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" dancin2you " wrote:

>

> I want balance. I want love. I want health. (tears) I want a shift

> from the knee jerk anxiety to acceptance and peace.

> If you have

> suggestions, I'm listening.

>

> Dancin'

Hi-

I can hear your misery reach a pretty high level.

I agree with - the purpose of all pain is to demonstrate how

deeply we believe in a lie.

So sounds to me like you are finally asking for truth.

You are a very special person with core beliefs, lifestyle habits, a

spiritual relationship and mental patterns. Hiding the balance, love,

health that is always there are the stories - your stories. So only

you can find your way back to the balance, love and health that has

always been there waiting for you to want them more than you

want...whatever is standing in your way.

Do the inquiry, but at the end of them, I invite you to add a few

questions that doesn't ask.

Let's say you did a worksheet on hating your body. At the end ask

yourself...

What have been your unreasonable expectations (that you know in your

gut and believe to be true) about this issue?

For me...It is unreasonable to expect that I can eat whatever I want

whenever I want and not exercise and not gain weight.

Turn it around. It is reasonable to expect that I can eat whatever I

want from the veggie and fruit family, limit my intake of avocado and

nuts and walk an hour a day feels more loving to myself than what I

have been doing.

I found it helpful to verbalize the essential pain. The essential

pain is that I live in a culture that blasts me with female images

that appear to simply have a purpose of making women out to being sex

objects. The essential pain is that I have an athletic body that but

not a model's body and from a cultural standpoint this feels like I

missed the boat.

Then do the turnaround. The reward is that I value myself more than

simply being an object and view myself as a healthy creature. The

reward is that I do have an athletic body and that's a great thing.

What do I need? Inner support to prompt myself to get up and move,

turn the television off - meet friend's for walks instead of dinner.

I hope this helps you.

Blessings - Jan

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" Yesterday I visited an excellent health practitioner. He suggested

three simple homeopathic remedies as opposed to the 15 supplements

I've been taking. And he said that I have been holding fear in my

kidney's 20 x higher than normal (for me I guess) and I took that as

pretty accurate. So what to do?

If you have suggestions, I'm listening. "

Dancin'

http://starfields.org/heart_healing_CD.htm

This may speak to your condition, the title track can be downloaded

free. Sometimes fear is like a germ, it can be picked up from other

people rather than be generated by our own thoughts. What are you

replacing the fear with?

Love, Tim

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Dancin

I love the way you write!

love, Randy

> When I was in traditional insight therapy (psychotherapy) trying

to

> deal with depression and anxiety, it took years to get to the

point

> where I could 'just say it'.....that is, just say one real thing I

> was feeling...trust even one person enough to reveal what was

coming

> up for me in the moment. Until that time, (well it came in

stages,

> in stops and starts), I lived in a place of great repressed, self-

> monitoring, with medium to high anxiety. Everything and everyone

was

> threatening, though I was not always conscious of it. Life,

> thinking, and speaking for me was full of land mines...a way of

> living learned from childhood.

>

> It hurt...and I wrestled internally, constantly... innocently not

> knowing any other way. I really did the best I knew how....and it

> was admittedly, a bit crazy.

>

> Recently my path has come to the Work...the first place I have

> learned to examine my thinking in this (cognitive) way. Instead

> of 'binding up wounds' as I did most of the time in therapy...it

> seems that inquiry lances them open and in so doing, and in

stages,

> ends the nightmare.

>

> It is extremely helpful in recent months to have a place to risk

> exposure on this site.... a haven for complete freedom of

> expression. And though all the posts are not happy here, in fact

> sometimes loaded with disquietude (sorry dear nne, and bless

> you for your most gentle heart), there is an opportunity to

> heal...but only with the courage to risk. How else could the turn-

> arounds manifest? How else could the wounds heal if they were to

> remain closed and festering? They didn't for me in 50 years I

> attempted it.

>

> When I was in jr. college many years ago, I took a class labeled

> psychology, which turned out to be a place where we mainly just

took

> one psychological test after another. One of these tests resulted

a

> measurement of 'well being'. On a scale of 1-100 I scored

> a '5'....meaning, as I took it, my sense of well being was very

low.

> I don't know how I would score on that test now but I wonder.

>

> My body, a very trusted and responsive friend of mine, seems to

> listen carefully to everything I say....and believes it. I was

> basically athletic and active, surprisingly strong for my size and

> in spite of the circumstances of my life, but then...about 3 years

> ago or so, it seemed to succumb to more than the normal wear and

> tear of aging. In fact it seemed to head into rapid

> deterioration/fragmentation. And, nothing made sense of it....a

> parallel, by the way, as to how childhood felt to me. Nothing made

> sense of what happened then either. 'Why? Why?', has been an

ongoing

> puzzle of great intensity for me.

>

> Yesterday I visited an excellent health practitioner. He

suggested

> three simple homeopathic remedies as opposed to the 15 supplements

> I've been taking. And he said that I have been holding fear in my

> kidney's 20 x higher than normal (for me I guess) and I took that

as

> pretty accurate. So what to do?

>

> One of the ways I 'do' something, is to 'just say it'. I'm

scared.

> I'm afraid that I am afflicted with 'something'....and it's going

> to 'get me'....(inquiry on this in a bit)

>

> This sounds just like how I felt when I was very young and had a

> phobia about spiders....only the spiders seem to be on the inside

> now. I fear something I cannot see...something Drs' have not been

> able to diagnose...something that I keep guessing at...thus the 20

> plus kinds of supplements. In fact I have accumulated 3 large

boxes

> of them over the past few years...trying one thing after another.

>

> I have various 'symptoms' and I spend a lot of time trying to

> analyze them and treat them. I didn't realize how paranoid about

> this I still am until I tried to fall back asleep this morning

after

> waking at 3am. Suddenly there was a sharp spasm in my shoulder

next

> to my neck like an electric shock. It startled me to full

waking...

> Then I said to myself, " silly me, I must have laid on my side

wrong

> and pinched something " . But as I lay there trying to rest I

> realized I was not at peace...I was not going back to sleep. I

have

> a fear, though repressed, that something is terribly wrong and

it's

> going to happen again.

>

> Sheez I hate this.

>

> So I woke up...turned on the light and the computer...found all

the

> posts and read with great interest what everybody was saying to

> themselves and to each other. I appreciated the 'reasoning'

skills

> there. Ahhh...reasoning....feels like a wonderful 'balance' to

the

> emotional, knee-jerk thing I am experiencing...and so I want to

post

> what is going on with me too...do the work on what ever has the

most

> charge and hear what comments may come... then let it all sink in

> and knead it into the matrix of this whole thing called me.

>

> I want balance. I want love. I want health. (tears) I want a

shift

> from the knee jerk anxiety to acceptance and peace.

>

> At one time I believed this was impossible, maybe meant for others

> but not me...my sense of well-being remained in the 5 year

> old 'infant time' of terror....and it would appear that part of me

> still lives frozen in that place, but there are times, and there

> really are times, (especially since starting the work), that a

kind

> of wisdom rises...and there is a hint or even a momentary rush of

> knowing another truth, clarity. And so,I keep doing 'the work' in

> this sometimes perplexing, backwards (reversing) process to go

> forward...and yet really standing very still...to see the truth of

> it.

>

> Perfect love casteth out all fear, he said.

>

> What now....I says to myself....

> a worksheet and inquiry.

> I'll post that later, but I just wanted to explore and say it.

> Thanks, I'm feeling pretty peaceful now.

> I'll make a list of inquiry statements on another post. If you

have

> suggestions, I'm listening.

>

> Dancin'

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Jan & Dancin,

I thought I might share this with you: I had a client who was suffering from

low energy, muscle weakness and spasms and hip, knee and back pain. She came

to see me because she was depressed and finding it more difficult to work.

Her social life was curtailed because of her ill health and low energy. She

would go to work, come home, cook supper and fall asleep on the sofa by 8pm.

When I evaluated her, I could not find any cause for her depression, other

than her incapacitating physical condition and the stress of her job.

I recommended a a nutritionist who specialized in the holistic approach. Her

system was in a toxic acid PH condition and her muscles and bones were being

depleted of calcium due to a low vitamin D level as verified by lab work (25

hydroxy vitamin D level and chem. panel). Her hydroxy vit D level was 20

times lower than normal.

She was put on a special diet, high quality Vit D emulsion therapy plus a

quality vit B complex with minerals and given stategies for handling her

stress at work through therapy with me. Within a month she was exercising

(something she had previously not had the energy to do) and started

creating a new life for herself. Now, 6 months later is almost symptom

free.

Of course, I've said before, my clients are proactive and very willing to

make the sacrifices needed to improve their lives. Good health, past 50, is

not easily obtained for most people unless they are fed up with being less

than they could be and willing to do something about it.

Good Luck to you both,

Eddie

>

>Reply-To: Loving-what-is

>To: Loving-what-is

>Subject: Re: Just Say It

>Date: Wed, 02 Jun 2004 12:58:35 -0000

>

> " dancin2you " wrote:

>

> >

> > I want balance. I want love. I want health. (tears) I want a shift

> > from the knee jerk anxiety to acceptance and peace.

>

> > If you have

> > suggestions, I'm listening.

> >

> > Dancin'

>

>Hi-

>I can hear your misery reach a pretty high level.

>

>I agree with - the purpose of all pain is to demonstrate how

>deeply we believe in a lie.

>

>So sounds to me like you are finally asking for truth.

>

>You are a very special person with core beliefs, lifestyle habits, a

>spiritual relationship and mental patterns. Hiding the balance, love,

>health that is always there are the stories - your stories. So only

>you can find your way back to the balance, love and health that has

>always been there waiting for you to want them more than you

>want...whatever is standing in your way.

>

>Do the inquiry, but at the end of them, I invite you to add a few

>questions that doesn't ask.

>

>Let's say you did a worksheet on hating your body. At the end ask

>yourself...

>

>What have been your unreasonable expectations (that you know in your

>gut and believe to be true) about this issue?

>

>For me...It is unreasonable to expect that I can eat whatever I want

>whenever I want and not exercise and not gain weight.

>

>Turn it around. It is reasonable to expect that I can eat whatever I

>want from the veggie and fruit family, limit my intake of avocado and

>nuts and walk an hour a day feels more loving to myself than what I

>have been doing.

>

>I found it helpful to verbalize the essential pain. The essential

>pain is that I live in a culture that blasts me with female images

>that appear to simply have a purpose of making women out to being sex

>objects. The essential pain is that I have an athletic body that but

>not a model's body and from a cultural standpoint this feels like I

>missed the boat.

>

>Then do the turnaround. The reward is that I value myself more than

>simply being an object and view myself as a healthy creature. The

>reward is that I do have an athletic body and that's a great thing.

>

>What do I need? Inner support to prompt myself to get up and move,

>turn the television off - meet friend's for walks instead of dinner.

>

>I hope this helps you.

>

>Blessings - Jan

>

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

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