Re: Mirror/Body Thing P.S.

[Guest guest]

P.S.

I just wanted to add that also said on the CD that they were

keeping no secrets about what they do at The School; she said it's

okay to tell.

(I would happily enroll myself if it weren't for the baby at my

breast at the moment!)

Thanks for your help with this.

Kheyala

> Hi Everybody,

>

> I am not a regular participant on this list, but whenever I do stop

> by to check things out, I am always impressed by the level of

honesty

> and integrity that is the norm over here. Thank you so much for

that!

>

> I am writing because a friend of mine gave me a CD to listen

to

> that is all about body stuff. I listened to half of it last night

> and found myself moved to rolling tears! alluded to an

> exercise that they do at The School involving the mirror. She

didn't

> go into it, but my intuition told me that it's a good bet it just

> might be the perfect prescription for me.

>

> Is there anyone out there who is familiar with this exercise and

who

> would be so kind as to take the time and spell it out for me? I

> assure you, my body and I would Greatly appreciate it!

>

> Thanks.

>

> With Love,

> Kheyala

[Guest guest]

hi keyala,

i just signed up a few days ago so this e-mailing opportunity around doing

the work is all new to me. i attended the school in arizona two years ago and

my experience was the same as randy's. we were encouraged not to share

specific details of the exercises, for the reasons randy outlined. in addition

to

the idea greydor suggested about seeing if anyone on staff is in the group, you

might even e-mail katie's website with the question?

[Guest guest]

Are you sure about this? It's just that when I did the New York school we were

asked to not discuss the excercises as it might spoil it for future

participants. Perhaps if there is someone on the group who is a regular staff

at the school they could speak to this.

Doreen

kheyalove wrote:

P.S.

I just wanted to add that also said on the CD that they were

keeping no secrets about what they do at The School; she said it's

okay to tell.

(I would happily enroll myself if it weren't for the baby at my

breast at the moment!)

Thanks for your help with this.

Kheyala

> Hi Everybody,

>

> I am not a regular participant on this list, but whenever I do stop

> by to check things out, I am always impressed by the level of

honesty

> and integrity that is the norm over here. Thank you so much for

that!

>

> I am writing because a friend of mine gave me a CD to listen

to

> that is all about body stuff. I listened to half of it last night

> and found myself moved to rolling tears! alluded to an

> exercise that they do at The School involving the mirror. She

didn't

> go into it, but my intuition told me that it's a good bet it just

> might be the perfect prescription for me.

>

> Is there anyone out there who is familiar with this exercise and

who

> would be so kind as to take the time and spell it out for me? I

> assure you, my body and I would Greatly appreciate it!

>

> Thanks.

>

> With Love,

> Kheyala

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi Kheyala

I just got back from the school where I heard say that she

suggests not talking about individual processes conducted at the

School because it might affect someone who wishes to attend in the

future.

So, I won't share stuff in any more detail than I just did, but

that's just me.

randy

> > Hi Everybody,

> >

> > I am not a regular participant on this list, but whenever I do

stop

> > by to check things out, I am always impressed by the level of

> honesty

> > and integrity that is the norm over here. Thank you so much for

> that!

> >

> > I am writing because a friend of mine gave me a CD to

listen

> to

> > that is all about body stuff. I listened to half of it last

night

> > and found myself moved to rolling tears! alluded to an

> > exercise that they do at The School involving the mirror. She

> didn't

> > go into it, but my intuition told me that it's a good bet it

just

> > might be the perfect prescription for me.

> >

> > Is there anyone out there who is familiar with this exercise and

> who

> > would be so kind as to take the time and spell it out for me? I

> > assure you, my body and I would Greatly appreciate it!

> >

> > Thanks.

> >

> > With Love,

> > Kheyala

[Guest guest]

Hi randy,

Thanks for your response. I just listened to the CD again to be

sure, and what actually did was she asked that someone who had

been to the School raise their hand so that anybody who wanted to

hear about this particular exercise could go up to them afterwards

and ask them.

I can certainly understand your reluctance to expose anything that

could be detrimental and I do honor that, and at the same time, I

hardly think would want information withheld that could

potentially help someone.

So if there is anybody who might be more open to sharing this info

with me privately rather than on the list, I would be extremely

grateful! Here is my e-mail: Kheyala@....

Thanks again,

Kheyala

> > > Hi Everybody,

> > >

> > > I am not a regular participant on this list, but whenever I do

> stop

> > > by to check things out, I am always impressed by the level of

> > honesty

> > > and integrity that is the norm over here. Thank you so much

for

> > that!

> > >

> > > I am writing because a friend of mine gave me a CD to

> listen

> > to

> > > that is all about body stuff. I listened to half of it last

> night

> > > and found myself moved to rolling tears! alluded to an

> > > exercise that they do at The School involving the mirror. She

> > didn't

> > > go into it, but my intuition told me that it's a good bet it

> just

> > > might be the perfect prescription for me.

> > >

> > > Is there anyone out there who is familiar with this exercise

and

> > who

> > > would be so kind as to take the time and spell it out for me?

I

> > > assure you, my body and I would Greatly appreciate it!

> > >

> > > Thanks.

> > >

> > > With Love,

> > > Kheyala

[Guest guest]

> ...

> So if there is anybody who might be more open to sharing this info

> with me privately rather than on the list, I would be extremely

> grateful! Here is my e-mail: Kheyala@....

Hi, Kheyala. I've forwarded your original request to Andy Bernstein,

who works for and " owns " this list. He may respond to you

directly or send me something to forward to you.

Tom

[Guest guest]

> > ...

> > So if there is anybody who might be more open to sharing this

info

> > with me privately rather than on the list, I would be extremely

> > grateful! Here is my e-mail: Kheyala@n...

>

> Hi, Kheyala. I've forwarded your original request to Andy Bernstein,

> who works for and " owns " this list. He may respond to you

> directly or send me something to forward to you.

>

> Tom

Thank you Tom, times two.

You are a sweetheart.

Kheyala

[Guest guest]

Hello Kehyala,

I would invite you to do a worksheet on any body issues that may be causing you

stress and post it here... you may find that doing the worksheets on any

underlying beliefs that you hold concerning your body and receiving feedback and

support just as beneficial as any other exercises such as the mirror exercise.

Have you read Byron s book Loving What Is? In my experience I have found

much more peace with this body just as it is as I undo my stories....if you

think it would serve you, go for it! you may find freedom without necessarily

doing that particular exercise...

cheers, catherine

Tom Barron wrote:

> ...

> So if there is anybody who might be more open to sharing this info

> with me privately rather than on the list, I would be extremely

> grateful! Here is my e-mail: Kheyala@....

Hi, Kheyala. I've forwarded your original request to Andy Bernstein,

who works for and " owns " this list. He may respond to you

directly or send me something to forward to you.

Tom

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

> Hello Kehyala,

>

> I would invite you to do a worksheet on any body issues that may be

causing you stress and post it here... you may find that doing the

worksheets on any underlying beliefs that you hold concerning your

body and receiving feedback and support just as beneficial as any

other exercises such as the mirror exercise. Have you read Byron

s book Loving What Is? In my experience I have found much more

peace with this body just as it is as I undo my stories....if you

think it would serve you, go for it! you may find freedom without

necessarily doing that particular exercise...

>

> cheers, catherine

Thanks for writing, catherine. To tell the truth, when I read your

first sentence I felt terror! I don't even know what I'd be so

afraid of!

Yes, I have read the book. I love it.

Yeah, I still have the willies about making my body public. And the

weirdest part of it is the fact that by any standards, I was born

with an extremely healthy and attractive one...and it still freaks me

out! NO, that's not true. It's my *thinking* about my body that

freaks me out.

The trouble is, I don't really know exactly what it is about my body

(or my thinking) that I am so disgusted about, ashamed of, and

desperate to hide. It's like a big, ugly, unnameable " thing " that I

feel like I'm branded with that apparently no one on earth is able to

see but me.

How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

Who would I be without this story of being hopelessly branded with

disgust, ugliness, and shame?

I would be completely and totally free.

Unfortunately, at times I still believe this story.

If you can, please tell me where to go from here.

Thanks,

Kheyala

[Guest guest]

Dear Kehyala, I also have suffered from feelings of disgust for my

body. I wonder if starting with your beliefs about shame would

help? I personally found that whether I was very heavy or very

light, I still was deeply ashamed, disgusted and negative about my

looks. So, I worked on things like - I am ashamed of my body because

my thighs are big. This lead to more historic beliefs like - I am

angry at my mother because she shamed me. Working on those beliefs

has helped me to accept my body, to love my body. I'll be interested

to hear what suggests. IN my story, the fact that you are

facing these fears is a major step.

love to you,

Kate

> > Hello Kehyala,

> >

> > I would invite you to do a worksheet on any body issues that may

be

> causing you stress and post it here... you may find that doing the

> worksheets on any underlying beliefs that you hold concerning your

> body and receiving feedback and support just as beneficial as any

> other exercises such as the mirror exercise. Have you read Byron

> s book Loving What Is? In my experience I have found much

more

> peace with this body just as it is as I undo my stories....if you

> think it would serve you, go for it! you may find freedom without

> necessarily doing that particular exercise...

> >

> > cheers, catherine

>

>

> Thanks for writing, catherine. To tell the truth, when I read your

> first sentence I felt terror! I don't even know what I'd be so

> afraid of!

>

> Yes, I have read the book. I love it.

>

> Yeah, I still have the willies about making my body public. And

the

> weirdest part of it is the fact that by any standards, I was born

> with an extremely healthy and attractive one...and it still freaks

me

> out! NO, that's not true. It's my *thinking* about my body that

> freaks me out.

>

> The trouble is, I don't really know exactly what it is about my

body

> (or my thinking) that I am so disgusted about, ashamed of, and

> desperate to hide. It's like a big, ugly, unnameable " thing " that

I

> feel like I'm branded with that apparently no one on earth is able

to

> see but me.

>

> How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

> finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

>

> Who would I be without this story of being hopelessly branded with

> disgust, ugliness, and shame?

>

> I would be completely and totally free.

>

> Unfortunately, at times I still believe this story.

>

> If you can, please tell me where to go from here.

>

> Thanks,

> Kheyala

[Guest guest]

Hi Kehyala,

I can't tell you where to go from here, however, I can share with you that in my

experience I do the work on whatever comes up that is clearly causing me pain -

ie. doesn't find my body attractive, my body should be different, if I was

thinner I would be more attractive...etc) Whatever the story is that I notice

is what i work with. Searching for something elusive, for me, is often a

strategy to stop myself from doing the work on what is right in front of me and

allows me to maintain my story of how reality should be different from what it

is. Even working on the seemingly most insignificant issue (when that is what

is causing me stress) may lead to tremendous breakthroughs as stories that I

have held dear forever dissolve, crumble, let go of me, and what I am left with

is peace.....and unspeakable gratitude for what is...

so, this is my experience - again, if you are interested in the truth, I invite

you to put pen to paper or post here, and work with what ever is presenting

itself to you in this moment...to move out of story and into inquiry is the most

loving thing I have ever experienced.

love to you

catherine

kheyalove wrote:

> Hello Kehyala,

>

> I would invite you to do a worksheet on any body issues that may be

causing you stress and post it here... you may find that doing the

worksheets on any underlying beliefs that you hold concerning your

body and receiving feedback and support just as beneficial as any

other exercises such as the mirror exercise. Have you read Byron

s book Loving What Is? In my experience I have found much more

peace with this body just as it is as I undo my stories....if you

think it would serve you, go for it! you may find freedom without

necessarily doing that particular exercise...

>

> cheers, catherine

Thanks for writing, catherine. To tell the truth, when I read your

first sentence I felt terror! I don't even know what I'd be so

afraid of!

Yes, I have read the book. I love it.

Yeah, I still have the willies about making my body public. And the

weirdest part of it is the fact that by any standards, I was born

with an extremely healthy and attractive one...and it still freaks me

out! NO, that's not true. It's my *thinking* about my body that

freaks me out.

The trouble is, I don't really know exactly what it is about my body

(or my thinking) that I am so disgusted about, ashamed of, and

desperate to hide. It's like a big, ugly, unnameable " thing " that I

feel like I'm branded with that apparently no one on earth is able to

see but me.

How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

Who would I be without this story of being hopelessly branded with

disgust, ugliness, and shame?

I would be completely and totally free.

Unfortunately, at times I still believe this story.

If you can, please tell me where to go from here.

Thanks,

Kheyala

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

> The trouble is, I don't really know exactly what it is about my

body

> (or my thinking) that I am so disgusted about, ashamed of, and

> desperate to hide. It's like a big, ugly, unnameable " thing " that

I

> feel like I'm branded with that apparently no one on earth is able

to

> see but me.

>

> How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

> finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

Where else DO things exist? In the next few things you say, I am

seeing a few places you could start, if you wanted...

>

> Who would I be without this story of being hopelessly branded with

> disgust, ugliness, and shame?

My body is disgusting.

My body is ugly.

I need to hide my body. (Or whatever other words ring through your

head when you feel that shame).

> Unfortunately, at times I still believe this story.

>

> If you can, please tell me where to go from here.

I would suggest any one of your judgments about your body. Or you

can do a worksheet.

I am disappointed/disgusted/ashamed by my body b/c it is ___________.

I need my body to _______________

I want my body to be _______________ or to do __________________.

My body shouldn't ________________________

My body is ___________, ______________, ___________.

I don't ever want to experience ___________________ again.

I'd love to read your work if you decide you want to post anything

about your body. Remember the story of your body exists in YOUR

head, not ours. Now, if i were to see you i might get my own story

going and it would be just that: my own story. Nothing to do with

you! Ha ha!

Welcome,

Heidi

[Guest guest]

" Searching for something elusive, for me, is often a strategy to stop

myself from doing the work on what is right in front of me and allows

me to maintain my story of how reality should be different from what

it is. "

, this is like an arrow smack between my eyes. Oh my gosh!

You are right!! I have spent SO much time, energy, and effort

analyzing things, never realizing that it was always a strategy that

accomplished nothing but to keep the story of " me " alive. Always

searching for the big answer to the why?, I was overlooking the small

(yet, so obvious), moment-to-moment clues right in front of me,

thinking they didn't matter.

I simply love what you have written (below). It all resonates as

true within my heart. I want to R.S.V.P. with a big ol' YES to your

invitation to work with whatever stressful thought is presenting

itself to me in this moment, and to move out of story-mode and into

inquiry.

Tell me, how do I recognize that I am in a story? Would you agree

that a stressful feeling might be the first clue?

Thank you so much, catherine, for your words and for your patience

with this " newbie. "

Love to you too,

Kheyala

> > Hello Kehyala,

> >

> > I would invite you to do a worksheet on any body issues that may

be

> causing you stress and post it here... you may find that doing the

> worksheets on any underlying beliefs that you hold concerning your

> body and receiving feedback and support just as beneficial as any

> other exercises such as the mirror exercise. Have you read Byron

> s book Loving What Is? In my experience I have found much

more

> peace with this body just as it is as I undo my stories....if you

> think it would serve you, go for it! you may find freedom without

> necessarily doing that particular exercise...

> >

> > cheers, catherine

>

>

> Thanks for writing, catherine. To tell the truth, when I read your

> first sentence I felt terror! I don't even know what I'd be so

> afraid of!

>

> Yes, I have read the book. I love it.

>

> Yeah, I still have the willies about making my body public. And

the

> weirdest part of it is the fact that by any standards, I was born

> with an extremely healthy and attractive one...and it still freaks

me

> out! NO, that's not true. It's my *thinking* about my body that

> freaks me out.

>

> The trouble is, I don't really know exactly what it is about my

body

> (or my thinking) that I am so disgusted about, ashamed of, and

> desperate to hide. It's like a big, ugly, unnameable " thing " that

I

> feel like I'm branded with that apparently no one on earth is able

to

> see but me.

>

> How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

> finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

>

> Who would I be without this story of being hopelessly branded with

> disgust, ugliness, and shame?

>

> I would be completely and totally free.

>

> Unfortunately, at times I still believe this story.

>

> If you can, please tell me where to go from here.

>

> Thanks,

> Kheyala

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

<snip>

> >

> > How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

> > finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

>

> Where else DO things exist?

I really don't know!

>In the next few things you say, I am

> seeing a few places you could start, if you wanted...

Yes, I want. And yay!, thank you for your suggestions. I have

printed them out, and once the children are asleep and I have some

uninterrupted silence, I am going to go at it like a crazy woman who

is on fire for freedom!

I am feeling very grateful for whatever made me post here. I can be

very proud about doing things by myself, but having some fresh eyes

that are not so close up to at least take a look at what I've got

and give some clear and simple feedback has been priceless already.

And I have barely even started!

>

> I'd love to read your work if you decide you want to post anything

> about your body. Remember the story of your body exists in YOUR

> head, not ours. Now, if i were to see you i might get my own story

> going and it would be just that: my own story. Nothing to do with

> you! Ha ha!

>

> Welcome,

>

> Heidi

Okay, thanks for reminding me about that!

Warmly,

Kheyala

[Guest guest]

> ...

> How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

> finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

>

> Who would I be without this story of being hopelessly branded with

> disgust, ugliness, and shame?

>

> I would be completely and totally free.

>

> Unfortunately, at times I still believe this story.

>

> If you can, please tell me where to go from here.

Hi, Kheyala. There have been times when I've inquired into a story

like you're describing and found that the thought behind it was just a

voice in my head telling the story with no evidence or proof. For me

it's, " Something bad is going to happen. " I hear the voice and start

feeling dread. I'm afraid and I don't know what I'm afraid of or what

I'm afraid about. I don't know what I fear will happen. It's just

" something bad " .

When it finally occurred to me to turn around and ask the voice, " What

is it that you think is going to happen? " the answer was something

like, " Oh, I don't know. We just need to be ready. "

" Ready for what?! "

" I don't know. Whatever might happen. "

" So you're just trying to help me be ready in *case* something bad

ever happens. Is that it? "

" Yes. You never know what might be just around the corner. It could

be... Something Bad! "

" Okay. I see. Well I'll tell you what. Why don't you take a little nap

and I'll keep an eye out and if I see anything bad, I'll wake you up

so you can do your job of getting us ready. "

" Oh! I could rest? Heaven! Zzzzzzz..... "

Of course, the process was not this compressed. What I've presented

here is a synopsis of discoveries that took a much longer period. And

the fear thoughts come back sometimes. When I'm paying attention, I

can have this same little talk and invite them to take a nap and so

far, they have, every time.

So this is what it boiled down to for me. I don't know that your

stories are similar, but reading about yours reminded me of this

process that happened for me.

Tom

[Guest guest]

Dear Kheyala,

I LOVE how you find your own truth in this post - how about the turn arounds for

all of those comments to me? You have answered your questions beautifully and

it seems that all there is is story - I love that we can choose to inquire into

the stories that seem to cause stress and pain and just enjoy the one's that

feel peaceful and loving....

cheers,

kheyalove wrote:

" Searching for something elusive, for me, is often a strategy to stop

myself from doing the work on what is right in front of me and allows

me to maintain my story of how reality should be different from what

it is. "

, this is like an arrow smack between my eyes. Oh my gosh!

You are right!! I have spent SO much time, energy, and effort

analyzing things, never realizing that it was always a strategy that

accomplished nothing but to keep the story of " me " alive. Always

searching for the big answer to the why?, I was overlooking the small

(yet, so obvious), moment-to-moment clues right in front of me,

thinking they didn't matter.

I simply love what you have written (below). It all resonates as

true within my heart. I want to R.S.V.P. with a big ol' YES to your

invitation to work with whatever stressful thought is presenting

itself to me in this moment, and to move out of story-mode and into

inquiry.

Tell me, how do I recognize that I am in a story? Would you agree

that a stressful feeling might be the first clue?

Thank you so much, catherine, for your words and for your patience

with this " newbie. "

Love to you too,

Kheyala

> > Hello Kehyala,

> >

> > I would invite you to do a worksheet on any body issues that may

be

> causing you stress and post it here... you may find that doing the

> worksheets on any underlying beliefs that you hold concerning your

> body and receiving feedback and support just as beneficial as any

> other exercises such as the mirror exercise. Have you read Byron

> s book Loving What Is? In my experience I have found much

more

> peace with this body just as it is as I undo my stories....if you

> think it would serve you, go for it! you may find freedom without

> necessarily doing that particular exercise...

> >

> > cheers, catherine

>

>

> Thanks for writing, catherine. To tell the truth, when I read your

> first sentence I felt terror! I don't even know what I'd be so

> afraid of!

>

> Yes, I have read the book. I love it.

>

> Yeah, I still have the willies about making my body public. And

the

> weirdest part of it is the fact that by any standards, I was born

> with an extremely healthy and attractive one...and it still freaks

me

> out! NO, that's not true. It's my *thinking* about my body that

> freaks me out.

>

> The trouble is, I don't really know exactly what it is about my

body

> (or my thinking) that I am so disgusted about, ashamed of, and

> desperate to hide. It's like a big, ugly, unnameable " thing " that

I

> feel like I'm branded with that apparently no one on earth is able

to

> see but me.

>

> How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

> finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

>

> Who would I be without this story of being hopelessly branded with

> disgust, ugliness, and shame?

>

> I would be completely and totally free.

>

> Unfortunately, at times I still believe this story.

>

> If you can, please tell me where to go from here.

>

> Thanks,

> Kheyala

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Jo.

On Sat, Mar 27, 2004 at 08:47:01PM -0800, Jo Koehler wrote:

> I can recall thoughts I've had and still have that

> need inquiry about my body and The Work seems to help

> and will no doubt continue to do so:

>

> " I'm fat. "

> Is it true?

>

> No.

>

> By the way, there's a thought behind that thought:

>

> " I'm fat, and it means that I'm ugly and no one will

> think I'm attractive. "

> ...

> Turn it around.

> I'm not getting flabby and ugly and I'm still

> attractive.

> My thinking is flabby and ugly and not attractive --

> about myself and how I think others see me.

Yes! Thank you, Jo.

A turnaround that came to mind for me: " Flabby and ugly and

unattractive happen nowhere but in my thinking. "

Tom

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends,

I am sorry I have not written back sooner, but I found myself needing

to help a friend and her children through a crisis. It's amazing how

little Work I need to do (zero, actually) when I am in a totally self-

less mode!

However, I did have a blast doing The Work the other night on my

body. I had a very big Ah Ha moment (that still seems to be with

me!) even though it didn't look or sound very big at all. It was

just a little " ...Oh. " that I may or may not have said out loud.

Do you remember I mentioned the ugly, disgusting, shameful " brand " I

felt like I was wearing? The one that apparently only I could see?

The one that had been sticking with me through thick (fat) or thin,

equally the same? Well, little did I know...

The " thing " I was so terrified to expose to myself (no exaggeration),

let alone to others (*gasp*), is now totally cracking me up!

So as not to ruin the surprise, here are my answers from the other

night to the questions Heidi kindly suggested:

I am disappointed/disgusted/ashamed by my body b/c it is....so

feminine and voluptuous.

I need my body to....be more streamline and less womanly.

I want my body to be....be firm and tight all over, not so shapely.

My body shouldn't....squish and jiggle, mush and bounce and swing.

My body is....very desirable to men and sometimes women can be

jealous of it.

I don't ever want to experience....being looked at like an object of

desire (by men), or being looked at with disgust (by women) again.

After I read these answers over, that's when it dawned on me that the

thing I was so freaked out about was my own femininity! My own

natural, beautiful womanliness!

And I had an insight about how I fear others looking at me (how do I

react when I think I am hideous?) and that's why I often stay home,

gain weight, dress in baggy, unflattering clothes, don't style my

hair, wear make-up or shave my legs, etc.

When I am willing to embrace my own womanhood (or, in other words,

*not fight with reality*), I am no longer afraid, and if others have

strange stories running in their heads, that's okay with me because

those stories belong to them, not to me.

As I mentioned above, I have been quite busy lately in the service of

others and so I haven't had any time for stressful thoughts about my

body. When things slow down again, and I have all day to obsess

*grin*, well, there is ALWAYS inquiry!

I have more Work that I did that night regarding this matter and how

it effects my life with my husband, and I have some that I wrote in

response to Tom's letter but I don't have time to type them up right

now.

I want to thank everyone again who wrote to me and encouraged me to

simply ask myself to look at what is arising in the moment and share

my findings here. And I want to thank myself for going for it and

responding to this blessed invitation!

Love to all,

Kheyala

[Guest guest]

> > ...

> > How do you do the Work on something that you can't quite put your

> > finger on...because it doesn't really exist except in your head?

> >

>

> Hi, Kheyala. There have been times when I've inquired into a story

> like you're describing and found that the thought behind it was

just a

> voice in my head telling the story with no evidence or proof. For me

> it's, " Something bad is going to happen. "

Yes, Tom, I know exactly what you mean! As soon as I read your

words, I heard the voice in *my* head saying, " There's something

wrong with me. "

It's neat how you point out that the voice arises with no evidence or

proof. The problem I encounter is if I don't catch it IMMEDIATELY,

then I actually start looking for something wrong with me (proof) and

I *always* find it!

>I hear the voice and start

> feeling dread. I'm afraid and I don't know what I'm afraid of or

what

> I'm afraid about. I don't know what I fear will happen. It's just

> " something bad " .

>

> When it finally occurred to me to turn around and ask the

voice, " What

> is it that you think is going to happen? " the answer was something

> like, " Oh, I don't know. We just need to be ready. "

>

> " Ready for what?! "

>

> " I don't know. Whatever might happen. "

>

It's interesting that when you did stop and inquire into the validity

of what the voice was saying, its answer was " Oh, I don't know... "

I went ahead and did the Work on mine after I read your email,

because at that moment it felt very real to me. I truly had a feeling

of panic in my heart when I started.

" There's something wrong with me. "

1) Is it true? It does feel like it's true.

2) Can I absolutely know that it's true? No.

3) How do I react when I am convinced there's something wrong with me?

I get frightened and hide in shame, retreat, isolate, shut

everyone out, become bitter and critical of myself and others. I

become a hypochondriac. Everywhere I look I find things that I think

are wrong with me and with the world. Very negative.

4) Who would I be if I was completely incapable of conceiving the

idea that there is something wrong with me?

I would be at peace with myself exactly as I am.

I would be at peace with others exactly as they are.

I would be at peace with the universe exactly as it is.

I would feel free to share myself, as I am, with others and

others would then feel free to share themselves, as they are, with me.

Turnarounds:

-There's something wrong with my thinking.

-There's something right with me.

There's my Work, Tom. Thanks for spurring it on. If anyone has any

insights to add, I would love to hear them. As far as yours goes, how

about these turnarounds?

" Something bad is going to happen. "

-Something good is going to happen!

And, similar to the words you suggested to Jo:

-Bad things happen nowhere but in my thinking.

Thank goodness for that!!

And thank goodness for this beautiful tool called Inquiry!

Love,

Kheyala

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kheyala! Thank you for showing up and writing. I've put some

responses in among your words...

> ...

> It's neat how you point out that the voice arises with no evidence or

> proof. The problem I encounter is if I don't catch it IMMEDIATELY,

> then I actually start looking for something wrong with me (proof) and

> I *always* find it!

Yes. <smile> The mind does its job, huh?

> ...

> " There's something wrong with me. "

>

> 1) Is it true? It does feel like it's true.

>

> 2) Can I absolutely know that it's true? No.

>

> 3) How do I react when I am convinced there's something wrong with me?

> I get frightened and hide in shame, retreat, isolate, shut

> everyone out, become bitter and critical of myself and others. I

> become a hypochondriac. Everywhere I look I find things that I think

> are wrong with me and with the world. Very negative.

>

> 4) Who would I be if I was completely incapable of conceiving the

> idea that there is something wrong with me?

> I would be at peace with myself exactly as I am.

> I would be at peace with others exactly as they are.

> I would be at peace with the universe exactly as it is.

> I would feel free to share myself, as I am, with others and

> others would then feel free to share themselves, as they are, with me.

>

> Turnarounds:

>

> -There's something wrong with my thinking.

> -There's something right with me.

- There's nothing wrong with me, or anyone.

- Everything is fine. I'm fine. You're fine (not just in the sense of

" okay " , but... " You're so *fine*, Kheyala! " ). How sweet that feels.

> There's my Work, Tom. Thanks for spurring it on. If anyone has any

> insights to add, I would love to hear them.

The only other thing that came up as I read your piece was in response

to " ... others would then feel free to share themselves, as they are,

with me. " That may be so, and my sense is that what others feel free

to do is not my business. I can imagine that thought leading, for me,

to inquiring with a motive -- so that others will feel free to share

themselves with me.

And that's my experience. You may have had something very different in

mind when you wrote those words.

> As far as yours goes, how

> about these turnarounds?

>

> " Something bad is going to happen. "

>

> -Something good is going to happen!

Yes! It is! Kheyala's going to write me back. :) (or not

> And, similar to the words you suggested to Jo:

>

> -Bad things happen nowhere but in my thinking.

Right. Things happen (they seem to, anyway. Can I really know that's

true? . The judgement of bad or good is in my thinking.

> Thank goodness for that!!

Amen

> And thank goodness for this beautiful tool called Inquiry!

love and gratitude to you,

Tom

[Guest guest]

> > ...

> > It's neat how you point out that the voice arises with no

evidence or

> > proof. The problem I encounter is if I don't catch it

IMMEDIATELY,

> > then I actually start looking for something wrong with me (proof)

and

> > I *always* find it!

>

> Yes. <smile> The mind does its job, huh?

Wow. It really does!

>

> > ...

> > " There's something wrong with me. "

> >

> > 1) Is it true? It does feel like it's true.

> >

> > 2) Can I absolutely know that it's true? No.

> >

> > 3) How do I react when I am convinced there's something wrong

with me?

> > I get frightened and hide in shame, retreat, isolate, shut

> > everyone out, become bitter and critical of myself and others. I

> > become a hypochondriac. Everywhere I look I find things that I

think

> > are wrong with me and with the world. Very negative.

> >

> > 4) Who would I be if I was completely incapable of conceiving the

> > idea that there is something wrong with me?

> > I would be at peace with myself exactly as I am.

> > I would be at peace with others exactly as they are.

> > I would be at peace with the universe exactly as it is.

> > I would feel free to share myself, as I am, with others

and

> > others would then feel free to share themselves, as they are,

with me.

> >

> > Turnarounds:

> >

> > -There's something wrong with my thinking.

> > -There's something right with me.

>

> - There's nothing wrong with me, or anyone.

You gave me a great gift with this one, Tom. It absolutely feels the

most true to me. I feel a tremendous sense of peace regarding " There

is nothing wrong with me. " *big sigh*

>

> - Everything is fine. I'm fine. You're fine (not just in the sense

of

> " okay " , but... " You're so *fine*, Kheyala! " ). How sweet that

feels.

>

> > There's my Work, Tom. Thanks for spurring it on. If anyone has

any

> > insights to add, I would love to hear them.

>

> The only other thing that came up as I read your piece was in

response

> to " ... others would then feel free to share themselves, as they

are,

> with me. " That may be so, and my sense is that what others feel free

> to do is not my business. I can imagine that thought leading, for

me,

> to inquiring with a motive -- so that others will feel free to share

> themselves with me.

>

> And that's my experience. You may have had something very different

in

> mind when you wrote those words.

I am glad you pointed this out. I certainly did miss it, and you are

correct. I can see that that comment came from my being told once by

someone I looked up to that because I am so critical of myself, other

people are afraid to be just as they are, around me. I cried when he

told me that. I think it just gave me another really good reason to

be critical about myself!

I am feeling very uneasy in my gut now. " There are really good

reasons for me to be critical about myself. "

2)Can I be certain that that is the truth? No.

3)How do I react when I believe that thought? I go about finding

reasons to be critical about myself and can end up being darnright

cruel and brutal. The truth is, it can get so bad it makes me want

to die. (I can definitely see the value in dropping this idea!)

4)Who would I be without the belief that there are really good

reasons for me to be critical about myself? I would not be mean to

myself; I would be gentle and kind. I would be relaxed and easy

about the things that I used to call " flaws. " I would love myself

exactly as I am, however I appear to be.

Turnarounds:

-There are no really good reasons for me to be critical about myself.

-There are really good reasons to be accepting/approving/kind to

myself.

Well, Tom, I did not expect to dive into the Work just now! But I'm

glad I did. Feedback would be appreciated. This is definitely an

oldie but a goodie, as they say.

>

> > As far as yours goes, how

> > about these turnarounds?

> >

> > " Something bad is going to happen. "

> >

> > -Something good is going to happen!

>

> Yes! It is! Kheyala's going to write me back. :)

You got it.

Also (I just noticed), like you taught me, " something " turns around

to " nothing " , so:

-Nothing bad is going to happen.

> (or not

> > And, similar to the words you suggested to Jo:

> >

> > -Bad things happen nowhere but in my thinking.

>

> Right. Things happen (they seem to, anyway. Can I really know that's

> true? . The judgement of bad or good is in my thinking.

>

> > Thank goodness for that!!

>

> Amen

>

> > And thank goodness for this beautiful tool called Inquiry!

>

> love and gratitude to you,

> Tom

Tom, your comments (and also some other's on this list)lead me to

believe you had been doing quite a bit of spiritual inquiry before

you stumbled onto The Work. Me too. Isn't it beautiful how (I was

just telling my husband this yesterday), isn't it so beautiful how

one way or another you can discover the absolute truth of your being

and yet, there is still Work that can be done? And how Byron

has given us a perfect, priceless (and also without price!) tool we

can use to evaporate those ideas which *appear* to stand in the way

of our experiencing our true self? Isn't it neat how the revelation

and The Work can go hand-in-hand? I mean, it's like the one-two

punch. A total knockout!

I am loving having this dialogue with you/with my self.

So grateful, too.

Love,

Kheyala