meltdown

[Guest guest]

I am on the board for an arts festival, and the festival was this

last weekend...I took extra meds to be sure I could enjoy all the

hard work, and had a wonderful time...it was fabulous (of course I

over did). I woke up yesterday still feeling wonderful (probably the

extra meds) Well as the day went on the kids were being horrible

(they saw their father over the weekend), my hubby was crabby and

angry because of the kids and he over did at the festival, other

family issues, my lawyer called and the insurance company had given

us a new adjuster and she wants an IME...anyway it was just one thing

after another all day, then bam it all caught up with me...I screamed

and cried uncontrolably for hours (I rarely cry, and never for long)

I said horrible things (that my hubby would be better off without me,

how mad I was that I can't function, etc.) I made my hubby cry...well

he called my doc and told them they need to do something...and they

apparently listened (I have tried to tell them) cuz I saw my doc at

WalMart tonight and he was like " why are you out of bed? " " you hubby

is really worried " " you are coming in on Thurday right? " Then he told

me he had seen me at the festival all weekend and that was part of

why the infection was not gone yet (since I am not supposed to be on

my leg much still) and I said " what so I should have stayed home? and

he said well no... It really makes you wonder...apparently before now

they didn't get how bad it was...am I supposed to particpate in my

life, or stay in bed and do nothing...I can't do both...

I am still frustrated and on meltdown but at least the crying is

somewhat under control today...My hubby was so wonderful, held my

hand told me we would get thru this no matter what,let me get it out

and then made sure the doc knew how bad it really is. It has been 6

weeks since the discogram and still not getting back to " normal "

levels. I am always the together strong one that takes care of

everyone else...my hubby was so scared when I cracked...I am going to

look into counseling after I see the doc and we do something (I hope)

about my pain levels, sleep, etc. I am getting myself back together

slowly, but know now that I am not going to be the wife, mother,

housekeeper, " rock " etc. that I used to be and that I need to take

care of me (and be taken care of) at least until after surgery. I see

the neuro next week (since I was too sick to go last week). Well that

is a long enough note for now...time for bed...

Blessings,

Lee