Re: I need you to pay attention to me

[Guest guest]

Dear Morgaine,

I love you so much for posting this work tonight. Thank you, thank

you, thank you. Your work is beautiful & I really needed it. I read

each word as if it were mine. I also felt the other side..as if you

were telling me that you need me to pay attention to you. I got to

hear the one who feels like they need my attention. Thank you for

the gift. I appreciate the way you paid attention to yourself in

doing this inquiry.

Your admirer, mona

> I need you to pay attention to me.

[Guest guest]

Dear Morgaine,

I loved this turnaround: " I AM paying attention to me when I realize I am not

paying

attention to me. " What comes to mind is a similar one for me: " I AM back in my

business

when i realize that i've been in yours and how painful that is. "

Thank you for posting this work. Sounds perfect.

It comes to me to make a list of things i've ever done for attention, to be

noticed:

- Gotten A's

- Been good.

- Been really good.

- Said hello.

- Smiled.

- Interrupted.

- Made jokes.

- Taken a different route so our paths would cross but then pretended it was by

chance.

- Wore certain clothes.

- Uncovered my stomach.

- Lost weight.

- Gained weight.

- Bought you gifts.

- Cleaned the house.

- Had my devotions every day.

- Was a super good Christian.

- Prayed.

- Sang.

- Fasted.

- Cried.

- Pulled back my hair.

- Let my hair down.

- Tried to make everyone happy.

- Was extra helpful (won most cooperative award in 8th grade! -- that sure makes

me

smile now! What a sign of times to come -- Dear Sweet Heidi, trying so hard)

- Skipped school, tried to go missing.

- Threatened suicide.

- Followed you.

- Called you.

- Took 44 antidepressant pills.

- Wore push-up bras.

- Wore no bra

- Bought clothes you would like.

- Said yes.

- Made your favorite meal.

I love you Morgaine... I love you Heidi... for all those creative ways of

getting your

attention. You have it now. I'm paying attention. I'm noticing. You're beautiful

as you,

naked or clothed, laughing or crying, trying or not, good or bad... so innocent,

always,

even in your manipulations and lies. Perfect. I notice you.

Love,

Heidi

> I need you to pay attention to me.

....

> I don't need me to pay attention to me

> I AM paying attention to me when I realize I am not paying attention

> to me.

....

>

> morgaine

[Guest guest]

Dear Morgaine,

Your wonderful work inspired me. I also love this inquiry circle that seems to

be developing online.

Namaste,

Tamara

[Guest guest]

I loved your work, " I need you to pay attention to me " . And it spawned to

following work for me:

> A.) Rich is my true love. I adore him. He is perfect. He is my perfect

> dream-man in the flesh.

> 1. Is it true? yes

> 2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? no

> 3. How do you react when you think that thought?--------- I think: I am

> ecstatic. I believe that I am very special and lucky. I think: How can I be so

> lucky to have a relationship with my dream-man? What did I do to deserve such

a

> wonderful reward? I think: I am so happy and so lucky. I think my life is

> great. I think my life is perfect. I think my relationship with him is

perfect.

> I think: I absolutely love him and I also have a relationship with him. I

> think: My most wonderful fantasy has come true. I think: WOW! I am so happy he

> is in my life. I think: I never thought this would happen to me in my life. I

> think: Wow, how did this happen? Must be lucky, I guess.

> 4. Who would you be without the thought: " Rich is my dream-man, I love him

> and I'm so happy he is in my life. " ? I would be someone in a relationship with

> a man who is very nice, fun and smart. I would be peaceful about that

> relationship, noticing that he is nice, fun and smart. I would be a person in

a

> relationship with a man, a real flesh and blood man, not a dream-man. I would

be

> a person without an addictive fantasy story that goes like this: I am

> unworthy of getting love. However, through manipulation, hard work and

patience, I

> have managed to establish a relationship and get some attention from my

> dream-man: (Rich). Attention from anything less than a dream-man is nothing. I

> have worked very hard to get this precious attention from this precious man.

My

> dream has come true. I am very lucky. I am very happy. My life is perfect now

> that I have this relationship with him. All my dreams have come true.

> " Someday my prince will come " and that day has come. I would be a person who

was

> not living that story.

TA> Rich is not my true love. I do not adore him. I am my own true love. I

adore myself. Rich does not make my life perfect. Nothing can make my life

anything.

TA> Rich is not my fantasy/dream-man. Rich is a nice person who is flesh and

blood.

B.) I am not worthy of love.

>

> 1. Is it true? yes

> 2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? no

> 3. How do you react when you think that thought?.... I set my life up so

> that I don't have any love relationships. I have a relationship with Rich, who

> is my dream-man. I have a relationship with a fantasy instead of a real flesh

> and blood person. I love the fantasy and it doesn't love me back. I love

> someone who tells me that he doesn't love me. He is very fond of me, but

doesn't

> love me. I accept that situation: I adore him...he is fond of me.

> 4. Who would you be without the thought? ... Someone who believed I am

> worthy of getting love. I would love myself. I would be someone who would want

> more than fondness from my life partner. Someone who would go and look for

love,

> since I am not getting it now. Someone who thinks that the fantasy (I love

> this fantasy), " I need a dream-man to care about me to be worthy of love " is

> getting in the way of my seeing myself as worthy of being loved.

> TA>I am worthy of love. I deserve love. I want love. I will have love. I

> will give and get love. I deserve the whole pie not just the crumbs. My

fantasy

> of dream-man love is in the way of my getting the love I deserve.

>

> C1.) I need my dream-man to love me in order to feel worthy to exist.

> >>

>> 1. Is it true? yes

>> 2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? no

>> 3. How do you react when you think that thought? ... Sometimes I tell

>> myself the story that he does love me. I tell myself the story that he is

afraid

>> of intimacy too, and that is why he keeps me at arms length, by telling me

>> that he doesn't love me, is just very fond of me. I tell myself the story

>> that this dream-man loves me and therefore I am worthy of love and worthy to

>> exist. I tell myself the story that without his love I don't deserve to

exist.

>> Since he tells me that he doesn't love me, this fantasy isn't really doing

>> the trick either. I tell myself the story that I don't know if he loves me

>> or not, but we do spend time together, and that feels good ... The " someday

>> my prince will come fantasy " remains intact: my prince has come, and I have

>> managed to maintain a long-term relationship with the dream-man. So I tell

>> myself the story, that since I have succeeded in this relationship to a fair

>> degree, therefore I deserve to exist.

>> 4. Who would you be without the thought " I need my dream-man to love me in

>> order to feel worthy to exist? " ... I would be someone living without the

>> story that I get my worth from who loves me. I would be someone living

without

>> the story: The higher the quality of person who loves me, the more lovable

>> and worthy I am: the more validation I have to exist. Without that thought I

>> would be miserable, unworthy, depressed, want to die.

>

C2.)TA> I do not need my dream-man to love me in order to feel worthy to

exist.

1. Is it true? no

> >> 2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? no

>

3. How do you react when you think that thought?... I tell myself the

story that I do need this man. I tell myself the story that if I stop seeing

him, I will stop wanting to live. If I stop seeing him, I will be facing the

abyss of mental anguish and I will feel like jumping into the abyss to stop the

pain.

      4. Who would you be without the thought " I do not need my dream-man to

love me in order to feel worthy to exist " ? I would be someone who believes the

story that I need this dream-man in order to feel worthy of existence. That

is who I am now. It is not a comfortable belief. Why? Because it feels frantic.

It feels like I am living inside a movie like: " Love Story " . It feels unreal.

But is thrilling and stimulating and fun! Yes, so let's take it down a notch.

Let's go back to the initial statement: I need my dream-man to love me in

order to feel worthy to exist.

1. Is it true? no

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? no

3. How do you react when you think that thought? Now, after some inquiry, It

seems a little ridiculous. How can another person be responsible for making me

feel worthy to exist? Here's how I react: I make myself feel worthy or

unworthy. And if I feel unworthy to exist, then I will feel that way until I

don't

anymore. Additionally, I don't need this dream-man to be a dream-man. He's just

a man. A friend... a fun loving buddy. He doesn't create or diminish my

worthiness to exist. He has no impact on it. I deserve to exist because I do.

TA> I am worthy of existence. I don't need dream-man to love me to make me

feel worthy of existence. Here's a funny one: Dream-man needs me to love him to

feel worthy of existence. I look forward to him not loving me and still

feeling worthy to exist.

This is still hard for me, but I do feel somewhat better. If I want to feel

excitement I can always jump into my fantasy: " Someday my prince will come and

here he comes now, oh, boy! Oh boy! "

jonicollyn