Lasagna Therapy at the wedding

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

I am mentally preparing for the family wedding I'll be attending in

just two weeks. This is the first extended family event since I

ended my relationship with nada (and father as an enmeshed character

in the family dynamics). Although I feel good about my decision to

go, I am experiencing an enormous amount of negative self-talk that I

think is coming from my subconscious fear of doing anything that nada

would not like. And knowing all of this is not making it any easier

right now. The negative self-talk is causing me difficulty in daily

functioning, and so I really want to do something about it.

I have decided on focusing on how I will handle my feelings at the

wedding, hoping that this will also help me with all the feelings I

am having before the wedding as well. I have found that giving

myself mental images of people in certain situations helps. So I am

going to mentally imagine my using Lasagna Therapy on my nada. (The

explanation of Lasagna Therapy is in the guidelines of this group.)

What this boils down to is imaging nada at the reception with lasagna

(or other food) dumped in her lap. I have used this before for

Thanksgiving dinners - then it was the image of my shooting mashed

potatoes into her hair.

Since my greatest fear of nada comes from when she is in witch mode,

it helps to actually see her as the witch she is. For the wedding,

nada will be wearing her formal witch garb.....a black satin robe,

black satin witch's hat, embelished with silver glitter 'stuff'.

This visualization helps me remember what she is really like, in

spite of actions to the contrary when she is around other people. (A

little like the emperor's new clothes in reverse?)

This visualization helps me remember what is really going on in my

foo. And knowing that I can at least mentally dump food in her lap,

gives me some way to handle the emotions that I may be feeling before

and during the wedding.

The fact that nada, father and sis are going together, and that I am

going by myself, is a very real life portrayal of my foo. I spent so

many years, and so much energy, trying to find my place in this foo,

and I couldn't because there was never a place for me there. The

only place was for someone who would live the dysfunction with them.

I was always alone, I felt it, but kept trying to change it, without

success. Now I know it, I am learning to accept it and move beyond

it. It really isn't so bad, when the alternative to not being alone

meant being a part of their messed up dynamics.

Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

Good for you! Your post shows an enormous strength - that you can

calmly face the prospect of seeing your entire FOO, knowing in your

heart that you're the healthy one and have survived all of their

tactics, and that you're aware of your self-talk and actively trying

to do something about it, well, that's just inspiring. You have grown

in ways that they couldn't even fathom, and you should be so proud of

yourself for that. I wish we could bring our support groups with us

when we face our nadas, but remember, we're always here if/when you

need us, before and after (and even during, if you've got one of

those web-enabled cell phones).

LOL - nada dressed up as a witch - nada with mashed potatoes in her

hair - nada with lasagna in her lap - you just might be onto

something there...

> Hello all,

>

> I am mentally preparing for the family wedding I'll be attending in

> just two weeks. This is the first extended family event since I

> ended my relationship with nada (and father as an enmeshed

character

> in the family dynamics). Although I feel good about my decision to

> go, I am experiencing an enormous amount of negative self-talk that

I

> think is coming from my subconscious fear of doing anything that

nada

> would not like. And knowing all of this is not making it any

easier

> right now. The negative self-talk is causing me difficulty in

daily

> functioning, and so I really want to do something about it.

>

> I have decided on focusing on how I will handle my feelings at the

> wedding, hoping that this will also help me with all the feelings I

> am having before the wedding as well. I have found that giving

> myself mental images of people in certain situations helps. So I

am

> going to mentally imagine my using Lasagna Therapy on my nada.

(The

> explanation of Lasagna Therapy is in the guidelines of this group.)

> What this boils down to is imaging nada at the reception with

lasagna

> (or other food) dumped in her lap. I have used this before for

> Thanksgiving dinners - then it was the image of my shooting mashed

> potatoes into her hair.

>

> Since my greatest fear of nada comes from when she is in witch

mode,

> it helps to actually see her as the witch she is. For the wedding,

> nada will be wearing her formal witch garb.....a black satin robe,

> black satin witch's hat, embelished with silver glitter 'stuff'.

> This visualization helps me remember what she is really like, in

> spite of actions to the contrary when she is around other people.

(A

> little like the emperor's new clothes in reverse?)

>

> This visualization helps me remember what is really going on in my

> foo. And knowing that I can at least mentally dump food in her

lap,

> gives me some way to handle the emotions that I may be feeling

before

> and during the wedding.

>

> The fact that nada, father and sis are going together, and that I

am

> going by myself, is a very real life portrayal of my foo. I spent

so

> many years, and so much energy, trying to find my place in this

foo,

> and I couldn't because there was never a place for me there. The

> only place was for someone who would live the dysfunction with

them.

> I was always alone, I felt it, but kept trying to change it,

without

> success. Now I know it, I am learning to accept it and move beyond

> it. It really isn't so bad, when the alternative to not being

alone

> meant being a part of their messed up dynamics.

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

For those of you who have seen the latest " Harry Potter " film, Harry

learned the " Ridikkulus charm " in Defense against the Dark Arts

class. Lasagna therapy is identical to the Ridikkulus charm.

- Dan