Guest guest Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 In a message dated 12/20/2004 7:24:48 PM Eastern Standard Time, kates@... writes: HI there, Ive been lurking for a while after being on digest for ages and not reading, did the work a few years back. Im interested in this thread here as at the age of 43 and with teenage sons, Im starting to see alot of the crap I have with my mother. Tell you what, passive mums are the hardest to deal with because we're all scared that if we raise our energy they'll get hurt or crumple. Kids need strong boundaries and youre right, your Mum does need to set some ground rules for your brothers sake, not hers. And the fallout will be that he does get angry, but thats good, hes got a boundary and some guidelines to adhere to, instead of wafting around in so much space, he'll know where he stands and have some energy to fire him up and get going. yes, i see this is what i think i want. problem is, i don't see it happening. he's 25 years old, and things are pretty much set in motion. that's okay. that's why i'm doing the work to see if i can stay in my own thinking and let them have their own relationship without it giving me an ulser ; ) What I see is your struggle with not wanting to take on the *parental* role because it will affect your *brother* role. as the great Mickey Redmund would say: " Bingo-Bango it's in the net!!! " Your Mum will have a pay off for letting him be like this, even if its that she knows where he is all day and feels safe with that.\ and if that brings peace to my kind mother, maybe i could be happy with that, and just let her HAVE that. Kate thanks. love, jeremy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 At 09:21 PM 12/20/04 -0500, you wrote: >yes, i see this is what i think i want. problem is, i don't see it >happening. he's 25 years old, and things are pretty much set in >motion. that's okay. >that's why i'm doing the work to see if i can stay in my own thinking and let >them have their own relationship without it giving me an ulser ; ) Hi , Perhaps lazing around all day isn't something you let yourself do, do you think perhaps that what youre not letting yourself have is the inner slob, something you see in him? >and if that brings peace to my kind mother, maybe i could be happy with that, >and just let her HAVE that. Oh this is interesting , how can you let HER have that, isn't she having it already, where did you get to think that its *you* letting her have it, as if youre responsible for the whole thing? Perhaps what youre not letting yourself do is be irresponsible like youre brother and not give a toss about somethings in your life, seems youre the responsible one and even have to be in charge of what you let other people do and dont do. Is this not just about what you wont let yourself do and not do? Think or not think? Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2004 Report Share Posted December 20, 2004 In a message dated 12/20/2004 10:50:02 PM Eastern Standard Time, kates@... writes: Hi , hi kate Perhaps lazing around all day isn't something you let yourself do, do you think perhaps that what youre not letting yourself have is the inner slob, something you see in him? oh, i know how to laze around when it needs to be done! it's not so much the inner slob, but the inner spoiled-mean-bully i have trouble with. >and if that brings peace to my kind mother, maybe i could be happy with that, >and just let her HAVE that. Oh this is interesting , how can you let HER have that, isn't she having it already, where did you get to think that its *you* letting her have it, as if youre responsible for the whole thing? good point. in truth, i see i want to let myself have peace. am i responsible to see to it that my brother treats my mom with respect? sounds like one of those 'business' questions ; ) Perhaps what youre not letting yourself do is be irresponsible like youre brother and not give a toss about somethings in your life, i'm trying! seems youre the responsible one and even have to be in charge of what you let other people do and dont do. Is this not just about what you wont let yourself do and not do? Think or not think? i can't even imagine what it would be like to be without these particular concerns about what others do or don't do. think, or don't think. say, or etc... here's to trying to figure that one out...cheers! Kate love, jeremy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2004 Report Share Posted December 21, 2004 Hi , I would still question how you see it, youve used the word responsible alot. I can see how you could be concerned, I totally support you in wanting respect for you mother, says she who has a 16 and 19 year old sons, but I see this as your mothers issue, your son is a huge lesson for her to step up to the plate and think more of herself to expect respect and the right treatment. Im sure if shes let this get this far then shes got a lesson in here about self esteem and self worth. Sure, your brothers probably in a lot of pain but often times I think when people are this angry then underneath theyre frightened and sounds like hes in need of some guidance. Its like everyone is flicking a hot potato around your house, looks like everyone has a strong inner bully and your brothers just reflecting that. Lots of anger being suppressed. I also would bet that your mother might get angry at you if you stood strong and stood up to him. Kate At 06:41 AM 12/21/04 -0500, you wrote: > am i >responsible to see to it that my brother treats my mom with >respect? sounds like one >of those 'business' questions ; ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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