Re: inquiry re. darkness/evil/unknown

[Guest guest]

Heidi,

For me, living in fear is evil.

Eddie

>

>Reply-To: Loving-what-is

>To: Loving-what-is

>Subject: inquiry re. darkness/evil/unknown

>Date: Mon, 08 Mar 2004 01:11:46 -0000

>

>I was reflecting and writing about sexuality and it took me to some

>interesting and

>unexpected places. The following inquiries came out of it.

>

>Thought: Darkness is evil and scary.

>

>Upon reflection i realize that it's not so much a literal darkness,

>although it could

>sometimes be. It's more a metaphorical darkness, which in my mind gets

>equated

>with evil, sin, unknown... This metaphorical darkness has a similar feel to

>the literal

>darkness and nighttime that i used to be scared of when i was a little

>girl, when i'd lie

>frozen in bed, too scared to even go get my mom, b/c i thought there were

>snakes

>under my bed. So, somehow, at some point, dark and evil and fear all became

>synonymous. Anyway, back to inquiring...

>

>

> " Darkness is evil. "

>

>No, i can't absolutely know that's true.

>

>When i believe that darkness is evil, i become afraid. I'm afraid of that

>seductive, dark,

>dancer's face i just saw on that TV show...i think it's false... it will

>lead to temptation,

>evil and sin. (This stuff is sounding really old... like my parents' talk

>when i was

>growing up.)

>

>Bigger thought coming up:

>

> " Scary things hide in the dark. "

>

>What makes those things scary, honey?

>

>I don't know what they are and they could hurt me: bite me, crawl into me,

>possess

>me, trap me...

>

>Honey, can you absolutely know it's true that scary things hide in the

>dark?

>

>No.

>

>How do you feel when you believe that thought?

>

>I'm afraid of the dark.

>I imagine all sorts of things that will hurt me.

>I'm afraid of anything that looks dark.

>I think: Shameful things hide in the dark.

>Dark = shame, hiding, evil

>

>How do you live your life when you believe that scary things hide in the

>dark?

>

>I need to know and see everything.

>I need to understand everything.

>I try to control, see, know and prove everything.

>I am tight, guarded, contracted.

>Anxious.

>I want protection.

>

>Who would you be if you didn't believe the thought that scary things hide

>in the dark?

>

>Unafraid.

>Dancing in the dark.

>Light and floating.

>Open. Curious.

>Inviting.

>

>Honey, could you think of some turnarounds that might be as true or truer?

>

>Wonderful things hide in the dark. -- could be just as true.

>

>Wonderful things come out in the dark. -- yes, like stars. What else? other

>senses:

>touch, smell, sound...

>

>Scary things hide in my thoughts. -- yes, it's just in my thoughts... and

>those are just

>scary because i haven't met them with understanding and love. When a scary

>thought

>comes i can be with it and inquire. I can sit down in the dark with it,

>wrap a warm

>blanket around us while we find out if it's true.

>

>

>Another thought, related: " The unkown is scary. "

>

>Yes, that's true.

>

>Can you absolutely know?

>

>No. I can't know -- ha, ha... speaking of knowing!

>

>When i believe the thought that the unknown is scary...

>

>I try to figure everything out.

>I must understand all.

>Must see all.

>Everything must make sense.

>Everything must fit into my boxes.

>I am constricted and tight.

>I project into the unknown future based on my known past.

>I am afraid of difference, change, newness, growth...

>I try to control and figure everything out.

>I impose all my known patterns on the world.

>I interpret what i see and hear in a very limited way.

>

>(Fear: If i am open i will change in ways i don't want: I will have to

>leave the man i

>love... Honey can you really know that's true?! No.)

>

>There's no peaceful reason to keep the thought that the unknown is scary.

>

>Without the thought that the unknown is scary, i am:

>

>adventurous.

>Curious.

>Open.

>Exploring.

>Creating.

>More curious and less judgmental about people who are different.

>More curious and less scared about the future.

>More excited about life.

>More excited to try new things, meet new people, go new places...

>

>TA

>

>The unknown is wonderful -- yes, full of wonder! I wonder what will happen

>now?

>And now? And now?

>

>The known is scary -- definitely as true. But then, can i know, really KNOW

>anything?

>Even the things i think i know, especially scary things from my past, times

>when i was

>anxious and scared, i can see that my fear was because i was believing

>things that

>weren't true...

>

>This is all very interesting. I'd love feedback or related inquiries if any

>come of it.

>

>Love,

>

>Heidi

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

> Heidi,

> For me, living in fear is evil.

> Eddie

>

Eddie, that rings true at first;but then I see that believing that

would not allow me to feel my fear or listen to my feelings...(my

intuition)..it would only push it away because I call it evil...maybe

living in fear is just confusion...does seem truer and gentler? So

when I see someone confused...like myself...i can meet it with love

instead of fighting it.

love,

nne

[Guest guest]

Dear nne and Eddie,

A few weeks ago i saw at open event in Boston. I made a

beeline for her right after the event ended as I knew there'd

probably be lots and lots of people wanting to talk to her and i

just HAD to hug her before i left. It felt soooo wonderful to

embrace her and be held in those arms of love. I just love what she

reflects back to me these days. (And, it wasn't always that way! At

one point i thought she was fake and the work, cultish... funny how

my experience has changed!). But anyway, during the evening she'd

brought up the snake/rope metaphor. )For anyone who hasn't heard it,

it goes something like: Once you see that what you feared was a

snake is just a rope, for all you try you won't be able to make that

rope into a snake again.) As we embraced I asked her: " What if the

rope keeps looking like a snake and there is still a lot of fear? "

She looked me in the eyes and held my hands and ever-so-calmly

invited me to simply sit quietly with those 4 questions, to make

them my meditation, and to keep inquiring. (She knows i've been at

this for a couple of years now). There was not a hint of " you're

doing it wrong! " or " you must be doing it with a motive " or " you're

not trying hard enough! " --all things/thoughts i sometimes beat

myself up with--in her reply. There was simply love, calmly and

patiently reminding me that my only work is to inquire, to meet my

thoughts with love and understanding.

I feel all choked up just thinking back on that encounter now. so,

for me it's not a peaceful thought that living in fear is evil.

Living in fear is just the best i can do at some moments, and, i can

gently go inside and inquire, and sit with myself, hold my own hand

while i peek to see what's behind the closet curtain in the dark.

And, upon reflection, i can see that there have been lots of little

snakes that have turned out to be ropes in the last couple of years

since beginning to inquire. It's just that some of those " bigger "

ones appear to be more persistent. Or maybe it's just that when i'm

in the midst of feeling anxious or afraid, it *seems* to be the same

old, same old, when really it might be a deeper layer, simply

bringing me closer to wholeness and love.

Thank you so much for sharing your/my thoughts with me, Eddie and

nne.

Love,

Heidi

> > Heidi,

> > For me, living in fear is evil.

> > Eddie

> >

> Eddie, that rings true at first;but then I see that believing that

> would not allow me to feel my fear or listen to my feelings...(my

> intuition)..it would only push it away because I call it

evil...maybe

> living in fear is just confusion...does seem truer and gentler? So

> when I see someone confused...like myself...i can meet it with love

> instead of fighting it.

>

> love,

> nne