Re: doing The Work for breakfast

[Guest guest]

Dear Tom,

it's afternoon here, but never too late or too soon for some inquiry.

I'll have The Work for tea!

" Tom is trying to manipulate me. He tries to make me feel guilty so

I'll behave like a more responsible list member "

1. Is it true?

Where's my proof?

I can't know what Tom is trying to do. It seems like he is doing The

Work on some stressful thought concerning list members. I am a list

member. Is he having this stressful thought because of his perception

of my behavior?

I don't know.

3. How do I react when I think the thought that Tom is trying to

manipulate me?

I do feel guilty, then I feel irritated because I feel manipulated.

I think he shouldn't take his responsibility as a moderator too

seriously. I think he still seems to know what's best for me even

though he is inquiring into this thought: his work appears to be

meant to set an example to tell us we should be doing The Work even

while I think it's not the right time for me to do it.

Underlying belief:

" if someone feels stressed because of what he/she thinks I do, it's

my responsibility to do something about it! "

A very persistent and difficult one, that! This belief, projected

onto others, makes me think I am being manipulated while someone is

simply expressing how he or she feels.

4. Who/what would I be without the thougth that Tom is trying to

manipulate me?

Simply enjoying his inquiry, which is very funny.

Feeling grateful he wishes to share his thoughts with me, in my role

of member of this list.

Turnaround:

" Tom is not trying to manipulate me "

Could be more true! But I have no way of knowing.

" My thinking is manipulating me " Very true!

" I am trying to manipulate Tom "

Pfew, really.... hm... ? Ok, yes this seems truer! By trying to pay

him back in kind....

" I am trying to make people feel guilty in order to manipulate them

into more 'responsibility' " Yes, true! Ouch!

Thank you, Tom.

And your message made me smile and even laugh more than you made me

feel irritated, but there was still enough of that irritation there

to give The Work a try! (Why am I saying this? Is this another way to

manipulate? -- Some other time I'll inquire into that one, or maybe

not .... !)

Love,

Eva

> List members should argue less and inquire more.

>

> Is that true?

>

> Damn straight, it is! What's the matter with them? Don't they know

> they're getting in each other's business?!

>

> Hm, and whose business would we be in right now?

>

> Oh! Um, right.

>

> I didn't quite get that?

>

> <theirs> ... But they'd be much better off if they used The Work

> rather than arguing about!

>

> Oh, really? Can you absolutely know that?

>

> No, I guess not.

>

> Can you know what's best for another's path?

>

> No, I can't.

>

> Can you even know what's best for *your* path?

>

> No.

>

> Can you absolutely know that it's true that list members should

argue

> less and inquire more?

>

> No, I don't suppose I can.

>

> Can you absolutely know that they're NOT inquiring, or not inquiring

> enough?

>

> No, I can't. It could be that they're inquiring as much as they need

> to, and arguing exactly the right amount.

>

> How does it feel when you believe the thought that list members

should

> argue less and inquire more?

>

> I go to war. I want to straighten them out. I want to show them how

> doing The Work would be ever so much more helpful. My arms get tight

> and rigid.

>

> Does the thought bring you stress or peace?

>

> Stress. Lots of it.

>

> What's the worst that could happen if you never again had the

thought

> that list members should argue less and inquire more?

>

> The list would never again be on track. I'd be a bad moderator.

> Everyone would hate me.

>

> Sweetheart, is that true?

>

> No.

>

> Good. How do you treat yourself when you believe that list members

> should argue less and inquire more?

>

> I push myself to do something to get the group back to The Work. I

> want to tell everyone just what to write. I become a dictator and

put

> a lot of pressure on myself. I abandon my life, my business, to try

> and run everyone else's.

>

> Can you see a reason to drop this thought that list members should

> argue less and inquire more? (But please don't try to drop it)

>

> Yes. I'd be more peaceful.

>

> Can you see a stress-free reason, one that doesn't argue with What

Is,

> to keep the thought?

>

> No. The only reason would to push me to get the list to refocus, but

> that is arguing with Reality, so no, I don't see any stress-free

> reasons to keep the thought.

>

> Who would you be without the thought that list members should argue

> less and inquire more?

>

> I'd just be me, present on the list, responding when I feel moved,

> inquiring when I feel moved to, doing my own Work.

>

> Yes. How would turn the thought around? List members should argue

less

> and inquire more.

>

> *I* should argue less and inquire more. That's very true for me.

>

> Is there another one?

>

> They should not argue less and inquire more. They're doing what

> they're doing, arguing and inquiring in exactly the right

proportions.

>

> Yes. Another?

>

> I get to argue less and inquire more, when I want to.

>

> Yes.

>

> I am willing to argue more and inquire less.

> I look forward to arguing more and inquiring less.

>

> Yes, and if it hurts, have some Work for lunch.

[Guest guest]

I love this........

Tom Barron wrote:List members should argue less and

inquire more.

Is that true?

Damn straight, it is! What's the matter with them? Don't they know

they're getting in each other's business?!

Hm, and whose business would we be in right now?

Oh! Um, right.

I didn't quite get that?

<theirs> ... But they'd be much better off if they used The Work

rather than arguing about!

Oh, really? Can you absolutely know that?

No, I guess not.

Can you know what's best for another's path?

No, I can't.

Can you even know what's best for *your* path?

No.

Can you absolutely know that it's true that list members should argue

less and inquire more?

No, I don't suppose I can.

Can you absolutely know that they're NOT inquiring, or not inquiring

enough?

No, I can't. It could be that they're inquiring as much as they need

to, and arguing exactly the right amount.

How does it feel when you believe the thought that list members should

argue less and inquire more?

I go to war. I want to straighten them out. I want to show them how

doing The Work would be ever so much more helpful. My arms get tight

and rigid.

Does the thought bring you stress or peace?

Stress. Lots of it.

What's the worst that could happen if you never again had the thought

that list members should argue less and inquire more?

The list would never again be on track. I'd be a bad moderator.

Everyone would hate me.

Sweetheart, is that true?

No.

Good. How do you treat yourself when you believe that list members

should argue less and inquire more?

I push myself to do something to get the group back to The Work. I

want to tell everyone just what to write. I become a dictator and put

a lot of pressure on myself. I abandon my life, my business, to try

and run everyone else's.

Can you see a reason to drop this thought that list members should

argue less and inquire more? (But please don't try to drop it)

Yes. I'd be more peaceful.

Can you see a stress-free reason, one that doesn't argue with What Is,

to keep the thought?

No. The only reason would to push me to get the list to refocus, but

that is arguing with Reality, so no, I don't see any stress-free

reasons to keep the thought.

Who would you be without the thought that list members should argue

less and inquire more?

I'd just be me, present on the list, responding when I feel moved,

inquiring when I feel moved to, doing my own Work.

Yes. How would turn the thought around? List members should argue less

and inquire more.

*I* should argue less and inquire more. That's very true for me.

Is there another one?

They should not argue less and inquire more. They're doing what

they're doing, arguing and inquiring in exactly the right proportions.

Yes. Another?

I get to argue less and inquire more, when I want to.

Yes.

I am willing to argue more and inquire less.

I look forward to arguing more and inquiring less.

Yes, and if it hurts, have some Work for lunch.

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

A few years ago a man who was compiling a book entitled SUCCESS wrote

and asked me to contribute a statement on how I got to be a success .

I replied indignantly that I was not able to consider myself a success

in any terms that had any meaning to me . I swore I had spent my life

strenuously avoiding success . If it so happened that I had once

written a best seller , this was a pure accident , due to inattention

and naivete , and I would take very good care never to do the same

again . If I had a message to my contemporaries , I said , it was

surely this : be anything you like , be madmen , drunks , and

bastards of every shape and form , but at all costs avoid one thing :

success . I heard no more from him , and I am not aware that my reply

was published with the other testimonials .

P . S . We are all gods acting like godamn fools .

> List members should argue less and inquire more.

>

> Is that true?

>

> Damn straight, it is! What's the matter with them? Don't they know

> they're getting in each other's business?!

>

> Hm, and whose business would we be in right now?

>

> Oh! Um, right.

>

> I didn't quite get that?

>

> <theirs> ... But they'd be much better off if they used The Work

> rather than arguing about!

>

> Oh, really? Can you absolutely know that?

>

> No, I guess not.

>

> Can you know what's best for another's path?

>

> No, I can't.

>

> Can you even know what's best for *your* path?

>

> No.

>

> Can you absolutely know that it's true that list members should argue

> less and inquire more?

>

> No, I don't suppose I can.

>

> Can you absolutely know that they're NOT inquiring, or not inquiring

> enough?

>

> No, I can't. It could be that they're inquiring as much as they need

> to, and arguing exactly the right amount.

>

> How does it feel when you believe the thought that list members should

> argue less and inquire more?

>

> I go to war. I want to straighten them out. I want to show them how

> doing The Work would be ever so much more helpful. My arms get tight

> and rigid.

>

> Does the thought bring you stress or peace?

>

> Stress. Lots of it.

>

> What's the worst that could happen if you never again had the thought

> that list members should argue less and inquire more?

>

> The list would never again be on track. I'd be a bad moderator.

> Everyone would hate me.

>

> Sweetheart, is that true?

>

> No.

>

> Good. How do you treat yourself when you believe that list members

> should argue less and inquire more?

>

> I push myself to do something to get the group back to The Work. I

> want to tell everyone just what to write. I become a dictator and put

> a lot of pressure on myself. I abandon my life, my business, to try

> and run everyone else's.

>

> Can you see a reason to drop this thought that list members should

> argue less and inquire more? (But please don't try to drop it)

>

> Yes. I'd be more peaceful.

>

> Can you see a stress-free reason, one that doesn't argue with What Is,

> to keep the thought?

>

> No. The only reason would to push me to get the list to refocus, but

> that is arguing with Reality, so no, I don't see any stress-free

> reasons to keep the thought.

>

> Who would you be without the thought that list members should argue

> less and inquire more?

>

> I'd just be me, present on the list, responding when I feel moved,

> inquiring when I feel moved to, doing my own Work.

>

> Yes. How would turn the thought around? List members should argue less

> and inquire more.

>

> *I* should argue less and inquire more. That's very true for me.

>

> Is there another one?

>

> They should not argue less and inquire more. They're doing what

> they're doing, arguing and inquiring in exactly the right proportions.

>

> Yes. Another?

>

> I get to argue less and inquire more, when I want to.

>

> Yes.

>

> I am willing to argue more and inquire less.

> I look forward to arguing more and inquiring less.

>

> Yes, and if it hurts, have some Work for lunch.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Eva,

I *love* that you took the time to respond to my breakfast Work. Thank

you! More inside...

> Dear Tom,

>

> it's afternoon here, but never too late or too soon for some inquiry.

> I'll have The Work for tea!

>

> " Tom is trying to manipulate me. He tries to make me feel guilty so

> I'll behave like a more responsible list member "

>

> 1. Is it true?

> Where's my proof?

> I can't know what Tom is trying to do. It seems like he is doing The

> Work on some stressful thought concerning list members. I am a list

> member. Is he having this stressful thought because of his perception

> of my behavior?

> I don't know.

>

> 3. How do I react when I think the thought that Tom is trying to

> manipulate me?

>

> I do feel guilty, then I feel irritated because I feel manipulated.

> I think he shouldn't take his responsibility as a moderator too

> seriously.

I can find this. Sometimes I think I shouldn't take my responsibility

as a moderator too seriously, and sometimes I think I'm not taking it

seriously enough. Two more worksheets.

> I think he still seems to know what's best for me even

> though he is inquiring into this thought: his work appears to be

> meant to set an example to tell us we should be doing The Work even

> while I think it's not the right time for me to do it.

I can find this, too, especially when I was starting that inquiry.

That sense of righteous setting an example was much less strong as I

finished it.

> Underlying belief:

> " if someone feels stressed because of what he/she thinks I do, it's

> my responsibility to do something about it! "

> A very persistent and difficult one, that! This belief, projected

> onto others, makes me think I am being manipulated while someone is

> simply expressing how he or she feels.

And even after I tell you how I feel, do you know how I feel?

" I'm stressed, Eva! Do you know how stressed I am?! " :)

> 4. Who/what would I be without the thougth that Tom is trying to

> manipulate me?

>

> Simply enjoying his inquiry, which is very funny.

> Feeling grateful he wishes to share his thoughts with me, in my role

> of member of this list.

I'm glad you thought it was funny. I did, too.

> Turnaround:

> " Tom is not trying to manipulate me "

> Could be more true! But I have no way of knowing.

>

> " My thinking is manipulating me " Very true!

>

> " I am trying to manipulate Tom "

> Pfew, really.... hm... ? Ok, yes this seems truer! By trying to pay

> him back in kind....

>

> " I am trying to make people feel guilty in order to manipulate them

> into more 'responsibility' " Yes, true! Ouch!

>

> Thank you, Tom.

You're welcome, and thank you.

> And your message made me smile and even laugh more than you made me

> feel irritated, but there was still enough of that irritation there

> to give The Work a try! (Why am I saying this? Is this another way to

> manipulate? -- Some other time I'll inquire into that one, or maybe

> not .... !)

I'm glad you did. I'm glad you're here.

love,

Tom