not at all. If the thought, " I want more money " were really true

> for

> > you, you wouldn't be laying down staring at the ceiling. You'd be

> at

> > your 2nd or maybe 3rd job. You'd be out on the street corner

> begging

> > for money. You'd be calling everyone in your rolodex asking for

> > money.

> >

> > Unless you're doing those things, just notice that in that moment

> > you don't really want more money. As you realize that you don't

> > really want to be doing any of those other things, you're being

> > honest with youreslf. You don't want to stand on a corner begging

> > for money or be working like crazy in three different jobs. You

> want

> > to be at home on the couch instead. Imagine being totally

> satisfied

> > with what you're actually doing. Wouldn't that feel great?

> >

> > When you come to know for yourself that when you really want

> > something you can have it, it's impossible to feel like a victim

> of

> > circumstance anymore. Suddenly, you have the power to give

> yourself

> > whatever you think you want, and the clarity to see that you

might

> > not really want what you originally thought you wanted. There's

> > great freedom in this.

> >

> > As you continue doing your inquiry with the " I want " judgments on

> > your worksheet, and inquire into the other painful thoughts

you've

> > written down, you can come to discover the joy of wanting what is

> > and also in finding out what it is that you truly want - which

may

> > be that you want to stay home and join your family with Pat and

> > Vanna instead of driving to a sports bar.

> >

> > © 2004 Mona Grayson. All rights reserved.

> >

> >

> > Inner Work -- Practical Applications for Bringing The Work to Life

> >

> > 1. Violently Getting What You Want

> >

> > When you notice that your only ideas for getting what you want

> from

> > someone else feel violent inside of you, take a closer look. The

> > Work always brings us back to ourselves so that we can find

peace.

> > So if the thought of throwing water at a smoker feels violent, is

> > that what you really want to do? Where do you find the most

peace?

> > Inquire and find out.

> >

> > 2. Giving Is Receiving

> >

> > Feel the joy of giving yourself and others what they want. When

> you

> > give someone what they want, you're giving yourself what you want

> at

> > the same time because in that moment, you want to be giving them

> > what they want.

> >

> > 3. Can You Know Absolutely Know That?

> >

> > When you think that you want something from someone, answer this

> > question for yourself: " Can I absolutely know that I'd be happier

> if

> > I got what I wanted? " Take your time in answering and see what

> comes

> > up.

[Guest guest]

You can have whatever you want if you are not attached to having what

you want within the illusion of having a body and living in a world.

Thoughts create self and world. Want to be with your family? Be with

them where you have always been with them.

Put much more simply, says, " Life is internal. "

Love, Carol

P.S. Like Steve D., I am talking to myself here. It sure helps me to

write and consider this!

> > > Here's an article I wrote last month for my newsletter that

> > > addresses " wanting what is " ...

> > >

> > > My next issue will be sent out August 2nd, so if you're not set

> to

> > > receive it, and would like to, you're welcome to subscribe for

> > free

> > > here: http://www.letsdothework.com/45961.html

> > >

> > > Be sure to subscribe by Sunday, August 1st, so you get on the

> > > mailing list in time!

> > >

> > > Love,

> > > Mona

> > > http://www.letsdothework.com

> > > ===============================================

> > >

> > > " Wanting What Is "

> > > by Mona Grayson

> > >

> > > When you heard about Byron 's book Loving What Is, did you

> > > think that learning to " love what is " sounded difficult? Good

in

> > > theory, but really hard to achieve?

> > >

> > > When I first flipped through 's book about 2 years ago, I

> > > certainly wasn't convinced that it was going to help me love

> > > anything! In fact, I didn't even like the book the first time I

> > > picked it up!

> > >

> > > What I've come to discover, though, after reading Loving What

Is

> > > several times and putting The Work into practice in my life is

> > that

> > > inquiring into my painful beliefs with The Work does help me

love

> > > what is - something I definitely struggled with before I

started

> > > doing The Work.

> > >

> > > Can you remember the last time you thought: I love this!? Maybe

> it

> > > was when you opened the fridge and there was a can of soda

there

> > > waiting for you. Maybe it was when you caught a few green

lights

> > in

> > > a row on the way to work. We love it when things go our way,

> right?

> > >

> > > With The Work, we have an opportunity to love what is even when

> > > things don't go the way we think we wanted them to, because we

> can

> > > inquire into the thoughts and see what's really true.

> > >

> > > On the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet, the second section of the

> > > sheet is where you can write your judgments about wanting

> > something.

> > >

> > > For example:

> > >

> > > I want to watch ESPN.

> > > I want my partner to stop smoking.

> > > I want my kids to wash my car.

> > > I want more money.

> > > Let's take a look at where that first thought might be

> experienced:

> > >

> > > You walk into the living room and your family is watching Wheel

> of

> > > Fortune. You think: " I want to watch ESPN " and you tell them

that

> > > you do. They look at you like you're from another planet and go

> > back

> > > to watching Wheel of Fortune while calling out letters. They're

> > > having a great time! And you're standing there getting mad that

> > they

> > > won't let you watch ESPN.

> > >

> > > So here's where the inquiry comes in: Is it true that you want

to

> > > watch ESPN?

> > >

> > > So far, you haven't asked your family to change the channel and

> > you

> > > haven't taken the remote from your child's hand and changed the

> > > channel yourself. You also haven't pushed the channel button

> > > manually on the TV or gone to a sports bar to watch it. And

all

> > the

> > > while, you're blaming them for not letting you watch ESPN!

> > >

> > > So can you absolutely know it's true that you want to watch

ESPN?

> > >

> > > Right now, it doesn't seem like you do because you're still

> > standing

> > > there feeling outraged -- and you can still hear the wheel

> > spinning.

> > >

> > > Here's what it can look like if you really want to watch ESPN

and

> > > your family is still watching Wheel of Fortune:

> > >

> > > · You can go knock on your neighbors' door and ask them

> if

> > > you can watch ESPN on their TV. If they say no, there are

plenty

> > of

> > > other houses in the neighborhood!

> > >

> > > · You can go stand in an electronics store and put one

of

> > > the TVs on ESPN – or how about buying another TV, or even a

TiVo?

> > >

> > > · You can change the channel even though your family is

> > > watching something else. (Do you want to watch ESPN badly

enough

> > > that you're willing to risk your family getting upset?)

> > >

> > > · You can look up the movie times, give your partner

some

> > > money to take the kids out and try to bribe them away from the

TV

> > so

> > > that you can watch ESPN.

> > >

> > > Do you see where I'm going with this?

> > >

> > > If you really want something, you can have it. When you think

you

> > > want something other than what's in front of you, the mind will

> > > start telling you that it's someone else's fault that you can't

> > have

> > > what you want and now your happiness depends on them changing.

> > This

> > > is painful.

> > >

> > > Are you ready to test your " wanting what is " radar?

> > >

> > > As you read the following three examples, get as close to the

> > > scenario as you can by relating it to something you've

> > experienced.

> > > See if you can recognize how the original thought is a lie.

> > >

> > > Scenario A: While you're in the kitchen making dinner, your

> > partner

> > > lights up a cigarette as she's reading a book in the living

room.

> > > You stand there watching her and think: " I want my partner to

> stop

> > > smoking! "

> > >

> > > Is this true thought true?

> > >

> > > Not really. If the thought: " I want my partner to stop smoking "

> > were

> > > really true for you in that moment, you get her to stop. You

> might

> > > go take it out of her mouth. You might throw a glass of water

at

> > her

> > > face. You might yell at her until she stops. (Notice how

wanting

> > > someone to do something other than what they're doing can feel

> > > violent inside of you.)

> > >

> > > If those options don't sound like something you want to do,

just

> > > notice that you maybe you don't really want her to stop

smoking.

> > At

> > > that moment, maybe what you really want is not to have an

> argument

> > > with her. Maybe what you really want is to finish making dinner

> > > because you're hungry. Great peace can come from realizing that

> > you

> > > want to be doing what you're doing.

> > >

> > > Scenario B: Your car is dirty and your kids haven't washed it

> > even

> > > though you've asked them many times. You think the

thought: " But,

> > I

> > > want my kids to wash my car! "

> > >

> > > Is this thought true?

> > >

> > > Nope. If the thought: " I want my kids to wash my car " was

really

> > > true for you in that moment, when your kids tell you that

they'll

> > > wash your car if you pay them each $100, you'd give them the

> > money.

> > > When they say they'll do it if they can have a beer, you'd give

> > them

> > > a beer.

> > >

> > > If those situations don't sound appealing to you, just notice

> that

> > > you're not willing to go that far to get them to wash your car.

> At

> > > that moment, maybe what you really want is to keep your money

and

> > > not give beer to minors. See if you can pinpoint exactly what

it

> > is

> > > you really want, and then notice if you're giving it to

yourself.

> > >

> > > Scenario 3: After work you come home and balance your

checkbook

> > > where you discover that you don't have enough money to pay your

> > > rent. You throw yourself on the couch and start worrying with

the

> > > thought: " I want more money. "

> > >

> > > Is this thought true?

> > >

> > > Not at all. If the thought, " I want more money " were really

true

> > for

> > > you, you wouldn't be laying down staring at the ceiling. You'd

be

> > at

> > > your 2nd or maybe 3rd job. You'd be out on the street corner

> > begging

> > > for money. You'd be calling everyone in your rolodex asking for

> > > money.

> > >

> > > Unless you're doing those things, just notice that in that

moment

> > > you don't really want more money. As you realize that you don't

> > > really want to be doing any of those other things, you're being

> > > honest with youreslf. You don't want to stand on a corner

begging

> > > for money or be working like crazy in three different jobs. You

> > want

> > > to be at home on the couch instead. Imagine being totally

> > satisfied

> > > with what you're actually doing. Wouldn't that feel great?

> > >

> > > When you come to know for yourself that when you really want

> > > something you can have it, it's impossible to feel like a

victim

> > of

> > > circumstance anymore. Suddenly, you have the power to give

> > yourself

> > > whatever you think you want, and the clarity to see that you

> might

> > > not really want what you originally thought you wanted. There's

> > > great freedom in this.

> > >

> > > As you continue doing your inquiry with the " I want " judgments

on

> > > your worksheet, and inquire into the other painful thoughts

> you've

> > > written down, you can come to discover the joy of wanting what

is

> > > and also in finding out what it is that you truly want - which

> may

> > > be that you want to stay home and join your family with Pat and

> > > Vanna instead of driving to a sports bar.

> > >

> > > © 2004 Mona Grayson. All rights reserved.

> > >

> > >

> > > Inner Work -- Practical Applications for Bringing The Work to

Life

> > >

> > > 1. Violently Getting What You Want

> > >

> > > When you notice that your only ideas for getting what you want

> > from

> > > someone else feel violent inside of you, take a closer look.

The

> > > Work always brings us back to ourselves so that we can find

> peace.

> > > So if the thought of throwing water at a smoker feels violent,

is

> > > that what you really want to do? Where do you find the most

> peace?

> > > Inquire and find out.

> > >

> > > 2. Giving Is Receiving

> > >

> > > Feel the joy of giving yourself and others what they want. When

> > you

> > > give someone what they want, you're giving yourself what you

want

> > at

> > > the same time because in that moment, you want to be giving

them

> > > what they want.

> > >

> > > 3. Can You Know Absolutely Know That?

> > >

> > > When you think that you want something from someone, answer

this

> > > question for yourself: " Can I absolutely know that I'd be

happier

> > if

> > > I got what I wanted? " Take your time in answering and see what

> > comes

> > > up.

[Guest guest]

Dear Steve,

> > > Here's an article I wrote last month for my newsletter that

> > > addresses " wanting what is " ...

> > >

> > > My next issue will be sent out August 2nd, so if you're not

set

> to

> > > receive it, and would like to, you're welcome to subscribe for

> > free

> > > here: http://www.letsdothework.com/45961.html

> > >

> > > Be sure to subscribe by Sunday, August 1st, so you get on the

> > > mailing list in time!

> > >

> > > Love,

> > > Mona

> > > http://www.letsdothework.com

> > > ===============================================

> > >

> > > " Wanting What Is "

> > > by Mona Grayson

> > >

> > > When you heard about Byron 's book Loving What Is, did

you

> > > think that learning to " love what is " sounded difficult? Good

in

> > > theory, but really hard to achieve?

> > >

> > > When I first flipped through 's book about 2 years ago, I

> > > certainly wasn't convinced that it was going to help me love

> > > anything! In fact, I didn't even like the book the first time

I

> > > picked it up!

> > >

> > > What I've come to discover, though, after reading Loving What

Is

> > > several times and putting The Work into practice in my life is

> > that

> > > inquiring into my painful beliefs with The Work does help me

love

> > > what is - something I definitely struggled with before I

started

> > > doing The Work.

> > >

> > > Can you remember the last time you thought: I love this!?

Maybe

> it

> > > was when you opened the fridge and there was a can of soda

there

> > > waiting for you. Maybe it was when you caught a few green

lights

> > in

> > > a row on the way to work. We love it when things go our way,

> right?

> > >

> > > With The Work, we have an opportunity to love what is even

when

> > > things don't go the way we think we wanted them to, because we

> can

> > > inquire into the thoughts and see what's really true.

> > >

> > > On the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet, the second section of

the

> > > sheet is where you can write your judgments about wanting

> > something.

> > >

> > > For example:

> > >

> > > I want to watch ESPN.

> > > I want my partner to stop smoking.

> > > I want my kids to wash my car.

> > > I want more money.

> > > Let's take a look at where that first thought might be

> experienced:

> > >

> > > You walk into the living room and your family is watching

Wheel

> of

> > > Fortune. You think: " I want to watch ESPN " and you tell them

that

> > > you do. They look at you like you're from another planet and

go

> > back

> > > to watching Wheel of Fortune while calling out letters.

They're

> > > having a great time! And you're standing there getting mad

that

> > they

> > > won't let you watch ESPN.

> > >

> > > So here's where the inquiry comes in: Is it true that you want

to

> > > watch ESPN?

> > >

> > > So far, you haven't asked your family to change the channel

and

> > you

> > > haven't taken the remote from your child's hand and changed

the

> > > channel yourself. You also haven't pushed the channel button

> > > manually on the TV or gone to a sports bar to watch it. And

all

> > the

> > > while, you're blaming them for not letting you watch ESPN!

> > >

> > > So can you absolutely know it's true that you want to watch

ESPN?

> > >

> > > Right now, it doesn't seem like you do because you're still

> > standing

> > > there feeling outraged -- and you can still hear the wheel

> > spinning.

> > >

> > > Here's what it can look like if you really want to watch ESPN

and

> > > your family is still watching Wheel of Fortune:

> > >

> > > · You can go knock on your neighbors' door and ask

them

> if

> > > you can watch ESPN on their TV. If they say no, there are

plenty

> > of

> > > other houses in the neighborhood!

> > >

> > > · You can go stand in an electronics store and put one

of

> > > the TVs on ESPN – or how about buying another TV, or even a

TiVo?

> > >

> > > · You can change the channel even though your family

is

> > > watching something else. (Do you want to watch ESPN badly

enough

> > > that you're willing to risk your family getting upset?)

> > >

> > > · You can look up the movie times, give your partner

some

> > > money to take the kids out and try to bribe them away from the

TV

> > so

> > > that you can watch ESPN.

> > >

> > > Do you see where I'm going with this?

> > >

> > > If you really want something, you can have it. When you think

you

> > > want something other than what's in front of you, the mind

will

> > > start telling you that it's someone else's fault that you

can't

> > have

> > > what you want and now your happiness depends on them changing.

> > This

> > > is painful.

> > >

> > > Are you ready to test your " wanting what is " radar?

> > >

> > > As you read the following three examples, get as close to the

> > > scenario as you can by relating it to something you've

> > experienced.

> > > See if you can recognize how the original thought is a lie.

> > >

> > > Scenario A: While you're in the kitchen making dinner, your

> > partner

> > > lights up a cigarette as she's reading a book in the living

room.

> > > You stand there watching her and think: " I want my partner to

> stop

> > > smoking! "

> > >

> > > Is this true thought true?

> > >

> > > Not really. If the thought: " I want my partner to stop

smoking "

> > were

> > > really true for you in that moment, you get her to stop. You

> might

> > > go take it out of her mouth. You might throw a glass of water

at

> > her

> > > face. You might yell at her until she stops. (Notice how

wanting

> > > someone to do something other than what they're doing can feel

> > > violent inside of you.)

> > >

> > > If those options don't sound like something you want to do,

just

> > > notice that you maybe you don't really want her to stop

smoking.

> > At

> > > that moment, maybe what you really want is not to have an

> argument

> > > with her. Maybe what you really want is to finish making

dinner

> > > because you're hungry. Great peace can come from realizing

that

> > you

> > > want to be doing what you're doing.

> > >

> > > Scenario B: Your car is dirty and your kids haven't washed it

> > even

> > > though you've asked them many times. You think the

thought: " But,

> > I

> > > want my kids to wash my car! "

> > >

> > > Is this thought true?

> > >

> > > Nope. If the thought: " I want my kids to wash my car " was

really

> > > true for you in that moment, when your kids tell you that

they'll

> > > wash your car if you pay them each $100, you'd give them the

> > money.

> > > When they say they'll do it if they can have a beer, you'd

give

> > them

> > > a beer.

> > >

> > > If those situations don't sound appealing to you, just notice

> that

> > > you're not willing to go that far to get them to wash your

car.

> At

> > > that moment, maybe what you really want is to keep your money

and

> > > not give beer to minors. See if you can pinpoint exactly what

it

> > is

> > > you really want, and then notice if you're giving it to

yourself.

> > >

> > > Scenario 3: After work you come home and balance your

checkbook

> > > where you discover that you don't have enough money to pay

your

> > > rent. You throw yourself on the couch and start worrying with

the

> > > thought: " I want more money. "

> > >

> > > Is this thought true?

> > >

> > > Not at all. If the thought, " I want more money " were really

true

> > for

> > > you, you wouldn't be laying down staring at the ceiling. You'd

be

> > at

> > > your 2nd or maybe 3rd job. You'd be out on the street corner

> > begging

> > > for money. You'd be calling everyone in your rolodex asking

for

> > > money.

> > >

> > > Unless you're doing those things, just notice that in that

moment

> > > you don't really want more money. As you realize that you

don't

> > > really want to be doing any of those other things, you're

being

> > > honest with youreslf. You don't want to stand on a corner

begging

> > > for money or be working like crazy in three different jobs.

You

> > want

> > > to be at home on the couch instead. Imagine being totally

> > satisfied

> > > with what you're actually doing. Wouldn't that feel great?

> > >

> > > When you come to know for yourself that when you really want

> > > something you can have it, it's impossible to feel like a

victim

> > of

> > > circumstance anymore. Suddenly, you have the power to give

> > yourself

> > > whatever you think you want, and the clarity to see that you

> might

> > > not really want what you originally thought you wanted.

There's

> > > great freedom in this.

> > >

> > > As you continue doing your inquiry with the " I want " judgments

on

> > > your worksheet, and inquire into the other painful thoughts

> you've

> > > written down, you can come to discover the joy of wanting what

is

> > > and also in finding out what it is that you truly want - which

> may

> > > be that you want to stay home and join your family with Pat

and

> > > Vanna instead of driving to a sports bar.

> > >

> > > © 2004 Mona Grayson. All rights reserved.

> > >

> > >

> > > Inner Work -- Practical Applications for Bringing The Work to

Life

> > >

> > > 1. Violently Getting What You Want

> > >

> > > When you notice that your only ideas for getting what you want

> > from

> > > someone else feel violent inside of you, take a closer look.

The

> > > Work always brings us back to ourselves so that we can find

> peace.

> > > So if the thought of throwing water at a smoker feels violent,

is

> > > that what you really want to do? Where do you find the most

> peace?

> > > Inquire and find out.

> > >

> > > 2. Giving Is Receiving

> > >

> > > Feel the joy of giving yourself and others what they want.

When

> > you

> > > give someone what they want, you're giving yourself what you

want

> > at

> > > the same time because in that moment, you want to be giving

them

> > > what they want.

> > >

> > > 3. Can You Know Absolutely Know That?

> > >

> > > When you think that you want something from someone, answer

this

> > > question for yourself: " Can I absolutely know that I'd be

happier

> > if

> > > I got what I wanted? " Take your time in answering and see what

> > comes

> > > up.

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

You said: " Can you absolutely know this is what will happen? "

SD: No, I can not absolutely know anything! I love that, because

it could mean that the possibilites are endless; however, honestly, I

don't know what the hell it means.

also said: " To me it sounds like it would be better for us all

to not get what we think we want, but what happens is always the best

thing for us, right? So whether I get what I " want " or not it always

comes down to how I think about it. "

SD: Yes , that is what I was trying to say.

Blessings, Steve D.

..

> > > > Here's an article I wrote last month for my newsletter that

> > > > addresses " wanting what is " ...

> > > >

> > > > My next issue will be sent out August 2nd, so if you're not

> set

> > to

> > > > receive it, and would like to, you're welcome to subscribe

for

> > > free

> > > > here: http://www.letsdothework.com/45961.html

> > > >

> > > > Be sure to subscribe by Sunday, August 1st, so you get on the

> > > > mailing list in time!

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > > Mona

> > > > http://www.letsdothework.com

> > > > ===============================================

> > > >

> > > > " Wanting What Is "

> > > > by Mona Grayson

> > > >

> > > > When you heard about Byron 's book Loving What Is, did

> you

> > > > think that learning to " love what is " sounded difficult? Good

> in

> > > > theory, but really hard to achieve?

> > > >

> > > > When I first flipped through 's book about 2 years ago,

I

> > > > certainly wasn't convinced that it was going to help me love

> > > > anything! In fact, I didn't even like the book the first time

> I

> > > > picked it up!

> > > >

> > > > What I've come to discover, though, after reading Loving What

> Is

> > > > several times and putting The Work into practice in my life

is

> > > that

> > > > inquiring into my painful beliefs with The Work does help me

> love

> > > > what is - something I definitely struggled with before I

> started

> > > > doing The Work.

> > > >

> > > > Can you remember the last time you thought: I love this!?

> Maybe

> > it

> > > > was when you opened the fridge and there was a can of soda

> there

> > > > waiting for you. Maybe it was when you caught a few green

> lights

> > > in

> > > > a row on the way to work. We love it when things go our way,

> > right?

> > > >

> > > > With The Work, we have an opportunity to love what is even

> when

> > > > things don't go the way we think we wanted them to, because

we

> > can

> > > > inquire into the thoughts and see what's really true.

> > > >

> > > > On the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet, the second section of

> the

> > > > sheet is where you can write your judgments about wanting

> > > something.

> > > >

> > > > For example:

> > > >

> > > > I want to watch ESPN.

> > > > I want my partner to stop smoking.

> > > > I want my kids to wash my car.

> > > > I want more money.

> > > > Let's take a look at where that first thought might be

> > experienced:

> > > >

> > > > You walk into the living room and your family is watching

> Wheel

> > of

> > > > Fortune. You think: " I want to watch ESPN " and you tell them

> that

> > > > you do. They look at you like you're from another planet and

> go

> > > back

> > > > to watching Wheel of Fortune while calling out letters.

> They're

> > > > having a great time! And you're standing there getting mad

> that

> > > they

> > > > won't let you watch ESPN.

> > > >

> > > > So here's where the inquiry comes in: Is it true that you

want

> to

> > > > watch ESPN?

> > > >

> > > > So far, you haven't asked your family to change the channel

> and

> > > you

> > > > haven't taken the remote from your child's hand and changed

> the

> > > > channel yourself. You also haven't pushed the channel button

> > > > manually on the TV or gone to a sports bar to watch it. And

> all

> > > the

> > > > while, you're blaming them for not letting you watch ESPN!

> > > >

> > > > So can you absolutely know it's true that you want to watch

> ESPN?

> > > >

> > > > Right now, it doesn't seem like you do because you're still

> > > standing

> > > > there feeling outraged -- and you can still hear the wheel

> > > spinning.

> > > >

> > > > Here's what it can look like if you really want to watch ESPN

> and

> > > > your family is still watching Wheel of Fortune:

> > > >

> > > > · You can go knock on your neighbors' door and ask

> them

> > if

> > > > you can watch ESPN on their TV. If they say no, there are

> plenty

> > > of

> > > > other houses in the neighborhood!

> > > >

> > > > · You can go stand in an electronics store and put

one

> of

> > > > the TVs on ESPN – or how about buying another TV, or even a

> TiVo?

> > > >

> > > > · You can change the channel even though your family

> is

> > > > watching something else. (Do you want to watch ESPN badly

> enough

> > > > that you're willing to risk your family getting upset?)

> > > >

> > > > · You can look up the movie times, give your partner

> some

> > > > money to take the kids out and try to bribe them away from

the

> TV

> > > so

> > > > that you can watch ESPN.

> > > >

> > > > Do you see where I'm going with this?

> > > >

> > > > If you really want something, you can have it. When you think

> you

> > > > want something other than what's in front of you, the mind

> will

> > > > start telling you that it's someone else's fault that you

> can't

> > > have

> > > > what you want and now your happiness depends on them

changing.

> > > This

> > > > is painful.

> > > >

> > > > Are you ready to test your " wanting what is " radar?

> > > >

> > > > As you read the following three examples, get as close to the

> > > > scenario as you can by relating it to something you've

> > > experienced.

> > > > See if you can recognize how the original thought is a lie.

> > > >

> > > > Scenario A: While you're in the kitchen making dinner, your

> > > partner

> > > > lights up a cigarette as she's reading a book in the living

> room.

> > > > You stand there watching her and think: " I want my partner to

> > stop

> > > > smoking! "

> > > >

> > > > Is this true thought true?

> > > >

> > > > Not really. If the thought: " I want my partner to stop

> smoking "

> > > were

> > > > really true for you in that moment, you get her to stop. You

> > might

> > > > go take it out of her mouth. You might throw a glass of water

> at

> > > her

> > > > face. You might yell at her until she stops. (Notice how

> wanting

> > > > someone to do something other than what they're doing can

feel

> > > > violent inside of you.)

> > > >

> > > > If those options don't sound like something you want to do,

> just

> > > > notice that you maybe you don't really want her to stop

> smoking.

> > > At

> > > > that moment, maybe what you really want is not to have an

> > argument

> > > > with her. Maybe what you really want is to finish making

> dinner

> > > > because you're hungry. Great peace can come from realizing

> that

> > > you

> > > > want to be doing what you're doing.

> > > >

> > > > Scenario B: Your car is dirty and your kids haven't washed

it

> > > even

> > > > though you've asked them many times. You think the

> thought: " But,

> > > I

> > > > want my kids to wash my car! "

> > > >

> > > > Is this thought true?

> > > >

> > > > Nope. If the thought: " I want my kids to wash my car " was

> really

> > > > true for you in that moment, when your kids tell you that

> they'll

> > > > wash your car if you pay them each $100, you'd give them the

> > > money.

> > > > When they say they'll do it if they can have a beer, you'd

> give

> > > them

> > > > a beer.

> > > >

> > > > If those situations don't sound appealing to you, just notice

> > that

> > > > you're not willing to go that far to get them to wash your

> car.

> > At

> > > > that moment, maybe what you really want is to keep your money

> and

> > > > not give beer to minors. See if you can pinpoint exactly what

> it

> > > is

> > > > you really want, and then notice if you're giving it to

> yourself.

> > > >

> > > > Scenario 3: After work you come home and balance your

> checkbook

> > > > where you discover that you don't have enough money to pay

> your

> > > > rent. You throw yourself on the couch and start worrying with

> the

> > > > thought: " I want more money. "

> > > >

> > > > Is this thought true?

> > > >

> > > > Not at all. If the thought, " I want more money " were really

> true

> > > for

> > > > you, you wouldn't be laying down staring at the ceiling.

You'd

> be

> > > at

> > > > your 2nd or maybe 3rd job. You'd be out on the street corner

> > > begging

> > > > for money. You'd be calling everyone in your rolodex asking

> for

> > > > money.

> > > >

> > > > Unless you're doing those things, just notice that in that

> moment

> > > > you don't really want more money. As you realize that you

> don't

> > > > really want to be doing any of those other things, you're

> being

> > > > honest with youreslf. You don't want to stand on a corner

> begging

> > > > for money or be working like crazy in three different jobs.

> You

> > > want

> > > > to be at home on the couch instead. Imagine being totally

> > > satisfied

> > > > with what you're actually doing. Wouldn't that feel great?

> > > >

> > > > When you come to know for yourself that when you really want

> > > > something you can have it, it's impossible to feel like a

> victim

> > > of

> > > > circumstance anymore. Suddenly, you have the power to give

> > > yourself

> > > > whatever you think you want, and the clarity to see that you

> > might

> > > > not really want what you originally thought you wanted.

> There's

> > > > great freedom in this.

> > > >

> > > > As you continue doing your inquiry with the " I want "

judgments

> on

> > > > your worksheet, and inquire into the other painful thoughts

> > you've

> > > > written down, you can come to discover the joy of wanting

what

> is

> > > > and also in finding out what it is that you truly want -

which

> > may

> > > > be that you want to stay home and join your family with Pat

> and

> > > > Vanna instead of driving to a sports bar.

> > > >

> > > > © 2004 Mona Grayson. All rights reserved.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Inner Work -- Practical Applications for Bringing The Work to

> Life

> > > >

> > > > 1. Violently Getting What You Want

> > > >

> > > > When you notice that your only ideas for getting what you

want

> > > from

> > > > someone else feel violent inside of you, take a closer look.

> The

> > > > Work always brings us back to ourselves so that we can find

> > peace.

> > > > So if the thought of throwing water at a smoker feels

violent,

> is

> > > > that what you really want to do? Where do you find the most

> > peace?

> > > > Inquire and find out.

> > > >

> > > > 2. Giving Is Receiving

> > > >

> > > > Feel the joy of giving yourself and others what they want.

> When

> > > you

> > > > give someone what they want, you're giving yourself what you

> want

> > > at

> > > > the same time because in that moment, you want to be giving

> them

> > > > what they want.

> > > >

> > > > 3. Can You Know Absolutely Know That?

> > > >

> > > > When you think that you want something from someone, answer

> this

> > > > question for yourself: " Can I absolutely know that I'd be

> happier

> > > if

> > > > I got what I wanted? " Take your time in answering and see

what

> > > comes

> > > > up.