Re: Jealous of my own space

[Guest guest]

Dear Ivory - Way to go ordering the UBM book!!! It was a very

liberating and validating experience for me, and I hope it will be

for you, too. You're completely entitled to your own opinions,

taste, likes . . . life - though that may take some time getting used

to. Your KO sisters and brothers are here to lift you up and

encourage you. Be gentle w/ yourself. Recently, I've " allowed "

myself to take long baths, buy new make-up and perfume, and pamper

myself a bit. Maybe that would be something you'd enjoy, too. Please

keep posting and letting us all know how you're doing. We're on your

team. Go girl!!

-- In ModOasis , " ivorysoap76 " <ivorysoap76@y...>

wrote:

>

> I would just like to announce that I ordered UBM. This was so

> stressful! I don't remember ever being allowed to have any space

of

> my own...even my own skin and brain belonged to her. I now have

> a " private " email address and ordered a book I don't want her to

know

> about. I " privately " believe she's BP and only my inner circle

> knows. I never even had an inner circle (without her) before

this.

> And the things I'm putting in writing on this website! Part of me

is

> terrified she can smell that there is territory she doesn't

> own...like on the movies when vampires can smell your blood. I get

a

> little scared because I don't quite know how to defend myself yet,

> but I LOVE having something that doesn't belong to her. I kind of

> feel like some sort of jealous instinct in me is protecting my new

> space. Each time I'm FOGged I do end up telling her MOST of my

> private business (she is always determined to get me to stop being

> what she disparagingly calls " surfacy. " ) but I notice lately when I

> come out of the FOG there are a growing list of things I haven't

told

> her. But that doesn't mean ordering books that are clearly about

her

> on a computer she often snoops on is comfortable!

[Guest guest]

Good for you! I understand that terrified feeling. I went through it

many times, and most recently when I took steps to protect myself by

not spending any time with nada. I felt much better everytime I did

something that was for myself, and I became stronger for it as well.

I hope you will feel the same way.

Here's to being yourself, not an extension of your nada.

Take care,

Sylvia

>

> I would just like to announce that I ordered UBM. This was so

> stressful! I don't remember ever being allowed to have any space

of

> my own...even my own skin and brain belonged to her. I now have

> a " private " email address and ordered a book I don't want her to

know

> about. I " privately " believe she's BP and only my inner circle

> knows. I never even had an inner circle (without her) before

this.

> And the things I'm putting in writing on this website! Part of me

is

> terrified she can smell that there is territory she doesn't

> own...like on the movies when vampires can smell your blood. I get

a

> little scared because I don't quite know how to defend myself yet,

> but I LOVE having something that doesn't belong to her. I kind of

> feel like some sort of jealous instinct in me is protecting my new

> space. Each time I'm FOGged I do end up telling her MOST of my

> private business (she is always determined to get me to stop being

> what she disparagingly calls " surfacy. " ) but I notice lately when I

> come out of the FOG there are a growing list of things I haven't

told

> her. But that doesn't mean ordering books that are clearly about

her

> on a computer she often snoops on is comfortable!

[Guest guest]

Philippi and Sylvia,

Thanks for the thumbs up ya'll! I LOVE having space. I just wanna

wallow in it all day long.

ivorysoap

>

> Good for you! I understand that terrified feeling. I went through

it

> many times, and most recently when I took steps to protect myself

by

> not spending any time with nada. I felt much better everytime I

did

> something that was for myself, and I became stronger for it as

well.

> I hope you will feel the same way.

>

> Here's to being yourself, not an extension of your nada.

>

> Take care,

>

> Sylvia

>

[Guest guest]

> I don't remember ever being allowed to have any space of

> my own...even my own skin and brain belonged to her. I now have

> a " private " email address and ordered a book I don't want her to

know

> about. I " privately " believe she's BP and only my inner circle

> knows. I never even had an inner circle (without her) before

this.

> I get a

> little scared because I don't quite know how to defend myself yet,

> but I LOVE having something that doesn't belong to her.

****I hope these words are like popeye's spinach to your new private

space: You have a natural right to a life separate from your

mother. You have a natural right to privacy. You have a natural

right to take care of yourself, which includes reading books, writing

to ModOasis, and keeping private thoughts and feelings from your

mother.

Each time I'm FOGged I do end up telling her MOST of my

> private business (she is always determined to get me to stop being

> what she disparagingly calls " surfacy. " ) but I notice lately when I

> come out of the FOG there are a growing list of things I haven't

told

> her.

Sounds like growth to me!!! This work you're doing to help yourself

is very gradual and it is important to continue patting yourself on

the back for your triumphs and to be supportive of yourself when you

fall back. This work is not easy, so lend yourself that empathy and

understanding that you extend to other people. You deserve it! And

congratulations on achieving a bit of personal space!!!