Guest guest Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 When my sister was here dealing with cancer I often found myself wanting to control her - wanting to control how she responded to having 'cancer'. For instance, i wanted her to change her diet, i wanted her to quit smoking, i wanted her to stop being so negative, i wanted her to stop being so angry.... I, I, I , I. How funny is that? Seems like I thought 'her' cancer should have been handled 'my' way. I learned so very much from the fact that she never seemed the least bit interested in any of my suggestions. She was doing it her way. And I had the priviledge, when I was able to, of being in her presence and honouring her as she made her choices. Which were perfect for her. I see now that it's called unconditional love. What a master teacher she was for me in that regard! She was a warrior in every sense of the word, in her own perfect way...not in my way. I finally got that when and if the doctors came to me telling me that I had cancer, that's when I would get to make the decisions about how to respond...only then. Marrianne, I trust that you will make the perfect choices concerning your present condition. It makes me happy to remember that the work will follow us anywhere and I trust that life continues to bring you absolutely everthing that you need on your path. jan wrote: " nne " wrote: > > I am scared and saddened that I have breast cancer because it could > end my life. > > I want breast cancer to go away > > Cancer shouldn't exist > > I need cancer to not rob me of my golden years and time with my family. > > Cancer is cruel, unkind, unloving and ruthless > > I don't ever want to experience cancer again. > > Just letting this sink in...with meditate on it later. > > nne Michail has cds that have 40 hours of doing the work on them. Well worth the $5 I'd say. My friend just died of cancer and her fear got so very big. Selfishly, I wanted her to dialog with her cancer - ask it what it wants, why it is there, how to love it, how to be thankful for it being there. For myself as I watched, I kept asking myself why I could not love this moment...why I did not love her fear...why I did not love her denial...why I did not appreciate that she was not a warrior. I too often found myself separating from it, not welcoming it, not thanking it. Whatever work you do on cancer, you bravely are doing it for all of us and you do it for my friend who wasn't strong enough to stand up and face it head on. Bless you - Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 and is it true " my friend wasn't strong enough to stand up and face it head on. " ? Do you absolutely know that was true? > > Jan wrote: > > " Whatever work you do on cancer, you bravely are doing it for all of > us > and you do it for my friend who wasn't strong enough to stand up and > face it head on. " > > Is this how cancer should be dealt with? Is one supposed to be > strong and a warrior? Is the only right way to face fear " head on " ? > If you die does it mean you failed? Is staying alive the highest > desideratum? Does nne have to be strong for all of us? > > --Debra > > > > > > > > > > > I am scared and saddened that I have breast cancer because it > could > > > end my life. > > > > > > I want breast cancer to go away > > > > > > Cancer shouldn't exist > > > > > > I need cancer to not rob me of my golden years and time with my > family. > > > > > > Cancer is cruel, unkind, unloving and ruthless > > > > > > I don't ever want to experience cancer again. > > > > > > Just letting this sink in...with meditate on it later. > > > > > > nne > > > > Michail has cds that have 40 hours of doing the work on them. > > Well worth the $5 I'd say. > > > > My friend just died of cancer and her fear got so very big. > > Selfishly, I wanted her to dialog with her cancer - ask it what it > > wants, why it is there, how to love it, how to be thankful for it > > being there. > > > > For myself as I watched, I kept asking myself why I could not love > > this moment...why I did not love her fear...why I did not love her > > denial...why I did not appreciate that she was not a warrior. > > > > I too often found myself separating from it, not welcoming it, not > > thanking it. > > > > Whatever work you do on cancer, you bravely are doing it for all of > us > > and you do it for my friend who wasn't strong enough to stand up and > > face it head on. > > > > Bless you - Jan > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 > > " tempestsparks " wrote: > > > Is there OUR pain? > > I suspect yes. All turnarounds have truth. There's only one of us > here. If you feel more comfortable with MY pain so be it - in this > experience between my friend and I, I don't distinguish between her > pain and my pain. That's a nice thought. There is only One in theory, yes, and if I actually LIVE and experience that (THAT) - well - I can't say what THAT would be like, since I don't know. I don't feel more or less comfortable with MY pain, it was just a question. Whose pain is it if you cut your finger? If you are screaming in pain from cancer? Can " I " experience that pain, or can I only experience my reactions and responses to your screams and the pain I think you are in? As far as I know, " my " pain is mine to question and deal with, and someone else's must be theirs. > > > I could pass on a story to you that your friend was very brave ... > (snip) so her fear could perhaps grow smaller when shared with a good > friend. > > I like this story. > > Sometimes the belief is to find a story that we like. We " make " up a > story to replace one that is too painful to bear. Of course you can > do that. I'm just going with what feels true for me. > > Ultimately there is no story. Ultimately there is no pain. But I > don't realize that right now. For me being healthy means getting > that. Not being satisfied with what for me in this moment is, is the > big lie. > > For me being okay with NOT being enlightened or wanting it to be any > way other than the way it is has been one of the most loving things > I've ever done for myself. I'm giving up controlling and just > watching and seeing what is - without beating myself up over being > enlightened or storyless. > > My truth is a pretty beautiful place to be right now - warts and all. > > I don't ask that it be your truth. I don't ask that you attempt to > end my suffering for me with your truth, but how sweet of you to offer > that to me. Thank you. > > Thanks for coming back and sharing. I like you wish I could end > another's painful beliefs - but then that's impossible. > > Blessings - Jan > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 I really like reading this. > When my sister was here dealing with cancer I often found myself > wanting to control her - wanting to control how she responded to > having 'cancer'. For instance, i wanted her to change her diet, i > wanted her to quit smoking, i wanted her to stop being so negative, i > wanted her to stop being so angry.... > > I, I, I , I. How funny is that? Seems like I thought 'her' cancer > should have been handled 'my' way. I learned so very much from the > fact that she never seemed the least bit interested in any of my > suggestions. She was doing it her way. And I had the priviledge, > when I was able to, of being in her presence and honouring her as she > made her choices. Which were perfect for her. I see now that it's > called unconditional love. What a master teacher she was for me in > that regard! She was a warrior in every sense of the word, in her own > perfect way...not in my way. I finally got that when and if the > doctors came to me telling me that I had cancer, that's when I would > get to make the decisions about how to respond...only then. > > Marrianne, I trust that you will make the perfect choices concerning > your present condition. It makes me happy to remember that the work > will follow us anywhere and I trust that life continues to bring you > absolutely everthing that you need on your path. > > > > jan wrote: > > " nne " wrote: > > > > I am scared and saddened that I have breast cancer because it could > > end my life. > > > > I want breast cancer to go away > > > > Cancer shouldn't exist > > > > I need cancer to not rob me of my golden years and time with my > family. > > > > Cancer is cruel, unkind, unloving and ruthless > > > > I don't ever want to experience cancer again. > > > > Just letting this sink in...with meditate on it later. > > > > nne > > Michail has cds that have 40 hours of doing the work on them. > Well worth the $5 I'd say. > > My friend just died of cancer and her fear got so very big. > Selfishly, I wanted her to dialog with her cancer - ask it what it > wants, why it is there, how to love it, how to be thankful for it > being there. > > For myself as I watched, I kept asking myself why I could not love > this moment...why I did not love her fear...why I did not love her > denial...why I did not appreciate that she was not a warrior. > > I too often found myself separating from it, not welcoming it, not > thanking it. > > Whatever work you do on cancer, you bravely are doing it for all of us > and you do it for my friend who wasn't strong enough to stand up and > face it head on. > > Bless you - Jan > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2004 Report Share Posted November 24, 2004 No, I didn't miss it. I am a cancer survivor today and I have watched my brother and my sister " live " and " die " and been with other loved ones as their bodies changed and " died " or as they continue as survivors have I learned something? Well, for me I hate morphine but demerol is great today, I enjoy being healthy and life has a totally different quality then it did BC beautiful in its terror beautiful in its splendor > > > > I, too, " believe " we are all One. Someone else's pain, as perceived > by > > me, allows compassion to arise naturally. In true compassion I > > naturally reach out to serve or help that person however I can. The > > exercise mentioned below may certainly help one to come closer to > > Oneness, or at least move toward more compassion. > > > > This is different than a theory I may have of Oneness, a theory that > > remains true in intellect but is not continually experienced. > > > > It's like the story -- if a person is hungry - you have to feed that > > person before you take him to God. In the most intense pain, just > give > > me a shot of demerol, don't give me any philosophy. I have enough > of my > > own. > > You must have missed the post about just taking morphine and adavan. > I agree wholeheartedly. > > Blessings - Jan > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.