Re: Angry at my boyfriend - Jan

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan,

> Dear Family,

>

> Me and my boyfriend have big moneyproblems right now and what I

think

> now, before inquiry, is that I have really tried to solve it and

he

> hasn´t.

>

> >>>So ...these questions occurred to me...

> You have a boyfriend...Is it true?

Yes, it´s a story that makes me feel good, I hold on to that one.

> By your post, this appears to be a problem that you feel he hasn't

> sufficiently addressed. So is he a boyfriend or is he a man-child

> willing to prostitute his beautiful self not to face up to life?

A boyfriend.

Are

> you willing to be an emotional pimp?

No,I´m not. I don´t feel like one, so no I´m not.

>

> You've tried to solve the problem - is that true?

Yes it´s true. But there is more I can do.

Who has the money

> problems again?

I have.

Solving the problem is simple - no money - go find

> another place to live. Done!

>

I don´t understand this. Who should find another place to live?

> So what is the real issue?

I don´t know yet.

I'm afraid that if I don't solve my

> boyfriend's problems that he will leave and I will be alone....

No, I´m more afraid of that I am going to leave him than the

opposite. I don´t feel alone now. But i didn´t feel alone when I

wasn´t living with him either. No, I´m not afraid of being alone. I

am not really sure of what you mean by being alone though.

>

> I'm afraid that if I don't solve my boyfriend's problems that no

one

> will ever love me again...(as if anyone ever did)

My story is that a lot of people has loved me and loves me. And that

I love a lot of people. It feels nice. Don´t want let that one go

either=). No, I am not afraid of that.

>

> My boyfriend is only okay if he pays his own way - This could be

true!

> If it is - GO WITH IT! Feel what is true for you and love

yourself

> enough to go with it.

Yes, I can do that I think, if I discover that that is true. It

could be true, I don´t know right now.

>

> What is the real story you are telling yourself?

I don´t know, nothing comes up right now, except that I was angry at

my boyfriend for not being responsible enough about our economy.

>

>

> > So am I God,

> > can I deside what is " enough " ? No I can´t.

>

> (Do you have a story about what God is like? God is a pedophile, a

> rapist, a soldier, God shows up in your life any way you need IT to

> show up so that you can suffer enough to want out of your

addictions

> -looking for the Savior outside yourself - and be true to

YOURSELF!)

Yes I have a story about God. Pretty similar to the one you

described here.

>

> This appears to be using the work to beat yourself up.

I don´t understand this.

The work for

> me is about finding MY truth. If you don't wish to support you AND

> him - don't! If you decide to support you AND him - quit whining.

And that is of cource what I am going to do. Either I will support

him or I wont. And what ever I will end up doing I will know that

that is exactly what I want. What you wrote here made me realise

that I don´t have to decide anything - either I will or I wont. I

can see why you think of it as whining. I think so too sometimes.

>

> The work for me is about loving yourself so much that you do what

is

> kind to you. IF being kind to another means that I must abuse

myself,

> oops wrong turn. I realize that in the past I have lied to myself

> about men and thought that if I solved THEIR problems THAT was

loving.

> How peaceful and loving is that?

No, not loving at all.

>

> He is selfish. I am selfish in that I do not wish to give him my

> money and I am okay with that. We are both selfish!

I get that.

>

> In your story, it appears that God has no money - so your question

is

> to ask yourself what to do - and that what to do is all about

loving

> you - the focus is ALWAYS on you!

My experiance is that it´s not working to ask myself what to do when

I don´t know. God will make that decision for me. Sometimes God has

no money and sometimes God does.

>

> Best of luck and many blessings - Jan

Thank you Jan, best of luck to you too!

Love,

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan,

I am so glad that you wrote to me! So many questions come to me. I

just have to look at them, they make me so curious.

I have a boyfriend - is that true? What is a boyfriend? When I tried

to answer it I found that it was really hard. I have a story about

it. What if the story isn´t true? No, I don´t have a boyfriend,

could that be as true? Yes I believe it could. None of the stories

upsets me. Having a boyfriend - fine. Not having one - fine. Next

story is that there is a man living in the same apartment as me. Is

that true? That seems to be reality. And what does it mean to me

that he is living the same apartment as me? Well, a while back ago I

thought it ment: I have to take care of him. Take care of him -

good. Not take care of him - good. All there is is a man living in

the same apartment as me. Either I take care of him or I don´t. The

rest is stories. Taking care of him or not doesn´t mean anything -

UNTIL I attach a story to it.

There has never been another person who loved me. Is it true? What

is love? A story. It could be absolutely true that no one ever have

told them self a story about loving me. Do I care about other´s

stories? No, not really. All that really matters to me is the

stories I tell myself. My story was that some people loved me and

some people not. No one loves me - everbody loves me. The opposites

it seems to be. Just two stories. And none of them truer than the

other. In wich way can I get hurt believing the story that no one

loves me? Not in any way. UNLESS there isn´t another story attached

to the first, which could be: ...and that makes me worthless,

or: ...and that means my life is terrible. As soon as I start

believing those stories I feel stress.

In which way could the story everybody loves me make me feel good,

happy, peacefull? Not in anyway UNLESS there isn´t another story

attached to the first one. That story could be: ...and that makes me

a very happy person, or:...and that means life is great. Believing

that story make me feel good about myself. So which story do I

prefer to believe? This wasn´t a tough choise. I prefer the happy

story, definetly.

Everybody loves me - wonderful! There is always love in my life -

wondeful! I love every moment because there is love in it. I love

every moment there has been in my life because there has always been

love in it. When I was raped it was a perfect, loving moment and my

suffering came from the thought that something was wrong and someone

could hurt me. I just didn´t know that is was my thougts, my story

of the moments just passing by that was hurting me. And if I suffer

from doing the work I know that is perfect. Everything is love.

Everything is perfect, also the times in the past and the times in

the future when I couldnt see it or may wont be able to see it,

because my mind was/will be telling me lies.

Back to the money problem. It is no longer a problem for me. I will

have money - fine. I wont have any money - fine. I don´t care.

Whatever will be will be - and it will be perfect and I will love

it, because it will be just that-love. God could be suffering-good.

What´s not to love about that? Jan, you wrote:

" People get on this board and say - You can't do the work wrong.

That's right - I can use the work to abuse myself for as long as I

need the suffering to get to the truth. "

I want to ask you: do you need suffering to get to the truth? Has

suffering a higher meaning? Isn´t suffering just a perfect story to

make you think you need to get to something? When you in fact

already are in the perfect moment you should be. And then you will

be in some other perfect moment which will be exactly where you want

to be. Suffering and all, if that´s the story you tell your self

about that moment.

Jan, you wrote: " Don't know if I'm explaining this very well. " Who

cares? It was a perfect explaination, the story we tell ourselves

about what you wrote will be the most perfect stories for us.

Thank you god for being a rapist, an abuser, Jan, me and all the

other things you are. It is all love and perfect. No mistaces have

been made. Thank you.

Love,

> > Dear Jan,

>

> > >

> > > >>>So ...these questions occurred to me...

> > > You have a boyfriend...Is it true?

> >

> > Yes, it´s a story that makes me feel good, I hold on to that one.

>

> Hi -

> When something *out there* makes me feel good - I realize it's

simply

> an addiction and that I'm giving " control " of my happiness away.

>

> When everything out there makes me feel good I realize that I have

no

> story.

>

> There has never been another person who loved me. It sounds cruel

to

> say this, but actually, it is the kindest thing in the universe.

The

> turn around is also true. EVERYONE I have ever met loved/loves

me -

> just some of them don't realize it consciously yet because I don't

get

> it myself yet - so these people are here to teach me.

>

> Everyone is responding to my energy and giving me exactly what I

want!

>

> In my life a friend just came to me with this problem in reverse.

HE

> wanted her to get her driver's license AND make money - She is in

her

> late twenties, appears brilliant and capable.

>

> He is attached to her and decided to stay with her because the

pain of

> being out there dating was bigger than the pain of staying.

Here's a

> hunk of a man not wanting to date!!!! Preferring the

familiar...hmmmm

> for me abuse IS familiar!

>

> I have noticed that most people " agree " to stay not out of love,

but

> out of fear. Why is having a boyfriend a happy story? It is

> absolutely unequivocally no different than the happy story of NOT

> having a boyfriend. All stories are happy or sad based on

our " story "

> of what they mean.

>

> I loved your work because for me I realized that the work is

usually

> never about what you are actually working on - for me it goes much

> deeper than that.

>

> For me it always was - I don't love this man because he isn't who I

> want him to be. I don't love this moment because it isn't exactly

> what I wish it to be.

>

> In either case, as always, the moment is perfect - my non

acceptance

> of the moment is the problem.

>

> When I pick up a pencil and do the work on this non-acceptance of

the

> moment, I can lie to myself and abuse myself AGAIN or I can come to

> the truth that gives me peace and take action based on that. The

> confusion enters in when my addiction is so great that doing the

> loving thing hurts me emotionally because I may have to give up

> something I'm attached to....

>

> Don't know if I'm explaining this very well. This is a deeper

> understanding for me of how the work can be used to substantiate an

> inner lie to ourselves BECAUSE we have a story of what this moment

> SHOULD look like. Surrendering that and doing the work is very

> challenging.

>

> People get on this board and say - You can't do the work wrong.

> That's right - I can use the work to abuse myself for as long as I

> need the suffering to get to the truth.

>

> Thanks - I learned a lot from " your " problem!!!!

>

> Blessings - Jan

[Guest guest]

" " wrote:

> Dear Jan,

> I want to ask you: do you need suffering to get to the truth? Has

> suffering a higher meaning? Isn´t suffering just a perfect story to

> make you think you need to get to something? When you in fact

> already are in the perfect moment you should be. And then you will

> be in some other perfect moment which will be exactly where you want

> to be. Suffering and all, if that´s the story you tell your self

> about that moment.

I attach to unhappy stories = suffering. If I were able to drop them

all, happiness. Apparently, dropping stories ain't so easy as I

notice I don't meet very many story-less people around. Your whole

post was one long story. What's funny is that I'm realizing how deep

being away from my love is so very painful...

>

> Jan, you wrote: " Don't know if I'm explaining this very well. " Who

> cares? It was a perfect explaination, the story we tell ourselves

> about what you wrote will be the most perfect stories for us.

> Thank you god for being a rapist, an abuser, Jan, me and all the

> other things you are. It is all love and perfect. No mistaces have

> been made. Thank you.

> Love,

>

Don't know if I'm explaining this very well - I care. Communicating

succinctly with the story telling inside me allows me the pleasure of

another story dropped...perhaps.

If I wasn't aware of being separate from that love - I wouldn't need

inquiry...

I'm okay with exactly where I am right at this moment - stories and

all - Blessings - Jan

[Guest guest]

Dear Jan,

" Don't know if I'm explaining this very well. "

Who

> > cares? It was a perfect explaination, the story we tell

ourselves

> > about what you wrote will be the most perfect stories for us.

> > Thank you god for being a rapist, an abuser, Jan, me and all the

> > other things you are. It is all love and perfect. No mistaces

have

> > been made. Thank you.

> > Love,

> >

>

> Don't know if I'm explaining this very well - I care.

Communicating

> succinctly with the story telling inside me allows me the pleasure

of

> another story dropped...perhaps.

Wonderful!

>

> If I wasn't aware of being separate from that love - I wouldn't

need

> inquiry...

Very true.

>

> I'm okay with exactly where I am right at this moment - stories and

> all - Blessings - Jan

I am so happy for you! And for me, I loved writing this letter to

you! Stories and all! =)

Love,

[Guest guest]

> Who > cares? It was a perfect explaination, the story we tell ourselves

> about what you wrote will be the most perfect stories for us.

> Thank you god for being a rapist, an abuser, Jan, me and all the

> other things you are. It is all love and perfect. No mistaces have

> been made. Thank you.

> Love,

>

>

, you are amazing. I'm learning so much just by watching you work

through things. Thank you for working out loud!